OceanofPDF.com
Copyright © 2022 by Bal Khabra
All rights reserved.
Visit my website at www.baljitkhabra.com
Cover Illustration: Laura Dumitriu, www.laura-dumitriu.com
Editor: Danita Mayer, Niche Editing, www.nicheediting.com
Formatter: Jovana Shirley, Unforeseen Editing,
www.unforeseenediting.com
No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by
any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or
by any information storage and retrieval system without the written
permission of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book
review.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents
either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any
resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely
coincidental.
OceanofPDF.com
CONTENTS
CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER TEN
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHAPTER TWELVE
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
CHAPTER NINETEEN
CHAPTER TWENTY
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
CHAPTER THIRTY
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
EPILOGUE
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
OceanofPDF.com
Dream bigger. Who says you can’t have it all?
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER ONE
I
felt like a fraud.
Crows cawed above as they swept through the moody sky, the
ominous sight reminiscent of the current feeling swarming my gut. I rested
against the cool metal of my car to take a breath before my life would
change forever.
Just as I exhaled, the first drop of rain splashed my nose. It jolted me out
of my daydream, and I mustered the last crumbs of my energy to force the
trunk shut.
“Always in a rush, Naz.” A nasally, accented voice drifted to my ears.
I turned to find my neighbour, Mrs. Sharma, holding an umbrella over
her head and landing a scrutinizing gaze on the boxes in my car.
“Hi Auntie,” I greeted. “No rush. I’m just moving a few things.” It was
glaringly obvious those few things were my entire life, but she didn’t need
me to confirm that. If I told her the truth, everyone in a ten-kilometer radius
would find out too. Who doesn’t love nosy aunties and their mass
communication skills?
“Your parents didn’t say anything about you moving.”
That’s because I didn’t tell them it was happening today. “They must
have forgotten.” I shrugged.
She shot me a wary look. “I don’t mean to bring up the past, but the last
time you moved out, you came back in tears.”
The loaded words landed with needle-like precision on my chest. Of
course she would bring that up now. I gave her a polite smile. “This isn’t
like last time.”
She hummed an unconvinced sound. “Well, I’m making lunch. Why
don’t you come inside?”
“I have to—”
“Prem is home,” she cut off my refusal. “After travelling abroad for
work. My poor son works so hard, if only he had a wife to settle down
with.” She eyed me with renewed interest.
Prem was also getting drunk every night, shoving his tongue down the
throat of anything with a pulse. Alas, none of that mattered with his
engineer status, qualifying him for bachelor of the year. If it were up to her,
I would have married Prem and made a full-time job out of having her
grandchildren. The last time we met, I narrowly escaped a surprise
proposal. It was also the last time I was in the vicinity of the Sharma’s.
“Sorry, I should go before the rain comes down harder.” Without waiting
for her response and before I was showered in the wet onslaught that
hovered over Vancouver, I hastily slipped into the driver’s side. The pointed
edges of the moving boxes dug into my ribs, and I could already feel the
bruises that would mar my skin tomorrow morning.
The turn of the ignition gave me a weak sputter.
Then nothing.
I ignored my other nosy neighbours peeking through their windows as
they witnessed my failed attempts to start my car. Somehow, I had amassed
my own fan club in my haste to empty my childhood bedroom, and
catching their pitiful looks didn’t help with my nervousness.
“You have got to be kidding me,” I muttered under my breath.
Tightening my grip on the steering wheel, I hoped this car wouldn’t give
up on me too. My silver Subaru had been with me since my first day of
college, and frankly I should leave it behind. But I couldn’t bear to part with
it, especially not now.
I whispered a quick prayer before attempting it once, twice, then a third
time. Like always, it jerked to life on the third attempt. A triumphant smile
made its way onto my face as I avoided the watchful eyes tracking my
every move and pulled out of my parents' driveway.
I was glad they weren’t home. It would save me a whole lot of
judgement. It’s not every day that you get an escape from the darkness that
engulfed your life.
The sound of the gravel crunching beneath the damaged tires made me
wince. My tires were as bald as my uncle Yash, and I knew I was lucky a
cop hadn’t pulled me over yet. This car was teetering on the edge of
legality, and I was entrusting my life to it. Fortunately, taking life-altering
risks seemed to be my new forte.
If it weren’t for that one drunken night on Indeed, where I had sent my
resume to every technology company with an opening, I would still be
stuck living with my parents, holed up in my purple bedroom with an
eleven p.m. curfew. I was set on crawling out of the remnants of my past
life, and I hoped to accomplish it soon.
Now, the cruelty that had painted my life had nothing to do with my
parents. They were good parents; loving, caring, and had paid for my
bachelor’s degree. It wasn’t them I was desperately seeking refuge from. It
was from the man who had controlled my life since I was eighteen. The
man that showed up as an angel in my first year of college and became the
devil incarnate soon after. Seeing life through my rose-tinted glasses meant
the red flags went unnoticed. Instead, my beautiful little head, as he called
it, was irrevocably in love with him. Or so I had thought.
The job I managed to secure was from an unexpected stroke of luck. I
hadn’t bothered to check that my job search was set to a five-thousandkilometer radius. Perhaps Toronto would have been a safer bet, but I was
not going to complain about landing a job in New York City.
Besides, wasn’t this what every hallmark movie was about? The grouchy
main character starting their life anew in the Big Apple to find the largerthan-life city sweeping them off their feet? My situation was slightly
similar, although I didn’t quite fit the grouchy main character mold. I was
more of a delicate flower that had been repeatedly stomped on and now
tasked with uncrumpling the petals. Not to mention I sure as hell was not
turning down the opportunity to be thousands of kilometers away from what
I used to think of as my home.
I was pulled out of my thoughts by the woman at the Bellingham State
auto-transport waving me over to park in the lot. Shipping my car to its new
home cost thousands, so I made sure to stuff it to the brim with my
belongings. I rolled down the window, watching the impatient woman tick
something on her clipboard.
“Bill of lading and insurance?” she asked, holding out her hand.
She wasn't looking for idle conversation, that much was clear from her
tone. Which was fine with me since I filled my quota of rude interactions at
the U.S border. Opening the glove compartment, I handed her the papers.
She looked them over, stamped them in a few different places, and handed
them back.
“Head inside and wait for them to call your name. Sign the agreements,
hand over your keys, and everything will be good to go.”
Before I could ask any questions, she was already walking away to help
the car behind me. I called out a quick thank you, but I doubted she heard it
or even cared I had said it. Inside, I did as instructed, then waited for my
Uber by the curb, scrolling through onboarding emails for my new job as I
waited.
Apparently, turning twenty-four and being two years post-graduation
meant I should have my life together. So, after releasing my first app, I
crossed my fingers for its success. I didn’t have to pray for long because
after only a month of its release, I had secured a top ten spot in the app
store. A much needed victory after the tumultuous year I’ve had.
Now, the fraudulent feeling settling in my gut wasn’t because I
committed a crime. It was because of the little white lie I had told so I could
leave without question. My morals were obviously skewed, but telling my
Indian parents this one stipulation would land me right back under their
strict rule.
The white car pulled to the curb, and within a few minutes, I arrived at
Bellingham International Airport. The large LED screen reflected the ontime status of my flight, causing my leg to bounce nervously until my
phone vibrated. It was the one person who could pull me out of my
spiralling anxiety.
“Naz! I am so excited. I can’t focus on anything. I told five strangers my
best friend is coming.”
“I think I’m going to be sick, Linh. When I booked this flight last week,
I was sure something would stop me from coming. My parents, to be
exact.” I had gone ahead with this move on a whim but was lucky my best
friend would keep me sane in the new city. We had known each other since
preschool and have been inseparable ever since. Well, until she moved to a
new place.
“They’ll understand why you left the way you did. I’m just glad you’re
finally out of there. I didn’t want to leave you last year after everything,”
she said in a quiet voice.
Linh had gotten an internship in an art gallery with a renowned artist last
year, right after my life fell apart. She was ready to turn down the offer, and
that’s when I had to physically drag her to the airport so she wouldn’t miss
the opportunity of a lifetime. Her absence during my painful year pushed
me to focus on my project. It was the only reason my business management
app had been ready six months early.
The flight announcement fell over the airport, and the surrounding
people stood. “I know, but it’s all in the past. I’ll see you soon.”
Before I could board the plane, my phone pinged with a text. A text that
made my hands shake with nerves and yanked me back into the past I was
trying to forget. My excitement nose-dived, and my chest tightened as I
blocked the number.
The one-way ticket in my hand suddenly felt heavier than ever.
I arrived at JFK five hours and two shots of economy alcohol later. My
nerves were twisting around my lungs, and the liquid courage had helped
me calm down.
Outside, the frigid New York air poked my skin, and a loud voice
boomed through the terminal.
“That’s her! Naz, over here!” I heard over the bustle of the arrivals. I
could make out a small form leaning out of a car window, vigorously
waving her short arms at me. A bright green outfit and long black hair came
into view. Linh's voice carried over the crowd, and a few people shot her
annoyed glares. I cut through the busy terminal and made my way over to
the frantic figure of my best friend, almost tumbling backward when Linh
lassoed me in a tight hug.
“It’s so good to see you!” she squealed, finally releasing me from her
hold.
“How did I live an entire year away from you? We are never doing that
again.”
She stuck out a pinky, and I curled my own around it in a silent promise.
When we approached the car, a tall man leaned against the passenger
side door. He wore light-washed jeans and a black hoodie, an attractive
smile on his face. He turned to grab my suitcase before Linh introduced us.
“Naz, this is my friend David. David, this is my best friend, Sarvenaz.”
David was at least six feet tall, with flawless fair skin and ink-black hair.
His brown eyes softened as he pulled me in for a one-armed hug. When he
turned to place my suitcase in his trunk, I nudged Linh with my elbow. She
rolled her eyes, brushing me off when David held open the car door for her
and then for me.
“Welcome to New York and congratulations on the new job.” David
smiled, his deep voice cutting through the silence.
“She’s a genius! They begged her to come out here,” boasted Linh,
grinning back at me.
“I wouldn’t say begged, but thank you. I can’t wait to start.”
He smiled over his shoulder, and I didn’t miss the glance he stole at a
beaming Linh in the passenger seat.
“Are you from New York?” I was curious about this mystery man Linh
had conveniently failed to mention.
“My family immigrated from South Korea when I was young, but I grew
up in Brooklyn. I’m a nurse. That’s how I met Linh when she was working
reception at the hospital last year.”
“Last year? Huh. I had no idea you and Linh had been friends for so
long.” I shot daggers at the back of Linh's head. I could tell she knew
exactly what I was thinking when she threw me a glare over her shoulder.
We made it to my apartment an hour later. Stepping into the lobby, I
barely managed to keep my jaw from unhinging. It certainly lived up to
what I was coughing up in rent. Clean white couches, a stone fireplace,
marble floors, and a shiny front desk greeted us.
“You live here? I wouldn’t even be able to afford the lobby.” David let
out a bewildered breath as we headed up in the elevator.
“I had no idea it would be this…fancy,” I said, raising my hands in
defence as we found my door. “It was the only place available at the last
minute that wasn’t covered in roaches. Plus, my parents were adamant that I
live in a good neighbourhood or else they would not be happy with me
moving here.” I conveniently left out the part where I probably would have
moved regardless. Most likely into a place a fraction of the cost with the
toilet and kitchen in the same room. But since I was repenting for my past
mistakes, I would do anything to make them comfortable. Even something
like digging into my savings to secure this ridiculous place. A place that
would leave me waiting for my next cheque so I could maybe buy a can of
beans for dinner.
“We’ll help you unpack. What do you need us to do?” Linh walked over
to get my bags and placed them by the master bedroom.
