2013高考英语作文阅卷
------仙居中学 应丹敏
题目：
请以“One Thing I’m Proud of”为题，用英语
写一篇100—120个词的短文，记述一件你自己
认为得意的事情。要求如下：
1.记述事情经过；
2.简要说明感到得意的原因或从中得到的启示。
浙江省内知名教师点评
2012
英语：写作题挑战大
“书面表达是本卷最有创
新的试题，要求考生就
‘人的未来与诸多因素有
关，但主要取决于自己这
一观 点谈看法。从话题
看，该题符合学生认知发
展水平。”
2013
话题作文给考生愉悦感
“书面表达以 ‘One
Thing I’m Proud of ’为题，
记一件考生得意之事，并
阐述原因和启示。这样的
话题作文给考生愉悦感，
相信考生基本都有话可
说。”
一、评分原则
 1. 本题总分为30分，按5个档次给分。
 2. 先根据文章的内容和语言初步确定其所属档次，
然后以该档次的要求来衡量、确定或调整，最后
给分。
 3. 应注意的主要方面为：内容要点、应用词汇和
语法结构的丰富性和准确性以及上下文的连贯性。
 4. 词数少于100从总分中酌情扣分，最多扣2分。
 5. 拼写与标点符号是语言准确性的一个方面，应
视其对交际的影响程度予以考虑。英美拼写及词
汇用法均可接受。
 6. 若书写较差，以至影响交际，将分数降低一个
档次。
 第五档：25-30分
 覆盖所有要点；
 语法结构或词汇方面有些许错误，
但为尽量使用较复杂结构或较高级
词汇所致
 行文自然、得体、流畅
 完全达到了预期的写作目的。（很
好完成）
 有闪光处
 第四档 19-24分
 覆盖所有主要内容
 语法结构或词汇方面应用基本准确，
些许错误主要是因尝试较复杂结构
或较高级词汇所致
 较好完成预期的写作目的
 语言很好，内容稍微欠缺（描述经
过不是很完整）可以归入此档
 第三档 13-18分
 虽漏掉一些内容，但覆盖部分主要
内容
 有一些语法结构或词汇方面的错误，
但不影响理解
 基本达到了预期的写作目的 （勉强
完成）
 只有评论，没有经过归入此档
 第二档 7-12分
 漏掉一些主要内容，写了一些无关
的内容
 语法结构或词汇方面错误影响了理
解
 词汇有限，内容缺少连贯性
第一档 1-6分 未完成试题规定任务
阅卷情况
 一、审题不仔细
 1. 遗漏要点
 2. 骄傲不是事
 3. 不切题
 4. 要点比重失调
 5. 人称不对: you…
 6. 体裁格式不对： 诗歌、书信……
审题—深刻理解题意（1） ：
“One thing I’m proud of ”
thing: an object or item;
an action or activity;
a situation or event;
a fact or condition;
an aspect of life;
an idea;
a piece of information; a comment
…
审题—深刻理解题意（2）：
“One thing I’m proud of ”
proud: feeling satisfaction and
pleasure about something that you
have done or something that
somebody close to you have done
(having or showing self-respect)
(having too high an opinion of oneself)
审题—深刻理解题意（2）：
“One thing I’m proud of ”
—— 一件心满意足、称心如意、感
到自豪的事
部分考生的选择：
太雷同
欠典型
少个性
不真实
二、话题内容和质量
 做好事的：帮助他人 （帮老人过马
路，帮家人做家务，捡钱包，送人
去医院，救人……）
 比赛得奖 （ 英语竞赛， 舞蹈，……）
 志愿者
 关心集体
 学习进步
 节能环保
二、话题内容和质量
 爱护动物
 以某个人为荣
 另类的，怪异的
 没思想，没话可说
 抄试卷内容
 范文和模板套用 (湖北2012 高考卷范
文)
 光盘行动：join the “clear your
plate” campaign against wasting
food
 Perseverance
 Honesty
 套歌词
三、行文流畅性、逻辑性
 好的：层次清楚。先开门见山点题；再事情经
过；最后原因和启示。
 It’s obvious that many people have some
things they are really proud of. So do I.
