WORKING WITH YOUNG MEN
WHO ARE VIOLENT
5 Days of Violence Prevention
Stockholm May 2014
John Doyle
Coordinator of the MEND Programme
A Project of the Men’s Development Network. Ireland
Men’s Development Network, Ireland
(established 1997)
• “Better Lives for men; Better Lives for All”
• Works locally, regionally and nationally in Ireland with
men exploring a range of issues such as
marginalisation, men’s health, male gender
conditioning, men’s violence to women.
• Through Campaigns such as the White Ribbon
Campaign and the Turn Off The Red Light Campaign,
the Men’s Development Network supports men to
play an active role in ending violence against women.
Also involved in EIGE.
• See www.mensdevelopmentnetwork.ie
MEND [men ending
domestic abuse]
• A project of the Men’s Development Network (MDN) and
funded by Cosc, the National Office in Ireland for the
Prevention of Domestic, Sexual and Gender-based Violence
• Working with men who have been violent or abusive within
the context of intimate partner relationships.
• The MEND Programme also includes an integrated partner
support service
• Today’s presentation based on my experience of working
both with men in Men’s Development Network and in the
MEND Programme
• See www.mend.ie
First there were:
Then there came:
Men’s Development Groups
MEND - Intervention Programmes for
Male Perpetrators
• Listening to the men’s stories
• Identifying with men’s
situations
• Exploring male gender
conditioning/homophobia
• Inviting men out of isolation
• Working from strengths
• Valuing emotional expression
• Spaciousness
• Trusting the process
• Empathy
• Humour
• No or little advice giving
• Holding men accountable
• Making men responsible
• Challenging men’s violent
behaviour
• Confronting men
• Not colluding
• Interrupting their stories to avoid
minimization, denial and blame
• Assessing and managing risk
• Limited Time
• Becoming suspicious of men
• Serious business!
• Giving answers
• “Better Lives for Men, Better
Lives for All”
• “The primary aim the safety of
women and children”
TOWARDS A MORE INTEGRATED APPROACH
MENS DEVELOPMENT GROUPS
MEND PROGRAMME
RELATONSHIP
COMPASSION
PURPOSE
Presence/Still
Connection/contact
In attunement
Embodied
Curious
Reflective Listening
Empathy
Open hearted
Vulnerable
Respectful
Spaciousness
Context
Frame
Direct (yet non-directive)
Focused
Challenge
Contained
Response-ability
(some filtering into:)
NOT WHAT WE DO, OR EVEN THE WAY WE DO IT BUT HOW WE ARE
DIFFICULT TO EXPLAIN BUT WE KNOW WHEN THEY ARE ABSENT
QUALITIES WE SEE IN GOOD EFFECTIVE PRACTICE
THE PROBLEM INVITES ME INTO A PROCESS OF CHANGE ALSO
FOR THE FIRST TIME I NEVER HAVE TO BE ALONE WITH MYSELF
IF I’M NEVER ALONE WITH MYSELF CAN I BE PRESENT TO ANOTHER?
A MAP IS A MAP; A ROAD IS SOMETHING ENTIRELY DIFFERENT
TIME IS RUNNING OUT; DON’T RUN AFTER IT
MAKE HASTE SLOWLY
THE SPEED OF TECHNOLOGY; INSTANT INFORMATION AND STEADY PACING IN
OUR WORK WITH YOUNG MEN
THEY TOOK THE INFORMATION BUT LEFT THE WISDOM
john@mens-network.net
www.mensdevelopmentnetwork.ie
THANK YOU TO OUR HOSTS AND TO YOU
FOR LISTENING TO THIS PRESENTATION
JOHN
SOME SUGGESTIONS FROM OUR EXPERIENCE
• Building Relationships with young men is essential and working with some or
all of the qualities mentioned above.
• We may not fully understand why young men are violent we may have to build
relationships with them anyway
• Perhaps those young men who are violent are not violent for the same reason
• Their violence may arise in response to issues that lead other young men to
commit suicide, take drugs, self medicate, become isolated, etc etc
• Though we strive to understand the violence of some young men an overfocus on understanding the violence may be a form of control on our parts
and lead to further isolation; relationships sometimes require us to step into
the unknown
• It may be helpful for inter-agency co-operation in response to young men’s
violence to ensure that we can model a level of respectful relating that
transcends our well worked out positions/approaches/ideologies/models that
sometimes inhibits real partnership for change – (jigsaw**)
• We often have begun for good safety reasons by separating people out but
they almost become the property of particular services/organisations. How
can we insure that we don’t create unhelpful isolation of service users and
providers?
• Inviting contradictory/paradoxical elements. Both/And vs Either/Or
• Bringing some or all of the above qualities into our relationships with those
young men who are violent; knowing that with all our knowledge we end up
sitting opposite a “freshly baked” individual at a particular moment in time
where change is a potential outcome – Stepping into the unknown