“Great, but I haven’t bought anything yet. The owners said they would
provide a temporary bed and a couch. I only have my own sheets.” I eyed
the worn-out grey couch and peeked at the yellow foam mattress collecting
dust on the floor of my new bedroom.
“We can go shopping this week. First, let’s make sure you don’t have
bedbugs and get these sheets on.”
I shuddered at the thought but followed her lead.
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER TWO
I
locked the door behind Linh and David, turning back to my living room
to see the sunset spilling inside. The floor-to-ceiling windows wrapped
around the apartment, allowing the descending sun to illuminate the grey
floors. The golden glow cloaked itself around my tan skin, and my chest
filled with a surge of gratitude.
I finished the food we ordered and nestled into the old couch, watching
the sky become engulfed in darkness. Well, as much darkness as the bright
lights of the city would allow.
My phone pinged, pulling me out of my trance.
Linh: Home :)
Me: Night! Don’t think I forgot about the hunk.
Linh: No idea what you’re talking about. Good night! <3
I laughed at her response. Linh was not going to get away without
talking to me about David. The last time she even mentioned a guy, we
were in high school. I was sure Linh and Kai would be high school
sweethearts, but after he transferred out of the blue, they lost touch. Since
then, I haven’t seen her even remotely interested in anyone.
Checking the time, I scrambled to my feet. My first day at Cypher was
tomorrow, and I had to be up early. The three-hour time difference didn’t
combat the exhaustion weighing down on me. It was only ten p.m. back
home, but well after midnight here. My parents had already called and
given me an earful about my impulsive move. After apologizing and
promising to call them often, they were appeased, for now.
Although this move had left my pockets emptier than a strip club on
Mother’s Day, I finally felt like I had something to call my own. Albeit, I
had a long way to go to making this space mine but knowing I was free to
do as I pleased was exhilarating.
I stared at the makeshift bed and the clean white comforter calling my
name, debating whether my skincare routine was really that important.
Deciding against listening to the pimple-sized devil on my shoulder, I
showered, washing away the last specks of my old life. When I was dried
and changed into the only pj’s I had packed, I walked into my bedroom.
From the windows in my room, there was a view of the entire city, and I
fought the temptation to leave the blinds open. I didn’t need serial killers
peering into my apartment to hunt for their next victim. Jumping into my
makeshift bed, I drifted into an exhaustion-induced sleep as soon as my
head hit the pillow.
BANG!
My heart lurched, jolting me out of my comforter. I sat disoriented and
unable to tell if I was dreaming, or if my absurd thought of getting
murdered by a serial killer was actually coming true.
“Universe! I did not mean to manifest that,” I muttered, dropping my
head into my hands.
BANG!
I shot out of bed, the noise a reminder that I might not be alone in this
apartment. I would much rather prefer hiding under my comforter, like
when I was home alone, and the floorboards creaked. But I lived alone now,
and that meant I was also the guard dog.
In a terrified search, I grabbed the first thing I could get my hands on. It
was the baseball bat Linh gave me as a housewarming gift. The ten-pound
metal bat, bedazzled with pink rhinestones, would serve as an oddly
practical gift since my first day here and I had somehow created the perfect
ambiance for an intruder.
I approached my bedroom door on tip-toes, giving myself a pep talk
before my trembling hand reached for the knob. Yanking it open, I flipped
on the light switch, squinting at the bright light now filtering my apartment.
I took a defensive stance with the baseball bat high in the air and ready to
swing. My pulse hammered at the base of my throat.
From how the apartment was set up, I could see the living room and
kitchen from my room. Running through a mental checklist, I tried to recall
whether I had locked the door. I took cautious steps out toward it, praying
under my breath. Positive that if I even saw a spider, I’d call the police.
After a quick check, I lowered my bat in a relieved exhale, finding that
the sound wasn’t coming from anywhere inside. When I didn’t hear
anything for a while, I decided to retreat under my covers and go with my
plan of hiding there until I saw daylight. I would notify the concierge
tomorr—
BANG!
A loud curse escaped me when stubbed my toe in the door jamb. I
clutched my throbbing foot and bounced on one leg. All right, now I was
angry.
Couldn’t a girl get some sleep on her mangled piece of foam after a
stuffy five-hour flight? It sounded like construction had begun in the
building, but there was no way they had maintenance at this hour.
BANG!
Suddenly, as if my brain had been re-routed, I looked up at the white
ceiling. The sound was coming from the apartment above mine. I searched
my room to find something long enough to jab the ceiling, but it was futile.
Ultimately, I had two options: To go down thirty floors to the concierge
or go up one floor and politely ask my new neighbour to shut up. I debated
my options when another loud bang, accompanied by a scratch of a record
player and muffled music, filtered through the ceiling.
That was the last straw.
Without thinking, I was out of my apartment and making a beeline
toward the elevator. It was two in the morning, so I wasn’t surprised when it
dinged open a second after I pressed the button to call for it. I was brought
to the next level so fast I barely had time to register what I was doing, and a
sudden wave of panic washed over me. Remembering why I was here, I
flattened the anxious feelings, and prowled for the apartment situated
directly above mine. Before I could cower away, I gave a loud knock—that
could classify as more of a pounding—and took a step back.
Faint shuffling and the record player scratching to a halt sounded behind
the wooden door. Then it swung open with so much force, a gust of wind
blew past me, my wild flyaways dancing with it. The bright light inside the
apartment spilled into the hallway as he stood there.
Shoulders. Chest. Abs.
Biceps, trapezius, and pectorals.
My brain defaulted to one-word bursts from my tenth-grade anatomy
textbook. I couldn’t turn it off, and my eyes were not doing a good job of
hiding how I was mapping the naked body in front of me. Or naked torso in
front of me. The bottom half covered by grey sweats.
Yup, grey sweats. I was a goner.
I could almost hear the faint sound of my ovaries screaming with joy.
The last time they did that was six years ago, and, well, that didn’t turn out
so great for me.
His tall, muscular body filled the door frame, and my traitorous eyes
landed on the inked skin of his right arm. I swallowed. Sleeve tattoos were
my undoing, and I found it hard to focus when a man had them. I supposed
my strict parents and the rebelling streak in high school were to blame for
that.
Forcing my eyes away from the smooth planes of his torso, my gaze
travelled to his face. Our eyes met at the same time, and my breath caught
in my chest.
That’s when I noticed his body wasn't the only attractive thing about
him. His brown hair was shaved short on the sides, faded perfectly against
his dark skin. The coiled curls on top gave him a glowing halo under the
apartment light. A sight I would soon learn was nothing more than an
illusion.
I recovered from the fact that his skin looked luminous in the light, and
his abs were etched out so perfectly, he could feature in the art gallery
where Linh was interning. Or that his full lips were the perfect shade of
pink and his light brown eyes were so alluring, I had to stop myself from
walking toward him.
“Yes?” His deep voice cut through my charged thoughts like a serrated
knife. The huskiness of it was not doing me any favours. Who in their right
mind would open their door without throwing a shirt on first? Someone with
a body like that.
Now, leaning against the door frame, he crossed his arms waiting for me
to speak. With his half-naked body on display, I became hyper-aware of my
tiny silk shorts and thin strap camisole. I wished I had the forethought of
throwing a cardigan over these skimpy pj’s. The draft of cold air in the
corridor fell across my exposed skin, inviting my Hershey’s kisses to my
confrontation with the stranger.
Hot stranger. Chimed the extremely delusional and concupiscent part of
my brain. Shifting uncomfortably, I took a healthy step back and crossed
my arms over my chest. I tucked the baseball bat, which I hadn’t realized I
brought along, under my arm.
“Can I help you?” His voice came again. The rude tone sent any plan of
being nice hurtling out the window and onto the trash-filled curb.
“Yes, you can. How about you start by postponing your home
improvement projects for the morning? I’m trying to sleep, and all I hear is
an incessant noise coming from your apartment, which happens to be
directly above mine. So, if you don't mind, people are trying to sleep.” I
was surprised I managed not to stutter with the way he was looking at me
His brows furrowed. “No one lives in the apartment below mine.”
My blank stare should have conveyed how dense I thought he was. He
sounded so certain as if I didn’t know where I lived. His confident tone
almost had me double-checking the door number.
“Well, now someone does, and they like to be asleep at two in the
morning.” I took a deep breath, briefly closing my eyes. I did not have time
to go through the floor plan of this building. I needed sleep. “Look, I have
my first day at work tomorrow, and I don’t want to be an annoying
neighbour and tattle to the concierge. If it comes down to it, I’m not above
telling them you caused me some serious distress from this whole ordeal,
which would partially be true since I’m freezing and losing sleep by coming
here. So, please, can you stop with the hammering and the music?”
He scrutinized me for a long while, and I stared back, waiting for his
reply.
A look of suppressed curiosity appeared. “What’s the toy for?”
I followed his gaze to the pink bedazzled bat tucked under my arm. This
thing could crack a skull, and he was calling it a toy? The way the corner of
his mouth inched up into an infuriatingly sexy smirk made me want to show
him exactly what this toy could do to his kneecaps, but instead, I mustered a
tight smile.
“It’s not a toy, and not that you need to know, but I brought it for
protection.” I held my head high, not caring that he was trying to make fun
of me. The amusement written on Grey Sweats’ face made me want to roll
my eyes. Of course, he was finding this comical. He was probably an
insomniac who found his object of entertainment for tonight.
“A better option would be to not knock on stranger’s doors in the middle
of the night,” he retorted. The audacity to blame this unfortunate situation
on me made me clench my fists in barely contained anger.
I let out a scoff, my mouth falling open. I straightened my five-footseven frame—which didn’t have the desired intimidating effect I wished it
would—and levelled our gaze. “You know what? I thought I would be
polite and ask you nicely, but forget it. You’re standing here like some selfobsessed prick who thinks he owns the fucking building. Other people live
here too, so you have no right to disrespect me, or anyone else for that
matter,” I huffed. “How’s that for a better option?”
His smirk was quickly replaced with a scowl. Uncrossing his arms, he
moved from his leaning position on the door and took an intimidating step
toward me. His body was so massive and towering, the muscles in my neck
tightened in response. I could tell this was the first time anyone had the
balls to put this guy in his place, and he did not appreciate it. Before he
could get a word out, I sprinted toward the elevator. Like a coward.
Unfortunately, my half-awake brain had more bite than I needed it to,
but I was never good at filtering myself when I was sleep-deprived.
Standing upright, he watched me slip into the elevator.
“Just let me sleep,” I said, this time more fatigued.
He started to say something, but whatever it was, I didn’t hear it because
the elevator doors closed, and I descended to my floor. I hadn’t noticed how
hard I was breathing or how rapidly my heart thrashed in my chest until I
got inside my apartment.
Still reeling from the interaction, I slumped against the door, trying to
calm the adrenaline running through me. I regretted going to the stranger's
apartment and hoped he wouldn't complain to the front desk. I would be
mortified if someone found out I got kicked out for verbally harassing my
neighbour on my first night here. I wasn’t sure about the laws surrounding
this, but I wouldn’t risk being deported back to Canada. It hadn’t even been
a full day since I got here.
“Please don't kick me out,” I begged no one in particular.
Dragging myself to bed, I rested my baseball bat on the floor and was
engulfed by my thick comforter again. All my exhaustion and built-up
anger dissipated when I sank deeper into the foam. I held my breath,
waiting to see if the banging would start again, but it was quiet enough to
hear the air escaping the vents. Smiling, I drifted into a much needed sleep,
hoping I wouldn’t dream of a certain stranger.
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER THREE
D
espite the raging headache from my late-night adventures, I woke up
bright and early. My car would arrive by the end of the week, so I
relied on the subway to get me to work. After getting lost more times than I
would ever admit, I recognized the building I had seen on my Maps app. It
was a few decades older than the pictures they had online.
