Selections from Student Contemplative Journals (Following the
Breath)
Student #1
3:50-4:00 pm MU Lounge 8/26/14
Taking time to breath is not something I am used to doing. I am a “type A”
personality who likes to stay busy and push through stress. As a result I
became very bored very quickly and noticed my mind wondering almost the
entire time. When I was able to focus on my breath I realized my heart was
beating really fast. I couldn’t help but begin wondering if my need to be
constantly doing something was healthy. I always knew I was easily stressed,
but I never slowed down enough to think about consequences. I also found
myself often thinking about all the things I could be doing and accomplishing
instead of sitting. This thought made my heart beat faster and so I was able to
break away from that thought and focus once again on my breathing.
10:30-10:40 home 8/27/14
I began this exercise this time after I completed everything that needed to be
done for the following day. I think this helped with my anziety because my
heart was not beating fast this time. Instead it was normal. I finally felt
relaxed and almost fell asleep near the end. I did catch my mind wandering a
lot still, but the anxiety and frustration did not accompany my short attention
span like last time.
9:25-9:35 home 8/28/14
My mind wandered from my breath only a few times during this attempt.
When it did wander I was till thinking about all the things I could have gotten
done during that time, but I was able to push that feeling aside and focus
again on my breathing. I became more aware of my body this time also. I felt
the sore muscles in my legs from yesterday’s run and the pain in my back
from carrying my backpack all over campus. My heart rate, unlike the first
attempt, was still steady and I was able to stay fairly relaxed.
Student #2
9:30 am, Aug. 31 Willow Creek Golf Course
I “performed” this assignment in the pro shop of the municipal gold course at
which I work. It has been a slow morning, so I have been reading the Sunday
Forum and doing homework.
The first thing I felt was the weight. As I started to relax, I noticed how heavy
my arms and legs seemed. I thought about how much I would weigh without
my limbs. I wondered if my back was straight enough to properly perform
this exercise. I imagined how my spine looked as I shuffled in my chair to
better my posture. My breath, already slow from not exerting myself
whatsoever this morning, got deeper, and I sensed the air going into my
nostrils feel cool and light. With every breath came a sense of deeper
relaxation.
I’d guestimate that halfway through the exercise, I thought about not having
thoughts. Until that point, my mind had been humming along, thinking about
everything from my stories due in The Spectrum to this assignment to how I
was going to finish this sentence to how witty and meta this sentence would
be. I finally consciously told my brain to stop.
I felt irritated that I had forgotten the core rule of this exercise; it didn’t get
much better after I told my mind to stop wandering, either. Taylor Swift’s
new song was (and still is) on an endless loop. I full-heartedly enjoy the song,
but this earworm would walk in and see me apparently asleep on the job. I
didn’t let myself go as deep as I could have into nothingness because of this
worry.
Those ten minutes went by fast, though. I peeped once at the clock,
surprising myself that it had been about 12 minutes since I started the
exercise. Being a nerd and a certified nursing assistant, I took my pulse right
after I finished. It beat 65 times in a minute. The exercise showed that I have
a lot going on in my mind all the time, but I still can relax and enjoy my
breath.
12:30 PM Sept. 1, Parent’s Home
This time going into the exercise, I told myself that I would focus on not
letting my mind wander. Except I wouldn’t focus on focusing. I would just sit
there and be.
Being at home on Labor Day by myself created a serene environment, an
environment in which I didn’t have to worry about customers storming
through a pro shop. As I nestled into a much comfier chair than at the shop, I
let my breathing deepen and slow. The weight of my jaw felt heaviest this
time, not my limbs, so I let my mouth open. I breathed only through my nose,
and I hoped my saliva would not pool up and escape.
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I felt so much more relaxed this time around. My mind was still thinking, but
my thoughts were much more sporadic and were quickly dismissed. I didn’t
worry about my spine and posture, nor did I really focus on my breathing. I
just was there.
10:45 PM, Sept. 3, my apartment
It had been a long day, a day starting at 7:30 am and ending soon. As I was
reviewing Blackboard for the umpteenth time, I remembered that I had
forgotten to complete this assignment. So, for a final time, I stopped
everything I was doing to sit.
It was one of the better decisions of my day. Gone for a sweet ten minutes
were the troubles of the day. After 15+ hours of running, I finally stopped.
And boy, did I stop. Perhaps it was because I had so much on my plate tonight
that I felt the effects of the exercise more prominently. The level of relaxation
tonight was wonderful.
My arms, legs, and jaw held no stress. I even lost the sense of touch, it
seemed. Everything was still, save for the moaning fan in the background. I
thought I heard a car go by, well off in the distance, but I was not tracking
traffic; I was following my breath. I also quietly thought of a mantra this time
around. I thought: “deeper.” It enhanced my relaxation, no doubt. I was deep
into my own mind for probably around five minutes. Self-meditation is a
grand tool to have.
Student #3
9-1, 1:50-2:00 pm, Apartment living room
i.
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iv.
The experience was a contrast of relaxing and tormenting for me. I felt
tormented because I knew there were other, perhaps “better” things to do
with my time. However, I wanted to gain something from the activity. So I
did find the base line of simply breathing, a relaxing phenomenon.
