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Cynthia Murillo
Professor Kristen Smith
English 1A & 9S1
05 July 2020
Change starts from the roots.
Emotional Intelligence (E.I.), the agility to manipulate our emotions and relationships
with cognition and conscientiousness. A crucial trait that most effective leaders possess
according to Rutgers’ Psychologist Daniel Goleman who bridged the importance of Emotional
Intelligence with leadership. “It’s not that IQ and technical skills are irrelevant. They do matter,
but…they are the entry-level requirements for executive positions…” (Daniel Goleman, “What
Makes a Leader?”, hbr.org). But, can Emotional Intelligence work only for leaders looking for
executive positions or could we apply E.I. to our everyday lives to create leaders that will better
our society and communities?... Goleman defines Emotional Intelligence in 4 disciplines.
Self-Awareness the discipline of emotional intelligence that resonant with our emotions and that
of others. Those who have more cognizance of their feelings make better decisions in life
therefore this discipline becomes beneficial to our social or professional relationships. Although
success in life is not just about social abilities but about self-control and intelligence.
Self-Management is the discipline that trains us to react in a rational manner and will lead us to a
healthier physical and mental state. Empathy is the discipline of emotional intelligence that a lot
of great leaders carry, and the good part is it’s attainable. The discipline of Skilled Relationships
tests our competency in regards to the previous 3 disciplines because ‘Practice makes perfect!’.
Emotional Intelligence is the art of skillfully handling our emotions and relationships through
perception and mindfulness. As one develops ability and strength in E.I. we realize how
indispensable it is to our society’s success and well being.
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Fundamental Teachings
One of the most fundamental disciplines of Emotional Intelligence is self-awareness.
Self-awareness is being perceptive and reflective with our emotions; by doing so it enhances our
enlightenment, therefore, allowing better decision making. “Self-Awareness--recognizing a
feeling as is happens--is the keystone of emotional intelligence… People with greater certainty
about their feelings are better pilots of their lives, having a surer sense of how they really feel
about personal decisions from whom to marry to what job to take” (Goldman 43). Development
of this discipline means being objective and HONEST when self-criticizing and always
reflecting on our actions and possible outcomes. Reflection of one's self, in all aspects, regardless
if it is our strengths, weaknesses both physical and mental is key to our growth in this discipline.
“Self-Awareness is not an attention that gets carried away by emotions, overreacting and
amplifying what is perceived. Rather, it is a neutral mode that maintains self-reflectiveness even
amid turbulent emotions” (Goleman 47). This conscientiousness leads us to be more confident
with knowing who we are and what we want therefore leading us to assert in our decisions. As,
our society fights with inequality, hatred, and ever-growing violence the implementation of
self-awareness as a subject throughout grade school, middle school, and high school would be
key in starting to revert a clouded present. According to Goleman self-awareness is the
foundation of the remaining disciplines of emotional intelligence. Its mastery is beneficial to our
success within our society and life.
Although, success in life is not solely about social abilities. Factors like motivation,
consistency, control of our impulses, and reason are essential to the development of
Self-Management another discipline of Emotional Intelligence. Self-Management gives us the
skill to stop, analyze then act while creating optimism within us. Keeping a positive attitude
helps one obtain control of our thoughts. “Good moods, while they last, enhance the ability to
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think flexibly and with more complexity, thus making it easier to find solutions to problems,
whether intellectual or interpersonal. This suggests that one way to help think through a problem
is to tell them a joke. Laughing, like elation, seems to help people think more broadly and
associate more freely, important not just in creativity, but in recognizing complex relationships
and foreseeing the consequences of a given decision” (Goleman 85). But, do not worry this does
not mean you have to walk around with a repertoire in case you ever face a complex situation.
Ways of building on positivity, bliss, or whatever it is you call your “happy place” is exercising
regularly. “When you exercise, your body releases chemicals called endorphins. These
endorphins interact with the receptors in your brain that reduce your perception of pain.
Endorphins also trigger a positive feeling in the body, similar to that of morphine” (Excercise
and Depression, www.WebMd.com). Exercise not only provides us with positivity, and good
health but it gives us some alone time. Another way of increasing our abilities in
self-management is Meditation. Abilities of self-management that are used to handle our
distressing emotions so, they don't cripple us. Yet, tuning into emotions when we need to.
