Achieving Voluntary Compliance:
M aking
C ourtesy
C ommon
Presented by the
College Civility Committee
2009

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Scenario # 1
You’re walking through a crowded hallway during class change and a group of 10-12 students are standing in the middle of the hall and blocking others from getting by.
What do you do?

“Being civil means being constantly aware of others and weaving restraint , respect , and consideration into the very fabric of this awareness.”
- P.M. Forni
Co-founder of the Johns Hopkins
Civility Project

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As MCC faculty or staff, what is your role as it relates to civility?

Survey Says…
In a recent survey, what do you think were listed as the most common acts of incivility at MCC?

Top 5 concerns
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Stealing
Damaging college property
Harassing racial, ethnic, or genderbased comments
Not properly disposing of food and garbage
Loud and inappropriate language

What factors help create incivility?

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Factors That
Help Create Incivility
Stress
Time
Personal interest
Anonymity
Lack of practice

Why are some people so much more successful than others at getting people to listen to them or to comply with a simple request?

The
“Likeability
Factor” and our ability to persuade

What are some things that help make-up our “likability factor”?

Our First
Impression
How quickly do people make a first impression?
What image do you project?

Our Smile
“Don’t open a shop, unless you like to smile.”
- Chinese Proverb

Our Handshake

or the new “Elbow shake”

Our Words

Our Approachability (Use names)

1936

Improving Your Likability
 Engage others in a friendly manner
 Talk in the other persons interest
 Find something good to say
 Help, without being asked
 Show gratitude and appreciation
 Never be mean-spirited

The Power of a Compliment

Spreading Kindness
“Three things in human life are important; the first is to be kind, the second is to be kind, and the third is to be
kind.”
- Henry James

What if things heat up?

Keeping Your Cool…
Listen attentively (let the person vent)
Use the persons’ name
Maintain a calm and sincere voice
Tell the person what you “CAN” do for them
Accept responsibility when warranted
Involve the person in finding a solution
Follow-up
Ask if there is anything else you can do

Diffusing
“To win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the highest skill.
To subdue the enemy without fighting is the greatest skill.”
- Sun-tzu

“Verbal Judo” advice
“It’s o.k. if someone insults, resists, or attacks you. Laugh it off. Show that it has no meaning, no sting. If you fight back ands resist the affront, you give it life and credibility. If you defend yourself, you invite counterattack.”
- George J. Thompson,
Ph.D

Verbal Judo:
The Gentle Art of Persuasion
 All martial arts are based on redirection
 Verbal Judo is the use of words to achieve your objective
 The goal of persuasion is to generate voluntary compliance ( making a reasonable request )

Empathy… the most powerful word in the
English language em , from the Latin, means and
pathy , from the Greek, means

The ultimate empathetic sentence…


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isten
mpathize
sk
araphrase
ummarize
LEAPS

Rudeness
“If anything characterizes the twenty-first century, it’s our inability to restrain ourselves for the benefit of other people.”
- James Katz

How do you deal with rudeness?
There’s probably a cause

Tips For Approaching Others
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Assess the situation (Safety First)
Approach the individuals(s) with respect
(“Excuse me…”)
Introduce yourself
Allow the individual(s) to save face (spacing/posture)
Speak in a pleasant tone
Make a reasonable request
Know when to disengage
Notify Public Safety
Identify witnesses and prepare to document

Setting the tone in the classroom

Scenario # 2
You’re walking through the courtyard and observe several people playing hackysack. It is a non-smoking area.
Two of the players are smoking cigarettes; one of them discards their cigarette butt on the grass.
What do you do?

Scenario # 3
You’re walking through the Marketplace
Café and two students are using very loud and vulgar language as they argue over who is the greatest basketball player of all-time;
Lebron James or Kobe Bryant.
What do you do?

Scenario # 4
You are walking through the hallway connecting building 2 and building 11
(International Hall) and observe a male and female engaged in very heavy and inappropriate petting, kissing, and touching
What do you do?

Scenario # 5
As a faculty member, you have a student who continually interrupts the class with cell phone calls/texting/ inappropriate comments, etc..
What do you do?

Life Is Like An
Unfailing Boomerang
“Our thoughts, deeds and words all return to us sooner or later, with astounding accuracy.”
- Florence Shinn

What are we role modeling to our students on a daily basis?

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Thank you!
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