University of Iowa
College of Engineering
Hanson Center for Technical Communication
Soft Skills for
a Hard World
October 2013
Copyright 2013 Denise M. Blommel, PLLC
Donald R. Doerres, II
Master Engineer
University of Iowa
BSEE 1973
don@azlaborlaw.com
Denise Blommel
Denise M. Blommel,
PLLC
Attorney/Mediator
7272 E. Indian School Road,
Suite 206
Scottsdale, AZ 85251
480-425-7272
denise@azlaborlaw.com
www.azlaborlaw.com
Technology and the 24/7 Lifestyle
Limited
Social
Interaction
Work/Life Imbalance
Diversity
Differences in Race, Color, National
Origin, Religion, Gender, Sexual
Orientation, Disability, Age, Veteran
Status, Personality and the Way One
Thinks.
Key Words
• Dialogue
• Discussion
• Conversation
COMMUNICATE
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Face To Face
Telephone
Text
Email
Social Media
LEVELS OF COMMUNICATION
1. Humor/courtesy
2. Facts/information
3. Expression of opinions,
feelings and insights
4. Sharing of deep feelings
and personal secrets
Meis and Markey-Meis WHEN FAMILIES MARRY
PRINCIPLES OF
COMMUNICATION
1. What We Say May Not Be What Is
Heard.
Types of Communication
• Visual
• Aural
• Kinesthetic
Peter Senge on Questions
• 40% are statements in disguise
• 40% are judgments in disguise
• 20% are true questions
Venting and Repetition
PRINCIPLES OF
COMMUNICATION
2. Messages Contain Thoughts And
Emotions.
Why vs. Help Me Understand
PRINCIPLES OF
COMMUNICATION
3. How We Physically Respond Is A
Better Indicator Than What We Say.
Tone of Voice
Body Language
Diction
How Many Sentences?
I never said that to him.
Sentence Two
I really didn’t mean it.
PRINCIPLES OF
COMMUNICATION
4. There is an appropriate time and an
appropriate place.
DIFFERENCES IN
COMMUNICATION
• Gender differences
• Age differences
• Cultural differences
• Language barriers
• Others?
SOME BARRIERS TO
COMMUNICATION
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Negotiation Style
Perceptions of Fairness
Personal Needs
Outside Distractions
There is no one right
answer for everything…
LISTENING
The Chinese Characters for Listening:
1. Ear
2. Eye
3. Heart
4. King
Gather
Perceive
Sense
Respect
Copyright Covisioning 2001
LISTENING
Ear
King
Eye
Heart
Copyright Covisioning 2001
Guides to Good Listening
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BE INTERESTED.
WEIGH CONTENT.
BE PATIENT.
FOCUS ON CENTRAL IDEAS.
BE FLEXIBLE.
PRACTICE LISTENING.
RESIST DISTRACTIONS.
EXERCISE THE MIND.
KEEP THE MIND OPEN.
There is a difference
between understanding
another’s position and
condoning it.
CONFLICT
RESOLUTION
CONFLICT
• Conflict is a part of life.
• Conflict does not mean failure.
• Conflict leads to change and growth
People do not need
to agree on beliefs or
values but only as to
arrangements for the
future.
The Iceberg of Conflict
Issues
_____________
Personalities
Emotions
Interests
Needs
Desires
Self-Perceptions
Self-Esteem
Hidden Expectations
Unresolved Issues from Past
Cloke & Goldsmith
Costs of Unresolved Conflict
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Wasted time
Bad decisions
Unnecessary restructuring
Health costs
Formal costs e.g. litigation
Job dissatisfaction
Dr. Daniel Dana CONFLICT RESOLUTION
Options for Resolving Conflict
• Avoidance
• Collaboration
– Negotiate
– Mediate
• Higher Authority
– Chain of command
– Litigate
• Unilateral Power Play
Slaiku, WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE
Problem Resolution Set
• Absolution: Ignore a problem and hope it
goes away.
• Solution: Do something to produce a
positive outcome.
• Resolution: Do something to produce the
best possible outcome.
• Dissolution: Eliminate the cause of the
problem.
From WHEN FAMILIES MARRY by Finian Meis and Tara Markey-Meis
Seven Steps to Solution
SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
Find the time and place to talk
Decide upon ground rules
Listen to each other
Ascertain issue and core value involved
Identify common goals
Explore options
Make a plan for the future
SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION
1. Find the time and place to talk
The Meeting
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•
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Invitation to meet
Securing a location
Eliminate distractions
Environmental factors
Ensure timing is right
SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION
2. Decide upon ground rules
Sample Ground Rules
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Be respectful of one another
No personal attacks
Do not interrupt
Try to understand the other’s point of view
Confidentiality
No reloading
SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION
3. Listen to each other
LISTENING BEHAVIORS
• Listen for the Facts
• Understand the Speaker (Empathic
Listening)
• Active Listening
• Paraphrase/Summarize to understand
Helpful Phrases
• “Help Me Understand”
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“It sounds like…”
“It seems like….”
“We cannot change the past”
“One option for resolution is…”
“What do you suggest?”
“I really need to understand more…”
“What’s it going to take?”
“It is common to react this way when…”
SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION
4. Ascertain issue and core value involved
Focus on Interests
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Interests = Needs + Core Values
Wants vs. Needs
The story of the orange
Reframing
– Change the game by changing the frame
– Change perception to see new possibilities
SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION
5. Identify common goals
What do we
need to
accomplish?
SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION
6. Explore options
17 Camels
• Elderly tribal chief passes away & leaves his
camel herd to his 3 sons
• Stipulates the following in his will:
– Eldest son to receive 1/2 of herd
– Second eldest to receive 1/3 of herd
– Youngest to receive 1/9 of herd
17 Camels
3 Sons Visit the Village Elder
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•
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Sons unable to agree on division of camels
Each brother presents his issue
Each wants fair share of herd
Elder tells them she will lend them one camel to
resolve the dispute
• Only asks that camel be returned when no
longer needed
17 Camels
Resolution
• 1/2 of 18 = 9
• 1/3 of 18 = 6
• 1/9 of 18 = 2
17
• 18th camel no longer needed
• YOUR ROLE -- help find the 18th camel!
SEVEN STEPS TO SOLUTION
7. Make a plan for the future
PRINCIPLES OF
AGREEMENTS
• The Past Can’t be Changed - Focus on Future
• Any Settlement is a Gamble - for All Parties.
Questions?