 We have experienced many things in our life.
And I still remember one thing I’m proud of
happening in my childhood.
 差的：绕弯子；跳跃大；上下文没什么联系
四、语法错误
 1. 动词错误
 1）动词种类不清
 At that time, I was won the friendship.
 I’m appreciate you that you help me find it
which is so important for me.
 At first, I couldn’t did it because I hadn’t
practiced doing it before.
 2) 动词主谓不一致：
 Everyone give me an embrace.
 As is often the case, the lights is still on with
nobody in classroom.
 I were not a good student.
 There seems to be many things I ought to
be proud of.
3) 时态错误
 I found there is nobody at home.
 When I was a senior one student, we were
informed that school will host an English
talent show.
 My mother told me that I have to learn
running.
 Only after I mastered all I have learned did I
go to sleep.
 As I was 17 years old, I don’t perform well in
my math which make me almost want to set
math aside.
4) 缺少谓语动词
 Rules are supposed to be made to punish
those who wasting things.
 What impressed me most is one thing I
proud of.
 When I in trouble,
 As far as I concerned,
 While leaving, a great protection even
being untouched.
5) 主动被动不清
 They are given love to you…
 6)非谓语动词错：
 There are various things left a deep
impression on my mind.
 Happiness lies in help others.
 With time went by/ wenting by,
 As time going by,
 From this thing, I see that help
others is a very interesting thing.
2. 冠词错误
Our school organized a activity about…
I’m proud of one thing that I won the
prize in a English speaking program.
3. 名词单复数错误
They are my best friend.
Every coins has to…
I asked teacher for help and asked
classmates for help.
…play with child.
I read English article day and night.
4. 从句运用不正确
 连接词没有或不对或成分不管
 The thing I’m proud of is I have a friend
who is a …
 What really matters is you have
confidence to defeat them.
 This is the thing what I am proud of.
 …passing the exam which I’m totally
proud of myself.
 名词性从句的语序：
 I wonder how can we eat them up?
 5. 介词
 When I got at home.
 I’m proud of getting great grades in
last year.
 When she looked the house.
 I have a gift with painting.
 6. 句型结构 错误：
 So precious the food was we should
spare no effort to value it but not
waste.
 Only if you combine together and
work hard!
五、词汇问题
 1. 拼写错误：
 Pround; therefor; plansant; adovate; to
(two); classrome; liter/ little (letter);
relavant; experence; surposed/ suprised
(surprised); luckly; garde; exllent; beninfit;
belive; relize; tragday; suddly; brusted into
 过去式、过去分词、现在分词：fond/
finded; telled; heared; maked; writting;
hurted; tought; builded
 2. 用词贫乏
 高中词汇用不出来，没有高级词汇。
 3. 词性不清：
 …when you feel badly.
 It is my confident and hard-working
that made me succeed and gave me
a memory I proud of.
 I’m very pleasure to…
 They felt guilt and picked it up.
 Success; succeed; successful
 I don’t agree the thing.








4. 词组和惯用法掌握差：
She gave me a large number of sugar.
I was afraid with running.
…on the way of going to school
…take advantages of…
5. 用词不当
My study spent me the time of morning.
… my mother knew it, and she said simply,
without accusation.
 There are a lot of ups and downs in our life. If
we catch one, we will find how pleasure it is.
六、 语句单调
都是简单句，没有多种句型。
七、表达汉语化
The most proud thing
I have one thing is very worth prouded.
I very thank every than me people.
We pay sweats from the thing.
八、 比喻不恰当；文学色彩过头
 These are like refreshing sources of
refreshing water enriching our likes
and broadening our horizons.
 The burning sun witnessed our sweat
and our effort.
 I firmly believe that our future is like
the blue sky where we can fly high
freely.
九、谚语引用不正确
Where there is a will, there is a way. (少
了there)
God helps those who help themselves.
