First Mentoring Workshop
Judith Masthoff
Admin issue: Mentoring slots
Which of these slots can you make?
Monday 3-4:
Monday 3-4:
Tuesday 12-1:
Tuesday 3-4:
Wednesday 1-2:
Thursday 2-3:
Friday 1-2:
What is a mentor?
• Write down some alternative words for
• One word per post-it note
Mentoring Roles
Role model
Critical friend
Acculturator (getting the mentee used to the culture)
What is Mentoring? (1)
‘Behind every successful person, there is one elementary
truth: somewhere, somehow, someone cared about their
growth and development . This person was their mentor’
[Dr Beverley Kaye, Up is Not the Only Way, 1997]
Mentorship refers to a developmental relationship
between a more experienced mentor and a less
experienced partner referred to as a mentee – a person
guided and protected by a more prominent person.
What is Mentoring? (2)
To support and encourage people to manage their own
learning in order that they may maximise their potential,
develop their skills, improve their performance and become
the person they want to be.
[Eric Parsloe]
What makes a good mentor?
• Write down characteristics of a good
• One characteristic per post-it note
Some Characteristics of a Good Mentor
Approachable and welcoming
Shares information and experiences openly
Good communication skills
Trustworthy, reliable
Provides accurate and appropriate feedback
Technical expertise
Motivating, encouraging, positive and empowering
Non judgmental
Allocates appropriate time to mentoring
Sensitive to the needs of the mentee
‘ Mentoring is a process
rather than an event;
mentors must see
themselves as
managers of a process,
rather than just passing
on knowledge.’
(Galvin, 1998)
Empowering the mentee
• Communicate openly
• Encourage them to take
responsibility for achieving
their goals
• Give them space and time to
complete tasks
• Guide and counsel as they
reach final stages of tasks
• Help them to learn from
• Help them to work out the
answer, rather than just telling
• Give constructive, critical
advice – but don’t expect to
solve all their problems for
• Introduce them to other people
who might be able to help
• Give them responsibility and
monitor progress
• Build confidence
Foundations for successful
mentoring relationships
• Develop and communicate clear goals and
expectations at the beginning
• Set the ground rules and develop an agreement
• Clarify the roles of the mentor and mentee
• Work out when and how feedback will occur
• Review the relationship at regular intervals
Ground Rules
• Which ground rules do you want?
Provide Mentoring Support
Establish a relationship Offer mentoring support
1. Assist mentee to identify and evaluate
1. Apply effective
options to achieve agreed goals.
2. Share personal experiences and
styles to develop
knowledge with the mentee.
trust, confidence and
3. Encourage mentee to make decisions
2. Agree on how the
relationship will be
3. Clarify and discuss
and take responsibility for the courses
of action under consideration.
4. Provide supportive advice and
assistance in a manner which allows
the mentee to retain responsibility for
achievement of their own goals.
5. Change and discuss the mentoring
6. Make any adjustments to the
relationship taking into account the
needs of both mentor and mentee.
Effective Mentoring
Mentoring involves:
• Level 1: a personal relationship in which a relative novice
is supported by a more experienced peer in coming to
terms with a new role
• Level 2: active guidance, teaching and challenging of the
mentee by the mentor, who accordingly needs to claim
some expertise, wisdom and authority
• Level 3: the management and implementation of a
planned curriculum, tailored to the needs of the
(McIntyre, 1996, p147)
Coaching is…
• a relationship and a conversation which supports a
person to move forward to desired goals in a fulfilling
manner (Myles Downey)
• unleashing a person’s potential to maximise their own
performance, it is helping them to learn rather than
teaching them. The underlying intent of the coach in
every coaching session is to build the self-belief, selfmotivation, choice, clarity, commitment, awareness,
responsibility and ability of the coachee to take action
(Sir John Whitmore)
• proactive and focussed on solutions and the future
Coaching Values
Non-critical / non-judgemental
Empathy / caring
Core skills used in coaching
Other forms of communication
Managing the process of coaching
"We were given two ears but only one
mouth, because listening is twice as hard
as talking."
Why be a good listener?
