How To Avoid
Marrying
Dating A
J
E
R
K
JERK(ETTE)
A Bird’s Eye View Of
Dating
A Bird’s Eye View of a Growing Relationship
1. DISCLAIMER: Difficult friends
(& partners) come in both
genders
A Bird’s Eye View of a Growing Relationship
2. Warning Signs of
Difficult Partners
JERRY MCGUIRE
Jerry breaks up with a girlfriend who has
issues.
What are her issues?
What seems to be her true attitude toward
Jerry?
MADEA’S FAMILY REUNION
What is the initial impression this man gives
to others?
How is it that some people look so good on
the surface but can be so hurtful when you
really get to know them?
A Bird’s Eye View of a Growing Relationship
Warning Signs of
Difficult Partners
1. Little insight into yourself or
how others see you
2. Poor emotional controls
3. Inadequate relationship skills
A Bird’s Eye View of a Growing Relationship
4. Two Purposes of this Program
1. The HEAD: To learn about
the five predictive areas of
a prospective mate.
2. The HEART: To learn about
the five bonding dynamics
in a relationship.
A Bird’s Eye View of a Growing Relationship
5. How the R.A.M. Explains
Relationships
1. The RAM portrays the five
sources of love & closeness
2. The RAM measures the
closeness in a relationship
A Bird’s Eye View of a Growing Relationship
5. How the RAM Explains
Relationships [cont.]
3. Knowledge (or Intimacy) = Talk
+ Togetherness + Time
4. The RAM explains the logic of
love
5. The RAM portrays safe
relationships: Each level should
not exceed the previous level
A Bird’s Eye View of a Growing Relationship
The “SAFE ZONE” for
RELATIONSHIPS
Never Allow One Level To
Exceed The Previous
Relationship Attachment Model
A Bird’s Eye View of a Growing Relationship
The “SAFE ZONE” for
RELATIONSHIPS
Never Allow One Level To
Exceed The Previous
A Bird’s Eye View of a Growing Relationship
6. Five Key Areas To Grow To Know
F amily background
A ttitudes & actions of conscience
C ompatibility potential
E xamples of other relationships
S kills of communication
You Can’t Marry Jethro
Without Gettin’ The Clampetts
Brother
Sister
Mother
Father
MADEA’S FAMILY REUNION
How has the mother influenced her
daughter?
How would you describe the mother’s
conscience?
What will the daughter have to do to
change the way her mother shaped
her?
You Can’t Marry Jethro Without Gettin’ The Clampetts
2. Four Ingredients
Necessary For Change
1. Insight
2. New Information
3. Deliberate Effort
4. Time
You Can’t Marry Jethro Without Gettin’ The Clampetts
3. How Your Family Shaped You
• Medeas Family Reunion Restaurant
Scene
You Can’t Marry Jethro Without Gettin’ The Clampetts
3. How Your Family Shaped You
1. The way you learned to
handle your emotions
2. The way you learned power
3. The way you learned family
roles
You Can’t Marry Jethro Without Gettin’ The Clampetts
4. Exploring the Attitudes & Actions
of the Conscience
A. The conscience is your code
of conduct
B. The conscience is your concern
for others
You Can’t Marry Jethro Without Gettin’ The Clampetts
Exploring the Conscience
The Ingredients For The Recipe
Of A Lasting Relationship
The Ingredients For The Recipe
A Lasting Relationship
1. Exploring the Compatibility
#1 Personality Compatibility
#2 Values Compatibility
#3 Lifestyle Compatibility
Of
• Big Fat Greek Wedding Clip (when he
joins her family at the restaurant and
meets her family, dances and joins in with
them).
• Second clip from Big Fat Greek Wedding
(when she talks with him in the hallway at
his school)
The Ingredients For The Recipe
A Lasting Relationship
Is a strong attraction enough?
2. Exploring the Examples from
Other Relationship
The Detective Technique
Of
• Picture of shar jackson
• Picture of Kevin Federline
• Picture of shar and kevins first baby
• Picture of shar and her second baby
• Picture of Brittany kissing Kevin
• Picture of Kevin and Shar (or separate
pictures)
• Picture of Brittany and Kevin with Brittany
pregnant and a shirt with an arrow pointing
to her belly.
• Same picture just a closeup on her shirt
and pregnant belly
• A picture and article on Brittany and Kevin
when they broke up. The picture was of
their wedding day but the caption said, “I
never really loved him.”
Collage of pictures of the
children from S & K and B &
K.
