When Push Comes to Shove:
Contemporary Research, Assessment,
and Treatment Innovations for Partner Abuse
Goals for Today
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House of Abuse
Who They Are
Typology Issues
Risk Assessment
Controversies
Limbic System
Treatment
Women Who Abuse
Victim’s Experiences
Table of Contents – Part 1
I. THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE GLOSSARY
II. The HOUSE OF ABUSE
III. INTIMATE PARTNER VIOLENCE TYPOLOGIES: Who
Are These Guys?
SIMILARITIES
TYPOLOGIES & DIFFERENCES
IV. RISK ASSESSMENT
THE CONFLICT TACTICS SCALE-REVISED (CTS-R)
THE PSYCHOPATHY CHECKLIST-REVISED (PCL-R)
V. MALE PSYCHOLOGY
SHAME-O-PHOBIA
THE BROKEN MIRROR
Table of Contents – Part 2
VI. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE TREATMENT PROGRAMS:
NUTS & BOLTS
THE FIFTEEN COMMANDMENTS OF THE STOP
PROGRAM
THE ACCOUNTABILITY ASSUMPTION
THE PREVENTION PLAN
“SPAGHETTI MAN”
VII. RULES OF ENGAGEMENT
GUY TALK
STRUCTURE & LIMIT-SETTING
EMOTIONAL HIJACKING BY THE LIMBIC SYSTEM
Table of Contents – Part 2
VIII. FEMALE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
TREATMENT GROUPS FOR FEMALE DV OFFENDERS
IX. CONTROVERSIES IN THE FIELD
X. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE VICTIMS AND THE CLASSIC
QUESTION:
WHY DO THEY STAY?
MALE VICTIMS OF FEMALE DV
HELPING VICTIMS MAKE DECISIONS
WHAT NOT TO SAY AND WHAT TO SAY TO A VICTIM
XI. COORDINATED COMMUNITY RESPONSE
DV COUNCILS, FAMILY JUSTICE CENTERS
The Power of YOU
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Role Model
Mentor
Monitor
Stabilizer
Glossary
GVA
IVP
DV
IPT
BWS
RBI
P&C
BD
SVC
FO
Couples who are in an
intimate partner relationship
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Living together - or not
Gay - straight
Sexually active - or not
Long term - or first date
Ex-partners
House of Abuse
Physical Abuse
Verbal, Emotional, Psychological
Intimidation
Sexual Abuse
Isolation
Religious Abuse
Gender Privilege
Child Abuse
The Past Affects the Future
FOR YOUR OWN BEHAVIOR
Who Are These Guys
The Tip of the Iceberg
Physical Abuse often uncovers:
– Threats
– Mind Games
– Intimidation
– Self Defense
The Burning Bed
A response to uncommon nasty
and relentless violence
One Size Does Not Fit All
Similarities
Male Dominance
• Political and Socio-cultural Subordination
IPT Includes an Embedded
Pattern of Control
Shame Sensitivity
• A self-fulfilling prophecy
• If you’re sensitive, you are shamed everywhere
Recognize the Distinctions
Generally Violent Aggressor
Family Only
Low Level Anti Social
Borderline/Dysphoric
Implications For Treatment
Group Treatment
Risk Assessments
The Conflict Tactics Scale Revised
The Fear Factor
Risk Prediction: Don’t Guess
• SARA: Spousal Assault Risk Appraisal
Guide (Kropp, 1994; 2000)
• DAS: Dangerousness Assessment
Scale (Campbell, 1995)
• PAS: Propensity for Abusiveness
Scale (Dutton, 1995)
Psychopathy
Male Psychology
Shame-o-Phobia
The Ice Water Study
Measuring Shame-o-Phobia
• Masculine Gender Role Stress
Scale (Eisler, 1987).
• Gender Role Conflict Scale
(Good, 1995).
Men Are Supposed to…
• Men are supposed to be… strong, fast, a
bread-winner, smart.
• Men are supposed to do... work, fix things,
outside work, the hard stuff, protect
• Men are supposed to have… a job, a lot of
money, daring, courage, sexual prowess,
confidence
• Men are NOT supposed to…be
effeminate, cry, complain, be weak, and
ever ever act like a girl
The “Code”
Living up to the expectation of
other males
The Broken Mirror
Alexithymia
• Originally used to explain Vietnam
Vets
• Men suffered emotional trauma
• Led to a state of being “Without
Words For Feelings
Normative Male Alexithymia
• Limited range in terms of being
able to label an affective
experience, and then to find the
words to be able to communicate
that to somebody else.
Distress Tolerance
• Mature skill
• Learning how to bear pain
skillfully
• Developing some increased
empathy for the other person’s
experience.
