The Chronicle of
The Shire of Caer Caledon’s
Annual General Meeting
Of the Blizzard
On this the tenth of March, in the year of our Lord MMXIII, 20th Anniversary of The most ancient and
noble Shire of Caer Caledon, we the good folk of the shire met for our Annual General Meeting
during which there raged an almighty blizzard as of yet unseen in the lands of Fife during this new
year. As such it was declared that the Shire be the most hardcore society that ever existed in the fine
university of St Andrews. Those present at this monumental gathering were as follows
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Our Lady, Becca Randall, Seneschal, Head Clothier, Head Bard, Maker of the Breaker of
Worlds, Sorceress of Bad Ideas.
David Sandground, Ninian of Whithorn, Steward, Marshal, Lord of the Candles, Master of
Cooks, Swordbreaker.
Scott McDonald, Sir Guthbrandr, Stablehand, Vice-Marshall, The Anvil of Words, Knight of
the Soup.
Michael Flynn, Sir Guillaume, Chancellor, Knight of the Treasury, the Gay.
Robbie Leeson, Court-Jester, the Keen. (Chronicling on this occasion)
Lizzie Antell, Magister Aetherius, Mistress of Cooks, Lady of the Balls, Mistress of the
Aether, Maker of the Breaker of Worlds.
Mateusz Lackowski, Stablehand, Master of Astrology, Barecheeks.
Vincent Bagnato, the Herald, the Illuminator, the Killer.
Lucy Wakefield, Stablehand.
Siri Hjelsvold, the Chronicler.
Alicia Schultz, Stablehand.
Tom Barton-Owen.
Catriona Scott.
Louisa Sanderson.
Réka Szabó.
Sir Richard Hole, Knight of the Order of the Silk Cloth, Martial Lord, the Sudden, the most
awesome Dragon in the entire Kingdom.
And so began this reunion of fellows of the Shire. It did commence with the Presidential report as
initiated and finished by the Lady Becca, with each of the mighty persons of the Shire taking their
turn at announcing unto the group a small part of the host of deeds the Shire has performed this past
year. Here they are chronicledIn the month of September alone we had a most awesome fresher’s taster day, I myself can attest to
the fact that the Shire was the first society I ever joined. During the fresher’s fair there was an equally
awesome presentation. Furthermore, the new publicity pack of glory was created. Both the fighter’s
guild and the brewer’s guild were recommenced and have been incredibly well attended. To add to the
enormity of just this first month’s accomplishments, we didst have the Michaelmas Feast, during the
course of which the first sighting of the Crusader balls- BALLS!!!- was made.
To continue in this theme of epic doings, for it seems that the stars have determined this to be the
Shire’s fate, in the following month, that of October, the first endeavour was indeed the Clothier’s and
Dragon’s workshop, during the course of which, many of Richard’s kin were brought into this world
and the quest to kit up all the plebeians was commenced. The Lady Becca sent out an urgent call to
arms for the folk of the Shire to unite ‘pon the day of the Stabbeth, being Sunday the third of October
in the year of our Lord MMXII. The call to arms was met by an immense body of Shirelings and from
this host was the largest committee ever formed in the vast, and not so comprehensive, memory of the
Shire. Fortune did grow jealous of the Shire’s good luck and took it upon herself to spite their
prosperous streak with a spell of bad luck. Realising her great folly, Fortune took pity and although
we will miss them greatly, the Bard’s guild arose momentarily before falling into the memory of this
year, for bugger all came of it and it had to be closed down.
To make up for this, as afore mentioned, it had been predetermined that the Shire will continue to go
from strength to strength, the fright night at Linlithgow was a huge success! To finish this off, a new
order rose to the call of things to do- the Cook’s guild had their first gathering of gluttons, their
meeting of munchers and convention of cuisine inquisitors. But I digress, there is much more
awesome to be chronicled even as of yet, and these glorious activities but scratch the surface of what
the Shire has achieved this year.
November did see many events take place, for starters, the Return of the Tavern Night, also
remembered for shady card sharks, pie and it would not have been complete without the *Ahem*
multitude of cough sweets won in the game of Wedding. These would later make another infamous
appearance, but that is for later. More importantly, and for the sake of chronology, there was a
Beeswax Candle Workshop, which entailed the reshaping of the fine products a hive of bees bent with
their crafty ken.