(错：God help those whose help
themselves. God helps who help
themselves)
Early birds catch worms.
If you shed tears when you miss the sun,
you’ll also miss the stars.
十、标点符号和大小写
 At that moment I was really proud
of what l had done. Because…
 As far as I am concerned. People
should …
十一、书写不规范
涂涂改改、字迹不清、潦草、每个字母
连在一起，没有字间距、去词、添词符号
随意：My study (became) becomes
(b) … . …, (if) when we (go) (wented)
went…
十二、泄露个人信息：
I come to YueQing before, I’m a
Huangshan school’s student.
My name is Gong Zhanxiang.
I’m Li Hua. I am a student from No. 3
middle school in Zhengjiang.
十三、其他
 1. 有下划线
 2. 有胶带纸粘过的痕迹
 3. 用汉语中文（打油诗、骂人的、汉
语拼音代替英文字母的）
 We school take basketball bisai. My
xinli is very jinzhang.
谋篇：
1. human related activities
2. sequence
3. reason of being proud
4. or revelation
叙述文：
1. 事实记述（factual narration）
（何时、何地、何事、何人、为何）
2. 取材典型（selection of details）
3. 观点鲜明（point of view）
4. 结构连贯（sequence of time）
(开头、情节、观点、结尾)
叙述文：
1. 绘声绘色、准确生动、具体形象;
2. 如见其人、如观其景、如闻其声;
3. 悉心观察、精心选材、倾心表述。
反思和启示
一. 培养认真审题习惯
 仔细理解提示语, 弄清对内容和形式的
具体要求，清楚话题，明确内容要点，
确定体裁和格式，明确得分点，选定
人称，思考篇章的主体时态，把握字
数等。
二、 注意整体的流畅性和紧凑性。
 开门见山，直截了当、清楚明了。
三、 锻炼思维品质、提高说话能力。
1. 抓平时，写作教学贯穿教学全过程。
2. 基础知识和能力并重、听说读写并举。
听：不光听单词，且要听句子、短文。
读：扩大阅读量，积累语言素材
说：回答问题、对话、交流、造句、演
讲、辩论、即兴一分钟说话、表演、值
日生英语汇报、讲故事、复述故事等。
 写：
 造句练习
 课文复述和改写
 仿写、改写、缩写
 将打乱顺序的句子按事件发展的时间顺序或
逻辑关系等整理成一篇完整的短文。
 用所给的词编故事
 看图写作文
 填补式作文
 命题作文
 写日记和周记，记述某件事、某人、某现象
 晨报或课前报告。课前用5分钟请1个同学做
口头作文或作文投影
 四. 加强遣词、造句、谋篇能力
 五档作文：“完全完成了试题规定的任
务，覆盖所有内容要点；应用了较多的
语法结构和词汇；语法结构或词汇方面
有些许错误，但为尽力使用较复杂结构
或较高级词汇所致；具备较强的语言运
用能力；有效地使用了语句间的连接成
分，使全文结构紧凑；完全达到了预期
的写作目的
 1. 遣词
 善于积累：背美文、佳句；从背诵到模
仿再到创造。
 高考只是对平时的积累进行整理、创造、
提高。
 对高中阶段学的好词又易错的词，要练
熟练透：be devoted to; be involved in;
have access to; be informed of… in
store (for…), etc.
词汇分类整理复习
表达”想要“的意思有：want, would like, feel
like, have a strong desire for, long for/to do,
hunger for, die for/to do…
“正面”形容词：worthwhile, wonderful,
admirable, brilliant, fantastic lovely,
impressive等
“负面”形容词：negative, ridiculous,
annoying, awful, doubtful, abnormal等
时间性副词：constantly, eventually,
frequently, gradually, occasionally, regularly
等
检查：听写、默写、交摘录本、专栏交流等
遣词— 写作使人准确 ( Writing
makes an exact man. )
General — specific：give 20 books to a
remote school — ?
Abstract — concrete: I saw her
immediately among the people — ?
