Yuanming Hu
Seminar
11/4/2014
Children influenced by their parent
People are having a better life than before as economy develops. Parents
nowadays have more money to spend on their child, they buying toys and food to their
children. They consider this is love. They are right but they forget the fact that children
also have emotional needs as well as material desires. Some parents still compare
children as a direction and a special present given by god. They think their children
don’t have enough capacity of judging. As a result, parents like telling their children
what they should do and what they shouldn’t do instead of communicate with children
by giving suggestions. Too much parents are lack of communication with their children
but they have more tendency to place some commands to children. This may lead
children to behave completely obedience, which finally will prevent children from
getting mature successfully and the ability of thinking.
Children also have their emotional needs when they are young, they are hunger
of morality. Parents as children’s first teacher in their life, they have the responsibility
to help their children to analyze what is wrong, but many parents are still not realize
that the importance of doing this. As Coles says in his article “I Listen to My Parents
and I Wonder What They Believe” that “We do not see that our children also make
ethical decision every day in their own lives, or realize how attuned they may be to
moral currents and Issues in the lager society.” Parents hardly pay attention to what
their children asking them for those moral question and even sometimes parents teach
wrong morality to their children.
Parents sometimes telling their children some white lies which in order to escape
some duty and protect their reputation in children’s mind. It is completely wrong. An
eight years old children in Appalachia whose father is the owner of a coal field. When
an explosion happen in her father’s factory and cause two workers dead. Her father
did not shoulder his responsibilities but try to escape from duty. When her daughter
asking her daddy what happened, he just described it as a sample accident which
cause by those worker’s careless. Of course, none of parents will want their children
to know their parents will do something wrong. Parents want their children to know
that every decision they make are all right. They do not want their reputation goes
down in children’s mind when they doing things wrong, as a result, they try to find
some excuse to escape from duty. In addition, her farther try to escape the
responsibility because he do not want to be arrested or fine from government. No
matter what is the reason that his father had, from what he told to her daughter, it
made his daughter getting confused about her un-shaped morality when she went
school. Teacher and classmates are questioning her perspective about this accident.
All she can do is felt sorry about those worker without any statement on whether her
father is right or wrong. Furthermore, the girl have her answer in her heart, she knows
that her father did wrong, but she was confused that why there are many different
answer surround her. When she asked again this events on the table, her father just
give a conclusion that he never did wrong and stop his family talking this topic. His
father refused to discuss with his family and her daughter, which make her daughter
can’t make a conclusion that whether her father is right or wrong. Children are building
their morality at that age, by asking their parents those ethical questions. In some
situations, parents will protect their reputation by hiding some fact and trying to
escape duty. However, they forget that their children have their own thinking. Children
nowadays go to school earlier than before, they are more educated. Sometimes they
know what is right or wrong and just asking their parents to make sure they make right
ethical decision. But parents don’t think children are able enough to make those
thinking, parents may telling wrong answer to their children and hardly communicate
with their children for that children think. This may finally barrier children from
developing their own thinking. In order to help children to develop their mind instead
of provide it from developing. Parents should seriously treat children’s questions.
When children asking some right or wrong question, parents should lead their children
to think by themselves but not just telling the answer.
Parents should not placing any moral standard to their children, especially those
standards are against social ethical standard. Nowadays, racial problem is still consider
as a big problem in United State. What is the reason that this historical problem exist
in the society for a long time? It is because sometimes parents shape a wrong moral
answer to their children and make their children to become a racialist.Coles in his
second interview described that in 1960, when the society was transferring from
desegregation to more equal. One ardent segregationist’s father try to establish
his racial moral standard to his son. The father’s morality is conflict with the law
just published in the state. As a result, when he was parenting his son with his
racial ethic that there should only be one color at school, the color is absolutely
white. But his son found out that what his father telling he at home is different
from what he saw at school. He saw many difference color people in school,
did the same things as the white children did. The son was getting confused
about how this situation happened and asking his parents. In this particular age,
children are just like a blank paper. Children do not shaped their conception of
the world. They absorb various information from school and parents. When his
father told him that other races people should not go to school with white people.