Absolutely my mind wandered. I thought about homework for other
classes, what do write for future poems, my plans for today, the bitter
taste in my mouth from goldfish and bananas, and the purpose of the
activity. So I was pretty distracted.
My body was affected by slower breathing as it shifted to the lower part
of my lungs. My body also wanted to move; my legs shifted a few times,
my neck was up then down. I had to crack my knuckles
I’m interested to see how/if my perspective of the activity, along with my
personal thoughts during the activity, change over the next few days.
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9-3, 5:50-6:00, Apartment living room
i.
ii.
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iv.
the experience was difficulty for me to focus on today—this may be a
testament as to why this activity is important. For the last half of the
activity, I actually forgot to stop my wandering thoughts and began to
think about my plans for tonight, my summer at home, and interactions
with people throughout my day.
My mind wandered too much. At the beginning of the activity, I knew to
focus on breathing. After a few minutes, however, I forgot the purpose of
my focus and contemplated various thoughts.
My body did not want to sit still. Crossing my legs, resting my arms on
the chair, and adjusting my body too place. This may be because I just
returned home from a long day at school and drank a coke.
I’m disappointed at my execution of the activity and hope tomorrow is
more relaxing and effective.
10:15-10:25 am, Bedroom
i.
ii.
iii.
iv.
Today was easier and more relaxing for me to do the exercise. I knew at
the start what to shut out and what thoughts to put aside for the time. It
felt good to have a legitimate excuse to not worry about anything for the
time.
I tried to stop my mind from wandering right away, which helped me
focus on breathing for the duration of the activity.
My body felt relaxed; however since I was in a different location this time
it was slightly more difficult to stay comfortable.
I’m glad I got to enjoy the activity more today. I found it relaxing and
helpful.
Student #4
8/28/14 3:00 PM –Kitchen
This was by far the most relaxing part of my day. I felt very connected to
myself. I & only I was in control of what I allowed my brain to hold onto. In
class earlier today I struggled with my thoughts & let them dictate when &
why I latched onto them. This time I really tried hard to hold on to only
thoughts about my breathing. I noticed that initially I was so focused on not
being focused that I began to develop some tension. Once I became aware of
that I struggled for a moment to reconnect to my breathing but once I did I
could almost feel the tension flow out of my fingers & toes. I kept my eyes
open during this exercise and I sometimes found myself focusing on the
coffee rings on my yellow tablecloth. The next time I do this I’m going to close
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my eyes. Maybe in my basement where it is dark & cool. I’m actually kind of
excited to see if this changes anything.
1:00pm—my room (basement)
It was definitely much different with my eyes closed. I was almost more
distracted. I couldn’t focus my eyes on anything &I I think in a weird way it
made me more aware of my thoughts. It was very hard to let them go. So
instead of fighting them the whole time I chose the most relaxing one and just
sat with it for a moment.
I just tried to picture myself sitting on a dock near the lake my family usually
camps at. Although my body was very relaxed and I wasn’t thinking about
school, I was still thinking about something. mI don’t think I can not think
about something. I hope I’m still getting something out of this exercise. I
would say this attempt was different in that I wasn’t as concerned about
letting my thoughts go. I allowed myself to hold on to one. It made me feel
very tired and I feel a nap coming but that’s good because then I was really
relaxed. I didn’t bring any tension with me.
4:00 pm (roughly)—my backyard
I decided to try this outside today. Since I’ve kind of morphed this to fit my
wandering brain I let myself do this in the grass. I’m not counting my first try
because I had to move to a chair because the grass was so itchy (don’t wear
lotion and then sit in grass). This time I tried only to listen. Not interpret the
sounds, only listen. I paid very close attention to how my skin felt with the
sun on it. Then I tried to focus on my toes & how they felt in the grass
outside. I felt warm, like I could have slept & been the perfect temperature.
Each time I did this it got to be better & better.
Would it be breaking the rules by listening to music? I think by not trying so
hard to not think of something I did a better job of clearing my mind.
Maybe if I listened to some instrumental music & just focused on that I could
stop thinking about myself!
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Student #5
CONTEMPLATIVE JOURNAL
ENGLISH 222, FALL 14
NAME OF TASK
DATES
PLACES
OBSERVATIONS & RESPONSES
Following the
Breath
8/30
My room
1) I felt peaceful in the safety and
comfort of my own room. 2) I found my
mind wandering off a lot because I have
a lot going on in my life and I’m not
good at being still. 3) After a while I felt
body relax and go into a zone that I’m
not familiar with. A restful, yet awake
state. 4) Will I ever get used to this?
9/1
Fish bowl
1) I felt a little less peaceful because
I was somewhere where people
could see me. I didn’t like being seen
because it makes me feel awkward.
2) My mind wandered off a lot
because I kept thinking of the
people who were walking past me
and peeking in on me. 3) My body
somewhat relaxed but not nearly as
much as it did when I was alone.
4) Maybe going out in public was
not the best idea, at least right now.
Following the
Breath
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