Sarah Hyer
WRT216
April 1, 2014
Article Blurb
NOT JUST ANOTHER SET OF OLD BONES
Professors and students join together at a Michigan university to excavate a recently
found prehistoric creature.
It all happened on Tuesday, March 21 in Parma, Michigan. Dr. Aaron Wyman of
Spring Arbor University and his two favorite students, Lauren Cole and Trevor Sims,
discovered a prehistoric creature unknown to man.
“This creature is very large. Much bigger than any other identified prehistoric
beings,” Dr. Wyman claimed.
This scientific discovery was a fluke. The discovery happening only because Dr.
Wyman was playing with his young children at a local park when one of them
walked up with a toe bone from the creature.
A toe bone! I had to question Dr. Wyman on how he could so specifically pick out
such a bone. “After identifying the basic foot-like qualities, I contacted my fellow
colleague Dr. Chris Newhouse. He agree is was a toe bone.” After the confirmation
Dr. Wyman called his two brightest students to help uncover the rest of the skeletal
structure.
“This is the discovery of our generation!” Exclaimed SAU sophomore, Trevor Sims, a
biology major.
His “close friend” and peer Lauren Cole took a much more logical side to it. “I am
hoping to learn more from the discovery, such as habitat, family classification, and
natural history. This is also a great project for me to put on my EU résumés!”
The Spring Arbor University science programs are not letting this discovery be
completely taken over by the government.
“This is our chance to put our name on the map and get more funding for the science
programs at Spring Arbor. We will not be bullied into giving away a miraculous
discovery.” Dr. Wyman proclaimed.
Lauren sassily added, “If the government wants this discovery as their own, they
have another thing coming. They have taken enough from us college students as it is,
filthy thieves, but this is mine. Ours. Trevor’s, Dr. Newhouse’s, Dr. Wyman’s and
mine. They can tax us for it, but they cannot take it from us. I’m not playing.”
After Lauren marched off we got more details from a tamer Trevor. “We have not
named the specimen yet, since this is a new development. We have given it a
nickname, though! “Old Bones.” I am hoping the official name will be something with
my name in it. How cool would that be? Anyways, we are only about ¾ of the way
done digging it up! Dusty business, reviving up Old Bones.”
The university has already been contacted by multiple museums wanting the
creature, but once again, Spring Arbor does not want to give it up.
“It is an invaluable learning tool. Generations of students can learn from it. Plus, how
cool is it to go to the school that excavated an unknown creature. No, we will not
give it up.” Claims Dr. Chris Newhouse, a biology professor.
The story from this small town, first presented in this article, is quickly spreading
across the nation, and to naturalists all across the world. What will this say of
creation? How will this affect our already created theories on prehistoric life? Only
time and a lot of digging will tell.