Parenting an Only
Child
面对独生子女该如何
为人父母
How Understanding Neurobiology Can Help You
Raise A Child Who Can Thrive!
神经生物学如何帮助您抚养儿童茁壮成长!
Alan Mease, MD
May 12, 2013
Guangzhou, China
Alan Mease, MD
米思,医学博士
和睦家广州诊所
 Over 30 year experience as pediatrician & 13
years experience in China
超过30年的儿科医师经验,在中国行医13年
 Five grown children partially raised abroad
养育了5个孩子,其中几人成长于海外
 Now practicing Developmental/Behavioral
Pediatrics in Guangzhou
现在在广州从事儿童发育及行为科工作
Parenting an Only Child
面对独生子女该如何为人父母
 The principles of parenting are the same whether you
have one child or ten!!!
无论你只有1个孩子还是有10个孩子,育儿的原则是不变
的!!!
 In this talk I will review the principles of parenting
based on recent research on parent-child relationship.
在本讲座中,我将以最新亲子关系研究结果为基础,回顾育
儿的原则。
 I will integrate these principles with new discoveries in
brain science.
我将结合最新的大脑科学研究发现来整合这些原则。
Parenting an Only Child
面对独生子女该如何为人父母
 I will examine the science of how we can connect with
each other and our children
我将会探究这一科学:我们彼此之间以及与孩子之间是如何联系的
 The goals of this talk is to deepen our understanding of
ourselves as parents, our children and our relationships.
本次讲座旨在加深我们对于为人父母、孩子以及亲子关系的理解
 I will end the talk with some practical parenting tips for all
parents regardless of how many children you have!
讲座结尾时,我会将一些育儿小帖士告诉您,无论您是几个孩子的
父母,都将非常实用!
THE SINGLE CHILD FAMILY
独生子女家庭
The single child has been studied as an early
adult and found to be less trusting, less
trustworthy, more risk-averse, less competitive
and more pessimistic.
研究发现成年早期的独生子女缺乏信任,不值得信
赖,不愿承担风险,竞争意识较弱,更为悲观。
THE SINGLE CHILD FAMILY
独生子女家庭
 I will discuss strategies to minimize these effects.
将会讨论最大限度地减少这些影响的策略。
 These include dealing with grandparents
这包括处理与祖父母的问题
 The importance of relationships in your child’s
brain/mind development
人际关系对于您孩子的大脑/心智发育的重要性
 Developing the functions of the prefrontal cortex
促进前额皮质的功能发展
 The importance of PLAY!
玩耍的重要性!
THE SINGLE
CHILD FAMILY
独生子女家庭
in the Weibo
Age
Recommended Reading for Parents available in Chinese
推荐这几本中文译本给家长
1. The Whole Brain Child by Daniel Siegel, MD 《全脑教养法》 丹尼尔·西格尔博士
2. Parenting from the Inside Out by Daniel Siegel, MD《由内而外的教养》丹尼尔·西格尔博士
3. Mindsight/The Seventh Sense by Daniel Siegel, MD 《第七感》丹尼尔·西格尔博士
Daniel Siegel, MD, Child Psychiatrist
丹尼尔·西格尔,医学博士,儿童精神病学家
Author, Originator of Interpersonal Neurobiology
作家,人际关系神经生物学创始人
Why Should We
Know about the
Brain as Parents?
父母为何要了解大脑?
Knowing about the brain can allow us to
move from SELF-JUDGEMENT to SELFACCEPTANCE as parents.
作为父母,了解大脑可以使我们从自我判断变
为自我接纳。
Interpersonal Neurobiology
人际关系神经生物学三角
Relationships 关系
The Brain 大脑
The Mind 精神
Relationships关系
(sharing分享)
Triangle of Interpersonal
Neurobiology
(3 aspects of Energy &
information flow)
人际关系神经生物学三角
(三种能量和信息的流动)
BRAIN大脑
(mechanism
机械装置)
Relationships &
the embodied brain
are really part of one
larger system.