It was also decreed that there should be an artefact made to record the mightiest acts of the Shire, so it
was that the order was given to create the appropriately named “Shire Banner.” Its epithets are sure to
follow after its creation.
The second happening of this month was the Children in Need fundraiser, the Shire rose to the
challenge in true medieval fashion. Quite literally so, the folk of the Shire did wear their garb for an
entire day in order to inspire the quiet peoples of the Fiefdom to donate many moneys to the cause. As
such we raised over £300 for Children in Need, an awesome feat chronicled and quite rightly so.
The final happening of this month of sheer, stupendous epicness was the infamous, most quoted and
ever loved Martinmas feast, better known as the Feast of the Balls. Dear reader, I know what you are
about to, or have already, articulated in your loudest voice, I assure that I too have committed to this
act even as I write. My chamber-fellow currently regards me with a befuddled expression upon his
visage. To quote, I am apparently a “bloody weirdo,” well; I am the Court Jester after all. This most
entertaining feast was the occasion of many memorable deeds: the stabbing of the renowned Ball of
Balls… BALLS… I digress. This saw Lawrence Madsen being duly titled “Ball-Splitter,” the tale of
the Soup was recounted by Sir Guthbrandr and finally, my Shirelord, Sir Guillaume was squired to
Lord Ecce and has since received his share of punishment and gruelling tasks for this great honour!
Our final act of the year MMXII took place in the month of December; we sang one and a hundred
carols, or so it felt and danced many a dance to raise money for our ultimate event of the yearBeltane.
The start of the new year for the Shire began in early February with the second coming of the Tavern
Night with again more *Ahem* cough sweets being thrown around, such childish behaviour is of
course encouraged under such circumstances, so the example was set. This was followed by the wellattended and much enjoyed Pancake Day, as one can deduce, eggs, milk, sugar and flour were all
transformed under the eldritch powers of the Cook’s Guild. They met many occasions throughout the
year as did the Clothiers; their quest to garb all the plebeians still remains to be completed.
Mid-way through this wonderful month a messager did enter into our domain, heralding the
forthcoming conglomerate event gathering together all the geeks of the Fiefdom together to unite
under one banner and take over the Union of Student’s main venue. This fine day was marked by the
fighter’s making their presence known to all. With yells that could shake the walls of Jericho itself,
eyes that would put the very fear of God’s vengeance into the heart of any man and a shield wall that
could stand fast against the fiercest of tempests, the Fighters of the Shire arrived at the Union. To
finish this month off, we had the first Byzant Feast in the history of the Shire, the Feast of the
Crusaders, a supreme air of hilarity hung about this raucous night. A near full rendition of “Les
Misérables” was given by the Society of War’s choir with a chorus that shook the hall to its
foundations. Sir Guthbrandr was on the receiving end of many an “orangeing,” it was performing this
act that Sir Guillaume received his second epithet and the night was capped yet again by a series of
tales both humourous and humbling as Sir Guthbrandr finished the night off, captivating the entire
assembly’s attention in total silence, with a legend of quiet observation from the inns of heaven.
In this current month we have already had a Jewellery workshop watched over by the grand intellect
of all things metal- Peggy. Still to come in this fine year of our anniversary we have planned more
events for the entertainment and glory of each Shireling.
We will have further Clothier, Cooking and Banner Creation sessions and our first film night too. As
it is understood, a film refers to a painting which moves upon a wall, the mechanics of which still
escapes me. We shall be voyaging on a grand tour of the castles which our brethren in the Highlands
lord over during the Spring break. Furthermore there shall be a visit to the Abbot House, a Map Quest
called “A Knight’s Trail” and possibly even a visit to THE MIGHTY CATHBAD THE FOUNDER
OF THE SHIRE AND ALL THINGS FILLED WITH GLORY’s house to share in the usage of his
forge for a workshop on smithing.
Of course, the year would not be complete without that immense event we know and love,
BELTANE!
Throughout the day of this magnificent day there shall be a Medieval Bake off and a Brew off where
the best foodstuff and beverage shall be deemed, it is advisable that the Brew off should take place
after the bake off lest the judges become too plastered to see which dish they are eating. The tourney
of the Battered Hat shall see warriors of the finest martial prowess compete for the glory of leaving
the mark in the history of the Shire. Similar tourneys shall take place such as the Shire Champion and
the Newbie Tourney. Both a clash of swords and a clash of words will ensue with the battle of flyting.
