Year 11 History Controlled Assessment
Part A: Carrying out an historical enquiry
Writing for cohesion and clarity
Historical Inquiry writing: Issues to
address in in students’ writing
• Not assuming too much knowledge on the part of the reader!
• Proper nouns - getting them right
• Avoiding the comma splice (a comma where a full-stop or
connective should be placed)
• Replacing imprecise pronouns (they, them, it…) with noun
phrases to improve explicitness and fluency
• Using connectives for organisation, cohesion and impact
• Improving paragraph or ‘point’
structure with topic and concluding
sentences
• Using a range of verbs for
analysing and reporting
1.
1. Correct the proper nouns
Source A tells us that reginald Haine
joined the army in the first world war.
He joined up on city road and was asked
his age. He claimed to be old enough to
fight in the war. He went to join up with
a friend. So this source is useful.
2.
2. Improve the beginning, ‘First World War’.
What else can you say about Source A?
Source A tells us that Reginald Haine
joined the army in the First World War.
He joined up on City Road and was
asked his age. He claimed to be old
enough to fight in the war. He went to
Where is Source
What age?
What
partSoofthis source
join
up
with
a
friend.
is
A from?
the army?
useful.
New improved sentence:
3. Create another sentence, up to ‘in the war’. Are
the ideas in the sentences similar to those in the
first? If so, which connective could you begin with?
3.
Source A is an extract from “Forgotten Voices
of the Great War” released in association
oldus
did he
with the Imperial War Museum, andHow
it tells
say he was?
that Reginald Haine joined the Honourable
Artillery Company in the First World War. He
Who questioned his
joinedage?
upWhat
on City
and was asked if he
does Road
this
tell us?
was nineteen.
He claimed to be old enough to
fight in the war. He went to join up with a
friend. So this source is useful.
New improved sentence:
4. Sum up, how does this information answer the question?
‘So’ is a little weak. What might be a more powerful
‘summing up’ connective? Can you sum up earlier too?
4.
Source A is an extract from “Forgotten Voices of the Great
War” released in association with the Imperial War Museum,
and it tells us that Reginald Haine joined the Honourable
Artillery Company in the First World War. He joined up on City
Road and was asked if he was nineteen, which was the
required age
enough
to fight in the war. He had
Whyto
didbe
he old
go with
a
What other
reasons
initially claimedfriend?
to be eighteen and one month,
which
was too
people
joinon
up?
young. This tells us that there were not a did
lot of
checks
people’s age, which suggests that the armed forces were
desperate for recruits. He went to join up with a friend. So this
source is useful.
New improved sentence:
5. It’s good, but it needs a topic sentence. What
point have you made. What have you proved?
5.
Source A is an extract from “Forgotten Voices of the Great War” released in association
with the Imperial War Museum, and it tells us that Reginald Haine joined the
Honourable Artillery Company in the First World War. As this source is produced in
association with the Imperial War Museum to record experiences in the First World War,
we can assume it is accurate and reliable as it is designed to educate people, therefore
making it a useful source. However… He joined up on City Road and was asked if he was
nineteen, which was the required age to be old enough to fight in the war. He had
initially claimed to be eighteen and one month, which was too young. This tells us that
there wereHow
not adoes
lot of this
checks on people’s age, which suggests that the armed forces
were desperate
for recruits.
hadcan
initially
compare
with He went to join up with a friend, who
How
you said that
he was going toWW2?
join up and had invited Reginald along. This sources
shows
one
improve
theus
last
reason for why people joined up in the First World War, however,sentence?
it does not tell us… So
this source is useful.
Opening / Topic Sentence:
Source A is *judge?* for telling us about how and why one person joined
up to military service in the First World War. Source A is an extract from
“Forgotten Voices of the Great War” released in association with the
Imperial War Museum, and it tells us that Reginald Haine joined the
Honourable Artillery Company in the First World War. As this source is
produced in association with the Imperial War Museum to record
experiences in the First World War, we can assume it is accurate and
reliable as it is designed to educate people, therefore making it a useful
source. However… He joined up on City Road and was asked if he was
nineteen, which was the required age to be old enough to fight in the
war. He had initially claimed to be eighteen and one month, which was
too young. He went to join up with a friend, who had initially said that he
was going to join up and had invited Reginald along, which is
similar/different to the Second World War because…. This sources shows
us one reason for why people joined up in the First World War, however,
it does not tell us… Overall, this source is...