关系和具象的大脑是一
个更大系统的一部分
Mind精神
(regulation
调节)
Relationships关系
 The regulating prefrontal cortex remains plastic
throughout life and is able to develop beyond
childhood.
调节前额皮质终生保持可塑性,儿童期之后依然可以发
育。
 Interpersonal relationships can provide attachment
experiences that allow integrative neurophysiological
change to occur throughout life
 人际关系可以提供依恋经历,这为一体化的神经生理学变
化在一生中的发生提供了可能。
The Parent-Child
Relationship
亲子关系
Complex 复杂
Triggers unresolved issues in the parent
触发父母的情绪问题
 This causes loss of upstair brain control
这会导致失去对上层大脑的控制
 Resulting in activation of the downstairs brain
导致激活下层大脑
The Brain
大脑
Over 100 billion
Neurons and trillions of
supportive
Glia cells.超过一千亿
个神经元和数以万
亿计的神经胶质细
胞。
Collectively these Neurons
are over 2 million miles long.
所有这些神经元的长度
之和超过200万英里。
Each Neuron has an average of 10,000 connections
平均每个神经元有1万个连接。
Neurons and glia are organized
in clusters (nuclei, circuits,
regions and hemispheres)
classified by anatomic
placement in lower (1),
central(2) and upper
areas (3) of the brain.
神经细胞和神经胶质组织成簇
(核、回路、额区和半球)在
解剖构造上分为大脑下部
(1)、大脑中心(2)和大脑
上部(3)三个区域。
Networks 神经网络
Development of MEMORY
记忆力的发展
 Memory works by changes in the connection between neurons.
记忆力通过神经细胞间联系的改变来工作。
Development of MEMORY
记忆力的发展
 Memory and brain development are overlapping processes:
experience shapes the developing structure of the brain
记忆力和大脑的发展是相互重叠的过程:经历塑造发育中的大脑结构
 Experience is biology: How we treat our children changes who
they are and how they will develop!!!
经历是一种生物现象:我们如何对待孩子将决定他们是谁,以及他们的未
来如何发展!!!
Forms of Memory
记忆力的形态
Implicit (Emotional) 内隐记忆(情绪化的
)
Present at or even before birth 出生时甚至出
生之前就已经存在
Conscious attention NOT required 不需要有
意识地注意
Amygdala controlled 受杏仁体(脑颞叶内的一
种结构)控制
No recollection 回忆不起来
Forms of Memory
记忆力的形态
Explicit 外显记忆
Factual: Hippocampus required; present at
about 18 months
实际的:由海马回(脑颞叶内的一种负责记忆和空间定
位的结构)控制;大约18个月时出现
Autobiographical: Prefrontal cortex required;
onset after 2 years; allows recollection
自传体记忆(个人生活事件的记忆): 前额皮质控制
,2岁之后开始发展;可回忆起
UPSTAIRS BRAIN 上层大脑
 Cerebral cortex and its various parts particularly the
ones directly behind your forehead including what is
called the middle prefrontal cortex
大脑皮层和它的各种组成部分,尤其是在你额头正后方的被称作中部
前叶皮层的部分
 More evolved
更为进化
 Like a light filled second story study or library full of
windows to allow you to see things more clearly
就像位于二楼的明亮书房或者一间满是玻璃窗的图书馆,使你更清楚
地看到里面的东西
UPSTAIRS BRAIN FUNCTIONS
上层大脑的功能
Thinking 思考
Imagining 想象
Planning 规划
Highly sophisticated 极为复杂的
Higher-order and analytical
thinking 高阶的思考和分析
Characteristics of Upstairs Brain
Function 上层大脑功能的特点
 Sound decision making and planning
合理决策的制定和计划
 Control over emotions and body
控制情绪和机体
 Self-understanding
自我理解
 Empathy
移情(了解和分享对方的看法和感受,敏锐地体会对方的思想与情绪)
 Morality
道德
The Downstairs Brain
下层大脑
 The brain from bottom to top
大脑自下到上
