1 Peter 3:1-6 “Peter on Wives”
Prov 5:15-20
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Proverbs contain such practical wisdom that we can apply to our everyday lives
Here we read some great exhortation to husbands concerning their wives
 They are to find enjoyment and fulfillment with their own wives
 They are not to look for that in anyone else – especially not another women, an immoral women
 We as husbands are to rejoice with the wife of our youth
 Remember when you first met them, how you wanted to spend every minute with them
 Do you have that same kind of desire 20+ years later?
 Does she still satisfy you at all times?
 Are you still enraptured with her?
 OR have things changed?
Wives, part of the problem may lay with you
 Are you submissive and supportive toward him?
 Are you always nagging or does he see a purity and reverence in you conduct?
 Are you still desirable, or have you let yourself go?
 Peter is going to address these things this morning
There is one other proverb that I have found to be emphatically absolutely true
 Prov 18:22 “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD.”
 Ladies, may that always be the case
Review:
 Last week in chapter 2, we saw Peter begin to address the 3rd relationship we as Christians have
 Our 1st relationship is with God – without this in proper order, all of our other relationships will be much
less than they could be (at best)
 Our 2nd relationship is with fellow believers – these relationships must be marked by genuine and
fervent agape love for each other
 Our 3rd relationship is with the world – those who are rejecting or are ignorant of God
 These include all the people, organizations and associations that fail to acknowledge God
 Last week we saw 2 areas that Peter focused on
 Our relationship towards the ruling authorities – the type of citizens we are to be
 The relationship between slaves and masters that we could apply to our relationships as
employees & employers
 In both cases, they key was submission
 Submitting – a voluntary act of ranking under another’s authority out of respect for their position
 As citizens we are to submit to the government
 We must be obedient to the laws – even if we don’t like them
 The only time we can respectfully disobey is when man’s laws contradict God’s laws – then we must
 The key is that the authorities are in place because God allowed them to be
 Our submission then is actually to God
 As employees we must also submit to our bosses
 Not just the kind ones, but even to those who may be jerks
 We must be the best employees even if we are getting lousy hours, not getting days off, not getting
raises or if he/she is just flat out unkind
 As long as they are not asking us to do something illegal or unethical, we are required to submit
 They key to doing this is realizing that we serve God, not man
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This submission is actually to God
Introduction:
 As we come to chapter 3, we may consider it odd that Peter begins by speaking about wives and husbands
 Note also that 6 verses are dedicated to the wives while only 1 is recorded for the husbands
 This is not because wives are less intelligent than men and thus need more instruction – the opposite
is often the case
 The reality is that, often times wives have to put up with more garbage from their husbands – explain
 Peter is dealing with believer’s relationship with non believers
 In his instructions to the wives, Peter is writing primarily to believing wives who were married to non
believing husbands
 If the husband/father comes to faith, there is an 80-85% chance the wives and kids come to faith
 If the wife come to faith, there is only about a 30-35% chance the husband comes to faith
 With this as the situation, wives indeed needed additional help dealing with their knuckle-headed
husbands
 In the times Peter was writing in, wives really had no rights whatsoever
 In the Hebrew culture, they were look upon a piece of the husband’s property
 For the Greeks, wives were to remain indoors and see, hear and speak as little as possible
 For the Romans, women were under the ultimate authority of their fathers which was then passed to
their husbands at marriage – they could even kill them without a trial
 In each case, under no circumstance could a women leave her husband while he could divorce
her capriciously
 Imagine the position a wife would be in if she became converted?
 Peter addresses how she is to respond to her husband even if he isn’t a believer – 6 verses
 If the husband is reading this letter, he only needs 1 verse in which Peter basically says treat your
wife properly – next week
 As we look as Peter’s teaching, some of you ladies may get your feathers rustled
 Peter is going to address some serious issues that apply if your husband is a believer or not, or if you are
married or not
 Let’s make a deal - no letters or e-mails until we deal with the husbands next week
 Husbands, no elbows in you’re wife’s side because our time is coming next week and I am always
harder on the husbands because they are given the greater responsibility
Submission (1-2)
 The very 1st word that should jump out to us is “likewise”
 It means “in the same manner” or “in similar fashion”
 Peter uses it to refer back to what he was saying in chapter 2 (no chapter divisions in original letters)
 In the same way that we are to submit to the government as citizens and to our employers as good
employees, wives are to submit to their husbands
 The only commandment that wives have towards their husbands is to submit
 Paul agrees with Peter in Eph 5:22 “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”
 In today’s society, this is unpopular because it is totally misunderstood
 It does not mean that the wife is inferior to her husband in any way
 Gal 3:28 “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male
nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”
 We are equal in the sight of the Lord, but, God as established an authority structure
 Men, not women are to have the authority
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1 Tim 2:12-14 “And I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but
to be in silence. For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the
woman being deceived, fell into transgression.”
 This ultra-feminist movement, the so called battle of the sexes that wants women to be the
authority of the family is actually an outworking of the original curse of sin
 Gen 3:16 “Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.”
