Parenting in 21st Century:
Creating an Islamic Home
Muhammad Abdul Bari
www.amanaparenting.com
Twitter: @MAbdulBari
An Islamic Home
 Positive culture/ethos
 Loving relationship
 Quality time
 Family sessions/rule
 Basic routine in life
 Consult
 Shared household works
 Fun time
 Helping with school
Positive Family
An Islamic Home
 FAMILY: FAther & Mother
I Love You
 Father/Mother complement
as pair
 Mother not overburdened,
father integral part
 They share tasks at home
 They share joys & challenges
 Both are disciplined
 Islam & spirituality felt at
home
Positive Family
Father’s unique role
 A child has father’s &
mother’s gene
 A child needs both
toughness & tenderness
 Father can & should
become boy’s role model
 Father needed more in
boy’s puberty/adulthood
Positive Family
Our Internal Ills
1) Social deprivation/under-achievement
2) Ethnic/sectarian/political fragmentation
3) Disproportionate youth criminality
4) Weak parenting
5) Ineffective mosques
6) Ineffective community organisations
7) Absent youth leadership in community
8) Lack of sufficient role models
External Pressure
1) Negative Image
2) Media onslaught
3) Pressure of materialism/secularism
4) Pressure of permissive lifestyle
5) ‘Divide and rule’ policy
6) General Islamophobia/bigotry
Social Issues
 Bullying
 Racism/Hatred
 Islamophobia
 ASB/Gangs
 Drugs
 Violence
 Extremism
Social Issues
Behaviour
Issues
Behaviour Issues
 Insecurity
 Egocentrism
 Style/Fashion
 Rudeness
 Rebellion
 Eating Habit
 Mental Health
Behaviour Issues
Adolescence
?
Adolescence/Youth
Physical
Physical/puberty
 Emotional
Emotional
 Social:
Social:
- Smart phone
-Smart
Friendship
phone
-Friendship
Role model
Role model
Adolescence?
Self-Esteem
Self-esteem
gives selfconfidence &
positive pride
Self-Esteem
Dealing with Issues
 Sympathy/
empathy
 Personal space
 Respect
 Involvement
 Wholesome
recreation
Dealing with Adolescence?
Motivation
 Self-esteem
 Positive family
 Safe Community
 Healthy competition
 Role modelling
 Bite-size successes
Motivation
Children learn what they live
If children live with …
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criticism, they learn to condemn
hostility, they learn to fight
ridicule, they learn to be shy
shame, they learn to feel guilty
encouragement, they learn to confidence
tolerance, they learn to be patient
praise, they learn to appreciate
acceptance, they learn to love
honesty, they learn truthfulness
fairness, they learn justice
kindness, they learn respect
friendliness, they learn the world is better place
Dorothy Law Nolte
Axes of Parenting Styles
Warm
LAISSEZ-FAIRE
TOUGH LOVE
Permissive
Controlling
DISENGAGED
AUTHORITARIAN
Hostile
Parenting Stages
Pre-Marriage
Ethos of compromise
Post-Marriage
Preparing to be parent
Pre-Adolescence
Techniques of tough love
Post-Adolescence
Helping child in life
Parenting Stages
Parenting Components
Building Families
Balanced
Growth and
Development
Parent –
Child
Relationship
Faith,
Culture &
Spirituality
Discipline
and Control
Family and
Community
Perspective
Investing in Future
When a child of Adam dies, his/her deeds are cut off, except 3;
1. Continuous charity
2. Useful knowledge that benefits others, and
3. righteous child who supplicates for him/her
- Prophet Muhammad (peace & blessings be upon him)
If your plan is for one year plant rice
If your plan is for ten years plant trees
If your plan is one hundred years
educate children
- Confucius