Needs of the mentee…
To be recognized and remembered
To feel valued
To feel appreciated
To feel respected
To feel understood
To feel comfortable about a want or need
The Purpose of Listening
To be present
To accompany the other person on their journey
Reflection of feelings
To hold a mirror up of understanding
To determine whether my sense of the other
person’s inner and outer world is correct
• To offer a non judgemental presence
• Listening is NOT about asking questions or
challenging what the other person is saying
Levels of Listening
1. Cosmetic listening – listening in everyday
Listener looks as if they are
listening but their mind is elsewhere
Not useful in coaching
People are usually aware that
they are not being fully listened to
Levels of Listening
2. Conversational listening
A number of things are happening:
listening, talking, thinking,
planning what to say next
Not useful in coaching
Levels of Listening
3. Active or attentive listening
The listener is very focused on what the speaker is
saying, they are paying attention
and recording significant facts
The type of listening used
in coaching
It feels very positive to be listened to
with someone’s full attention
Levels of Listening
4. Deep listening
The listener is more focused on the speaker than
on themselves. The listener’s mind is “quiet” and
the intention is “seeking to understand”. All the
senses are being used.
The ideal state for listening in coaching
The client feels understood and may also
experience a deeper connection to the coach
Qualities of Active Listeners
Desire to be
No desire to
protect yourself
Desire to imagine
the experience of
the other
Desire to
not critique
Skills for Active Listening
Sitting forward
Eye contact
Nodding head
“You listen with your face
as well as your ears!”
Smile etc when
Skills for Active Listening
What happened
after that?
If you are not sure
you understand what
the speaker has
said, just ask.
Who was there?
What did they do?
How did that work?
Skills for Active Listening
So what I hear you
saying is . . .
It is a good idea to
repeat in your own
words what the
speaker said so that
you can be sure your
understanding is
Skills for Active Listening
You’re feeling ___.
It makes you
(feeling) that . . .
Skills for Active Listening
Bite your tongue!
Skills for Active Listening
Count to yourself.
Active Listening
Body Language
Repeat Content
Don’t Judge
Be Quiet
Other tips for being a good listener
• Give your full attention on the person who is
• Make sure your mind is focused too.
• Let the speaker finish before you begin to talk.
• Let yourself finish listening before you begin to
• Listen for main ideas.
Exercise: Active Listening
Split into trios (speaker, listener, observer)
• Speaker – talk for 2 minutes about your
experience of the first lectures this week
• Listener – listen using the skills discussed
• Observer – observe the application of the
skills and take notes
• Discuss how it went
Do this three times, so that everybody has
had a chance to practice listening
• Questions are the main form of
communication in coaching
Open Questions
• Questions that start with what, when, who, how many,
how much
• “Why” should be used with caution as it may imply
• “How” should be used with care as it may lead to
analytical thinking
• Open questions require descriptive answers. They raise
awareness for both the coach and the client and promote
responsibility in the client. The client creates a clear
perception of the relevant facts and information and the
ability to determine what is relevant. Creative thoughts
and ideas are also stimulated and explored.
Closed Questions
• For instance: “Am I right?”
• Limited use in coaching
• Useful for checking when a yes or no
answer is all that is required
Questions which clarify
• For instance, “If you take those steps,
what will you achieve?”
• These questions are used to make things
clearer for both the coach and the client
Enquiry questions
• For instance, “What is your purpose in
• Enquiry questions require reflection and
allow the client to explore their values,
emotions, behaviour and reactions to an
issue/situation (useful for homework)
Incisive questions
• For instance, “What would you do if you
did not have to live with the
• Incisive questions are useful when the
coach is working with the limiting beliefs of
a client. These questions work to suspend
the limiting belief and the client is able to
see past the limitation
Questions which challenge
limiting beliefs
• For instance, the client says “I always
make a mess of projects at work”. The
coach responds with “says who?”
• Challenging questions are designed to
raise the awareness of the client to help
them move on
Powerful questions
• For instance: “What is stopping you
• Powerful questions are usually brief and
designed to help the client make a
quantum leap in understanding and
Use of appropriate questions
What questions might be appropriate in the following situation?
Situation: The mentee has difficulty articulating their needs/goals
for the mentoring relationship. What questions might you, as the
mentor, ask?
Possible Questions:
• What do you want to get out of this relationship?
• Do you feel there is more that you are after from me as a
mentor? If so, what?
• How can I, as your mentor, better cater for your needs?
• Can we discuss what you would like to accomplish by the
end of the semester?
