COMMUNICATION
AND RELATIONAL DYNAMICS
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CHAPTER TOPICS
• Why We Form Relationships
• Relational Development and Maintenance
• Communicating about Relationships
Looking Out/Looking In
Thirteenth Edition
Why We Form Relationships
• Appearance
• Is especially important in the early stages
• Partners create “positive illusions,” viewing
another as more attractive over time
• Similarity
• We like people who are similar to us
• Friendships are more likely to last when
friends are similar to one another
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Why We Form Relationships
• Complementarily
• Differences strengthen relationships when
they are complementary
• Each partner’s characteristics satisfy the other’s
needs
• Reciprocal Attraction
• We like people who like us – usually
• People who approve of us, bolster our selfesteem
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Why We Form Relationships
• Competence
• We like to be around talented people
• If a person is too talented it can be difficult to
be around them because they make us look
bad
• Disclosure
• Revealing information about yourself can help
to build liking
• Not all disclosure leads to liking
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Why We Form Relationships
• Proximity
• We are likely to develop relationships with
people we interact with frequently
• Familiarity can also breed contempt
• Most aggravated assaults occur within the family
• Rewards
• Social Exchange Theory
• Relationships that give us rewards greater than or
equal to the costs of the relationship
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Relational Development and
Maintenance
• Models of Relational Development
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Figure 8.1 Page 276
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Relational Development and
Maintenance
• Knapp’s Ten Stages of the Relationship
• Initiating
• Communication during this stage is usually brief
• Simplistic communication is a way of signaling you
may want to begin a relationship
• Experimenting
• After initial contact we decide if we with to pursue
the relationship further
• Uncertainty reduction
• Getting to know others by gaining more information
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Relational Development and
Maintenance
• Knapp’s Ten Stages of the Relationship
• Intensifying
• The interpersonal relationship begins to develop
• The expression of feeling becomes more common
• Giving tokens of affection, hinting and flirting
• Integrating
• Parties begin to take on identity as a social unit
• Partners begin to take on each other’s
commitments
• Close friends may begin to speak alike
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Relational Development and
Maintenance
• Knapp’s Ten Stages of the Relationship
• Bonding
• Parties make symbolic public gestures
• Commitment is increased during this stage
• Being together comes to be relied on
• Differentiating
• The “We” orientation shifts back to “I”
• The stage is likely to occur when the relationship
experiences its first feelings of stress
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Relational Development and
Maintenance
• Knapp’s Ten Stages of the Relationship
• Circumscribing
• Partners behave towards each other in old, familiar
ways
• Communication decreases in quantity and quality
• Shrinking of interest and commitment
• Stagnating
• No growth occurs
• The relationship is a hollow shell of its former self
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Relational Development and
Maintenance
• Knapp’s Ten Stages of the Relationship
• Avoiding
• Parties begin to create physical distance between
each other
• Unsuccessful couples deal with their problems by
avoidance, indirectness and less involvement
• Terminating
• Includes summary dialogue
• Depending on each person’s feelings, this stage
can be quite short or drawn out over time
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Relational Development and
Maintenance
• Models of Relational Development
• Alternate patters of relational development
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Figure 8.3 Page 282
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Relational Development and
Maintenance
• Models of Relational Development
• Dialectical Perspectives
• Communicators seek important but inherently
incompatible goals through their relationship
• Dialectical Tensions
• Conflicts that arise when two opposing or
incompatible forces exist simultaneously
• Managing dialectical tensions can create the most
powerful dynamic in relational communication
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Relational Development and
Maintenance
• Models for Relational Development
• Dialectical Tensions
• Connection versus Autonomy
• We seek out involvement with others
• We are unwilling to sacrifice our entire identity to even
the most satisfying relationship
• One of the most common reasons for relational breakups
involve failure of partners to satisfy each other’s needs
for connection
• “We barely spent any time together.”
• “I was feeling trapped.”
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Relational Development and
Maintenance
• Models for Relational Development
• Dialectical Tensions
• Openness versus Privacy
• Along with the need to disclose, we have an equally
important drive to maintain space
• Even the strongest relationships require some distance
• Predictability versus Novelty
• Too much predictability can lead to feelings of staleness
• The challenge is to juggle the desire for predictability with
the desire for novelty that keeps a relationship fresh
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Relational Development and
Maintenance
• Models for Relational Development
• Managing Dialectical Tensions
• In one study married couples reported:
• Connection-autonomy was the most frequent (30.8%)
• Predictability –novelty was second (21.7%)
• Openness-privacy was least (12.7%)
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Relational Development and
Maintenance
• Models for Relational Development
• Managing Dialectical Tensions
• Other Strategies
• Denial
• Reporting to one end of the dialectical spectrum and
ignoring the other
• Disorientation
• Communicators feel so overwhelmed and helpless they
are unable to confront their problems
• Alternation
• Alternating between extremes on the spectrum
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Relational Development and
Maintenance
• Models for Relational Development
• Managing Dialectical Tensions
• Other Strategies
• Segmentation
• Partners use this tactic to compartmentalize different
areas of their relationship
• Balance
• Communicators try to balance dialectical tensions
• Integration
• Simultaneously accept opposing forces without trying to
diminish them
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Relational Development and
Maintenance
• Models for Relational Development
• Managing Dialectical Tensions
• Other Strategies
• Recalibration
• Responding to dialectical challenges by reframing them
so that apparent contradictions disappear
• Reaffirmation
• This strategy acknowledges that dialectical tensions will
never disappear
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Relational Development and
Maintenance
• Characteristics of Relationships
• Relationships:
•
•
•
•
Are constantly changing
Are affected by culture
Require Maintenance
Require Commitment
• Relation commitment involves a promise – sometimes
implied and sometimes explicit – to remain in the
relationship and make it successful
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Relational Development and
Maintenance
• Repairing Damaged Relationships
• Types of relational transgressions
• Minor versus Significant
• Recognize problems for what they are
• Social versus Relational
• Some transgression violate social, not relational norms
• Deliberate versus Unintentional
• Transgressions are not always intentional
• One-time versus Incremental
• Accidents do happen
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Relational Development and
Maintenance
• Repairing Damaged Relationships
• An apology requires three elements:
• An acknowledgment that the transgression was
wrong: “I acted like a jerk.”
• A sincere apology: “I’m really sorry. I feel awful for
letting you down.”
• Some type of compensation: “If I act that way
again, you can call me on it.”
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Communicating about
Relationships
• Content and Relational Messages
• Content Messages
• The subject being discussed
• Relational Messages
• How the parties feel toward one another
• Types of Relational Messages
•
•
•
•
Affinity
Immediacy
Respect
Control
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Communicating about
Relationships
• Metacommunication
• Messages that people exchange, verbally or
nonverbally, about their relationship
• Communication about communication
• Can be used as a way to reinforce the
satisfying aspects of a relationship
• “I really appreciate it when you complement me
about my work in front of the boss.”
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Chapter Review
• Why We Form Relationships
• Relational Development and Maintenance
• Communicating about Relationships
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