Vague — definite: My teacher showed
wonderful care for me — ?
 2. 造句原则：
 句型多变，语法活用，生动，形象，准
确的表达内容，使文章有声有色，避免
以往过多食用简单句，造成句意松散，
用词重复，句式单调，逻辑性差的问题，
学会运用高级句型，如there be sb./sth.
doing; with 复合宾语结构；非谓语动词
（不定式，动词的ing形式，过去分词）
的运用；v从句的使用；虚拟语气，倒装
句，强调句的恰当使用等等
造句— 语法正确 =/= 表达地道
topic sentence — 意义明晰、结构完整、
言简意赅、位置合适（措辞洗练、引人入
胜）。
I still remember how I became a good table
tennis player.
How I became a pianist remains fresh in my
mind and keeps me happy all the time.
造句— 语法正确 =/= 表达地道
短句改长句：
That day it was very cold. A fierce wind was
blowing. It was raining hard.
With a heavy rain and a fierce wind, it was a
really cold day.
长句改短句：
The reason why I was proud of what I had done
is that I had helped the old lady carry the heavy
basket.
I am proud because I helped the old lady with
her basket.
造句— 语法正确 =/= 表达地道
长句改短句：
has the ability to sing — can sing
because of the fact that — because
during the same time — while
was of the opinion that — believed
promptly on time — promptly / on time
…
 常用训练方法：
 1）合并句子。如：
 合并前: It was early in the morning. Mr.
Smith was in his garden. He was
watering flowers.
 合并后：Early in the morning, Mr. Smith
was watering flowers in his garden.
 2）改写句子
 如too… to/ so …that…/enough…to不同
句型转换；定语从句，状语从句和非谓
语动词互改等。
 3）. 一句多译
 例：一到家，我就把所见的一切都记下来。
 On /upon arriving home, I wrote down
everything I had seen.
 As soon as I arrived home, I wrote down
everything I had seen.
 The moment/ instant I arrived home, I
wrote down everything I had seen.
 No sooner had I arrived home than I
wrote down everything I had seen.
 Hardly had I arrived home when I wrote
down everything I had seen.
 All the students went to the
meeting.
 All the students attended the
meeting.
 All the students were present at
the meeting.
 3. 谋篇的原则：
 有效地使用语句间的连接成分，使全文结构紧
凑。
 文章连贯，行文流畅，恰当使用过渡词。如表
示并列补充的词：
 What’s more; besides; also; as well; as well
as; moreover; furthermore; in addition, etc.
 表示转折对比关系的：but; however; yet;
instead ; on the contrary; on the other hand;
although; different from; in contract to; despite;
in spite of; whereas; unlike; nevertheless, etc.
 另外还有表示应、条件、时间、特定的顺序，
换一种方式，举例说明，陈述事实，总结等。
成文— 意连成篇，形连支撑
开头诱人 (suspense) — 问题；悬念 ……
结尾有力 (food for thought) — 归纳；呼
应（名人名言等） ……
逻辑连贯（cohesive devices）— 时空顺
序、引申转折……
五、重视批改、批评、落实
 1. 批改方式：全批和抽批结合；自批和互
批结合，学会合作；必要面批。
 2. 注意时效：及时批改，及时反馈信息
 3. 鼓励为主：对优生的写作，要求档次完
美，对于差的写作，要抓主要的错误。
 4. 注意讲评
 5. 落实订正
 6. 激励效应
 7. 练习跟进！！！！！
 新旧联系，反复刺激，经常运用。
六、避免中文思维
 1. 符合英语语言习惯
 2. 引用谚语要地道、恰到好处
 3. 不要乱比喻
七、 书写规范，答题规范
 练好字；书写规范、认真、清楚；文章位置
适中
 八、 写作中渗透人情味， 礼貌、亲切、有度
 从实际出发，有目的、有计划、有
要求、有检查、有反馈，由易到难，
循序渐进。
英语高考反思
高中英语的内涵建设：
语 言 修 养
思 维 想 象
精 神 信 仰