The Ingredients For The Recipe
A Lasting Relationship
3. Exploring the Skills for Building
& Maintaining Relationships
#1 Communication
Two Aspects of Communication
1. Speaker Skills
2. Listener Skills
Of
• There are some great Cosby clips that
show communication between Cliff and his
wife. Use one that role models positive
communication styles.
• HITCH has some clips that show skills and
heart. Skills without heart is like skills
without a conscience. The end of the
movie has a scene where this is
emphasized (on the boat). There is a
funny scene where Hitch is teaching Kevin
James the skill of how to kiss a woman.
Why Is It That “Expectations
Lead To Disappointments?”
Why is it that “Expectations Lead To
Disappointment?”
1. Overview of Understanding
“Trust” and “Reliance”
What is “Trust”?
Trust is a feeling of confidence in
someone that comes from your
opinion of him or her.
Why is it that “Expectations Lead To
Disappointment?”
What is “Reliance”?
Reliance is a feeling of
depending on someone because
this person has been there for
you and meets your needs.
Why is it that “Expectations Lead To
Disappointment?”
Why is it that “Expectations Lead To
Disappointment?”
Developing Trust: Sculpting
an Internal Image of Your Partner
• The restaurant scene in As Good As It
Gets when he tells her that she makes him
want to be a better man.
Why is it that “Expectations Lead To
Disappointment?”
2. Why You Keep Making
Mistakes in Relationships
A. Only Seeing What You Want
to See
Why is it that “Expectations Lead To
Disappointment?”
2. Why You Keep Making Mistakes
[cont.]
B.
Using love to get your act
together
Example of An Unhealthy “Opposites Attract”
-4
-3
Passive
C.
-2
-1
0
Assertive
1
2
3
4
Aggressive
It has always been this way
and it always will
Why is it that “Expectations Lead To
Disappointment?”
Investing Reliance
3. Tests
For A Trustworthy Partner
• Scenes from Madeas family reunion with
Frankie and Vanessa having positive
dating experiences.
• More of Frankie and Vanessa
• More of Frankie and Vanessa
Why is it that “Expectations Lead To
Disappointment?”
Investing Reliance
3. Tests For A Trustworthy
Mature
Adaptable
Relationship Skills
Responsible
I nner Confidence
Anger Management
Gracious
Emotionally Stable
Partner
Why is it that “Expectations Lead To
Disappointment?”
Investing Reliance [cont.]
4. TEST Out Trust
“T” Test
“E” Each
“S” Step
“T” Taken
Put The Horse
Before The Cart
Putting The Cart Before The Horse
1. Defining Commitment
Putting The Cart Before The Horse
Putting The Cart Before The Horse
Putting The Cart Before The Horse
• The end of Forrest Gump where he tells
her about some of his experiences and
she says I wish I could have been there.
He responds with “You were”
Putting The Cart Before The Horse
1. Defining Commitment
A. The “I WANT YOU” in
Commitment
Duo M.O.
Examples of Commitment
Sacrificial spirit
I mportance of Partner
Resistance to Temptations
Everlasting Decision
Putting The Cart Before The Horse
1. Defining Commitment [cont.]
B. The “I DON”T WANT TO LOSE
YOU” in Commitment
Dislike of Alternatives
Expectations of Improvement
Stigma of Starting Over
I nvestment
Shortage of Available Partners
T ermination Effects
• Clip from Madeas Family Reunion where
Frankie and Vanessa are talking about sex
before marriage.
• Jerry McGuire gets advice about
“shoplifting the pooty”
Putting The Cart Before The Horse
2. How Far to Go in Sexual Touch:
Protecting Your Judgment Before
Marriage… and Your Romance
After Marriage
• When Harry Met Sally and the bedroom
scene where innocent hug of comfort
leads to sex (but without commitment)
Putting The Cart Before The Horse
A. Living for the Present While
Losing the Future (Waiting
in Dating Can Improve Sex
in Marriage)
• The very beginning of Hitch has a brief
discussion in a pool hall about marriage.
Putting The Cart Before The Horse
A. Living for the Present While
Losing the Future (Waiting
in Dating Can Improve Sex
in Marriage)
B. Living for the Present While
Losing the Future (Waiting
in Dating Can Your
Judgment in Dating)
• There is a Video: The REAL DEAL that
has a great story told by a woman who
grew up in poverty, dated and became
pregnant, then decided to get her act
together– abstain from sex and build
healthier friendships in her dating.
• The video can be purchased at
www.freeteens.org or call 201-358-1504