I stepped into the creaky building that looked ready to sink along with its
crumbling foundation. Dodging the questionable stains at the entrance, I
pushed open the heavy door. The screech was deafening, apparently only to
my ears because the people in the lobby continued as if they heard nothing.
Soothing down my silk blouse, I noticed I was completely overdressed.
My blush pink ensemble swam brightly in a sea of boring beige. Clearly,
everyone but me had received the dress code memo. The receptionist eyed
my outfit before handing me a key and pointing to the elevator.
Ignoring the dated setup of the building, I made my way up to the third
floor in the squeaky metal box. There was no way this thing was safe.
Squinting at the inspection chart, I assessed the browning paper, curling on
the sides and suffering some serious water damage under the plastic cover.
The last entry scrawled on the paper was from six years ago.
I was not an elevator inspector, but a six-year miss seemed excessive. I
decided to opt for the stairs from now on unless I wanted to add elevator
death to my list of fears. Cautiously stepping out, I read the numbers on
each door, finding only one of the rooms belonged to Cypher and not the
entire floor. My weak research and the vague employment description didn't
reveal they were located in a decade-old six-hundred square foot
workspace. Neither had my new manager, Sylvia, bothered to mention how
small this company actually was.
But I shook away the warning signs and decided to keep an open mind. I
was blessed and grateful to have landed this job. It didn’t matter how many
stains I dodged on the carpeted hallway or how sticky the doorknob was, I
would enjoy my time here.
The front desk was jammed right by the entrance, forcing me to squeeze
through as I barely missed the sharp edge. The woman, who I assumed was
the receptionist, gestured for me to sit on one of the chairs that looked like
someone had taken a bite right out of the foam cushion. I was almost certain
this building was covered in asbestos, if not termites. Given the nature of
the job and the decent salary, it was nothing like I expected. It was like
getting hired as a big-shot attorney and being handed a losing case.
Just as I got comfortable, with the gaping hole right under me, I saw
Sylvia.
“Ms. Singh, it is a pleasure to finally meet you in person.”
“You too. I’m excited to start working and using my software.”
Knowing they were trying to integrate my app was the most shocking
news. During the interview, she informed me that my role would heavily
rely on how I envisioned my app to run in the workplace. That was all I
needed to accept her offer. It almost felt too good to be true.
I followed her behind the receptionist’s desk and around the corner to a
small room. The wood panels on the walls were splintering, and the same
carpet that covered the halls was plastered on the floor of this room.
Although this one didn’t have any stains, so I guess that was a win.
“It’s a bit of a mess. We’ve been backlogged since we had to, uh…
relocate,” she trailed off, taking the stack of papers off the chair so I could
sit. I didn’t ask why they moved, but I probably should have. If this was the
upgrade, I couldn’t imagine where they worked before. Sylvia dropped the
heavy stack in front of me with a loud thump. As cramped and messy as the
space was, it was still my own office, and I could barely contain the childish
joy that sparked through me.
“As you know, this position is temporary, but I know you’ll gain some
valuable insight.”
And there it was. The truth about the job that I kept hidden from
everyone.
I was here on a temporary basis making a permanent move, adding
another nail to my coffin full of mistakes. To say I was screwed would be
an accurate depiction. However, I was ignorantly optimistic that I would
find something when this was over. Call me irresponsible, but there was no
way I could wait around at my parents’ house to land a permanent
opportunity.
“Sarvenaz, you’ll work here alongside our developer. You have had a
chance to read our job description, yes?” Sylvia asked as I was busy
gathering the mess on the desk to locate the computer mouse.
“Right, yes I did,” I lied. I hadn’t thoroughly sifted through their
background like anyone with half a brain would, but I wasn’t worried. It
was like hitting the star in Mario Kart and being on a winning streak,
nothing could ruin it.
“Great, then you know we get contracts. Those contracts ask us to build
a website, and we deliver. You’ll be in charge of the front-end and back-end
given your expertise. You will get to split the work with the developer, who
you will meet sometime this week.” She smiled, then impatiently tapped her
foot and glanced at her watch. I waited for her to mention how I would put
my app to use, but she continued to outline work for an entry-level
developer. Work that sounded like she had no clue what my job actually
entailed.
“We don’t want to waste time. Here are the project logins.” She dropped
the folder in front of me. The next file had training written across it and the
other contracts. “Sign everything. I’ll need your banking information right
away to get the direct deposit sorted. If you have questions, let me know.”
She walked out of the office before I could respond. I sat there, blinking at
the door she had zoomed out of. Sylvia seemed to be in a rush, but I
chalked it up to the backlog she mentioned earlier.
I should have researched contracts before throwing myself head first into
a corporate gig. Skimming the main parts of the fine print, I signed the
papers. After organizing the area around my desk and setting up the
computer, I headed to the break room. If you could even call it that.
It was a wooden table with a coffee pot and a few packets of sugar,
placed in the middle of the office. Not that I was expecting a buffet, but I
was hoping for a sink where I could get some water. Although, I was
warned by Linh that New York tap water would not benefit my immune
system. I noticed a water cooler by the corner, but when I pressed down on
the lever, the jug was empty. Peeking around the office, I noticed eight
employees all crammed into one space. There were only two offices, one of
which I was now occupying. It resembled more of a storage closet but was
still more secluded than the area where the rest of the employees worked.
Everyone was a lot older, at least in their forties, and it did not look like
they wanted to be bothered.
After a lonely lunch at my desk, I started on the first website contract.
This was simple back-end and front-end coding I had done countless times
in the past. It was long, tedious work that made my brain feel like it had
eroded by the end. When the clock struck four, I packed my things and
dropped the contracts on Sylvia's desk. She wasn’t there, so I couldn’t use
all the courage I mustered to ask her about my app.
On my way out, I bumped into the developer Sylvia mentioned. I
introduced myself to Gabriel, a short man with large black-rimmed glasses
and thinning hair, who said he was the senior developer at Cypher. I tried to
strike up a conversation with him since he seemed more approachable than
anyone else.
“It’s nice to finally talk to a colleague,” I smiled, and he nodded. “So,
did you go to school here, or are you out of state?”
He shifted awkwardly. “School?” he repeated.
“Yeah, as in what college?”
“You wouldn’t know it.” He dismissed me with a wave of his hand.
“Oh. Well, do you have any specific language specialization?”
“Nope, just coding.” He smiled like he was proud of that answer. It was
vague, like a chef saying their specialty was food.
I shot him a skeptical look. The interaction trickled unease into my belly,
and I wasn’t sold that he was a developer. Instead of prying further, I waved
goodbye, which seemed to bring him a great amount of relief.
In the subway, I ranted to Linh on the phone about the job that was not
as advertised. Through the spotty service, I heard bits and pieces of her
encouraging words. She tried being optimistic, reminding me of the
opportunities it could give me for my app and the reasonable salary.
The salary was the main thing that drove me to the job. That probably
wasn’t the most humble way to approach a career, but I was desperate. It
was my passion, but I wouldn’t be too eager to learn it if I was paid the
same wage I was getting as a busboy—or busgirl. That year-long job during
high school had prepared me for things a teenager should never have to see.
So, Cypher was one of the few openings for a new software engineer
that paid that amount. Although the job was temporary, I would still go
insane if I edited website bugs all day. The site issues were tedious like they
wanted to waste my time.
Tuning onto my street, I stopped by the coffee shop below my apartment
and ordered an iced latte. After taking my order, I was headed into my
lobby when my phone vibrated, and with my luck, it was shoved into the
depths of my purse. Balancing my coffee, keys, and laptop case in one
hand, I dug through it.
Everything after that happened in slow motion.
While pulling out my phone, I slammed into a hard wall. So hard, a flash
of white blinded my vision when my ear struck the surface. My piercings
stabbed into my skull, and a faint ringing sounded in my ear. A gasp
escaped my throat when the coldness of my iced latte met my silk blouse,
the wet ice cubes slipping inside my shirt and at my feet.
My phone had flung out of my hand and was surely shattered
somewhere on the floor. My victimized ear began throbbing, and the
probability of a concussion was looking bright. When I tried to pull back to
see how I managed to walk into a wall, I couldn’t move. I was stuck. My
earring had caught onto something.
Or rather, someone.
Awkwardly angling my head, with my ear still attached to the stranger, I
saw the brooding asshole from last night.
Grey Sweats stared down at me with those piercing honey-brown eyes
and stoic expression, sending my heart rate galloping into a horse race. My
eyes widened, and I froze, hoping he wouldn’t recognize me since the look
on his face that night was nowhere near pleasant. Sure, I felt a little bad for
yelling, but there wasn’t any part of me that wanted to apologize. Averting
my eyes, I desperately tried to unhook myself from this mess. My earring
stuck to a button on his dress shirt. However, when I moved so much as an
inch, my ear violently flared.
A strong arm held me in place, forcing a yelp of surprise from me.
“Hold still. You’re going to hurt yourself,” the gruff voice ordered.
I stilled, stunned by the arm around me and the voice that caused
goosebumps to rise on my skin. Despite the warning, I tried to jerk back
again, but only intensified the pain I was trying to avoid.
He exhaled a noisy breath at my futile attempt and tightened his hold on
my waist in response. One side of my hip pressed into him, and I was
positive I would go up in flames any second now. His warm fingers grazed
my aching ear and slowly began undoing whatever kept me bound to him.
The soft touch startled me, and the way my body reacted was unnerving. I
couldn’t take it. There was no way I would stand here while he took his
sweet time with my face plastered on his warm chest. That too, in the
middle of our lobby, in broad daylight.
I pushed aside my racing thoughts and yanked myself from the evil
button. There was a snap of thread and a pop from my ear. I had irritated it
enough to draw out a burning sensation and surely have it swollen for days.
Brows furrowed at my recklessness his hand shot out to run his thumb
over the tender skin of my ear. At this point, I was willing to hand him my
ear and disappear into a dark hole. But when his eyes met my widened
ones, he pulled back, something obscure skittering through his features. Our
eyes stayed locked, and a crack of electricity bounced through my veins and
almost knocked me to the coffee-coated floor.
As if in warning, an ice cube slid down my shirt, jolting me out of my
stupor. Stepping away from him, the weight of the arm around my waist
dropped as I roughly dug the ice cubes out of my shirt, annoyed by the
collision that had turned my white blouse into a brown mess. I couldn't help
but notice not a drop of coffee had gotten on him.
“Watch where you're going!” I snapped.
He blinked at me, confounded by my sudden irritation. His gaze
flickered to the ice cubes on the floor, then to my narrowed eyes, seemingly
disoriented by the ordeal.
He cleared his throat. “I think you were the one who wasn’t paying
attention,” he replied calmly, his eyes lingering on the coffee-stained chest
that had made my white blouse see-through. I might as well have entered
myself in a wet t-shirt contest, and with the way he was looking at me, I
probably would have won.
“Even if I wasn’t, you could've moved out of my way.” I crossed my
arms over my chest, forcing his eyes back to my face. I knew it was my
fault, but there was no way I would admit that to him.
“I’ll keep that in mind for next time.”
“I would rather we not make a habit of this,” I said with a glare.
“Promise?”
I ground my teeth, ignoring his taunt. “If you will excuse me, I need to
retrieve my phone from across the lobby.” I moved past him, intentionally
bumping his arm before I walked over to where my phone was on the floor.
Luckily, there were no cracks, just a few scratches on the side.
I gathered a wad of paper towels from the front desk to clean up my
mess and hoped no one would walk into the lobby to see me drenched in the
brown liquid. I turned back to notice Grey Sweats had already left, with no
offer to help me clean up.
Who said chivalry was dead?
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER FOUR
I
stood in the warm embrace of the shower, washing away the sticky
residue of the coffee when my phone pulled me from my state of
relaxation. Ignoring it, I continued to allow the spray to soothe my
throbbing ear. Somewhere in the collision with his rock-hard chest, I lost
my earring, only realizing it was gone when I walked into my bathroom.