 It is a matter of being created different to assume different roles (of equal importance)
 It also doesn’t mean that wives are to be “door-mats”
 Wives should express their opinions, their ideas and their counsel
 The best counsel I get usually comes from my wife because she sees things differently
because she is different – often more conscious of the emotional sensitivity of an issue
 Husbands, I exhort you to listen to and value your wife’s input – you’re foolish if you don’t
 Ladies, in the end, your husband is to make the decision and you must support it as long as he is
not forcing you to violate moral & ethical standards or your conscience (not desire or wants)
 Even if the decision is the wrong one – don’t say “I told you so” but be there to help pick up
the pieces and allow him to grow from his mistakes
 Ultimately, he must answer for those decisions
The 2nd word to notice is “own” it is in Paul’s exhortation also
 Wives are to submit to their “own” husbands
 Peter is expressing the uniqueness and special bond of intimacy that occurs in the marriage
relationship
 He was not commanding women to be servile to all men in every context
 They are to be voluntarily ranked under their husband, the man they chose to marry
 Wives have told me that they can’t submit to their husbands because they are jerks, idiots, fools, etc.
 That may or may not be the case, but that really has no bearing on Peter’s command
 If he was better, nicer, more sensitive – then I could submit – NOT!
 You don’t have
 “If he was godly like you…” Talk to my wife about my godliness, it’s not always evident
 Your submission has little to do with your husband, it primarily has to do with you
 If you can’t submit to your husband, the one you have now, what makes you think you could
submit to so other guy?
 God called us to submit to our government and employers even if they were harsh
 God never said, submit when you feel he is worthy to be submitted to, when he deserves it
 If Jesus waited until we were worthy or deserved what He did for us, He wouldn’t have done it
 When God commands us to live or act a certain way, someone deserving us to act that way is
never an issue – it doesn’t factor in
 We are commanded to forgive, whether the person deserves it or not
 If you can’t to your husband, your real problem is that you can’t submit to the Lord
 They key to submitting to rulers and masters was that the submission was actually to the Lord
 The foundation of all true submission begins with submission to God
 If you have freely submitted to God you will be able to submit to others
 We save in 2:23 that Jesus was able to endure the crucifixion without lashing out at those doing
it because He “committed/submitted Himself to God”
 He knew God was in control of the entire situation and even his life
 Ladies, have you come to that realization? Have you fully submitted to God? If not you
need to because that 1st relationship is key to all the others
 God allowed you to marry your husband – if fact you wanted to, at least at one time
Next, Peter tells the wives to allow their conduct to witness to their husbands
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In effect, Peter is saying, “Wives, zip it & live it!”
 I have seen so many women continually nag on their husbands about the Lord even though they say
they are “witnessing” to them
 Putting notes in their lunch pales, blaring Christian music or teaching on the radio, changing his
car radio settings, etc.
 “Actions speak louder than words” – maybe they can’t hear what you’re saying because your
actions are speaking way too loud
 The best testimony is a changed life
 Maybe they are not obeying the word because they can’t hear it over you’re talking
 Your desire should be that they hear from God, because only He can change them
 For that to happen, you have to stop talking at them
 It is God’s word, not your words, that causes a person to be born again
 “Without a word” they might be won by your conduct
 I am living proof that this works
 Val became a Christian 9 years before I did
 In that time she never preached God to me with her words, but she certainly did with her actions
 The only God talk she did was to Him in prayer for me
 Ladies, if your life is not in line with the Lord, why would your husband desire God?
 We are to live with honorable conduct before the non believers so that they could glorify God on
the day of visitation – 2:12
 This holds true with a non believing husband (or wife, brother, parent, etc)
 Let your chaste conduct with fear win him to the Lord
 Chaste speaks about purity and innocence – not conniving or scheming
 Fear speaks of respect and reverence
 Ladies please do not talk down to your husbands or treat them like little kids even if they
may be acting like one
 Speak words of encouragement and edification
 Also do not talk down your husbands to others
Notice finally what Peter doesn’t say – extremely important (dangerous subject)
 Peter never says for the wife to leave, to get a divorce
 I married him before we were Christians and now I am one but he isn’t so I think God wants me to
divorce him and marry a good Christian guy – NOT!
 Divorce has become the easy way out – it’s like a “do over”
 If you give up once, it’s easier to give up the 2nd and even 3rd time – it gets easier
 I will never counsel a person to divorce – even if there are biblical grounds
 Understand, God hates divorce - period
 I will also never tell a women to stay in an abusive relationship – separate
 1 Cor 7:12-13 “But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and
she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not
believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him.”
 Ladies, this does not give you the right to make your non believing husband’s life so miserable to he
does want to leave you and thus free yourself from him
 Understand God sees the motives of the heart and we will give an account
 If you are divorced, I’m not here to heap condemnation upon you – God does forgive
The Internals vs. the Externals (3-4)
 There are many differences between man and God – 1 is that man is concerned with externals while God is
concerned with the internals
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We are so concerned with how we appear to others, what their perceptions of us are whereas God is
concerned with who we really are
 We deal in personalities, God deals in character
 1 Sam 16:7 “For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the
LORD looks at the heart.”
