Presented by Carolyn Hadcock
misscarolyn@rogers.com
647-202-6098
misscarolyn@rogers.com
Conflict
 Draw what conflict looks like or feels like to you.
 What does conflict sound like???
 What are the advantages of conflict??
 What are the disadvantages of conflict??
misscarolyn@rogers.com
Definition of Conflict
 Conflict is seen as a form of human interaction,
usually between at least two persons or groups who are
committed to traditions, goals, interests, or ideological
positions that:
 Are perceived to be incompatible
 Prevents all or some participants from satisfying their
basic needs
 Are accompanied by powerful emotions
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 Conflict Myths
 Myth # 1 Conflict must be avoided at all costs.
 Myth # 2 Conflict always occurs because of a
misunderstanding.
 Myth # 3 Conflict is always a sign of poor
interpersonal relationships.
 Myth # 4 Conflict can always be resolved.
 Myth # 5 Conflict is always bad.
misscarolyn@rogers.com
Assertive vs. Aggressive Behaviour
Assertiveness
Aggressiveness
 Express your interests
 Expresses your interests
without denying the rights
of others
 Is other-oriented
 Describes what you want
 Discloses your needs,
Using the “I” message.
and denies the rights of
others
 Is self-oriented
 Evaluates the other person
 Discloses your needs using
“You” messages
misscarolyn@rogers.com
NON-ASSERTIVE, ASSERTIVE AND AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOURS
Non-Assertive
Assertive
Aggressive
As the Deliverer
As the Deliverer
As the Deliverer
Self denying
Self-enhancing
Self-enhancing at the
expense of others
Inhibited
Expressive
Over-expressive
Does not achieve
desired goals
May achieve desired
goals
Achieves desired goals at
expense of others
Others choose
Chooses for self
Chooses for others
Uncertain, anxious,
self depreciative
Confident, feels good
about self
Depreciates others
misscarolyn@rogers.com
Behaviours Con’t
Non-Assertive
Assertive
Aggressive
As the Receiver
As the Receiver
As the Receiver
Impatient, guilty, or
angry
Knows where one
stands
Feels put down,
depreciated
No respect for
deliverer
Respects deliverer
Hurt, defensive,
humiliated
Achieves desired goals
at deliverers expense
May achieve desired
goals
Does not achieve
desired goals
misscarolyn@rogers.com
A*S*S*E*R*T
YOURSELF
 A* Describe the action
 S*
 S*
 E*
 R*
 T*
Express your subjective interpretation
Express your sensations related to the action
Indicate the effects of the action
Make your request
Tell your intentions
misscarolyn@rogers.com
How We Speak
 I didn’t say you stole that apple.
 I didn’t say you stole that apple.
 I didn’t say you stole that apple.
 I didn’t say you stole that apple.
 I didn’t say you stole that apple.
 I didn’t say you stole that apple.
 I didn’t say you stole that apple.
misscarolyn@rogers.com
Design an I Message
 You are at a staff meeting and one of your teachers tells
you that a parent disclosed to her that you are a poor
communicator, in front of all the other teachers.
I feel ___________________ when you ____________
because _____________________ . And in the future I
_________________________.
Conflict Quiz
misscarolyn@rogers.com
Conflict Resolution
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Plan Ahead – Analyze
Check Your Attitude
Brush up on Your Listening Skills
Separate the issue form your personal solution
Set the Tone
Create a Common Vision
Discuss and Define the Problem\Summarize New
Understandings
Paraphrase
Brainstorm Alternative Solutions
Decide on the Most Appropriate Solution
Plan for Follow-Up
misscarolyn@rogers.com
Managed Conflict
 Encourages open communication and cooperative problem
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solving
Strengthens relationships and builds teamwork
Quickly resolves disagreements and increases productivity
Deals with real issues and concentrates on consensus
resolution
Airs all sides of an issue in a positive, supportive
environment
Is orderly, calm and focused
Provides an environment conducive to negotiation
misscarolyn@rogers.com
Planning for a Successful Meeting
 Find the right moment:
 Look at NOW – don’t wait
 You need to look at schedules and find an appropriate
time for all involved
misscarolyn@rogers.com
Planning for a Successful Meeting
Being prepared

take appropriate steps:
*make a list of the issues
* all parties should be informed of who is
attending
* set a time limit
misscarolyn@rogers.com
Planning for a Successful Meeting
Prepare yourself
 make a list of the information you wish to
discuss
 talk to anyone else that may be involved
 make observations if necessary i.e. concerns
a child
misscarolyn@rogers.com
Planning for a Successful Meeting
Using the Right Setting
 Adequate time; usually no more than 1 hour alotted
 Should be uninterrupted time
 Comfortable surroundings
 Arrange open-ended setting – sit is an open area
instead of behind a desk
misscarolyn@rogers.com
Planning for a Successful Meeting
Conducting the Meeting
 Ensure all parties feel welcome
 Everyone will be nervous, especially parents
 Plan your shared agenda ( if not able to do it before
hand)
 Develop an exchange by listening attentively
 Be mindful of your own facial expressions
 Move through the topics on the agenda
 Avoiding generalities
misscarolyn@rogers.com
Planning for a Successful Meeting
 Take on the problem
 Be honest and direct
 Be constructive
 Be aware of any signs of emotions – acknowledge those
emotions
 Accept all plans as possibilities
 Choose a plan of action
 End well
 Arrange for a follow up
misscarolyn@rogers.com
Changing Ourselves
 We can change the way we deal with difficult people and we
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can change the way we deal with difficult situations...
We can give up behaviours that are unproductive and adopt
behaviours that are more likely to lead to managing conflict
productively.
Changing unproductive behaviours we use in conflict
situations will make us more effective in dealing with those
situations.
When we change ourselves and our conflict behaviours, we
change from the inside out...
Changing ourselves and how we deal with conflict does not
mean giving up or giving in. It simply means changing from
unproductive habitual patterns to behaviour that is more
effective....
misscarolyn@rogers.com
CASE STUDIES
 In a small group, choose an appropriate scenario to
work through, using the guidelines given....
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Thank you for attending
Have a safe journey home!!!