 Imagine your brain is a house with both a downstairs and an upstairs
想像你的大脑是一座房子,里面有上层楼梯(上层大脑)和下层楼梯(下层大脑)
 The downstairs includes the brain stem and limbic regions located in
lower parts of the brain from the top of your neck to about the bridge
of your nose
下层大脑包括了脑干和位于大脑下部的边缘区域(大约是你的颈部上端到鼻梁的
位置)
 More primitive
更为简单原始
The Downstairs Brain Functions
下层大脑的功能
 Basic functions like breathing and blinking; reactions and
impulses (like fight and flight) and strong emotions (like anger
and fear)
基础功能如呼吸和眨眼;反应和冲动(如迎战和逃跑),强烈的情绪
(如愤怒和恐惧)
 Your ANGER- along with other strong emotions and bodily
functions and instinct- springs from your DOWNSTAIRS BRAIN
你的愤怒——同其他强烈情绪、身体机能和本能一样——源于你的下层
大脑
 It is like the first floor of a house where basic necessity get
taken care of (kitchen, dining room, bathroom)
这就像房子的一层,在这里基本需求得到满足(厨房、餐厅、浴室)
Developmental Aspects
发育方面
 Downstairs brain is well developed even at birth
下层大脑在出生之时就已发育良好
 Upstairs isn’t fully mature until mid-twenties
上层大脑直至20多岁才完全成熟
 Remains under massive construction for first few
years
开始几年,仍在大规模发育
 During teen years undergoes extensive
remodeling which continues into adulthood
在青少年时期经历重大变化,直至成年
Developmental Aspects
发育方面
 Children are not good at using higher and
lower parts of the brain together because
the higher brain is still developing
由于上层大脑仍在发育,儿童不能很好地将上层
大脑和下层大脑结合使用
 Children are prone to getting trapped
downstairs because the connecting stairway
is blocked by an AMYGDALA that frequently
fires up
由于上、下层大脑之间被一个频繁启动的杏仁体
所堵塞,儿童很容易被“困在”上层大脑。
Realistic Developmental
Expectations
现实的发展预期
 It is unrealistic to expect children to be rational, regulate their
emotions, make good decisions, think before acting and be
empathetic-all things that come from a developed upstairs
brain
希望孩子们理性,调节自己的情绪,做出好的决策,三思而行,或是像成熟
的上层大脑那样感同身受,是不现实的
 Children can demonstrate some of these qualities to varying
degrees depending on their age
孩子们在不同的年龄阶段,表现出不同程度的特质。
 We need to adjust our expectations
我们应该调整我们的期望值
Temper Tantrums: 2
Types
发脾气:两种类型
Upstairs tantrum occurs
when a child decides to
throw a fit
儿童运用上层大脑发脾气
Downstairs tantrum occurs
when the child in not able
to use the upstairs brain
当儿童无法运用上层大脑时,
运用下层大脑
Upstairs Tantrum
上层大脑发脾气
He makes a conscious choice to act out
他将一个有意识的决定付诸行动
To push buttons and terrorize you until he gets
what he wants
他们要求、恐吓你,直到得到自己想要的东西
He could instantly stop the tantrum if he wanted
to
一旦得到了他想要的东西,就会立即停止发脾气
Upstairs Tantrum
上层大脑发脾气
He is able to stop the tantrum
他有能力可自我停止发脾气
He may look like he is completely out of
control but is using a strategy of manipulation
to achieve a desired end
他貌似完全失去控制,实际上却通过了策略的运用来
达到期望
Response to Upstairs
Brain Tantrum
如何应对上层大脑发脾气
 One clear response: Never negotiate with a terrorist
明确的回应:绝不和恐吓者谈判
 Firm boundaries and clear discussion about
