CONSTITUTION AND RULES OF THE UNIVERSITY OF
CANTERBURY KAOS (KILLING AS ORGANISED SPORT)
SOCIETY
Article I
The name of the society shall be ‘Killing As Organised Sport’, and that shall be it’s name, and it
shall hereinafter be known as KAOS and not KOAS or a cabbage or something. And this shall be
good.
Article II
Objects and Doctrine
a)
The objects of KAOS shall be:
 To further the social and academic interests of all members.
 To throw great and memorable parties.
 To run Killing Rounds and Stunts regularly with the involvement and to the
amusement of members and non-members alike.
 To throw great and memorable parties.
 To defend the honour of the UCSA on the battlefield.
 To throw great and memorable parties.
 To maintain plausible deniability.
 To throw great and memorable parties.
 Are subject to change at irregular intervals.
b)
The official KAOS doctrine shall be:
 To not have an official position on any religious, ideological, moral, ethical,
cultural, historical, doctrinal or karmic wheelbarrow, bandwagon or long black
limousine which anyone happens to push our way.
Article III
Membership
a)
The following shall be eligible for membership:
 Any member of the UCSA.
 Any graduate member of the UCSA.
 Any staff member of the UoC or the UCSA.
 Any feline resident of the UoC or the UCSA.
 Any Ex-Dictator (who shall be an Honorary Life Member).
 Any fantastical entity bearing no resemblance to any persons, living or dead.
 Any person whose given name is ‘Philliptus Aureolus Theophrastus
Bombastus von Hohenhiem’.
 Any other person admitted at the ‘corruption’ of the Politburo.
b)
Membership shall be granted on payment of the subscription fee (see Article IV a) after
completion of all required paperwork.
Article IV
Subscription
a)
The annual subscription to be paid by each member shall be fixed in each year by the
Dictator at least fifteen minutes before clubs day begins.
b)
The annual subscription shall not be equal to the gross national product of Myanmar for
the previous year.
Article V
Officers and Politburo
a)
The Officers of KAOS shall be: The Dictator, The Vizier, and Q. These officers, with the
exception of The Dictator, shall be appointed by The Dictator. The Dictator shall be
appointed by the previous Dictator.
b)
The Officers of KAOS shall hold office until the next Annual General Briefing unless they:
 Resign and commit Seppuku.
 Are purged by The Dictator and taken to a place of execution and soaked
with water in front of a large audience (refer to Article XVI).
 Are assassinated by the Proletariat.
c)
The Dictator shall appoint any number of ordinary agents desired, who, along with The
Dictator, The Vizier and Q shall form the Politburo of KAOS. They shall have office until
the next Annual General Briefing unless they:
 Resign and commit Seppuku.
 Are purged by The Dictator and executed (see Article XVI).
 Become a professional Elvis impersonator.
d)
All other members of KAOS shall be fondly known as ‘The Plebs’ or ‘The Rabble’.
e)
In the event of the return of Vicky Hyde or any of her legitimate heirs to KAOS, they shall
be immediately appointed Dictator but shall have a regent appointed to handle the affairs
of state until the Politburo judges that The Dictator is fit to assume power.
f)
In the event of the Return of S.D. Murphey (A Witness) to KAOS, the Politburo shall
immediately roll a SAN check.
g)
In the event of sudden wide-spread heat death, KAOS shall be immediately wound up
without requiring authorisation from it’s officers (see Article XV).
h)
In the event of The Dictator mysteriously vanishing into a long black car, never to be seen
again, the Politburo shall convene a meeting and select one of their number, by playing
‘Scissors, Paper, Rock’ to be Acting Dictator until such a time as the real Dictator can be
found.
i)
In the event of all the Officers of KAOS being abducted by aliens, rendered into insanity
by Things Beyond Space and Time, or otherwise incapable of accessing the KAOS
coffers for legitimate club embezzlement, the UCSA may direct-credit all of the club funds
to their own coffers for the purposes of starting a new club account for KAOS with these
funds.
Article VI
Management
a)
The Politburo of KAOS, as provided for in Article V (c), shall manage the internal affairs
of KAOS, shall exercise supervision over properties and members, shall purchase all
materials required by KAOS and pass accounts for payment.
b)
The Dictator shall have the power to carry out and enforce the constitution, and from time
to time make, amend, lose or rescind by-laws as deemed fit.
c)
At all Politburo meetings The Dictator shall form a quorum.
d)
The Dictator shall have power, at all times, to instruct the Politburo to attend a Politburo
meeting. At least five minutes warning must be given. Due warning is satisfied by The
Dictator saying aloud that they will hold a Politburo meeting.
e)
Any member of the Politburo may petition The Dictator to call a Politburo meeting, and if
The Dictator is happy with the token of appreciation which is presented to them, then a
meeting shall be called.
Article VII
Funds
a)
The funds of KAOS, from whatever source derived, shall be applied only towards the
promotion of the objects of the society and no portion (no, not even a little) shall be paid
or transferred directly or indirectly by way of dividend, bonus, bribe, graft, or
embezzlement to any member of KAOS with the exception of reimbursement to members
for legitimate and actual expenditure on behalf on KAOS which the Politburo has
authorised.
b)
All monies shall be received by The Dictator or The Vizier, who shall then deposit it in a
UCSA authorised account with BNZ, or any other account that the UCSA can be conned
into authorising for the use of KAOS.