The Maypole shall make an appearance as shall the society of all things craftlike. Similarly our
tradesfolk shall attend in their masses; the invited are as follows- Magdalene Stained Glass, Rogue
Trading, Beeswax Candles, Scott’s Language, Essential Salts, Days Gone Bye Jams, Susie’s Glass,
Wordsmith Craft, Ravenstonz, Sorch’s Ruins, Four Sticks and Deb’s Embroidery.
Those who shall enter the field of battle are- Medieval Methil, Regia Anglorum, the Company of St
Margaret and Medieval Realm, the cries of their warriors shall be heard throughout the day and also
throughout the town. This will of course be a tiring day indeed and so the night of the Beltane shall
see the hosting of the Beltane feast. What shall entail here, we can but speculate.
And so concluded the Presidential Report, all cloaked in humble glory and honour.
The Treasurer’s Report as given by my Shirelord Sir Guillaume only added to the already prevalent
feeling of awe for the magnitude of the saga of the Shire’s capacity for awesome. The balance
currently sits at Three hundred and forty six pounds, seventy one pence and a button or two. The hall
has already been booked so we needn’t worry about this being deducted from the Union grant which
stands at Two hundred and fifty pounds. The Council of Fife shall pass judgement on the Fourteenth
of March on the worthiness of our cause and whether or not we are deserving (which, by
predetermined astrological and celestial right, we are) of their grant. On a final note, each feast has
provided the Shire treasury with a substantial and much needed profit.
Thus the meeting continued. All agreed upon the new constitution and that Sir Richard Hole should be
our mascot. Finally it was time for the bouts of heckling for the positions in the weird and wise
Council of the Shire of Caer Caledon.
The first position to be fought for was that of the Seneschal- their speech was to be upheld in the vast
chronicles of Shire history. I shall never be able to do it justice but here I have copied down as much
as I could remember from it“There once was a time when there was no Shire, a time where there were no hours to spend turning
linen into tunics, wood into shields and simple ingredients into mesmerising dishes for feasts. A time
when there were no songs to sing and tales to tell late into the night as candles wax dripped and their
wicks burned lower. That time must’ve been really boring. I feel that the Shire is more than just a
society; it is a community. A community in which each Shireling plays a vital part. I am determined
to see this community live on and when I graduate I will look back and see it continues to be that allencompassing community, a family.”
Their tree of choice was the Maple on account of the amusement their seeds provide and their cheese
of preference was in fact the horrible cheese that goes so well on a burger and tastes amazing all the
same. Nominated by the Lady Becca and seconded by David, Sir Ninian our new Seneschal of the
Shire of Caer Caledon is of course, Vincent Bagnato, the Killer, the Illuminator and as of midnight of
the twenty-seventh of April, the Seneschal.
The second position to be contested was that of the Steward, this position entitles the possession of
the stick of the vice, carved with the name of each previous Steward carved onto it, they will also be
the head of all guilds, lest the Seneschal be a fighter, in which case and in this case too, the fighter’s
guild is managed by them rather than the steward. Onwards I hear thee cry and so on to the results.
Their favoured tree was a Walnut for they did indeed, enjoy Walnuts, the cheese was cheddar of the
liquidically digestible variety. Self-volunteered and seconded by Michael, Sir Guillaume this could be
only Mateusz Lackowski, Stablehand, Master of Astrology, Barecheeks.
Next position up for the taking was the Chancellor, overseer of the Shire’s Treasury and Master/
Mistress of Many Moneys. Much help was pledged to this position but only one stood brave enough
to volunteer themselves for such an immense task. When asked what their favourite tree was, our
esteemed candidate, most sagely replied- the pine tree- for it is the most ancient of all trees in the
world and with equal wisdom told those gathered that their cheese of preference was that if anything
covered in mould could still appeal to common folk, it must be a force to be reckoned with. Bravely
volunteering herself and seconded by David, Sir Ninian, our new Chancellor is of course none other
than Alicia Schultz, Stablehand.