appropriate and inappropriate behavior
明确界定及讨论适当/不适当的行为
 If you refuse to give in, regardless of the age of your
child, you will stop seeing them on a regular basis
如果你拒绝让步,无论孩子的年纪有多大,他们的无理行为
将停止
Response to Downstairs Brain
Tantrum
如何应对下层大脑发脾气
 Amygdala takes over and hijack his upstairs brain
杏仁核接管和拦截了他的上层大脑的工作
 He is incapable of controlling his body or emotions
他无法控制他的身体或情绪
 He simply cannot use his whole brain
他只是无法使用他全部的大脑
 He has flipped his lid, totally lost his mind
他已经发狂,完全丧失心智
Response to Downstairs
Tantrum
如何应对下层大脑发脾气
Connect and redirect
沟通和改变方法
Connect with the child and help him
calm down through loving touch and a
soothing tone of voice
和孩子沟通,通过爱抚和平和的语调帮助他平
静下来
Response to Downstairs
Tantrum
如何应对下层大脑发脾气
You may have to hold him close and calmly
talk him down as you remove him from the
scene
或许你可以紧紧地拥抱他,通过交谈是他平静,彷佛
走出刚才的情景
No sense in talking about consequences or
appropriate behavior
讨论事情的后果或什么才是适当的行为,没有意义。
Response to Downstairs Tantrum
如何应对下层大脑发脾气
 Help him shift his attention
帮助他转移注意力
 Once the upstairs brain reenter the picture you can
begin to respond to the issue using logic and reason
一旦重返上层大脑工作,你可以开始通过逻辑和原因分析事
情
 Downstairs brain tantrums are not limited to toddlers
but may occur in a child of any age or even an
adult
下层大脑发脾气不仅仅局限于幼童,也会发生于儿童的其他
年龄阶段,甚至是成年人
Response to Downstairs Brain
Tantrum
如何应对下层大脑发脾气
Amygdala takes over and hijack his
upstairs brain
杏仁核接管和拦截了他的上层大脑的工作
He is incapable of controlling his body
or emotions
他无法控制他的身体或情绪
Response to Downstairs Brain
Tantrum
如何应对下层大脑发脾气
He simply cannot use his whole brain
他只是无法使用他全部的大脑
He has flipped his lid, totally lost his
mind
他已经发狂,完全丧失心智
Preventing Downstairs Tantrums
防止下层大脑发脾气
 Avoid triggering the downstairs brain
避免引发下层大脑工作
 You have choice when faced with bad behavior:
面对不良行为,你可以选择:
 Command and demand usually triggers the downstairs
brain
命令和要求通常会引起下层大脑工作
 Engage don’t enrage
参与而非激怒
Approaches to Discipline
规范纪律的方法
Imposition of parents will 迫使孩子接受
父母的意愿
Dropping the expectation completely
完全地放下期望
Approaches to Discipline 规范纪律
的方法
 Middle way called: Collaborative Problem Solving
折衷的方式:合作解决问题
 Step 1: Empathy Step: Gather information from your child to
achieve the clearest possible understanding of his perspective
on the unsolved problem
第一步:移情:尽可能清楚地了解孩子对于问题的观点
 Step 2: Define the Problem Step: Enter your perspective into
consideration
第二步:定义问题:将你的观点加入讨论
 Step 3: The Invitation Step: Brainstorming potential solutions,
parent invites the child to solve the problem collaboratively
第三步:邀请:自由讨论可能的解决方法,家长邀请孩子合作解决问
题。
Some Children Are Inflexible with
Frequent Tantrums: The Explosive Child”
一些孩子频繁地发脾气 像一颗“小小定时炸弹”
Kids Do Well if They Can 如果能力允许,孩子可
以做好
Some children who are inflexible, have poor
tolerance of frustration, difficulty solving
problems are prone to have frequent
tantrums.
