STRESS RELIEF
ARE YOUR METHODS GOOD OR BAD?
Stress relief techniques are taught in some families and indeed some
schools, but more often than not children simply pick up other
people’s methods of coping with stress.
Take a moment to think about how your parents, for instance, coped
with stress. Have you adopted any of their methods? Are they helpful
or hindering your life?
High tension situations arise regularly throughout life, and if we don’t
learn how to handle them we become anxious and often unwell.
Trichotillomania often starts when a person becomes afraid of
encountering further stress, because of their perceived inability to
handle existing anxiety. Now read that last sentence again. Notice
the words perceived inability. You are not unable to handle anxiety at
all.
The very fact that you have lived through your life’s experience, means
you CAN cope with stress and learn new techniques to do so more
effectively.
Below are some very common ways of handling stress.
Those
coloured green are healthy and those coloured red are unhealthy.
Another way of remembering this is that the right way is on the right
side of the page. The methods coloured red, are more common than
those coloured green. Those on the wrong side are more common
than the RIGHT methods, so it is only to be expected that you’ll need
to make some life changes to become more relaxed and at peace
within yourself. You CAN do it, though.
When under stress, do you …
Ignore own needs by working harder & faster
Blame self
Self harm (including pulling or plucking)
Comfort eating
Loss of appetite
Insomnia
Drinking alcohol
Or do you …
Seek out friends for comfort & support. This
may be uncomfortable but it helps to admit to
feeling overwhelmed.
If you have some responsibility for what has
occurred, accept that & look for the lesson in
the situation while being kind to yourself.
Be kind to self.
Take vitamins & eat healthy fruit & veg.
Set an alarm for every 4 waking hours to
ensure you eat something.
Take relaxing baths, perhaps in a candlelit
bathroom & with aromatherapy oils.
Drink camomile tea or other herbal teas.
Taking illegal drugs
Blame someone else
Get irritable & take it out on others,
particularly spouse or own children.
See your doctor if necessary.
Spend quality time alone.
Avoid people who don’t help you feel good
about yourself, even if they are your own
REMEMBER, if you’re a parent - what you don’t hand back, family, until you feel strong enough to handle
you pass on to the next generation so you have a
them.
responsibility to deal with your past NOW.
Worry about the situation incessantly
Make a list of pros & cons of different courses
of action.
Try not to think about it.
Allow yourself a set time each day to think
about different approaches to the problem
until it is solved. Tell yourself “There is a
problem & I can handle it effectively”.
Withdraw emotionally or run away from Form a support network of like minded
situations & people.
people.
Tell them you need their
encouragement & support & will not put up
with unsupportive behaviour.
Sleep excessively
Try to get to bed at the same time each night
& get up at the same time, even at weekends.
Shop till you drop despite the fact you can’t Give yourself a budget & stick to it.
afford it.
Take
prescribed
medications
for Take herbal supplements & practice yoga &
depression/sleep problems/pain killers/diet meditation.
pills
I can’t relax.
Read good self help books
My blood pressure rises & my breathing is Play relaxation tapes
shallow.
I get angry & snap at people.
Spend at least ten minutes a day breathing
with your whole body & sending love to one or
more other people.
Tics or OCD
Structure your day effectively
Irritable bowel syndrome & other illnesses
Ask for help from your doctor if needed.
I feel helpless & become a victim
Look back at ways your parents coped with
stress. See if you have learned any of these.
Try doing what is effective instead of what
you’ve always done.
I get sick
Rest up.
Smoke cigarettes
Take regular exercise.
Think of the most effective person you know – someone you admire. It
can even be a celebrity. How would they handle the situation? Try
that approach.
Release anger by blowing it into balloons and releasing them into the
atmosphere.
Spend some time with your inner child doing something she enjoys
doing.
Pass some responsibility to someone else for a while.
Explain to those closest to you that you are at the end of your tether
right now and to avoid becoming ill, you need their help and support.
Remember you are NOT IN CONTROL of their behaviour but YOU ARE
IN CONTROL of how you react to it. What is most important is that
you look after yourself and ask for help, not that the people you ask,
help you, or are even polite about your request. You CAN take
criticism without feeling that it shakes your self worth.
Avoid Anxiety Build Up
Deal with hurts and problems as they arise. Say what you feel gently
and without criticising the other person or breaking down their selfesteem.
End hopeless relationships.
Resolve conflicts before they become overwhelming. Listen without
commenting or interrupting for ten minutes then ask the other person
to do the same and spend a final ten minutes working out
compromises.
Make sure you do an equal or increased amount of things that you
WANT to do than things that you SHOULD do but don’t want to.
Stand up for yourself, your beliefs, rights and views. Know your
rights and where to find out more about them. Follow your own
intuition rather than the controlling parent voice in your head.
Be aware of the influence in your life of your parents’ baggage from
the past, and be able to contrast this with your true personality and
intuitive responses.
Respect your own values and beliefs, act in a way that makes you like
yourself more.
Act in a way that makes you feel capable.
Respond to situations rather than reacting to them.
© Neomie Da Costa, BMsc
Saturday, 29 June 2002