Treatment Program
Nuts and Bolts
• Skill Based
• Understanding psychological
roots
• Cognitive Behavioral
Offender Issues
• childhood experiences with violence
• triggers that are based on past experience
• identifying alternative ways of handling
conflict,
• learning self-management and selfsoothing strategies
• implementing time-out methods,
• and anticipating and eliminating sources
of frustration and anger
Relevant Themes
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Definitions of Abuse
Red Flags and Self Talk
Communication Skills
Empathy Training
Alcohols and Drugs
Relapse Prevention
15 Commandments of
The Stop Program
Commandments 1-3
• 100% Responsibility
• No Violence
• Anger is Normal
Commandments 4-9
• Anger is a secondary emotion
• We can’t control another person
• We can take a time-out
• We can change the future
• Self talk is everything
• Anger can be quiet and cold
Commandments 10-13
• “Deserved” Retaliation isn’t always
wise, productive or moral
• Letting go of Anger is good for you
• Use Gratitudes
• Have a Prevention Plan
Commandments 14 -15
• Needs and Rights of Men and Women
are Fundamentally the Same
• Counselors and Case Managers Can’t
Make People Change
Accountability Assumption
Odysseus
Odysseus Plan
• Get conscious
• Develop a Plan
Prevention Plan
Scare Yourself
• Jail
• Kids
• Partner
Self-Talk
To keep you on track
Fun and Distraction
Friend and Ally
• A distraction to diffuse anger
• A friend to center you
The Spaghetti Man
Rules of Engagement
Through Empathy and Respect
Shame
Guilt and Remorse, but NO shame
Respect
• Essential Humanity
Making Better Choices
Labeling
Powerlesness
Shame-Free Group Names
Shame-Friendly Environment
• Interactive
• Engaging
Interactive Engaging
Techniques
• Lectures need to be simple and
straightforward
• The use of video clips, group exercises,
demonstrations and role-plays, and humor
Resistance
Respect Initial Resistance
Reduce Anxiety
• Explain What Will Happen
• Relax Defenses
Relational Heroism
Doing something
for the good of the relationship
Universal Experience
Everyone can benefit
Eliminate Confusion
and Anxiety
• Explain the rules
• Explain the Process
Why We “Take it Slow”
• Men are not used to talking about
emotions
• They feel it violates male gender
codes
• They feel pressured
Acknowledge Pro-Social
Behavior
Woman Bashing
• Don’t generalize
• Refer to partners by name
System Bashing
• Unproductive Power Struggle
• Re-focus
Not Normalizing Violence
Hijacking By The Limbic System
• Perceived threat
• Fight of Flight
• Over-reactions
Helping Clients Control
Themselves
“Part of our job is to help domestic violence
offenders put things in better perspective
and to help them to appreciate how easy it
is to slip into an excessive response”
Provisional Status
• “Probationary” status in the DV
program because of disruptive
behaviors
Female Domestic Violence
Motivation - gender
• Men and Women are equally
likely to initiate
• 97% of Intimate Partner Violence
is done by Men
Self-Defense
5-15 percent of the time
Tendency to Downplay
Female Violence
FEMALE
VIOLENCE
Similarities
• 100% responsibility
• people can lie to each
other and betray each
other
• partners can show
each other respect
• There are attachment
conflicts and
personality disorders,
etc.
Differences
• African-American men often deal
with issues of disempowerment.
• Gays and lesbians often fear
police disrespect or aggression
• And female DV offenders are
typically dealing with long
histories of victimization—
sexual, physical, and emotional—
that contribute to the
emergence of their own intimate
patter violence.
Treatment Groups for
Female Offenders
• Push for Process
• Feelings
Special Issues for Females
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Trauma
Safety Plans
Behavioral Options
Parenting
Self-esteem
Assertive Communication
Who is Affected
• Offenders
• Victims
• Kids Exposed
Battered Women’s Syndrome
Signs and symptoms, such as fear
and a perceived inability to escape,
appearing in victims (usually female)
who are physically and/or
psychologically abused over an
extended period by an intimate
partner.
Misinterpreted Behavior
• Continued involvement in an abusive
relationship
• Use of physical aggression toward an
abuser
• Lack of cooperation in the
prosecution of an abuser
Why Do Victims Stay?
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a fear of retaliation
a strong emotional attachment
shame and embarrassment
and denial of the severity of abuse
economic and other tangible resources
the desire to provide children with a father
in the home.