一些固执的孩子,难以接受挫折。无法解决问题
时倾向于频繁发脾气
Some Children Are Inflexible with
Frequent Tantrums: The Explosive Child”
一些孩子频繁地发脾气 像一颗“小小定时炸弹”

This is not due to bad parenting
这不应归咎于父母的教育失误
These children have delays in the
development of their up stair brain functions.
原因是这些孩子的上层大脑功能发育延迟了。
Some Children Are Inflexible with
Frequent Tantrums: The Explosive Child”
一些孩子频繁地发脾气 像一颗“小小定时炸弹”
They do not respond to rewards &
punishment or natural consequences
他们对于奖惩或自然结果没有反应
Lack of motivation is not the problem
问题不在于动机缺乏
Some Children Are Inflexible with
Frequent Tantrums: The Explosive Child”
一些孩子频繁地发脾气 像一颗“小小定时炸弹”
 The Middle Way of Discipline Works; this can be
called Positive Discipline
折衷的规范纪律的方式,可被称作”正面管教“
 This can help the child learn and strengthen Upstairs
brain functions and minimize parental frustration.
这可以帮助孩子锻炼和加强上层大脑功能,减少父母的挫
折感。
What about discipline? 关于教养
“Too often we forget that discipline really means
to teach, not to punish. A disciple is a student,
at a recipient of behavioral consequences.”
Dan Siegel, MD
我们常常忘记“教养”真正的意义是教育,而非惩罚。教养的对
象是学生,是行为后果的接受者。”——丹尼尔·西格尔博士
Physical discipline is never appropriate.
身体惩罚绝对不合适。
Parents Must Be Their Children’s
Prefrontal Cortex 父母应做孩子的前额皮质
Upstairs Brain 上层大脑
Foster independence and personal efficacy
培养独立和个人功效
Help children learn to be good at doing
things
帮助孩子学习更好地做事
Able to direct their energies 有能力指导他们的
精力
Parents Must Be Their Children’s
Prefrontal Cortex 父母应做孩子的前额皮质
Upstairs Brain 上层大脑
Able to take the initiative 有能力带头行动
Realistic in appraising strengths and
weaknesses
现实地评价优点和缺点
Realistic in appraising what it will take to
accomplish a task
现实地评价完成任务所需要做的努力
Our Own Downstairs Moments
as Parents
父母们的“下层大脑时刻”
 As parent we can become out of control that we say
or do something we’d never let anyone else say or
do to our child
作为父母,我们也会失控,说出(或做出)一些平时绝不允
许别人对我们孩子说的话(做的事)。
 Little eyes are watching how you calm yourself down.
Your actions set the example
孩子们看着你如何控制情绪,你的行为为孩子树立榜样。
Our Own Downstairs Moments
as Parents
父母们的“下层大脑时刻”
 First do no harm, put your hands behind your back to
avoid any kind of rough physical contact
首要注意:不能伤害孩子,把你的双手背在身后,以防做出
一些粗暴的身体接触
 Close your mouth to avoid saying something you will
regret
闭上嘴巴,以防说出一些可能令你后悔的话。
Our Own Downstairs Moments
as Parents
父母们的“下层大脑时刻”
 Remove yourself from the situation and collect yourself
使自己脱离刚才的处境,重拾自己
 Do jumping jacks or yoga stretches Take slow, deep
breaths
做做“杰克跳”(一种运动)或是瑜伽,深呼吸
 Finally REPAIR. Quickly reconnect with your child. This
may involve your expressing forgiveness, but it may also
require that you apologize and accept responsibility for
your own actions
最终修复。迅速和孩子沟通。这或许包括表达谅解,可能需要你
道歉或是为你的行为承担责任
What is Your Parenting Style?
您的育儿风格是?