The calls continued, not even allowing a second between the next bout
of rings. I leaned out of the shower, my wet hair and body soaking the tiled
floor as I reached for my phone on the counter. Before I could even say
hello, Linh's voice came through.
“Naz! Where the hell have you been? I’ve been trying to get through to
you.”
“I’m in the shower. Can I call you back?”
“No! My friend James works at this huge tech company and said they
are looking for a software engineer. I told him my best friend is the best
freaking software engineer in the country,”—I laughed at her exaggeration
— “and told him about your app. He wants you to apply, so I gave him your
phone number and email.”
“What? But I’m at Cypher. I can’t just quit.”
“You said it felt like your brain was rotting away. This is meant to be.
What are the chances of me finding this job opening right after you told me
you didn’t like your current one? Plus, your contract is temporary. Just try
and get out of it,” she suggested. Her words left me speechless. How did
she find out about Cypher being temporary? I made sure I hid the truth from
everyone, including my best friend. “I know what you’re thinking, and yes,
I am mad at you for not telling me. I found out when you sent me your offer
letter. I know you were stressed, so I’ve been trying to look out for you. The
company is huge. He said it was called spec…spectacle or something?”
I almost fell out of the shower and onto the cold, wet tiles.
“Linh, do you mean Spectrum?” I asked slowly, my voice surprisingly
calm for what was going on in my head. Spectrum was one of the largest
New York-based technology companies, behind some of the largest app
creations.
“Yeah, that’s the one! I told him to send you the application,” she
paused, and I heard voices around her. “I have to go now. We’ll talk later.”
She hung up before I could even process her words.
Cemented in place with my phone still pressed against my ear, I watched
the shower steam cloud the bathroom. A text from a new number knocked
me out of my trance. It was from James sending the job posting.
I felt trapped.
After signing the contracts with Cypher, I couldn’t quit now. This was a
rare opportunity, but I couldn't take it unless I wanted to face the
repercussions.
At the time, the potential fine hadn't even crossed my mind. Being
offered a job in New York was the only thing I focused on. With my bank
account drained, breaking my contract to apply for a job I may or may not
get could leave me on the streets.
I finished showering and ran to my computer, still wrapped in my towel.
I read the job listing, further prolonging my suffering. Pain ensued in my
chest upon seeing the job description, outlining qualifications that I
matched. I fell face-first onto my bed and screamed into my pillow.
Despite my sore throat and puffy eyes, I was in a good mood. I would
finally talk to Sylvia about my app. Since I couldn't apply for Spectrum,
making Cypher my dream job was my mission. But when the elevator doors
parted, the confident smile on my face evaporated.
Grey Sweats stood inside, typing on his phone, his shoulders stiff and
face focused. Why was he always so tense? No wonder bumping into him
felt like walking into a glacier. Instinctively, my hand went to the ear I spent
all night icing, serving as an unwelcome and irritating reminder of the man
standing in front of me now.
I slipped inside, hoping he wouldn’t look my way. When I went to press
the button for the parking level, it was already illuminated. My brain spun
from the knowledge that we were headed to the same floor. When the doors
closed, I snuck a glance to take in his appearance. His charcoal grey suit
looked sewn right onto his body. I could make out the curves of his biceps
under the expensive material, an alarming reminder of how he looked
without his shirt that night.
My face heated, and I glanced away before he had the chance to witness
my creepy ogling. Perhaps he wouldn't recognize me since the first time he
saw me, I was wearing my pj’s, slick with moisturizer, and the second time,
I was covered in coffee. Not a great disguise, but a bubble of hope rose in
my chest at the possibility. I stuck as close to the opposite wall as I could
and glanced at myself in the mirrored panel. My new get-up was a creamcoloured skirt and blazer. Hopefully, it would assimilate me into the ocean
of beige at the office.
Counting down the seconds until I was free of this eternal elevator ride, I
drilled holes into the digital clock. A long ten floors later, a man walked in.
A very handsome man who was staring right at me. From one look at his
dusty steel-toe boots and work pants, I knew he was in construction. His
face was clean-shaven, and it did wonders for his chiseled features. The
sharpness of his nose and jawline did not go unnoticed. There was
something about men in construction that made my pulse jump. The
gruelling work and their strong, calloused hands made my body tingle.
Grey Sweats, on the other hand, hadn’t spared a glance at the man, still
focused on his phone. The man pressed the button for the lobby and came to
stand between us. Letting out a grateful breath for the new barrier, I rested
my head against the wall.
When something touched my foot, I looked down to find a guest parking
pass on the floor. It no doubt belonged to the construction man since this
was the first time I had seen him in the building. Picking it up, I lightly
tapped his shoulder.
“You dropped this.” I held up the pass for him to take, my voice
intentionally low in hopes that Grey Sweats wouldn’t recognize it. The
man’s mesmerizing green eyes met mine, and he smiled. I was taken aback
by how his face transformed with it and almost forgot about the man on the
other side of the elevator. Almost.
Unable to resist, I snuck a peek to my left to ensure he hadn’t noticed
me. There was only so much you could miss in an eight-by-eight box.
To my dismay, hazel swirls stared back, studying my features tentatively.
Then, as if something clicked, his brows rose, the realization evident. I
averted my eyes so quickly, I was surprised when I didn’t snap my neck.
“I was supposed to give this back to my friend. He would have kicked
my ass for losing this! Thank you,” said the man, pulling me out of my
panic.
Grateful for his interruption, I smiled with a weak nod. I had no idea
how to use my voice anymore. I took a deep breath, not wanting the eyes
drilling holes into the side of my head to affect me. “No problem, I’m glad I
saved you from an ass-kicking.”
His face broke out in a wide grin as he studied me, his head slightly
tilting. “You don't sound like a New Yorker. Are you from here?”
I let out a gasp, allowing my hand to land on my chest as I feigned
offence. His brows shot up, worry replacing his smile. I couldn't help but
laugh at his alarm.
“I’m from Vancouver. How did you know? Did I forget to change my ‘I
heart NY’ shirt?” I asked, pretending to panic, double-checking my outfit.
He let out a hearty laugh, looking genuinely amused by me. “It’s your
smile. You look happy. No one in New York is happy at six a.m.”
I looked at him in disbelief, unsure if he was serious. “Shoot, so I’ve
been doing it all wrong. I should have been scowling at every stranger I
see?”
A scoff sounded from the opposite side of the elevator, and my eyes slid
to Grey Sweats watching me with amused, focused interest. He tucked his
phone in his pocket, crossing his arms and leaning back against the elevator
wall, letting his eyes fixate on me.
“Yeah, but I like your smile better,” the construction man said, pulling
my attention back to him. “How about, in exchange for a date, I’ll teach you
the ways of a real New Yorker? Born and raised.”
I opened my mouth to respond, then closed it again. Entirely too stunned
to speak. Was everyone in New York this forward?
The elevator stopped at another floor, and a few more people shuffled in,
forcing us to squeeze further back. He dug into his bag and pulled out a
white business card. “That’s my number if you want to take me up on the
offer. My name is Nadir, by the way.” He held out his hand to me, and I
timidly shook it.
“I’m Sarvenaz. Nice to meet you,” I said, finally finding my voice.
“Sarvenaz,” he repeated. “A beautiful name for an even more beautiful
woman.”
A soft smile fell on my lips at his sweet words just as the elevator
opened, and everyone but Grey Sweats and I exited.
“So, you are capable of being nice. Or is that only to people who ask you
out?” A deep, accusing voice filled the empty elevator. Slowly, I turned to
find dry amusement in his piercing eyes.
“Nope, just to everyone except you.” I shot him an unimpressed look.
The doors opened, and I hurried out as his soft chuckle followed me.
“See you around,” he dared to say. I would rather jump in a well than see
him again. “Sarvenaz,” he finished, and I could hear the smirk in his voice.
I almost toppled over at the sound of my name on his lips. He said it
perfectly, without butchering it as most people did, and for the first time
ever, that irritated me. I spun around to aim my glare at him, only to find
him already ducking into his car.
Great, now he knows my name.
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER FIVE
M
y second week at Cypher had topped the charts as my worst week yet.
When I first found Sylvia to talk about my app last week, she
brushed it off. She made a weak excuse about a meeting and rushed out
before I could stop her. Something was going on, but I couldn’t figure it
out. Sylvia had no reason to avoid me since she had made it clear my app
was a large part of hiring me. It was one of the reasons I accepted this job in
the first place. So today, a week after I let her avoid me, I was going to talk
about it, even if I had to strap her down to her chair.
That’s how I found myself in her office, pitching my app. “This way,
you benefit from a single workplace management system. Every
communication, change, event, and contact is found in one software catered
for your business,” I concluded, hearing my heart in my throat. Sylvia’s
impassive expression revealed nothing. If she didn't say something soon, I
would start rambling—or begging.
“Well, that was...very informative,” she said slowly, looking through the
papers I had given her. “You can start loading the software onto our servers
this week. We will need all the data you have collected and the original
version.” She smiled and then handed back my papers, signalling for me to
leave her office.
Shocked flooded my features as I floated down the hall high on
approval. When I relayed the news to Gabriel, he only supplied me with an
uneasy look and excused himself as if nervous to be around me. I found
talking to Sylvia in a hushed tone later that day but brushed off their
frequent meetings. Mostly because I couldn’t eavesdrop well enough to
hear what they were saying.
When it was finally the day I would put my app to use, I woke up late.
Rushing out of my building and onto the rain-soaked pavement, I
spotted a single yellow taxi by the curb. I ran to the edge of the sidewalk
without caring that the heavy rain left me drenched. The foresight to get an
umbrella had escaped me, but I couldn’t care less if my hair got wet. When
I reached the cab, a hand grabbed the door handle before I could.
I didn’t have to look up to know who it was.
“Hey! This is my cab,” I said, loud enough to be heard over the bustling
traffic.
Grey Sweats turned around, surprised to see me standing there. His
brows knitted when his eyes landed on my soaked figure.
Wasting time squabbling with him was the last thing I needed right now.
“This isn’t some J-Lo rom-com. Can you just let me have my cab?” I
squinted up at him through the rain on my eyelashes.
He pulled back at my words. “J-Lo rom-com?” he repeated.
There was no way he didn’t know what those were. “Yeah, like a romant
— forget it.” I shook my head. I would not let him think I imagined a
romantic scenario between us. What I had imagined would be more of a
murder mystery. “I need this cab.” I pointed toward the door and tried to
slip in, but he pulled the handle and opened it wide for himself. Then he
paused, raising his hand to wave to the street. I watched him in confusion.
When I thought he was being a gentleman and getting himself another
cab, he proceeded to get into mine. Before he sat, he took my hand, and our
eyes met for a brief moment at the strange sensation of the touch. Then he
wrapped my fingers around his umbrella and sat in the cab before I could
even move.
A scoff escaped me at his thievery, and his eyes brightened at my
dismay.
“Cabs don’t belong to anyone in New York. I’m guessing your new tour
guide didn’t tell you that. Keep the umbrella,” he said, before closing the
door and speeding away. In my cab.
I stood there at the curb, clutching his umbrella in my fist. “Assho—”
A loud honk cut me off, preventing me from tossing it in the trash. I
guessed I should be grateful he saved me a trip to the store. I wasn’t sure if I
had enough money to spend on luxuries like an umbrella. The cab driver
nodded for me to come over, and I realized the taxi thief had waved him
over before taking mine. I couldn’t decide whether it was a nice gesture. I
didn’t bother making sense of the action and sat in the impatient driver’s car
before anyone else had the chance.
I wrung out my wet hair on the way up in the elevator to Cypher and
checked the time every few seconds. If this jerky elevator moved faster, I
would be on time.
