A7 Gen Paper
Persuasiveness & Self-reference:
Removing self-reference from candidate’s essay responses is key to coherent,
persuasive writing. Some simple examples follow:
1.
I think that the effect of global warming is catastrophic due to the fact that the earth is getting
hotter and the ice-bergs are melting, causing bodies of water to grow which, in my opinion,
could create flooding and loss of habitual land. I think that if homes were lost, people would
be displaced. In my perspective, we can’t afford to add to the poverty level.
Vs.
I think that The effect of global warming is catastrophic due to the fact that the earth is
getting hotter and the ice-bergs are melting, causing bodies of water to grow which, in my
opinion, could create flooding and loss of habitual land. Fewer homes would result in
displaced inhabitants, adding to the poverty level.
Which is more convincing? Which has the most concise, succinct message?
An even more succinct response:
Global warming is catastrophic in that due to rising temperatures, melting ice-bergs are
causing flooding. Consequently, habitats are being destroyed, causing homelessness and
increased poverty.
2.
I think that you should do your homework because, in my opinion, it would help you revise
the things you learn in class. It will also teach you discipline, which I think you need to learn.
Vs.
It’s advantageous to do your homework because it helps to revise the things you learn in
class. In addition, it teaches you discipline, an important skill for everyone.
3.
I believe It’s clear that museums and galleries are an important part of our society since they
carry the responsibility to record and transmit historical events. I think they are irreplaceable
by any other means.
You can also replace your opinion (I think) with phrases of likelihood, if you do not want to
(or are not required to) take a particular side. E.g. “The Louvre will stand forever.” → “It is
highly probable that the Louvre will stand forever.”
Use any of these ‘likelihood’ phrases to adjust the following sentences according to the
instructions:
“it’s likely that” (or “it’s highly likely that”)
“it seems that” (or “it seems like”)
“probably” (or “it’s highly probable that”)
“it appears that”
“possible” (or “there’s a strong probability
“it’s a good idea to”
that”)
“the best (solution, choice, decision, etc.)
“maybe”
is”
“it sounds like”
“It has been suggested that…”
a) Phrase this gently
“I think that you should consider alternatives.” → “Maybe you should consider alternatives,
such as...”
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b) Phrase this more persuasively
“I think we’ll need to work late to get this done.” → “It’s likely that we’ll need to work late to
get this done,”
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c) Phrase this more sensitively
“I think you’d be better off without him.” → “It sounds like you’d be better off without him,”
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d) Make this less pushy
“I think you should call your dad.” → “It’s a good idea to call your dad,”
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e) Make this more objective
“I feel that we’re not communicating.” → “It seems like we’re not communicating,”
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f) Make this more confident
“I feel that there’s a better way to do this.” → “It’s likely that there’s a better way to do this,”
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g) Make this more authoritative
“I think that we should hire a consultant.” → “The best solution is to hire a consultant,”
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However, if you don’t need to indicate likelihood, and you want to be more convincing, just
remove the “I think…” stuff and get straight to the point.
E.g. “It seems like the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.” → “The advantages
outweigh the disadvantages …(for this reason)”
Concluding an Essay:
Your conclusion should start with a restatement of your thesis statement. The next
line or two should summarise what you’ve said in your body paragraphs. The final
line should be an affirmation of the thesis statement and essay topic.
Overall, music that is popular today is heavily influenced by the past as it reflects
historical events. Music has been transforming over the decades, and changing with the
times. As years pass and historical events occur, music reflects the shifts and reactions that
society undergoes, as exemplified in the 70s with music mirroring the dissatisfaction of
marginalised groups. A clear pattern is evident and many contemporary songs have their
roots in history.
Write a thesis statement for the following topics:
1.
To what extent do individuals have control over their own futures?
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2. In sport, individual skill and talent are more important than teamwork. Discuss.
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3. Censorship of any form of artistic expression is unjustifiable. Discuss.
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Rewrite the above thesis statements to reiterate your thesis - this would be the first
sentence(s) of your conclusion.
1. ___________________________________________________________________
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2. ___________________________________________________________________
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3. ___________________________________________________________________
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