Holiday Spectacular 2014
Script
1a: Pre Most Wonderful Time
(Narrator as Stage Manager interrupts Circle of Life mid-song w/ clipboard)
N: Stop, wait, stop. Stooooooooooop!!
(on stage ad libs: What’s going on? We’re doing a show here! What are you doing?...)
Juan: Hey (narrator’s name), if you haven’t noticed we’re in the middle of a show.
N: Um, I think there might be some confusion with the theatre schedule. (checking clipboard) It seems your
production of THE LION KING Jr. isn’t scheduled for another two weeks.
Juan: Two weeks!
S1: This is ridiculous!
S2: Are we still getting paid?
S3: I’m calling my agent.
N: Now wait. Everyone just calm down. Since we’re all here and we have the theatre and a paying
audience…why don’t we just do “The Very Merry Pineda Holiday Spectacular” instead!! (animals run off stage
in a panic as it fills with children)
7a: Party Scene - Post Still, Still, Still / First Noel mash-up
(Dialogue is in a fake, hyper-stylized talk show host style)
PP: Hello, Dylan. And welcome to my living room.
DD: Thanks, Trish. You know I’d never miss your annual holiday bash.
PP: And I’d never miss a chance to duet with you.
Together: Besties!
PP: So Dylan, did you notice anything special about my tree this year?
DD: That it’s made out of foam insulation?
PP: No silly. Since you’re Jewish, I didn’t want you to feel left out so I’ve replaced the star…
DD: …with a Menorah! You shouldn’t have.
PP: I know. So when you’re family celebrates Chanukah, do they put together a big, fancy party with tons of
food just like I do?
DD: Kind of. I mean, there is lots of food, but…well, I think this song will explain everything. But I think I’ll need
some help from my Jewish peeps.
(into Eight Days of Chanukah)
10a: Girl Fight – Post Present Face
DD: Thanks for that tutorial, guys. Now take that junk off the stage. (Maya has been texting this whole time)
Anyway – Maya, I hear you’ve been seeing someone new. Spill it, girl.
Maya: Um, wait one second…send (hitting button on phone). Okay, well I don’t want to brag or anything, but
he’s super cute. He just texted me a selfie. Wanna’ see?
PP: Uh, yeah.
Lina: OMG. What a coincidence. I’m seeing someone new, too!
PP: Well, bring on those cell phones, ladies. I wanna’ see.
(each shows DD & PP pics separately, DD & PP confused)
DD: That’s so cute. You guys are dating twins!
Lina/Maya: What!
(comparing pics)
Maya: Wait a minute. (looks at Lina’s phone) You little skank.
Lina: Excuse me?
Maya: Oh, I see how you’re gonna’ play this. All miss innocent? Puh-lease.
Lina: I don’t know what you’re talking about. This is obviously a mistake.
PP (sneaking off stage w/ DD, stools and some kids): Um, maybe we should retire to the dining room for
dessert.
Maya (to Lina): And you’re obviously delusional. (pushes Lina’s shoulder. Lina pushes Maya’s shoulder).
Maya: (getting Ghetto) Oh no you dih-ent.
Girl: Girl fight! (pandemonium breaks loose)
(Frisch enters)
Frisch: Ladies, ladies. What’s going on? Let’s calm down. (realizes) Uh-oh.
Maya: I’m gonna’ kill you.
Lina: Not if I kill him first.
Frisch: Wait, ladies. Let’s be civilized about this.
Maya: Civilized? Fine. Choose.
Lina: Yes, choose.
Frisch: I don’t think that’s a good idea…
Lina/May: SIT!
(into All I Want For Christmas)
…All I want for Christmas is…
(Frank and Julian walk across the stage. Maya and Lina drop Frisch and grab Frank & Julian)
(sung)…You!