Finally exiting the deathtrap, my eyes fell to the caution tape outlining
the office door. Stopping mid-way, I double-checked the floor number
displayed on the wall. Then scrutinized the room number, squinting hard in
case my eyes were playing tricks on me. I approached the door that
appeared decorated for Halloween and searched for a note. My best
assumption was someone had hit a wall, and the asbestos was finally going
to kill us. So, I held a hand over my nose as a precaution and reached under
the tape to turn the knob.
It broke off.
If this was a plot for a scary movie, I would surely be dead in the next
few minutes. With the rusty knob in my hand, I lightly kicked the door,
forcing it to creak open. My jaw hit the landing, and my eyes were seconds
from popping out of their sockets. I was stunned, standing frozen at the
threshold, looking at what was supposed to be my place of work.
The office was empty.
Completely barren. Like someone picked up any useful piece of
furniture and hightailed it out of there. Either we had been robbed, or I was
living in a simulation. I scanned the hallway once more, confirming this
was, in fact, the correct office. Ducking under the tape, I toed my way
through the entrance, bypassing the mess behind the front desk. Hundreds
of papers and used office supplies littered the scratched floor. I stepped over
the mess and around the corner to where my office was.
When I reached the splintering room, it was empty aside from a few file
cabinets with missing drawers and dented as if they had been through rough
moving. Someone had been hasty with their departure, not even bothering
to take the file boxes lining the wall. The computer I would have
downloaded my software on was snatched right off the wobbly desk, and
my cheap chair lay broken on the floor.
I could not decide whether to scream or cry, but I also didn’t have the
slightest clue as to what was happening. Perhaps, the company moved to a
bigger and cleaner location, but I’m sure they would have sent out a memo
to their employees. Or maybe this was a newbie initiation, and this was all
an elaborate prank.
Running a nervous hand through my hair I rummaged through the papers
on my desk, and found they were useless phone records dating back
months. I walked out to where Sylvia’s office used to be, finding the state of
it identical to mine. I hoped another employee was in the office, but from
where I stood, I could tell I was the only one in the tiny space.
None of this made sense. Who would rob a place like this? We didn’t
have cash or anything remotely valuable in this office. While trying to find
some indication of where my workplace had vanished, there was a
movement by the door. I froze when an older man in an NYPD jacket stood
by the entrance. His forehead wrinkled when he spotted me.
“You lost, ma’am?” he asked, but all I could do was blink. Had someone
reported this theft to the police? If they did, where were they? Where was
Sylvia?
“I don’t think so.”
The cop narrowed his eyes at my response, ducking below the tape to
approach me. “This isn’t open to the public. We raided it this morning after
an ongoing fraud investigation,” he informed me. I must have looked
shaken because concern grew deep in his features.
“Fraud?” I repeated, harbouring the shriek that was clawing at my throat.
“Yup, they had some scam business going on. Hired employees and
everything.” I felt a hollow in my stomach grow deeper, and let out a shaky
breath. I examined the room again, my mind spinning. “You all right there?
You’re looking pale.”
“Just hyperventilating,” I said through shallow puffs, and he seemed
unsure of what to do next. “So, this was a scam? This—this right here was
all a scam?” I asked, feeling lightheaded and almost doubling over. The
man looked worried about my deteriorating health as he slowly nodded.
“But I worked here, I… I moved my whole life here,” I told him, and before
I could fall to my knees, his hands shot out to balance me with a hold on my
shoulders.
“You worked here?” A puzzled look coloured his features as he allowed
me to steady myself against the broken water cooler. He pulled out his
notepad, scribbled on it, then gestured for me to continue.
“It had just been a week,” I informed, edging closer to having a
breakdown.
“A week, and you didn’t know it was a scam?” he asked in disbelief.
When I glared at him, he raised his hands in defence, “Sorry, I didn’t mean
it like that. What kind of company was it?”
“Technology.”
“Huh. I guess Catherine is getting wiser with time.”
“Catherine?”
“The one who set this whole thing up. Catherine has been scamming the
upper east side for decades. I’m not surprised she has evolved. Last time
she opened a brokerage. Scammed lots of new real estate agents with those
looks of hers.”
I gave him a strange look. “You mean Sylvia?”
“About this tall,”—he held up a hand showing her height—“curly brown
hair, and walks like she owns the place?” he asked, and I nodded. “I guess
that’s the name she’s going with now.” He shook his head, probably in pity
for my idiocy. I had just been scammed in a city already eating me and my
bank account alive.
Suddenly, it hit me that she had all my information. Everything about
my work visa, my insurance, and my address. I willingly gave all my
personal information to a thief and was going to hand over my software too.
“She has all my confidential information.”
“I wouldn’t worry about it. We know her MO, and because we busted
this early, it’ll be almost impossible to perform identity theft.”
“Identity theft?” I sputtered. Not only had I wasted all my money and
time, but I risked my entire livelihood for this job. I needed to sit down
before I cracked my head against the water cooler.
“We’ll file a police report and keep you informed, but you don't have to
worry. Just lock your accounts and monitor any money in or out.”
My mind focused on one word: money. There wasn’t any money going
into my account unless I got involved in the shady drug trafficking calls I’d
been getting.
“I was supposed to get paid this week,” I croaked as realization dawned.
With no paycheck, my bank account was looking emptier than this office. I
was sure they would find moths in there at the bank.
“Sorry, ma’am, but I’m sure a young girl like you can land on her feet.
You’ll find something. Just make sure it isn’t a scam this time,” he said,
giving me the most worthless advice. Did he think I had knowingly walked
into a scam job to drain my bank account and give myself an ulcer in the
process?
I wanted to shout at him, but this wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t anyone’s
fault but mine. I had been the one who hastily accepted the offer without
doing any research. According to him, I was young and could land on my
feet. But what if there wasn’t any foundation to land on? I was falling, and
it felt like a never-ending tunnel had opened below me. My parents would
have a long lecture ready for this, that is if I ever told them.
The officer’s radio squawked to life, bringing me back to the present,
standing in the deserted office that was supposed to be my key to
independence. Instead, it had given me a key to homelessness.
“You need a ride somewhere? I can drop you home,” he offered with a
sympathetic smile.
I nodded and followed him out the door, casting one final look at the
place that had single-handedly toppled my entire life on its head.
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER SIX
T
he open Google search on my phone for flights from New York to
Vancouver stared back at me with a menacing taunt.
It had been four days since I left Cypher, or rather four days since
Cypher left me, and three days since I sent in my application to Spectrum.
After Linh found out I got scammed, she called James to help with the
old job offer. I spoke to him briefly over the phone, and he was generous
enough to polish my resume before I sent it in. James informed me that the
application deadline had passed, but he had a good relationship with HR
and got my late application to them.
So, I had been refreshing my email and monitoring my calls like a mad
woman. Linh had witnessed my manic behaviour the past few days and
tried to help. She encouraged me to apply to two other well-known
technology companies, but both rejected my application.
Apparently, a measly two weeks of work experience and no reference
letter from the thief that was my boss was not a good look. Although, my
experience with building my software and countless school projects would
work to my advantage. I wasn't sure how I would fare with Spectrum, but
with James as my reference and my app at the forefront of my application, I
had a solid chance.
I was seriously considering getting a job at a fast-food restaurant or a
grocery store because the ad revenue from my app was not paying my bills.
At least I had the work experience to land those jobs. I would have to find a
new place in some seedy part of town that was dirt cheap. Alternatively, I
had enough money in my savings to break my lease and buy a ticket home,
not a dime more.
On the bright side, James had called me yesterday to tell me Spectrum
had made their decision, and it would be out within a day or two. They were
eager to have the new engineer start, so if I got the job, I would start
working right away. Considering I was spending my time sulking around
my apartment like a child who lost their blanket, this would be perfect for
me. I kept my fingers crossed because the sinking feeling in my stomach
had not worn off, and I wasn’t sure it ever would.
“You need to get laid.”
I choked, the cheese sample in my hand dropping to the floor when
Linh's words broke through my punitive thoughts.
It was a Friday morning, and Linh had dragged me to the farmer’s
market she had been dying to go to.
“Excuse me?” I coughed.
“What?” She feigned innocence. “I’m just saying that you seem stressed
because of work and after the breakup with—” she stopped, seeing the glare
I shot her way, “him you’ve been off. I think you need to start dating again.
It’s been a long dry year, Naz,” she said with a pitiful look, putting extra
emphasis on long and dry.
“Don’t give me that look. I got scammed, don’t have a career, and can
barely afford my apartment. This is not some fruit salad where I’ll happily
add a man to my mix of disasters. I’m finally living in the newfound
independence I worked so hard for. I’m not ruining it with a relationship,” I
argued. Newfound independence that was causing me a substantial amount
of hair loss, but independence, nonetheless.
“For your information, I did go on dates. It's not my fault they were all
so...bland.”
“Oh, come on! That one guy back home took you to the movies, and you
still complained. That’s like classic first date stuff,” she reasoned.
“Yeah, and he had his arm around me the entire time. I had a kink in my
neck for a week!” I remembered having to use a heating pad when I got
home. “Let’s not forget when he skipped the snacks because he was on a
‘student budget’. He wasn’t even in school!” I would have offered to pay
for the snacks myself, but I wasn’t sure if it would be a dig at his fragile
masculinity. It had gotten so awkward that I made some excuse about a
toothache and skipped the concession.
“How about we talk about your love life instead?” I said, paying for a
cheap jar of jam at the stand.
“Easy, I don’t have one,” she said with an impassive look. “But you have
to admit you got to get back in the game,” she continued, dodging my
request to focus on her.
I rolled my eyes as I pocketed my change and placed the jar into my tote
bag. “The game? You sound like a forty-year-old man, Linh.”
“I’m serious. If you don't find yourself a date, I would be more than
happy to set you up on one.” She beamed.
“That’s not going to happen again. Did you forget about Sam? The guy
who kept pet rats in his car. Rats are not supposed to be pets, Linh. They're
pests!”
“Fair point. I won’t be setting up any dates, but you have to go on one.
Why don't you use a dating app?” she suggested, and I gave her a blank
look until it clicked. “Oh sorry! I totally forgot.” She made a zipper motion
over her lips with her hand.
I had met nothing but creeps the one time I signed up for a dating app,
and I did not want a reminder of Jay, the date from Nightmare on Elm
Street. Most of all, the heartache from the past year alone was enough to
last me a lifetime. The dates I entertained were ones my best friend forced
me to go on or ones I thought would help get me out of the depressing
mood.
Spoiler alert: they didn’t.
“But we are not in Vancouver anymore. The dating scene here has to be
better. Just give it a try.”
She was right. It would be easier than finding a date organically. It
wasn’t every day you met an attractive man in an elevator.
“There is this one guy,” I blurted, immediately regretting the words that
escaped my mouth. Her eyes widened, and she vigorously bobbed her head,
urging me to continue. “I met him a few weeks ago and he gave me his
number. I didn't get the chance to call him because of the Cypher thing.”
“Call him now,” she demanded, pointing to the phone in my hand.
“Now? No way! Who even calls people nowadays?”
“Then text him. Right now, Naz, or, I swear I will set you up on another
blind date,” she threatened, eyes narrowing.
I scoffed but began typing a text, letting Nadir know when I would be
free. A few minutes later, my phone vibrated.
“We’re going out tomorrow.” My eyes widened as I read the quick reply.
I guess I was more skilled than I expected at this whole getting-a-date thing.
Linh let out a squeal from beside me. “Look at you! Back in the game
within seconds. A great recovery from our player after a long off-season,”
reported Linh in a commentator’s voice, using her fist as the mic.
“I think you’re right,” I said, my head filling with an idea.
“I always am.” Linh nodded. “But what am I right about this time?”
“About it being a game! My issue is getting attached. So, I’ll go on dates
because settling on one guy just ruins everything, and I never want to feel
like I did when I was with you-know-who,” I explained, excited about my
brilliant idea.