Meditation also gives us time with ourselves to sit and relieve stress by disciplining our minds to
put thought into our emotions and emotion into our thoughts by way of focus, mindfulness, or
reflection which is also an important part of self-awareness. Strengthing our self-management
the discipline of E.I. that manages how we handle our distressing emotions gives us a stronger
and healthier physical and mental state, therefore, putting us in control of our lives.
Many great leaders prevail in the mastery of self-awareness and self-management, but
how does empathy come into play when trying to become someone who is emotionally
intelligent for our society? In human history, we have all read, witnessed, and/or have heard of
some sort of criminal injustice? Our history books if you will have good examples of criminal
injustice. “A Lack of empathy should be factored in with all the other psychological, economic,
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and social forces that contribute to a vector toward criminality” (Goleman 109). Every good
leader knows the importance of justice and how being unbiased is crucial. Meaning that as a
parent and head of my household I have to show my children when they do well they earn a
reward but, when their actions call for accountability they will be held accountable actions just
the same. “A series of studies by Marian Radke-Yarrow and Carolyn Zahn-Waxler at the
National Institute of Mental Health… Children, they found, were more empathic when the
discipline included calling strong attention to the distress their misbehavior caused someone else:
“Look how sad you’ve made her feel” instead of “That was naughty.” They found too that
children’s empathy is also shaped by seeing how others react when someone else is distressed;
by imitating what they see, children develop a repertoire of empathic response, especially in
helping other people who are distressed” (Goleman 99). As we have learned empathy is traced
to our childhood and various factors can alter us in how we perceive empathy some of these
factors are attunement, misattunement, and the intimate relationships throughout our lives. So, if
we know from studies that what we are taught and exposed to throughout our lives is what will
mold us into well rounded or better said, balanced individuals… Why haven’t we changed our
educational systems? So are successors can start to reflect as a society what new studies show!
Because our society today is a reflection of our predecessor’s teachings. Now how do we put into
practice our competency on the 3 previous disciplines of Emotional Intelligence?
Skilled relationships, the discipline that puts to practice our proficiency in managing
relationships with our developed skills in examining our emotions methodically and in detail. As
our Self-Awareness and Self-Management grow we become better at resolving problems and
disagreements during any conflict we face. “Linda Lantieri, the founder of the Resolving
Conflict Creatively Program… Her view is that the skills needed to head off violence cannot be
separated from the full spectrum of emotional competence---that, for example, knowing what
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you are feeling or how to handle impulse or grief is as important for violence prevention as is
managing anger” (Goleman 278). Our society TODAY and that of tomorrow’s can seriously
benefit from Emotional Intelligence. By teaching this emotional competence in our schools as of
grade school we start prevention of future acts of violence or hate. “Schools, notes Amitai
Etzioni, the George Washington University social theorist,... central role in cultivating character
by inculcating self-discipline and empathy, which in turn enable true commitment to civic and
moral values. In doing so, it is not enough to lecture children about values: they need to practice
them, which happens as children build the essential emotional and social skills. In this sense,
emotional literacy goes hand in hand with education for character, for moral development, and
for citizenship” (Goleman 286). With these problem-solving skills especially with constant
reflection from our self-discipline, we can become great communicators, as we form more
accountability and expand our enlightenment. All traits I see as beneficial to our community and
society.
Conclusion
Aided by Psychologist Daniel Goleman's research, the development of the 4 disciplines
of Emotional Intelligence; Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Empathy, and Skilled
Relationships. Are key to creating emotionally competent, self-controlled, empathic, business,
social, and community leaders. Education of the 4 disciplines of Emotional Intelligence permits
us to skillfully handle our emotions and relationships through our perception while being
mindful. These abilities and strengths in E.I. are indispensable to our social success and
community growth. I strongly feel our education systems need an overhaul and the development
of Emotional Intelligence is essential for our world. And, I ask with all sincerity are you just as
sickened as I am by all the anger, hatred, and normalization of the absurd going on in the
world?... Because ‘Acceptance’ is the first step to change!
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Works Cited
Goleman, Daniel. Emotional Intelligence, 10th Anniversary Edition 2002. Print.
Goleman, Daniel. “What Makes a Leader?”, hbr.org, January 2004.
Exercise and Depression, www.WebMd.com,
https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/exercise-depression#1.