Professional Editing
Memo
To:
Zhongyi Xiao
From:
Amanda Maday
CC:
Dr. Angela Eaton
Date:
2/8/2016
Re:
Paper Modification
Dear Zhongyi Xiao:
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to edit your study: Overexpression of Vacuolar H+-ATPase
subunit C gene Promotes Growth and Enhances Stress Tolerance in Transgenic Tobacco. I
understand how tedious research report writing can be and am pleased to edit your work.
In the world of editing there are two major types of review. The first is basic copyediting or proofreading where
a document is simply skimmed for grammatical errors. The second, comprehensive editing, is more intense.
When an editor comprehensively edits a document they include suggestions on organization, style, and tone in
addition to a basic proofread or copyedit. Since this is a comprehensive edit, my major suggestions are as
follows:
Organization
Traditionally, IMRAD (Introduction, Methods, Research, [and] Discussion) or APA (American Psychological
Association) citation styles are used when drafting any research based article. As such they should include four
fundamental parts—Introduction, Methods, Research, and Discussion.
Overall, your paper flows nicely. Your organization is generally well executed with little error. The most notable
organizational suggestions I have concern your section titles and subtitles. By definition, IMRAD and/or APA
style papers have specific section titles. As such, I suggest you change the current “Materials and methods”
section to simply ‘Methods’. In an IMRAD or APA stylized paper, the “Methods” section describes how you
gathered the information. As such, the ‘Methods’ section should answer the following questions: How was the
study done? What materials and methods were used? What is more, I suggest modifying a couple
other section titles to read: ‘Results’, ‘Acknowledgements’, and ‘References’. Not only will these simple
modifications regulate the tone of your paper, they will allow for an easier read.
In addition, I suggest you check for topic sentences at the beginning of each new paragraph. Every paragraph
needs a topic sentence. The topic sentence is usually the first sentence of the paragraph. It gives the reader an
idea of what the paragraph is going to be about (See attached worksheet for additional clarification).
Style
Individual author’s writing style is defined by the way a writer conveys their purpose. A writer’s “style” reveals
the writer's personality or 'voice' through selected content. Stylistic choices include: sentence structure, diction,
and figures of thought. Understandably, style is exceptionally difficult for non-native English speakers.
In terms of your writing “style” I have identified two major areas of improvement. The first is the elimination of
run-on or heavily worded sentences. A run-on sentence is defined as “an ungrammatical sentence in which
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two or more independent clauses are conjoined without a conjunction”; whereas, “wordiness” is the
excessive, often unnecessary, use of words in a sentence. Not only do run-on or wordy sentences
make reading difficult, they are distracting and often take away from a sentences’ overall purpose.
Fortunately, run-on and wordy sentences are generally easy to alter (See attached worksheets for
additional clarification). I have marked all the heavily worded or run-on sentences found in your study
and will go over several different ways to improve upon them.
The second stylistic suggestion I have concerns the use of prepositions. I understand how difficult
prepositions can be for non-native English speakers. You’re misunderstanding is minimal and easy to
correct. I have drafted a couple different exercises for us to go over and am excited to meet with you on
Thursday April 9, 2009.
Thank you again. Please feel free to contact me with any comments, concerns, or questions you may have
regarding my comprehensive edit. Good luck with any additional research.
Sincerely,
Amanda Maday
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Organization Worksheet
Topic Sentences
In the paragraph below, underline the topic sentence. Cross out the sentence that is not relevant and
does not belong in the paragraph.
Adventure tourism is a different way for tourists to see New Zealand. This type of
tourism uses the plentiful natural resources—mountains, rivers, lakes, wilderness areas, and
historical sites to provide adventure, thrills, and challenges that are low risk but high in
excitement. For example, the coastal areas in New Zealand are great for canoeing and
kayaking. White water rafting is another popular water adventure tour. However, if you would
rather keep your feet on the ground, New Zealand has over 100 developed walkways in
addition to the tracks in the 12 National Parks. There are also many indoor cultural events in
New Zealand. Because more and more tourists are interested in learning about New Zealand
by doing exciting and unusual activities, adventure tourism will continue to grow.
Topic Sentence worksheet provided by eslflow.com.
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Style Worksheet
Run-on Sentences
Empire State College—a New York state university—has an excellent on-line learning tool that teaches
writers how to modify run-on sentences. Please visit the following link:
http://www.esc.edu/htmlpages/writerold/pandg/exg12.shtml
Preposition Usage
Draw a circle around the correct preposition in parentheses in the following paragraphs:
1. John Doe, who graduated (of, from) the University of North Carolina two years ago, is
now doing graduate work (in, on) engineering (at, to) Georgia Tech. He expects to
receive his Master's degree (by, in) next June. After that, he plans to accept a job (as,
like) a technician (by, with) an oil company (in, at) South America.
2. Jim was walking (across, over) the campus (in, at) noon when he met a friend whom
he had not seen (since, during) summer. They stopped (in front of, around) the
gymnasium and sat down (in, on) the steps. After they had talked (for, during) about
ten minutes, Jim said, "I must go (toward, to) the library and take out some books. I
have a test in history (in, on) Friday. I am living (to, in) Jefferson Hall this semester.
Why don't you drop by some afternoon (over, after) classes?"
3. Mr. Hill arrived in New York (on, in) May 10 (at, on) eight o'clock (in, on) the
evening. He decided to call on his uncle who lived (on, in) Fifth Avenue. He got a bus
(at, of) the station and put his fare (on, in) the fare box. The bus was very crowded, so
Mr. Hill had to stand up all the way.
4. When he reached 85th Street, Mr. Hill got off the bus and walked a short distance (in,
to) the apartment building (in, of) which his uncle lived. He knocked (at, in) the door,
(of, on) his uncle's apartment. He waited (for, during) a few minutes, but no one came
(to, at) the door. He was disappointed to find no one (to, at) home. He didn't know
where to go because his uncle had promised to reserve a room for him (at, by) a
downtown hotel. He saw a bench (at, to) the end of the hall, and he sat down (on, in) it
to wait for his uncle.
Preposition worksheet provided by Indiana State University.
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