“Is this some polyamorous thing?” she asked, looking skeptical.
“No, I’ll be dating. To have fun and live like the independent single
woman I have always wanted to be.”
“You’ve been a hopeless romantic your whole life, and this sounds like
the bachelorette.” Linh gave me a skeptical look. She was right about that.
My obsession with romantic comedies and Bollywood started at the age of
four, which unsurprisingly created an unhealthy yearning for romance. Who
would have thought fictional characters could give me unrealistic
standards?
“Except there will be no final rose,” I amended. "Besides, I wasted my
early adulthood in a long-term relationship, and that's the last thing I want
right now. You should do it with me!”
She seemed uncomfortable at the suggestion, looking anywhere but at
me. What was she hiding? “I barely have time to sleep with my job and this
internship.”
“What happened to David? I haven’t seen him since the first night I was
here,” I asked, curious why a man who looked perfect for her had now
disappeared.
“We were never together, and I am not into him like that. He’s a friend
who was nice enough to pick my friend up from the airport.”
I didn’t believe her for a second. There was no way she wasn’t into this
guy unless there was someone else. I narrowed my eyes at her but kept this
revelation to myself, one that I would pry out of her later. She could never
keep a secret from me for long. I knew she would crack soon.
“Anyway, I think this might be a good idea to get you out of your funk,”
she agreed, placing both hands on my shoulders.
“I am not in a funk.”
“Sure,” she noted with an annoyingly sympathetic smile. “As long as I
don’t have to kick anyone's ass, I’m team Naz. But if you need me to, you
know I can get scrappy.”
“You won’t. I’ll be fine,” I said as we waved down a cab. “Let’s take
these to your place. I can’t believe I haven’t seen it yet,” I said, lifting my
tote bag.
“No! Not mine. Yours is so much closer,” she rushed out.
Confused by her sudden change in mood, I shot her a suspicious look
but agreed.
“I don’t have pasta.” I groaned from my squatting position as I shuffled
through my empty cupboards.
“Should I get some? I can run to the bodega a block away,” Linh offered
when I walked into the living room.
“I can go. You need to work on your assignment, and I need something
to get my mind off Spectrum.” I took my coat off the couch and made my
way to the door.
“You’re going to get it. Stop stressing!” Linh called out after me.
I stepped into the full elevator, not realizing it was going up. I rested my
head against the wall, waiting for everyone to exit before it began
descending. Just as the last rider left and the elevator started to close, a hand
stopped the doors. I looked up and saw the last person I wanted to see step
inside.
Grey Sweats nodded in greeting, and instead of being civil, I turned
away, not wanting to entertain any conversation with him. Luckily for me,
he seemed to be in a talkative mood.
“Night out?” he asked after a long silence, startling me.
I was wearing a long peacoat with sweatpants peeking out at the bottom,
my face wiped clean, and hair pulled into a messy bun. I looked the furthest
thing from having a night out.
“No,” I said without turning. Did he think I dressed like this on a night
out?
“I’m enamoured by your conversational skills,” he remarked, sarcasm
clear in his words.
That made me turn my head. We’ve been clashing since we met, and he
thinks I would enjoy a conversation with him? He spilled coffee all over
me, and not to mention he stole my cab just a few days ago.
“Right, because yours are so perfect,” I shot back with a raised brow,
turning to look at his punchable face.
“Just trying to be friendly,” he shrugged, looking anything but.
I rolled my eyes, annoyed at his weak attempt at friendship. “Because
that’s something you’re capable of?” I didn’t understand why he wanted to
be friends. I was fine with pretending he ceased to exist whenever we
inevitably saw each other in the lobby or the elevator.
“And you know me so well?” he challenged.
“Oh, don’t worry. I wouldn't dare get to know you. It’s pretty clear the
type of person you are.”
“What kind of person would that be?” His tone dropped to a chilling
degree.
I wanted to list the many reasons his presence was so frustrating, but
only one juvenile response stuck out in my exhausted brain. I tried and
failed to keep the words from tumbling out. He brought out this side of me.
“A pain in my ass,” I said through gritted teeth.
Great comeback, Naz.
He hummed in acknowledgment. A sound that was both infuriating and
sexy. “Nice to know I have such an effect on you, Sarvenaz.”
The way he said my name made me clench my fists, and I didn’t need to
look at him to know he had that aggravating smirk on his face.
The doors opened, and I pushed past him, barely suppressing another
immature retort. I didn't want this evening to be about him. I was already
anxious about whether I would get the new job and be employed before I
ran out of options.
Annoyance clouded over me as I made my way to the small corner
bodega. My phone pinged with a text from James telling me not to stress
and that if this didn’t work out, he would help place me in another position
within the company. Although it would be an entry-level job, I could
always work my way up. He was adamant about helping me, and I
appreciated how much he had done, despite only knowing me through Linh.
I tucked my phone away before crossing the street.
My interaction with Grey Sweats plagued my thoughts as I walked
inside. Browsing the pasta aisle, I chose a few different options. Carbs were
the only thing that would get me through this.
The checkout line was long, and the cashiers quickly tried to clear them.
When I finally set my items on the conveyor belt, I waited for an older
woman ahead of me to pay. She appeared visibly flustered as she frantically
dug through her purse, running her hand through her dark, bouncy curls in
distress.
“Oh no! I grabbed the wrong wallet. None of my cards are in here.”
“Do you want to pay with cash?” asked the cashier, staring at the woman
expectantly.
“Yes, let me take a look.” I watched her pull out a few bills that all
looked like ones. With a defeated breath, she peered up at the cashier with
an apologetic look.
“I can call my son. He’s on his way to pick me up. I’ll need a minute.”
“Ma’am, we cannot hold the line for you. We’re busy,” said the annoyed
cashier.
The woman turned to look at the long line of angry people before
settling on my sympathetic face. I felt terrible that this woman who seemed
so put together had to feel like this at a grocery store checkout line. I
couldn’t help but think of how I’d feel if my mother had forgotten her
wallet.
“I’m so sorry,” she said to me. “I just need to call him.”
“Don’t. It’s completely fine,” I said with a reassuring smile and held out
my card to the cashier. The woman stopped me, shock written on her
features.
“No, no, no, you don’t need to do that, sweetheart. I can come back later,
but I do appreciate your kindness.”
“It’s okay. You only have a few groceries, anyway. Please, let me do
this.” I removed her hand from mine and handed my card to the cashier. She
took my pasta, bagged it, and finally swiped my card for both our bills. I
crossed my fingers, hoping it wouldn’t decline, but then a green check lit
the screen, forcing a breath of relief from me.
“You really didn’t have to.”
“Please, if it had been my mother, I would hope someone would do the
same.”
She gave me a look of astonishment before a smile curved her lips. Her
arms came around me in a tight hug, then we picked up our groceries, and
exited the store.
“I’m paying you back for this. Don’t think you’ll get away,” she scolded
when we were outside. Her eyes narrowed, but the smile on her face was
still there.
“It was really nothing.”
“Fine, let me make you dinner. That is the least I could do, and you can’t
say no. What would your mother say if you turned down a poor old
woman?”
“I’m sorry. My friend is waiting for me at home since I’m making dinner
tonight.” I lifted my grocery bag to show her my pasta.
“Next week, then? Let me get your phone number,” she said, placing the
grocery bag on the ground and pulling her phone out of her purse. I smiled
at her persistence and gave her my number.
“What’s your name, hun?”
“Sarvenaz, but everyone calls me Naz.”
“I've ever met a stranger as sweet as you, Naz. I’m Janelle Evans.” She
smiled and pulled me in for another hug. When I was saying goodbye, a tall
man came to stand beside her.
“Here, let me get that Mom.” That familiar deep voice ran straight
through me like a current. The same voice that was plaguing my thoughts
mere minutes ago. When he removed his hood, my breath snagged.
Janelle turned to him with a bright smile. “Jordan! This angel is Naz.
She so generously paid for my groceries when I realized I left my cards at
home.” When the words vacated her mouth, his head whirled to me.
His name is Jordan. Grey Sweats’ name is Jordan.
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER SEVEN
T
here are times in life when the universe laughs at your expense.
This was one of them.
“Sarvenaz?” Confusion marred his features as Jordan’s eyes bounced
between us. Seriously? The one time I wanted to be a good Samaritan, it
had to be his mother.
“You know each other?”
I wish I didn’t.
“Uh yeah, she lives in my building,” he answered slowly, still in
disbelief.
“Oh, that’s wonderful! I didn’t know you were friends with my son.”
At the word friend, I let out a snort. Quickly realizing what I had done, I
tried to rectify my response. “Yes! Friends,” I said, poorly concealing my
reaction with a taut smile. “I’m going to head home. I still have to make
dinner. It was nice meeting you, Janelle.”
“Hold on,” said Jordan in that rumbling voice, sending another
unwelcome shiver down my spine.
Shit. Was he going to tell his mother I had called him a pain in the ass a
few minutes ago? For some bizarre reason, I wanted her to like me. I
reluctantly twisted back as he pulled out a few bills from his wallet and held
them out to me.
I stared at his hand. “What are you doing?” I asked, offended by the
action.
“You paid for the groceries. I’m paying you back,” he clarified.
“Yes, Naz. Take it. I really appreciate that you did that for me,”
encouraged Janelle.
“No, it’s okay. I paid because I wanted to.” I took a step away from his
outstretched hand. The look on his face told me he would not back down
easily. “Think of it as my good deed for the day! I have to go,” I said,
turning toward the crosswalk.
“Honey, it’s starting to rain. I was visiting and picking up a few things
before Jordan took me home. We can swing by the apartment to drop you
off.”
A warm feeling spread in my chest at her concern. It reminded me of my
parents' protective nature and how they always made sure I was safe when I
went out. I missed that and regretted taking it for granted. Moving in with
my ex had severed the close-knit relationship we shared, and I didn't know
how hard it would be to get that back. I shook away the depressing thought
and smiled at her.
“I’ll be fine. It’s only a block. Thank you!” With a look of disapproval,
she begrudgingly waved, and I crossed the street to my apartment.
I didn’t dare look at Jordan.
As soon as I entered, Linh called out to me. “James called. He was
trying to get a hold of you.” I dropped the grocery bag on the counter.
Frantically digging my phone out of my pocket, I saw two missed calls
from him. My heart lurched.
“Did he say why?” I asked Linh, holding the phone to my ear.
“No, but he said to check your email soon.”
When the word email left her mouth, I hung up and ran to my laptop that
sat on the coffee table. It had to be about the offer, and I felt like I would
disintegrate before I even got the email open. When I saw the first line, I
immediately started bawling on the living room floor.
“Naz?” I heard Linh’s cautious voice approach me and her hand rubbing
my back. “Tell me what it says before I go over there to knock some sense
into them.”
“I got it.” Tears streamed down my face as I fell into her tight embrace.
We sat on the floor, both of us squealing in excitement. “I actually got it! I
start on Monday.”
“I’m so proud of you! Of course, you’d get it. I didn't doubt it for a
second. You should tell James!”
“I will. I really need to thank him. He was so helpful.” The look on
Linh's face made me furrow my brows in confusion. “What?”
“Oh, come on, you don't know?” She wiggled her brows.
“Know what?”
“Naz, he helped you because he’s into you. I mean, he obviously didn't
know you at first, but after he did, he went the extra mile. He would check
up with you every day. James does not check up on people like that, and I
have known him for a year.”
“You’re joking.” But the look on her face told me she wasn’t. “I haven't
even thought of him like that.”
“He could be added to the roster! Go on a date with him.” She was still
going with her sports analogy. I gave her a weird look, not jumping at the
idea of complicating my friendship with James. “Come on! It won’t hurt,
besides you said you were going to start dating.”
I guessed it wouldn’t be the worst idea.
