HEALING BEGINS
WITH FORGIVENESS
FORGIVENESS
9”Which
is easier: to say to this paralyzed
man, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say,
‘Get up, take your mat and walk’? 10 But I
want you to know that the Son of Man
has authority on earth to forgive sins.” So
he said to the man, 11 “I tell you, get up,
take your mat and go home.”
Mark 2:9-11
FORGIVENESS
• Forgiveness comes with a cost.
• Healing begins with forgiveness.
FORGIVENESS
“It is not as though forgiving were
the remedy of choice among other
options, less effective but still
useful. It is the only remedy.”
Lewis Smedes
The Art of Forgiving
The Order of Forgiveness
1. I have to admit something
happened.
2. I must get in touch with the
consequences of the act done
against me.
3. I must tell God what happened
to me.
The Order of Forgiveness
4. I must forgive the offender, for
my benefit.
5. I tell the offender I’ve forgiven
him when he repents, for his
sake.
The Order of Forgiveness
6. I must distinguish between
forgiving and trusting my
offender.
7. I must seek reconciliation, not
just conflict resolution.
Forgiveness vs. Reconciliation
“The victims of injustice and oppression must be
ever ready to forgive. Those who have wronged
[us] must be ready to make what amends they
can. . . . If I have stolen your pen, I can’t really be
contrite when I say ‘Please forgive me’ if at the
same time I still keep your pen. If I am truly
repentant, then I will demonstrate this genuine
repentance by returning your pen. The
[reconciliation], which is always costly, will
happen. . . . It can’t happen just by saying, ‘Let
bygones be bygones.’”
Desmond Tutu
Forgiveness vs. Reconciliation
• It takes one person to forgive.
• It takes two to be reconciled.
Forgiveness vs. Reconciliation
• Forgiving happens inside the
wounded person.
• Reconciliation happens in a
relationship between people.
Forgiveness vs. Reconciliation
• We can forgive a person who
never says he is sorry.
• We cannot be truly reconciled
unless he is honestly sorry.
Forgiveness vs. Reconciliation
• We can forgive even if we do not
trust the person who wronged us
once not to wrong us again.
• Reconciliation can happen only if
we can trust the person who
wronged us once not to wrong us
again.
Reconciliation
• Reconciliation is sometimes
impossible.
• Reconciliation is sometimes
harmful.
• Reconciliation may be such a threat
that it prevents a wounded person
from forgiving.
What If The Person
Doesn’t Say Sorry?
The person who hurt us should not
be the person who decides
whether or when we should
recover from the pain he brought
us.
How Many Times?
The question is never how many
times we are supposed to forgive,
but how many times we need to
forgive.
How Do You Know You’ve Forgiven?
• Be patient with yourself.
• Expect some relapses.
• Be angry.
• Let go of hate.
• Forgive communally.
Forgiveness Questions
• Is there somebody I need to
forgive?
• Is there someone I need to go and
ask forgiveness from?
• Can I ever forgive myself?
• Have I ever let it really sink in the
message of God’s forgiveness?
Becoming What
God Intended
Ministries
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