How do we mind our
children?
Dr Hester O Connor
Principal Psychology Manager HSE
Dublin South West/Kildare West
Wicklow
May 8th 2013
What will be covered in this talk

What questions would you like answered in
this talk?

Talking to young people about difficult topicssuicide, internet, drugs, alcohol

What help is available for young people in
Rathangan
The task facing parents
How do you manage yourself and at the
same time make sense of what is going on
In the ABSENCE of information from your
son or daughter?
What does not work

Asking questions that lead to a yes or no answer
–give a menu of options

Eye contact with boys /mothers asking
questions to point the youngster can’t handle it
anymore

Showing how anxious you are
Walking the tightrope
Trying to get a balance between being an
important presence in their life not an
Invasive presence
What works at the moment ?
What doesn’t ?
What helps you open up? – the same applies
to your children
What have you noticed about how
your child tells you things?

What makes them clam up?

Jumping down their throat doesn’t help

Do you get more information when you seem to
have your attention half somewhere else? Like
when you give them a lift, or serving up meals?
Don’t add to the drama

Over reacting adds to the drama, & disinterest
likely to cause escalation in behaviour, stay calm
in the interest of gathering information

Listen even if you don’t like what you hear- we
all crave to be heard
Managing your anxiety

Somehow you need to find a way to manage
your anxiety even as you ask questions

If you over react you might reinforce a drama or
create one where none existed

Knowing the difference between behaviour that
seeks for a response Vs behaviour that is a real
worry
PARENTS ARE NOT
FRIENDS
You are by their side not on their side
Many Parents would do anything to be
friends with their childrenTHIS COMES WITH A PRICE
The School & The family

What happens in school is the business of
parents

What happens outside school is the business of
the school

There needs to be a flow of information
between the two
Children stuck between parents
 Remember
if you want what is best for
your child you have to as parents
 Set
aside your differences for the
child’s sake
 Many
parents are not doing this
In discussing Suicide
Suicide – be honest
- avoid speculation and sensationalisation
- acknowledge the finality of death
-Asking the question won’t put the idea in
someone’s head
- be open to young people expressing all
sorts of feelings
The most powerful influence in a
young person’s life
is

the presence of an adult who cares about them,
someone who believes in them and who listens
to them
Young People at Risk

Significant change in behaviour

Withdrawal from favourite activities

Death in family, or break-up or other significant
issue

Exhibiting signs of anxiety or depression
Internet

6 in 10 Irish children (aged 9 to16) have a
profile on a social networking website.

Rules say not for under 13

Maintaining a profile is their third most
popular thing to do on the internet
Steps to becoming an internet parent

1 Familiarise

2 Explore for yourself

3 Restrict – consider parental controls such as filtering

yourself
4 Know - Be aware of the potential dangers and know where
to report potentially illegal or inappropriate behaviour
online
DRUG & ALCOHOL USE

Alcohol & drugs have a seriously damaging
effect on young people

We can’t afford to turn a Blind Eye

Be sensible-know where your child is, know
where your purse is-how much is in it?
DRUG DEBT & Young People

This is a new menace in Ireland

Young person can feel so frightened over a
small debt for Cannabis eg 200 Euros that
they might feel suicidal and not know
where to turn

Find someone to talk to-don’t keep it
secret
Help in Rathangan




Support in Ard Scoil is helping, what else would
you like to see?
Scooters Youth Club –fantastic support for
young people
HOPE-D counselling now available in
Rathangan
HALO –Drug & Alcohol support
THANK YOU
& thanks to those who
helped in preparation of this
talk
Useful Resources







www.watchyourspace.ie
www.webwise.ie/parents
www.google.ie/familysafety
www.abc.tcd.ie
www.hotline.ie
www.thinkuknow.co.uk
www.superclubsplus.com.au