LOVE LANGUAGES FOR
LEADERS
FEBRUARY 14, 2014
CPAC DRIVE IN CONFERENCE
JAKE KASPER
LOVE LANGUAGES FOR LEADERS
• Overview of
Presentation
• Let’s define LOVE?
• Can you have Love
as a leader?
• Do you/can you love
those you lead?
• How do you like to
be loved?
• How can I use love as
a leader?
LET’S DEFINE LOVE?
• Love is a profound feeling of tender
affection for or intense attraction to
another.
• It is considered a deep, ineffable
feeling shared in passionate or
intimate interpersonal relationships
• However, in different contexts, the
word love has a variety of related
but distinct meanings: in addition to
• romantic love, which is
characterized by a mix of
emotional and sexual desire, other
forms include
• Platonic love, religious love,
familial love, and the more casual
application of the term to anyone
or anything that one considers
strongly pleasurable, enjoyable, or
desirable, including activities and
foods
USING LOVE LANGUAGES AS A
LEADER
•
The Concept: Motivating by Appreciation
Why is feeling appreciated so important in a work setting?
• Because each of us wants to know that what we are doing matters.
Without a sense of being valued by supervisors and colleagues,
workers start to feel like a machine or a commodity.
Why “Just Saying Thanks” doesn’t work
1.For recognition and appreciation to be effective, they must be
individualized and delivered personally.
•
2.Appreciation needs to be viewed as valuable to the recipient in order
to have an impact.
3.Employees are more likely to “burn out” when they do not feel
appreciated or emotionally supported by their supervisors.
CAN YOU HAVE LOVE AS A
LEADER?
• What does it look
like?
“Recognition is the
greatest motivator.”
•
Gerard C. Eakesdale
“People may take a job
for more money, but
they often leave it for
more recognition.”
Bob Nelson
64%
• US Dept. Labor
MASLOW’S HIERARCHY OF NEEDS
HERZBERG’S MOTIVATIONHYGIENE THEORY
WHAT IS YOUR LOVE LANGUAGE?
• Adapted survey
• Not scientific
THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES
•
•
•
•
Dr. Gary Chapman
Heterosexual marriage prep
Applicable for many uses
As leaders we must be multilingual
WHAT IS YOUR LANGUAGE?
THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES
• Words of Affirmation
• Quality Time
• Receiving Gifts
• Acts of Service
• Physical Touch
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
•
Love Language #1
• Words of Affirmation
Words, both oral and written, can be used to affirm and encourage those around us.
Some people prefer personal one-on-one communication, while others value being
praised in front of others (but it is important to know that relatively few people like to
receive public affirmation in front of a large group.)
As with all languages of appreciation, there are many dialects. A dialect is a unique way
to speak a particular language:
1.
Praise for accomplishments… BE SPECIFIC “Thanks for showing up early and
making sure we were ready to go when the kids arrived,” is far more effective than,
“Thanks, you did a good job tonight.”
2.
Affirmation for character… “Kim, you are an incredibly compassionate person I have
observed the way you respond to people who are expressing frustration. You
genuinely seek to understand their perspective. I truly admire you for that.”
3.
Focusing on personality… “When I walk into your office, I am always inspired. Your
desk is always so neat. I wish I were more organized. I really admire that about you.”
QUALITY TIME
Love Language #2
• Quality Time
• Personal, focused time and attention with their supervisor is highly affirming for some.
But others enjoy different types of time — “hanging out” with their coworkers, working
together as a team on a project, or just having someone take the time to listen to them.
And the type of time desired can differ significantly depending on whether it is with
colleagues or with their supervisor.
•
Dialects:
1. Quality conversation… empathetic dialogue where two individuals are sharing their
thoughts, feelings, and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context It’s about what we are
hearing not what we are saying.
2.
Shared experiences… for some employees, sharing experiences with their colleagues
is an important was for them to feel connected and encouraged.
3.
Small group dialogue… some people will feel more comfortable in a small group where
the supervisor is asking for ideas and suggestions and is listening attentively and
expresses appreciation for their openness.
4.
Working in close physical proximity with coworkers in accomplishing a project.