High Warmth
高度温情
Low Warmth
低度温情
High Control
高度控制
Authoritative
权威型
Authoritarian
独裁型
Low Control
低度控制
Permissive
宽容型
Neglecting
疏忽型
Authoritative Parenting 权威型家长
High on control and warmth
控制和温情均比较强烈
Tend to strict about what the rules are but
also willing to discuss them 制定规则时:倾
向于严格,同时又愿意与孩子讨论
Reason with their children 与孩子们讲道理
Even alter the rules in response to the
child’s expressed views 会因为孩子的意见而
修改规则
Tell Your Children: 告诉您的孩
子:
 Lack of ability doesn’t matter 能力的欠缺没有关系
 Talent has little or nothing to do with success
天赋和成功基本上毫无关系
 Sticking to something MATTERS! 重要的是坚持!
 Your BRAIN is a muscle, intelligence can be improved by
exercising it 大脑是肌肉,锻炼大脑可以提升智力
 Great performance is always and only the result of great
effort 优秀的表现是努力付出的唯一结果,也是必然结果
Parenting Tips 育儿小帖士
 Necessary to set limits 制定界限的必要性
 Children need to know where they stand
孩子需要知道他们的立场
 They need someone to be in charge of them; they are
neurologically incapable of doing it themselves
他们需要别人来管理;从神经学角度来讲,他们并不能管理自
己。
 Parents need to be more “no nonsense”
父母需要更加“废话少说”
 This is not the same as “mean” or “authoritarian”
这与“刻薄”或是“独裁”不同
Parenting Tips 育儿小帖士
 Children need to know where the limits are,
so communicate where the limits are and help them
learn that you mean it
孩子们需要知道界限在哪里,告诉他们并帮助他们理解你的意思。
 You are teaching them what to expect from the world,
eg when you hit people, they will get mad
您应教给他们,他们的行为会带来什么结果,例如:当你打人的
时候,对方会生气。
Parenting Tips 育儿小帖士
 You are teaching your children what to expect from
other people in the world
您应教给孩子期望从别人那里得到什么
 Don’t lie to them about the consequences of their
behavior
诚实地告诉孩子他们的行为会带来的结果
 Do not tolerate hitting! Do not let them hit you!
不能容忍暴力!不要让孩子们打你!
THE SINGLE CHILD FAMILY
独生子女家庭
 The single child has been studied as an early adult and found to be
less trusting, less trustworthy, more risk-averse, less competitive and
more pessimistic.
研究发现成年早期的独生子女缺乏信任,不值得信赖,不愿承担风险,竞争意
识较弱,更为悲观。
 Strategies to minimize these effects will be discussed.
将会讨论最大限度地减少这些影响的策略。
 These include dealing with grandparents
这包括处理与祖父母的问题
 The importance of relationships in your child’s brain/mind
development
人际关系对于您孩子的大脑/心智发育的重要性
 Developing the functions of the prefrontal cortex
促进前额皮质的功能发展
 The importance of PLAY! 玩耍的重要性!
ANTEDOTES FOR
OVERSCHEDULING
OUR CHILDREN
谈谈我们孩子每日繁忙的行程
The Right Balance to Avoid
Over Scheduling
 Down Time 没有安排活动的时间
 Time In 静想时间
 Play Time 玩乐时间
 Connecting Time 交流时间
 Physical Time 身体锻炼时间
 Sleep Time 睡眠时间
 Focus Time 专心做某件事情的时间
Thank you!
In Summary 总结
Final Parenting Tips 最终育儿提示
 Regularly get behind your children’s eyes, slow down!
慢下来,站在孩子的角度看问题
 Always, always, always put the emotional connection with your
child first.
最初,一定一定一定要与孩子保持情感联系
 DO NOT take things personally. Respond, do not react.
不要武断地处理事情,三思而后行。
 Set limits and be consistent, be authoritative parents.
给孩子制定界限,父母双方步调一致,做权威型家长
 Play with your child!!! 和孩子一起玩!!!
Web site: www.chinadevpeds.com
Thank You! 谢谢!
@alanmisi_MD
Happy Mother’s Day!
祝福天下母亲:节日快乐!
米思医生预约电话:020 8710 6000
和睦家广州诊所 United Family Guangzhou Clinic
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邻)
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