She abruptly stood from the couch. “Now, we have to celebrate!” she
squealed, dragging me off the couch and heading to the kitchen to pour us
the only bottle of wine I had.
Nadir was late.
After our late-night celebration, Linh and I slept off the entire day. By
the time we woke up, I only had a few hours to check emails before I had to
get ready for my date with Nadir. A date that would break my year-long
strike.
Standing in the lobby, I waited for a text or a call from him, but ten
minutes had passed, and I got nothing. I was giving him the benefit of the
doubt, although I would happily head back upstairs and forget about this
whole thing.
My dating life was not supposed to start off like this.
Just as I inched toward the elevator, a car pulled in front of the building.
I let out a breath and waited for Nadir to step out or call to alert me of
his arrival before I mistakenly stepped into some stranger's car and got
kidnapped. However, the longer I waited, neither of those things happened.
I had half a mind to cancel on him and run back upstairs, but I knew Linh
would catch me. Walking to the car, I saw him scrolling through his phone,
and when he noticed me, he smiled without bothering to open the door.
I get that we were living in the modern world and small acts of gallantry
were not the norm, but I still appreciated them. I pulled open the door for
myself and sat inside.
He greeted me with a hug at an awkward angle and then pulled out of
the apartment lot.
“You look great, by the way,” he said.
His compliment didn’t do anything for me. I wasn’t sure if gauging my
feelings only seconds into the date was a good idea. I took in his casual
button-down and slacks, then his rugged hands on the steering wheel. The
tingle of excitement on my skin was still there from when I saw those hands
in the elevator. That was a good sign, despite my annoyance with his dating
approach.
“You do too. I’m glad I could finally do something other than work.” Or
get scammed, but I’d rather not voice that thought.
He glanced at me, then back at the road with a smile. “I was ready to
plan a whole tourist date, but I thought I’d ease you in. Something casual,
like the oldest restaurant in New York with the best comfort food.”
I liked his plan and was happy to have him as my guide. When we
walked into the restaurant, the old tavern was renovated, but still held all
the old elements. The server seated us at a table, and once we ordered our
food, I tried my best to not make things awkward.
“How old are you?” I asked.
“Twenty-three,” he answered, and suddenly his dating etiquette made
sense to me. I grimaced, then quickly tried to mask it with a smile, but not
before his eyes caught me. “Is that too old for you?” he asked, and I
laughed. Did he think I was younger than him? It wouldn’t be a terrible
assumption. He looked older and bigger than me in general.
“I’m twenty-four, so this is a bit out of my comfort zone.” The age gap
was minuscule, but it had always been a turn-off for me. He could be an
hour younger than me, and I would still be thrown for a loop. My ex was
six years older, so I clearly had a thing for older men.
“That’s all right. I’m into the whole cougar thing.” He smiled. “You’re
not my first older woman,” he added, proudly.
Nope. I was not even going to touch that. I barely kept my face from
reacting to the comment. “So, you work in construction?” I asked, derailing
wherever that conversation was headed.
“I’m a site manager. Now, I'm working to get my developer’s license and
start my own business.”
“That’s exciting, so you’ll have your own company?” It genuinely
impressed me. He was young and already working on having something of
his own.
He nodded, gesturing to me. “What about you? You were all dressed up
that day in the elevator.
“Software Engineer. I work for Spectrum.” As soon as I said that, his
eyes widened.
“Wow, I’ve worked on one of their expansions. They are a huge
company. Did you move here for the job?” he asked, and I didn’t know if
saying yes would be a lie. When I met him, I was still working at the scam
job.
“Yes,” I decided the fewer people that knew about the scam, the better.
The rest of the night went on with him telling me about dropping out of
college and moving out of his parents’ place. I told him about myself,
leaving out the real reason I moved because bringing up an ex on the first
date was a big no.
When we were stuffed with greasy food, and he paid for dinner, we
headed home. On the drive to my apartment, we talked about our worst
dates, and I had him beat.
“You’re kidding me. He took you to a gumball machine for dinner?” He
chuckled. “You win. I don’t even think my date with the ear fetish could
beat that.”
“Thank you. Now, where’s my prize?” I held out my hand when Nadir
pulled in front of my apartment. He took it, turning it over to kiss it. I froze
and hoped he wouldn’t take that as an invitation to kiss me because I didn’t
feel the spark. Our conversation flowed easily, and he held a comfortable
presence, but I didn’t feel anything remotely romantic. I should have been
happy my plan to release myself from the attachments had finally worked.
“I actually do have something for you,” he said, ignoring my strange
reaction.
He reached into the backseat and pulled out a gift bag with mini statues
of liberty illustrated on it.
“You got me a gift?” I asked in disbelief.
“It’s no big deal. Open it.”
So, I did, removing the tissue. I laughed as soon as I pulled it out of the
bag, and Nadir grinned back at me.
“Now, what if I already had one of these?” I held up the white ‘I heart
NY’ shirt.
“You can never have too many.” He shrugged.
I thanked him for it. It was a sweet gesture and nice to know he
remembered something I said to him.
“Next time, I’m taking you on a real tourist date,” he said, and I hugged
him before exiting his car.
Nadir didn’t bother opening the door for me this time, nor did he walk
me inside. I pondered what walking me to my door meant for a twentythree-year-old. I didn’t kiss anyone on a first date, and he would be no
exception. Being so far out of the dating game, I had no idea if it held
another meaning, so I was glad he didn’t walk me.
Entering the lobby, I turned back to see that Nadir had already driven
off. A frown made its way onto my face.
Everyone had a checklist, whether it was who paid for dinner or held
open the doors. Mine was whether they waited for you to get inside after a
date. A perfect indicator of a good guy who cared about your safety.
Unfortunately, Nadir failed.
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER EIGHT
L
ife lesson: Always read a contract before signing it.
That had been permanently ingrained in my mind now, nothing like
a traumatic experience to get your brain to retain information.
I handed Maria, my manager, the signed copies on my first day at
Spectrum. “We work in teams here at Spectrum. It makes the workload
simple and allocating projects easier for everyone.” She slid over a paper
with the division of teams. “You’ll meet your team lead in a few minutes.
You can read through the list and see your position.”
I sat there reading through each division. There were twelve of them,
and I was in division one. When my eyes fell down the list, I wanted to
pack up my bags and run out of there screaming. My nerves knotted
themselves together, and my breath hooked in my lungs.
Directly below the team lead position, there was one name I was sure I
read incorrectly. Blinking rapidly, I rubbed my eyes to ensure I wasn’t in
dire need of an optometrist. There could be a million people with that name.
I was freaking out for no reason.
Then the door to the office creaked open, and my head twisted to see
who had entered. A dumbbell of shock dropped in my stomach. I
swallowed at the sight of him. This had to be a joke. Please, let this be a
joke.
“Great, you’re here. Sarvenaz, meet Jordan Evans. Your team lead.”
Jordan Evans.
My neighbour Jordan Evans.
My boss Jordan Evans.
I remained frozen in place, and so did he. Standing was not an option
with how my legs trembled. Wiping my clammy hands on the seat did
nothing to combat the stress response elicited by my body.
“Sarvenaz, are you okay?” asked a muffled voice. I snapped back from
my spiralling thoughts, pushing aside my desire for the ground to open up
and swallow me whole. My eyes darted to Maria, who looked between us
with concern.
“Y-yes, sorry.” I cleared my throat after hearing my hoarse voice.
This would be an ideal time to be struck down by lightning. Though
considering it wasn’t storming and I was standing inside a building, the
chances of that were quite slim. However, this was my current reality, so I
believed anything was possible.
Jordan seemed to recover before I did because he closed the door behind
him, taking a step forward and barring my escape plan. I scrambled out of
my chair and onto my weak legs to meet him halfway.
“Nice to meet you, Jordan,” I said, the contents of my stomach wanting
to empty themselves onto his shiny shoes.
He accepted my hand, giving it a firm shake.
God, even his handshake was arrogant.
We held onto each other's hands, staring at what had to be an alternate
reality. I was trying to figure out how, out of all the jobs in New York, I
ended up at his, and he seemed to be contemplating something along the
same lines.
“Jordan oversees all of the divisions, but he directly leads division one.
We were missing a software engineer, so I am glad we can finally have you
complete us,” Maria said, cheerfully. A complete contrast to the emotions
running through me. Jordan and I eyed each other with disbelief.
I thought I was seeing things. Maybe the water here caused
hallucinations. It couldn't be that I lived and now worked in the same place
as this man.
Then the door opened again, and James’ head popped in. “You
summoned me?” he asked, his face lighting up when his eyes landed on
mine.
My eyes dropped to Jordan’s hand, which suddenly felt like hot coals on
my skin. We both seemed to notice we hadn’t let go and instantly pulled
away. Each of us took a step back, and I rubbed my tingling hand along the
hem of my black pencil skirt.
James moved inside, standing between us. He greeted Jordan, who
nodded in response.
I guessed he only spoke when someone was worthy of his voice.
“Yes. Sarvenaz will need you to train her for a week, and since you
already know each other, training should be a breeze.”
At the mention of knowing each other, Jordan’s head turned to me. I
couldn't bring myself to look over at him.
“Of course! I would be more than happy to train her.” Maria handed him
the training folder, and James gestured for me to exit.
Hesitantly taking a step forward, I snuck a glance at Jordan. Whose eyes
ran down my skirt, then slipped back to my face, giving away nothing. I
swallowed the bitter realization of my team lead being the same guy I had
been bickering with since I arrived.
After spending hours in the engineering wing, James led me through the
office. “Since we’re done with the basics, I can give you a tour of the
place.”
We had gone over what my role would encompass and what projects I
would be working on. Nothing that surprised me, but everything that
excited me.
When we walked into the lunch room, we spotted someone sitting in
there.
“Natalia, this is Sarvenaz, our new SE. It’s her first day,” James
introduced me.
“Finally, a woman! I’m sick of going to the E-wing and having to talk to
guys like James,” she said, rolling her eyes as she shook my hand.
James scoffed beside me at her remark.
“I’m glad to be of service. What’s your role?”
“Accounting,” she said, pointing behind her. “We all take our lunch here,
so I’ll see you around.”
I nodded, smiling at her welcoming nature, then following James around
to see the rest of the building.
“Lastly, this is Jordan’s office. Since you’re on his team, you’ll be here a
lot. He likes to have meetings with each division every month. He is precise
about what he wants, so don’t be afraid to have us look over your work
before sending it in.”
I hummed in response, peering through the glass and into his neat office.
It was simple and all black aside from the one white photo frame on his
desk.
Someone cleared their throat behind me, causing me to jump back and
bump into James’ chest. He let out an oof and then stabilized me with a
hold on my shoulders. I turned to see Jordan, his eyes on where James’
hands held me before they darted away. Without a word, he walked into his
office and closed the glass door behind him.
I let out a breath and hastily followed James back to the E-wing. “Is he
always like that?” I asked, wondering whether he was just weird with me or
everyone else too.
“Like what?”
“All broody and stoic,” I whispered.
“Well, that’s one way to describe him,” he chuckled. “He likes to keep to
himself, but he makes it a point to get to know everyone and establish a
good rapport. He’ll do the same with you when you’re together,” he said,
and I didn't like the trickling unease settling in the pit of my stomach. “I
think he’s stressed since he’s in a transitional position right now. Jordan’s
being promoted to CMO. One of the youngest to ever be at Spectrum.”
The way he spoke about Jordan told me he respected him. Of course,
someone as uptight and arrogant as him would be a leader for this company.
That was impressive and slightly annoying.
James waited for me to grab my things. I hadn’t done any real work
today, but I was exhausted. I guessed finding out your infuriating neighbour
was also your boss really took a toll. James and I walked to the elevator,
and he seemed nervous about something. I had a feeling I knew what he
was going to say next.
“We should celebrate your first day. How about dinner?”
I smiled, realizing Linh was spot on with her assumption of James.