RECEIVING GIFTS
Love Language #3
• Tangible Gifts
• The key to an effective gift in the workplace is the “thought,” not the amount of money
spent. Taking time to notice what your colleagues enjoy (chocolate, coffee, cashews),
observing their hobbies and interests (sports, books, crafts) and buying them a small
related gift shows that you are getting to know them as a person and understand
what is important to them.
•
Gifts: The Who and the What
1. First, you need to give gifts primarily to those individuals who appreciate them. If an
employee’s primary language is gifts, then you want to give them the kind of gifts that
would be meaningful to the them.
2.
Second, you must give a gift the person values. Those who do not understand the true
spirit of gift giving fail to understand that it is not solely receiving a gift that matters.
Rather, showing appreciation through tangible gifts is effective when the gift shows that
the giver has spent time and energy thinking about the gift. Conversely, thoughtless
gifts with no real personal investment of time or reflection not only miss the mark but
also communicate a negative message.
RECEIVING GIFTS
Love Language #3
Tangible Gifts
• The key to an effective gift in the workplace is the “thought,” not the amount of money
spent. Taking time to notice what your colleagues enjoy (chocolate, coffee, cashews),
observing their hobbies and interests (sports, books, crafts) and buying them a small
related gift shows that you are getting to know them as a person and understand
what is important to them.
•
More than a Mug: Ideas on how to be thought-FULL rather than thought-LESS
• Who are your favorite musical artists?
•
What is your favorite magazine?
•
What are some of your favorite leisure activities?
•
Who are your favorite sports teams?
•
Which are your favorite restaurants?
•
What events do you enjoy attending?
•
See “The Art of Giving a Gift without Buying a ‘Thing’” in the Appreciation Toolkit
ACTS OF SERVICE
Love Language #4
Acts of Service
Assisting in getting a task done can be extremely encouraging to a colleague.
Helping a teammate “dig out” from being behind, working collaboratively on a
project that would be difficult to do alone, or just working alongside them on a
task, are all ways to demonstrate appreciation for their efforts.
How to serve effectively:
1. Make sure your own responsibilities are covered before volunteering to help
others.
2. Ask before you help.
3. Serve voluntarily.
4. Check your attitude.
5. If you are going to help, do it their way.
6. Complete what you start (communicate limits).
ACTS OF SERVICE
Appreciation Language #4
Acts of Service
• Assisting in getting a task done can be extremely encouraging to a colleague. Helping
a teammate “dig out” from being behind, working collaboratively on a project that
would be difficult to do alone, or just working alongside with them on a task, are all
ways to demonstrate appreciation for their efforts.
•
How to Help: Suggestions from the workplace
• Stay after hours to help me complete a project
•
Offer to do some menial task that will allow me to focus on higher priorities
•
Volunteer to do work for me that I dislike doing
•
Help me to get my computer to work more efficiently
•
Assist me in cleaning up equipment at the end of the day
•
Bring me or my team some food when we are working long hours to complete a project
PHYSICAL TOUCH
Love Language #5
• Appropriate Physical Touch
• While we acknowledge that physical touch is less important in work-based
relationships, and the potential for abuse exists, we still find that appropriate physical
touch is meaningful. Usually, it occurs spontaneously and in the context of celebration
— a “high five,” fistbump, slap on the back, or congratulatory handshake. To not
touch one another at all often leads to a cold, impersonal environment.
•
Is there a place for Physical Touch in a work setting?
• There are displays of physical touch that may be acceptable expressions of
appreciation; however, the appropriateness of these depends on the person, the type
of work relationship, and the organizational subculture in which this occurs.
•
Despite the challenges associated with touching in the workplace, the authors believe
the potential benefits of appropriate touch are significant enough not to abandon this
language of appreciation altogether. Physical touch has been demonstrated to be
critical for healthy infant and childhood development and has been shown to
positively affect educational learning, emotional health, and to create a sense of
acceptance.
QUESTIONS?
RESOURCES
Chapman, Gary (2004). The Five Love Languages: How to
express heartfelt commitment to your mate, Zondervan
Publishers
Lunenbach, Fred C. and Ornstein, Allan C. (2004).
Educational Administration-Concpets and Practices,
Belmont, CA., Wadsworth.
http://homepages.uhwo.hawaii.edu/~rprizzia/pubad351/i
mages/02-04.gif
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs
Much of this was adapted from Brian Shimamoto’s work