The Honeymoon Phase
• Passion
• Promise
• Violence frequently becomes
more severe
Separation Abuse and Retaliation
• Batter feels abandoned, jealous,
or possessive
• Aggression Against the Victim
• Against the Victim’s family,
friends or coworkers
Calculated Decision to Leave
Practical Issues
• Money
• Child Care
• The end of the Marriage
Co-Dependency
• Based on love and emotional
attachment
Love
Traumatic Bonding
• Power
• Emotional Connection
• Intermittent Reinforcement
Shame, Guilt, Embarrassment
• Feel at fault
• Don’t want to expose
themselves or the abuser
GAY AND LESBIAN ISSUE
Public Exposure
Recanting Original Reports
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Fears batterer or consequences
Ashamed for self or batterer
Fears re-traumatization
Mistrusts the system
Fears damage to the children
Mistrust of the System
• Because of Prior Experiences
• Because of Cultural Beliefs
Family Pressure
• Be nicer
• Treat him Better
• Have more sex
Cultural Issues
• Traditional Beliefs
• Mistrust of the System
Male Victims of Female DV
• Less likely to view an assault by a
woman as a crime
• Less likely to define themselves
as victims
• Less likely to report an assault to
the police
Stages of Change
• Pre-contemplation
–Denial
• Contemplation
–Maybe I should…
Stages of Change
• Preparation
– Evaluate and Plan
• Action
– Do Something to End Abuse
• Maintenance
– Maintain Change
Victims Change Their Minds
• People flip back and forth between Stages
• Respect their pace and their perspective
Reaching Victims
Listen to her notion of her problems
The Right Time to Leave
• Violence reaches a breaking point
• The violence was not going to end
• The violence was going to escalate to a
point of lethality;
• Increasing concern that their children were
being affected
Links to Safety Plans
• The National Coalition against Domestic
Violence www.ncadv.org
• Domestic Violence Organization at
www.domesticviolence.org
• National Domestic Violence Hotline at
www.thehotline.org
• The Family Justice Center in San Diego
www.sandiego.gov/sandiegofamilyjusticecenter
The Safety Plan
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safety issues
financial preparation
documents to take when leaving
strategies to use in order to get help
and stay safe.
What Goes Into the Decision
• Rational thought
• Careful Consideration
• Weighing pros and cons
Negative Responses From
Family and Friends
• Blamed for being a Victim
• Identified only as a victim
• Being told what to do
What NOT To Say To Victims
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Your children need a father.
Are you sure this happened?
What did you do to set him off?
Isn’t this accepted in your culture?
The Bible says. . .
What is wrong with you?
The pain will go away.
The RIGHT Things to Say to
Victims
• I’m afraid for your safety.
• I’m afraid for the safety of your
children.
• I’m worried that this could get worse.
• I’m here for you.
• You don’t deserve to be
abused.
Controversies in the Field
• Anger Management vs. Domestic Violence
• Group Treatment vs. Couples’ Counseling
Criteria for Consideration of
Couples’ Counseling
• Abuser and Victim Issues
2 Messages for Couples
in Conjoint Treatment
100%
RESPONSIBILITY
BRING OUT THE
BEST QUALITIES
IN THE
RELATIONSHIP
Anger Management or
Domestic Violence
A matter of Context
Couples’ Treatment Issues
• Safety for the Victim
• The Victim is not to Blame
Advantages of Couples’
Treatment
• When you have both members of a couple in
the room, you are more likely to have an
impact on the overall system.
• When both partners go through the treatment
process together, they both learn and practice
the skills that increase the likelihood of
relationship harmony.
COUPLES’ TREATMENT
CRITERIA
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Both desire it
Violence has "relationship basis"
Abuser has engaged in full disclosure
Abuser has committed to nonviolence
Abuser has capacity for empathy
Abuser has accepting of consequences for
actions
COUPLES’ TREATMENT
CRITERIA
• Victim feels safe living w/ partner and in joint
treatment
• Victim comfortable being honest in front of
partner
• No major psych disorder/substance abuse
• No significant pattern of Power & Control issues
• No severe pattern of psychological abuse
• No lethality/bizarre violence (weapons, sadistic
sex)
• No stalking or serious obsession with partner
Goals of Couple’s Counseling
1.Educate couples
2. Increase personal responsibility
3. Utilize “anger management” skills
4. Increase positive interactions in couple.
5. Help couple recover from any past trauma
Coordinated Community
Response
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Law Enforcement
Shelters
Advocates
Health Care Providers
Employers
Clergy
DV Councils
• Congruent arrest, fines, and treatment
• Offenders recognize that the system
communicates
• Development of units specially trained
in domestic violence issues
• Mutual consultation and cross-training
Family Justice Centers
one stop for victim services
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Police officers
Prosecutors
Civil legal service providers
Community-based advocates.
Building Professional
Relationships