The child become uncertain when he saw many other color children in school.
The little boy told Coles “When I went to school the first day I didn’t know what
would go on. Would the school stay open or would it close up? We didn’t know
what to do.” From what this 9 year old boy saying that not only he was unsure
about whether other races people can go to school with white but also other
white children have the same question, because he use the sentence “We didn’t
what to do. When parent parenting their children morality which is opposite from
what children are instructed at school. It may fail to help their children to shape
a positive moral assumption. In this example, this little boy was outgoing
enough, because he accept the interview by Coles. He didn’t refuse to
communicate to other people, so when he saw the fact was different with his
father’s saying. He is asking question and try to observe what other color do in
school. He found out that there are not differences between the white and the
colored. However, some of the children may not outgoing enough, they may
listening to their parent. They may refuse to communicate with colored children
in school. Because their parent already told them what to believe in, what to not
believed in. If those children didn’t think and observe enough, they may
passivity accept the wrong moral assumption from their parent. Parent should
helping their children to seek their own moral standard instead of telling children
what they should believe in, what not to believe in.
If parents only placing order to their children but never communicate with
them that will prevent children from building their own thinking. Parents often
think they are right, they like to make decision for their children since their
children can born. They seldom asking what their children think, because
parents think they are experienced and well educated. They believe that every
decision they make for their children is the best option. As a matter of fact,
parents sometime commend children to do something that they think it is helpful
although children may don’t like it. Although children dislike those command
announced by their parents, they don’t know they can tell their parents that they
don’t like to do those things. Because parent don’t allow children to questioning
them. Some children may try to say “No” to their parents when their parents ask
them to do something they don’t like to, they may considered as naughty
children and blamed by parents. In the article “Two Kind” written by a famous
Asian American Amy Tan make up a story which refer to her childhood. In her
story a little girl named Jing-mei Woo who settled in America after losing
everything in China. When she and her mother came to America, her mother
believed that people could achieve every target in America. In order to make
Woo success, she commend Woo to do a lot of activity that other people
become famous and rich through it. This is the love of Woo’s mother. It is the
love, because her mother losing many things she had include Woo’s sister. As
a result Woo’s mother have strong willing to make Woo success, and double
the love to Woo by giving those serious commands to her. In fact, this way of
showing love is totally wrong. When parents placing requirement like this, all
the things their children can do is obey, which is stop children developing their
own thinking just as Woo.
After a long time from totally obey her mother until one day. When Woo
performed badly in her piano show, she didn’t get any comfort from her mother,
but seeing a stricken face on her mother. Woo really try very hard in everything
her mother required. She didn’t get any encourage from her mom but a stricken
face. When children doing things hard, although they failed, parents should
encourage their children by communicate and finding out what things their
children may interested in. Maybe the children will have talents on doing those
thing that they are interested in. Woo’s mother never do those things for Woo.
She still asked and told Woo what she supposed to do and finally lead Woo
decided to become totally disobey from her mom. They sink into an unstoppable
quarrel until Woo group up. One day when Woo playing the piano, she suddenly
notice that the reason of her mom to force her to do so much things is that her
mom wants her to have a better life when she mature instead of the benefit her
daughter’s reputation may bring. It’s too late to notice, her mom already pass
away. It wasn’t Woo’s fault. Her mother’s parenting way should be blame. Lake
of communicate make Woo never try to communicate with her mom. Her
attitudes were change directly from obey to disobey. If her mother try to
communicate with her daughter, she may find out her daughter will have some
talent on other aspects. In addition, her daughter may know her mother’s love
earlier.
In conclusion, there is no doubt that all the parents hope their children will
have a better life. They give all the love they have to their children. They want
to help their children to build a straight road to success by organize every
decisions for children. In fact, this way of them to show their love is wrong. It
will not help their children to build up their own thinking but will barrier their
children’s thought. Parent should communicate more with their children to seek
what things they really interest in. In addition, parents should be a leader in their
children’s morality road. They should make more discussions when their
children have some moral question, and try to let the children to find the answer
by themselves instead of simply tell them right or wrong.