 This is the basis of Peter’s next exhortations to wives
The word “adornment” is actually the Greek word “kosmos”
 That’s the word for the perfectly ordered arrangement of the universe but it is also the word from where
we get our English word cosmetics
 What Peter is says is that it’s not what’s on the outside that’s they key to real beauty, rather it is what is
on the inside
Please note the important word “merely”
 Peter is not saying that you are not to make yourselves outwardly beautiful
 This is not a prohibition against make-up, jewelry or nice clothes – none of us wants that
 Someone once said, “If the barn needs painting, paint it”
 In fact, ladies, I want to exhort you to take the time and effort to make yourselves attractive to your
husbands
 Too often husbands come home and only see their wives in bath robes, slippers and curlers while
at work they see women dressed nicely – dangerous
 We began in Prov 5 where man were to be enraptured with their wives – look in the mirror, are
you something that your husband would enraptured with?
 Ladies you must be careful not to spend all your time on the externals while ignoring the internals
 Isa 3:16-24 “Because the daughters of Zion are haughty, and walk with outstretched necks and
wanton eyes, walking and mincing as they go, making a jingling with their feet, therefore the
Lord will strike with a scab, the crown of the head of the daughters of Zion, and the LORD will
uncover their secret parts. In that day the Lord will take away the finery: the jingling anklets, the
scarves, and the crescents; the pendants, the bracelets, and the veils; the headdresses, the leg
ornaments, and the headbands; the perfume boxes, the charms, and the rings; the nose jewels, the
festal apparel, and the mantles; the outer garments, the purses, and the mirrors; the fine linen, the
turbans, and the robes. And so it shall be: instead of a sweet smell there will be a stench; instead
of a sash, a rope; instead of well-set hair, baldness; instead of a rich robe, a girding of sackcloth;
and branding instead of beauty.”
While external prettiness is important, Peter says true beauty is internal
 The reality is that our external beauty quickly fades
 Stand naked tomorrow morning in front of a full length mirror before you get in the shower
 Our society is so focused on external beauty
 Plastic surgery is a multi-billion dollar industry
 People have gotten so many facelifts they faces are frozen and they can’t move
 They really can’t do much for the neck so while their face is tight, their neck looks like a
turkey
 Go to the mall, look at the endless cosmetic & perfume counters in stores, with all their age
defying creams, lotions and snake oils
 People are even getting botox injections – that’s an abbreviation for “botulism toxin”
 No matter how they try, the outward beauty eventually corrupts
 Similarly, I have seen some young girls (teens & 20’s) who are absolutely beautiful until they open their
mouths and speak
 Their manner of speech, the words they choose, the way they carry themselves makes them ugly
 There are also women who are well past the years of their peak physical attractiveness, yet they are
still beautiful
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The difference is the inward beauty
When we are young, we have outward beauty and the key is to leans that the inward is even more
important before the outward starts to fade
Ladies, how do you develop that inward hidden beauty of the heart and quite spirit
 It is only spending quality & quantity time with God – in prayer and His word
 God and Him alone can make us inwardly beautiful with a beauty that doesn’t fade but is
incorruptible and continues to grow
 It is that beauty, not the external beauty, that is precious to God
 How much time do you spend beautifying yourself each day
 Outwardly - You pick out nice cloths, match the shoes and purse to them, hopefully you shower, fix
your hair apply the make up, etc.
 Inwardly – Do you think a 2 minute prayer on your way to work and maybe a quit “Daily Bread”
devotional is enough
 Get up 1 hour early and spend equal time beautifying yourselves internally as well as externally
The Pattern (5-6)
 Peter closes his teaching to wives by pointing out their pattern to follow
 You are to look in the scriptures as see how the “holy” women of former times conducted themselves
 Peter says that in was “in this manner” – the manner he has been describing
 Submissive attitudes, godly conduct & internal beauty
 Notice how these women were able to do it
 They “trusted in God” – that was their secret
 Are you trusting in God to watch over you as you Good Shepherd and Overseer of your soul?
 If you are fully trusting and submitted to Him, then these exhortations of Peter should be no problem
 If you are not submitted, all sorts of problems begin
 Peter gives Sarah as an example
 Was it easy to submit to Abraham?
 “What do you mean were leaving and you don’t know where were going?”
 How about the 2 times he wanted her to say she was his sister so that it would go well for him –
forget the fact that she was being added to Pharaoh’s & Abimelech’s harems
 Even with his faults, Sarah still chose to call him Lord
 We’ve been married 21 years and I still can’t get Val to call me lord
 One day I thought she did so I came running only to realize that she was calling out to God
 Ladies, don’t you want to be Sarah’s daughters?
 Submit to your own husbands as she did to Abraham
 Don’t be afraid with any terror ????
 I believe that this refers back to trusting in God
 If you are fully trusting is God, totally submitted to Him and His will for you – then you needn’t fear
 It’s when we are not submitted to Him that we need to fear
 When you’re submitted to God who is perfect in love you quickly learn the “Perfect love casts out
all fear”
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