Exercise: Questioning
Split into trios (questioner, client, observer)
• Questioner – ask questions
• Client –answer questions
• Observer – observe and take notes
• Discuss how it went
Do this three times, so that everybody has
had a chance to practice questioning
Other communication skills
Paraphrasing or reframing
Making suggestions
Repetition / Mirroring
• Repeating back to the client words that
they have said, often verbatim
• Useful when there is an emotional
• For instance:
“You find the lectures too difficult”
“You feel discouraged.”
• “Extracting the essence” from what the client has
• Not just facts but also feelings
• Useful to check that the coach has fully
understood the client
• It also confirms to the client that he or she is fully
• For instance:
“These seem to be the main problems you’ve
Paraphrasing or reframing
• The coach uses his or her own words to reflect
or reframe back to the client something which he
or she has said
• This is to ensure communication is clear and
meaningful in terms of intended outcomes
• This may help the client to detach from issues,
to create some distance and to provide new
insights and ideas
• For instance:
“So you would like your friends to help you learn
to program, is that right?”
• Identification of the relationship between
themes/elements in the conversation
• This may help to raise awareness of the
client to patterns or linkages which they
have not previously recognised
Making suggestions
• The coach believes that he or she has
something to offer which will add value
• The coach may make a suggestion, but
the client does not have to act on the
• This can be useful when the client is stuck
and has spent time reflecting and
acknowledges that a suggestion would be
Managing the process of coaching
TGROW model provides a structure
• Topic
• Goal
What do you want to happen?
• Reality
What is happening now?
• Options
What could you do?
• Will
What will you do?
• Provides background and structure for the
client and coach, and a common basis to
take the session forward
Goal Setting
• What do you want to happen (establishes
goal for the session)
• Coach works with client to identify and
agree on achievable outcomes
• What is happening now (who, what,
where, how much)
• Coach works with the client to generate a
clear understanding and awareness of the
current situation and the topic
• What could you do? (What is possible?)
• Coach draws out a range of options from
the client encouraging creativity, acts as a
“sounding board” (No evaluation or
judgement of options)
• What will you do? (Clarify commitment)
• Coach works with client to select options,
encouraging responsibility, commitment to
action and creation of an action plan with
an appropriate timescale and measures
for reviewing progress.
Mentoring Session 1:
Getting Acquainted (1)
• Tell the group your names, your year of study/degree you are on,
and give them your email addresses.
• Tell them that the purpose of the mentoring sessions is to help them
get the most out of the course, by providing peer support (by you
and by other members of their group)
• Tell them that this first week will be mainly about getting to know
each other
• In discussion with the group, establish ground rules
• Tell them that you will treat what they tell you with confidentiality (in
the sense that you will only report opinions of the group without
highlighting individuals). Ask them to treat each others remarks with
confidentiality as well. Tell them that once in a while a lecturer may
attend a mentoring session.
• Tell them that you would like them to attend all sessions, and sent
you an email when they cannot make it
Mentoring Session 1:
Getting Acquainted (2)
Activity 1: Interviews
Aims: To begin to get to know one another, to develop
confidence, to develop awareness of membership of a
• Get the group to brainstorm what they would like to know
about each other in the context of this group.
Display the headings on the blackboard. (Could include
past programming experience, what they did before they
came to uni, which country they are from, their name, etc
etc, leave this up to the group). Spent about five minutes
on this.
Mentoring Session 1:
Getting Acquainted (3)
• In pairs, one person interviews the other to gather this
information (and anything else that the two think of and
wish to share). Spent about five minutes on this. You
may want to take part yourself (and one of you will have
to if the number of students is odd)
• Interviewers remain where they are, while interviewees
move round and interview someone that they have not
previously met. Again, about five minutes.
• Everyone prepares (organizes their notes, etc) to
introduce the person they interviewed. About 2 minutes.
• In turn, individuals address the group, introducing the
person that they interviewed. About 2 minutes per
Mentoring Session 1:
Getting Acquainted (4)
Activity 2: Views on first lectures
• Ask the group what they thought of the first lectures.
Were they too easy/too difficult? What things were the
most difficult to understand?
Keep a diary
• After the mentoring session, spend fiveten minutes to write down your
– How did it go?
– What did you find difficult?
– What were the main things you learned?