Article VII
The Dictator
a)
At all meetings of KAOS The Dictator shall occupy the chair. The occupation of the chair
is to be greeted with acclamation of all Politburo members present. In the event that The
Dictator is otherwise occupied, the chair shall be occupied by the first Politburo member
to sit in the chair and recite the ritual phrase “Ooh-la-la Cthulu”.
b)
KAOS shall be run on a ‘one man, one vote’ system. The Dictator shall in all cases be
considered that man, and shall have the (only) vote.
c)
The Dictator shall attend all meetings and shall pretend to keep minutes of the
procedures, read, file and forget all communications and other papers, issue
proclamations, conduct air traffic signals and generally attend to the clerical duties in
connection to KAOS in as much as The Dictator is unable to delegate these duties to
lesser mortals. See Articles VII (e) and XVII (a) for further clarification.
d)
The Dictator shall at all times lead by example in all traditions of KAOS activities, and
shall get as drunk as often as possible.
e)
The Dictator may at any time delegate any or all of these functions to any member of the
Politburo. In the event that all these functions are delegated, the unlucky and obviously
gullible member of the Politburo gains the additional title of Co-Dictator, Vice-Dictator,
Schmuck, or Schmoo.
f)
The Dictator shall also keep a secret record of equipment or property purchased, the
cost, and where such is kept. The Dictator will arrange security as necessary.
g)
The Dictator, or Vizier, shall collect and account for all subscriptions and shall furnish a
report of the financial year and a statement of assets and liabilities for presentation at the
Annual General Briefing. They will also keep extensive films on all members for blackmail
purposes.
Article IX
General and Special Briefing
a)
Notice of the General Briefing shall be posted on the KAOS notice board and on any
relevant electronic board or social networking website no later than seven minutes prior
to the start of the meeting.
b)
A General Briefing shall be held in each year at a date decided by tradition to be the first
Friday after club’s day, where the regular business shall be:
 To affirm the benign Dictator’s position.
 To give the annual briefing to the agents.
 To reveal the location of the First Party.
 To execute at least one malcontent.
c)
The mode of voting at all meetings shall be by a show of hand with loud calls and jeering
from the cheap seats.
Article X
The Financial Year
a)
Shall be from when The Dictator starts keeping records until when The Dictator stops
keeping records.
b)
See Article XI (c) for clarification.
Article XI
The Constitution
a)
The Dictator and those Politburo members with the requisite security clearance shall
keep copies of the constitution, which shall be available to all members upon application
of the appropriate grease for the inexorable wheels of bureaucracy.
b)
Discussion of the constitution in any manner other than laughter is a treasonable offence
and punishable by execution in a public place etc. In the event you are captured and
forced to spill the beans The Dictator shall disavow all knowledge.
c)
See Article X (b) for clarification.
Article XII
Alteration of the Constitution
a)
No part of this constitution shall be altered, rescinded or added to in any way except by
the whim of the incumbent Dictator. Proposed alterations of the constitution must be
handed to The Dictator graven in stone and in triplicate.
b)
No motion to alter, rescind, jury-rig or add to this constitution shall be deemed to be
carried if The Dictator deems the changes contrary to their interests, aims, secret Swiss
bank account or objectives of KAOS.
c)
No motion to alter, rescind, jury-rig or add to this constitution shall be deemed to be
carried unless it is subsequently ratified by any current or future UCSA executive
committee.
Article XIII
Standing Orders
a)
The standing orders of the society are those promulgated in the annual KAOS Manifesto.
b)
Anyone breaking, bending, folding, spindling or otherwise mutilating the standing orders
shall be executed in a public place etc.
c)
A copy of the standing orders shall be given to all members of KAOS who have parted
with a full subscription fee into the KAOS coffers.
Article XIV
Affiliation
a)
KAOS shall apply for affiliation to the UCSA and will abide by the decisions and rulings of
the Executive in so far as this does not contravene the objectives of KAOS.
b)
A Dictator who forgets to affiliate KAOS shall be executed in a public place, and KAOS
shall fall into a state of civil disorder until the stars are right. That is not dead which can
eternal lie…
Article XV
Winding Up
a)
We watch and we are always here. KAOS was, KAOS is and KAOS shall be. In the
unlikely event that we vanish, we’ll be back.
b)
If, by the will of the Great Old Ones, circumstances conspire to force KAOS to wind up
then we shall pretend to do so and will immediately set up a new club with similar aims
and objectives.
c)
In the event that KAOS is forced to wind up, the UCSA shall not be held responsible for
any outstanding liabilities that KOAS has incurred or the subsequent actions of those
organisations that were previously controlled by the ruling elite of KAOS.
Article XVI
Internal Club Disputes aka “Executions”
a)
Any member of KAOS may be executed for any infraction of the rules of KAOS.
b)
Impromptu Executions are to be carried out on the spot with whatever weapons are to
hand: water pistols, nerf guns, sponge cake, stuffed animals etc.
c)
Formal Executions are to be carried out after the accused has had the opportunity to
defend themselves at a Mock Trial or Kangaroo Court.
d)
The two overwhelming concerns of KAOS in Matters of Discipline are that:
 Injustice must be seen to be done.
 Thou shall not waste The Dictator’s time.
Article XVII
a)
Diabolical Laughter
Mmwaaaaaah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…