The following person to take up their seat at the Council of the Shire of Caer Caledon in fact took two
positions. Both the Chronicler and the Magister Aetherius were taken by our next heroic figure whose
tree of choice is the Copper Beech and their favourite cheese was Mascarpone. When asked why that
cheese in particular they answered- “because it is the only type of cheese you can conceal a horse in”
– it was also inquired as to where or not you could hide a hundred duck sized ponies within it or not
(this was continued on from the theme of a previous question from our fellow Tom Barton-Owen as to
what one would rather- a horse sized duck or a hundred duck sized horses) Volunteered by for the
former position by the Lady Becca and seconded by myself, for the latter volunteered by Sir
Guthbrandr and seconded by all present (it was near impossible to define one single person) she could
be only Lizzie Antell, Magister Aetherius, Mistress of Cooks, Lady of the Balls, Mistress of the
Aether, Maker of the Breaker of Worlds. No dear reader, she has not yet enough titles.
After this, the question of who would fill the position of Herald arose. This is indeed a difficult
position to fill as Vincent Bagnato, the Illuminator, the Killer, future Seneschal had committed to it
with such excellence as to set a standard that could well be near impossible to beat. As such, the
contender for such a challenge had to be keen for the job… extremely keen and following a very
rambling speech and much grunting they were submitted for the vote. Their cheese of choice- the
most exquisite cheese in all the land- Blue Stilton and preferred tree- that of their ancestor’s clan- the
Oak. Nominated by the Lady Becca and seconded by his Shirelord Michael, Sir Guillaume, I, Robbie
Leeson, Court Jester, the Keen took up my pen to stand ready to take over as Herald.
Finally, from the throng of magnificent individuals were selected our Stablehands, they stood forth,
ready to stand against whatever came their way to see that the Shire continued on its fated journey
towards greater awesomeness. For the sake of understanding I shall tell you now that each aspirant
was successful and I shall write their names, excerpts from their speeches where possible and of
course, their favourite tree and cheese with the reasons as to why.
The first was my Shirelord Michael Flynn, Sir Guillaume, Chancellor, Knight of the Treasury, the
Gay. Although leaving studenthood, he remains ever faithful to the Shire and a steadfast companion to
all of us, his favourite cheese is Applewood Cheddar, his tree, the Ash.
Following suit, Catriona Scott, as nominated by Becca and seconded by many of those present
stepped up to the task, the only one to have never served on the committee before this stupendous day.
Although untried she showed her quality and commitment plenty. She had no preference to cheese
other than her Childhood one- Babybel, her favourite tree was the Willow, that most enigmatic of
trees.
Finally we had a duo, a pair of renowned miscreants, most excellent fellows, both Scott McDonald,
Sir Guthbrandr, Stablehand, Vice-Marshall, The Anvil of Words, Knight of the Soup and Sir Richard
Hole, Knight of the Order of the Silk Cloth, Martial Lord, the Sudden, the most awesome Dragon in
the entire Kingdom did step up to the mark. Scott did promise to continue as he had done so
previously- to not get out of bed early to go to committee meetings, to not respond to emails, to and to
carry on writing non-moronic prose for the Shire, all the while receiving threats of violence and on
occasion have them carried out. Sir Richard Hole said little, other than to tell Scott, Sir Guthbrandr,
that he too would stand for this position. Scott, Sir Guthbrandr announced that his cheese of choice is
Mozarella and his favourite tree, could only be, that great tree of the Gatty, Spear Eater.
The last but not least point of business was the election of Life Members of the Shire; those
immortalised in the memory of the Shire and recorded in the great annals of its time. Two were
elected. Two great beings. Two Shirelings, raised through the ranks and have seen many battles, both
on the field and in other walks of life, many of which took place in the Union itself. They areSir Richard Hole, Knight of the Order of the Silk Cloth, Martial Lord, the Sudden, the most awesome
Dragon in the entire Kingdom.
And
Michael Flynn, Sir Guillaume, Chancellor, Knight of the Treasury and Companion Immortalis of the
Shire.
May their names be chronicled for ever more.
And thus concluded this almighty, annual gathering, let it be known henceforth that the Shire is
indeed the most epic and hardcore society in all of the Kingdom, no blizzard, tempest or ferocious
storm may deter our tenacious desire to see our duty done. WE ARE THE SHIRE OF CAER
CALEDON AND WE ARE THE FINEST PEOPLES THAT ST ANDREWS UNIVERSITY HAS
TO OFFER.
STRENGTH AND RESPECT.
HONOUR AND DUTY.
FORTISSIMUS CIVES ET COMITES IMMORTALES!!!
FOR
THE
SHIRE