My date with Nadir was fun, and it was nice being treated like someone
cared to impress me. But were sparks flying? No. There wasn’t even a small
kindling, and even Nadir knew that. That didn't stop him from asking me
out again, and it didn't stop me from saying yes, either. If he ended up being
nothing more than a friend, I would still be happy.
I agreed to go out with James, giving in to my new resolution.
“Great, I know the perfect place.” He smiled, looking visibly more
relaxed. I found his excitement endearing, and I thought maybe Linh was
right.
Linh was so wrong.
James was gay.
I should have guessed, considering he had more chemistry with our
waiter than with me. It was a relief but also a kick in the shin since my
second date in New York was not a date at all. In hindsight, it shouldn’t
have come as a shock when the only tip-off that he liked me was from an
overenthusiastic Linh, who wanted me to date the first thing with a pulse.
We never flirted, and he certainly was not making any other advances.
He might have touched my arm a few times, but now that all seemed in the
ballpark of friendly colleagues. Frankly, it was a blessing because dating
someone from work was not a part of the plan.
When I found out he was gay, I could not hold in that I thought this was
a date. “This is embarrassing, but Linh thought you were into me like,
romantically.” He blinked in confusion, so I continued. “As in, she has
never seen you go out of your way to help someone, and she hasn’t seen
you with anyone in the years she’s known you.”
When the realization hit, he smiled. “Oh, I see how she might have
gathered that. I’m not very open about my private life. After my breakup
with my ex-boyfriend, I focused on myself and making friends instead,” he
said, gesturing to me. He had no idea how much I could relate. “There was
a job opening, and Linh said you would be the perfect fit. I did some
freelancing for the art gallery and knew she had a good eye. I trust her
judgement, so I was more than happy to help again after finding out about
the scam.”
I sighed, taking a gulp of my drink, then letting my head fall into my
hands.
“Hey, it’s not embarrassing. It’s kind of funny. Now we have a story to
tell when someone asks how we became friends.” I peeked at him through
my fingers, finally lifting my head. “Now you need to tell me how you
know Jordan Evans,” he demanded, and I choked.
“Well, that reaction confirms it. Spill.”
I questioned if the entire office would know about our close quarters by
the time the words left my mouth. However, James didn’t strike me as a
gossip.
“He lives in the apartment above mine,” I admitted, trying not to cringe.
It would be less weird if he wasn’t my boss, but I could hear his
footsteps and the sound of his music drifting through to mine every so
often. Sometimes I would pull out a book and read while his muffled music
played. It became a routine I didn’t know I followed until now. It was kind
of disturbing to think I would silently enjoy his music, even searching for
songs by holding my phone as close to the ceiling as I could get it. It didn't
always work, but I officially had some Jordan-approved songs in my
playlist. If that wasn’t some sort of privacy violation, I didn’t know what
was.
I told James all of it, the midnight earful and the coffee incident. He
found it all too amusing, and I might have regretted letting him know after
one look at his teasing smile. When he finally got over the Jordan situation,
he told me about his relationship, and I told him little about mine. The
fewer people that knew about my past, the better.
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER NINE
A
fter a week at Spectrum, I could confirm it was not a scam.
I completed my training with James. My app was climbing the
charts, and I had dodged Jordan for the better part of the week. But of
course, when everything was going my way, a brand-new obstacle was
ready to greet me the morning of my first team meeting.
I banged my fists against the steering wheel, praying for my poor old car
to cough up one last ride. I did everything I could. I checked on the engine,
rubbed the dashboard to coax it into starting, and even kicked the tires a few
times. All it gave me was a sad sputter at the turn of the ignition. I huffed in
exasperation as I grabbed my purse and opened a ride-share app to get me
to work instead. I was going to be late.
The traffic in this city was unbelievable. I sat in the backseat, my leg
bouncing with nerves, and my stomach tightening from the fear of creating
a poor first impression. This was a large influential company, and getting
fired during my probation period would leave a mark on my resume.
My phone lit up with a new notification.
Team Meeting @ Eight A.M.
A surge of pride ran through me when I saw they had integrated my app
into the company. However, fear filled the pit of my stomach at the
possibility of missing this meeting, and it overtook any ounce of happiness.
It would start in five minutes, and I hadn’t even stepped into the lobby yet.
The car stopped in front of the building, and I shot out. I raced up the
steps and launched myself into the elevator. The doors opened to the
eleventh floor, and I jogged over to the receptionist, who offered a
sympathetic look as she pointed to the boardroom.
My heart was beating hard against my ribcage from the sprint. Combing
a nervous hand through my hair, I tried to look like I hadn’t run a marathon.
I pushed open the glass doors as discreetly as possible, trying to calm the
clicking of my heels against the marble floor. When I thought I could sneak
into a nearby chair without a sound, the door groaned in protest. Seriously,
they couldn't afford to oil the hinges?
When I turned, everyone's eyes were on me.
Great, so now I wasn’t just the new hire, I was the late new hire.
Though, that wasn't the peak of my embarrassment today. My gaze snagged
on the one person I would rather go my whole day without seeing.
Jordan Evans stood at the front of the room, his finger pointing
toward the screen as if in the middle of an explanation, and his head turning
to me standing by the door. I had no idea this was his meeting. Of course,
even at a time like this, I couldn't help but notice his perfectly tailored suit
and those broad shoulders set in an impressively rigid posture. It should be
illegal to look that good this early in the morning.
Jordan’s eyes fixed on mine, slightly narrowing, his cold gaze making
my breath hitch.
“You’re late,” he said in a deep voice that seemed to bounce off the
walls and into my ears.
My eyes widened and I was unsure if he would embarrass me in front of
all these people. Scanning the room, I found ten pairs of eyes on me, all
holding seemingly commiserating looks.
Just before I could muster some half-assed apology, he spoke again. “If
punctuality isn’t your strong suit, I suggest you let us know now,” he
scolded.
Was that supposed to be a threat? I was rendered speechless while he
stared at me for what felt like an eternity. Then Maria, my saviour, spoke
up, relieving some of the simmering tension.
“Naz, please take a seat,” she said, shooting Jordan a stern look.
She probably noticed I looked like a kicked puppy, and I appreciated her
cutting in. Scanning the room for a seat, I noticed the only available chair
was across the long table and directly in front of Jordan. With no other
option, I scrambled to the chair to shake the attention from myself. Finally
situated, I felt his heavy gaze on me, and my ears burned. I guessed being in
his direct line of sight was not an advantage.
“Our team did great on the Porter project. They were pleased and signed
a contract for two more years.” I joined in on the applause, as a breath of
relief left the team that I assumed worked on the project. “Now, for our new
projects, we will pirouette on the product development and do a deep dive
before transitioning to beta. The budget analysis…”
Jordan’s voice drowned out when my head went somewhere else, no
longer listening. I felt completely out of my comfort zone and had a great
deal of imposter syndrome listening to the numbers being thrown at the
team. When we finally got to discuss the part of the project I would work
on, my laptop pinged with a notification from ConTech for the files we
needed to access. It was at that moment I could enjoy my work along with
everyone else who congratulated me when Maria let it be known it was my
creation.
“Naz’s app is number one in the top three as of this morning,” she
added, and it surprised me just as much as everyone else.
I tried my best to sit there and smile, looking as humble as ever. When in
reality, I would happily run laps around the room to steal congratulatory
high fives.
“I’m excited to see how you all like it,” I said as the applause died down.
When I looked up from where I sat, Jordan no longer had that tight
expression. Instead, it was something I pinned as admiration sweeping
through his features. He looked away so quickly, that I couldn't hold on to
it.
I turned my attention to the project details, excited about putting my
skills to work. Jordan rattled off the deadlines and told us what he expected
from the project. With one final stare across the room, he finally sat his
large frame down on his chair, adjourning the meeting. Everyone got up and
scampered out of the room. I reached the exit to find Maria holding the door
open for me.
“Don’t pay him any mind. It was a last-minute meeting, and we
understand life can happen,” she said, giving me a warm smile.
“He’s right. I don’t want to make it a habit. My car—”
“You don’t have to explain. It happens.” She winked and walked into her
office.
“Naz, in here!” beckoned James from the junior developer’s room. We
had become good friends since our not-date, and I was glad to see a familiar
face that wasn’t my brooding neighbour.
“We’ve been working on this site for two hours, but we can’t fix this bug
no matter what we change,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck as he
looked over at me. “Do you mind taking a look?”
I nodded, bending down to scan the computer screen. The code had a
few syntax errors and a simple interface disconnect. During the
development of my app, these errors had me up all night. It felt good to
know the number of tears I shed out of pure frustration, were worth
something now. Moving to sit in his chair, it took a few minutes to fix the
small mistakes. James sat beside me, watching the computer screen. When I
finally found the corrupted element and deleted it, the new code committed
on the screen perfectly. I looked at the second monitor and the front end
reloaded.
“There it is,” I said as I turned my head to smile at James. He looked at
me in awe, as if I had solved the impossible. I didn’t. He just needed a fresh
pair of eyes on the code.
“You’re amazing!” he exclaimed, relief washing over his face. He saved
his work, then took a large drink of his water.
“Are you ready for the Hartford event?”
“The Hartford event? Why would I be invited?” I let out an amused
breath. It was one of the most prestigious tech events in New York. Only
the big names were called to attend.
“Why wouldn’t you be?” he asked in disbelief. “Your app shot to
number one and is still in the top five. You haven’t gotten an invite?”
“Not that I know of.”
“That doesn’t sound right. It’s happening soon,” he said, deep in
thought. “I can check their site. They usually have the list there.”
I scooted over for him to take the mouse. James searched for Hartford on
the computer and scrolled down the long list of attendees.
“See, it says ConTech. You’re invited!” He pointed at the screen.
I followed his finger and couldn’t believe it. “I'm invited to the Hartford
event!?” I exclaimed, giving James a hug in my excitement.
“Of course, you would be invited. Congratulations Naz!”
This would be huge for my app. I’ll get to network with tech
entrepreneurs and venture capitalists. I stared at the computer screen with a
smile that hurt my cheeks.
When I returned to my desk, I started my work. I had three deadlines to
meet and needed to check on the progress of my app to have it ready for
potential buyers.
By the time I peeled my eyes away from the computer screen and looked
out the office windows, it was pitch black. My eyes burned from the
unhealthy amount of screen time.
A loud rumble from my stomach startled me.
Crap.
I had worked through lunch and dinner. The empty pit in my stomach
was accompanied by lightheadedness. Hastily gathering my things, I prayed
I didn’t send myself into a hypoglycemic state. I’ve done that one too many
times, and it was never fun having to crawl toward the refrigerator in an
attempt to find something sweet to maintain consciousness. I looked
through my purse for something to subdue my hunger long enough for me
to get home. Emptying its contents onto my desk, I found a pink Starburst
and cheered internally. I popped it into my mouth and savoured the sweet
taste.
Rushing out of the office, I dreaded the uncomfortable commute back
home. Having spent enough on the ride to work this morning, I decided on
public transport to get back. Although, during my first week at Cypher, I
didn’t enjoy eating breakfast next to a family of rats waiting for me to drop
the crumbs of my croissant. While touching the seats of the New York
subways could give you measles, I could probably lick the floors of the
SkyTrains back home and come out unscathed. Sucking up my distaste for
the subway, I made my way into the night, walking toward the crosswalk.
Just as I was about to cross the street from Spectrum, someone called my
name.
When I turned in the direction of the voice, I saw Jordan standing by the
curb, gesturing for me to come to him. My hollow stomach dipped and I
worried he would yell at me for being late this morning. I’d nearly forgotten
about it, and hoped I could walk away without being reprimanded for
something that was out of my hands. His hard stare was punishment
enough.
I couldn’t ignore him, so I missed the light to cross the street and
dragged my feet over to him.
“Sarvenaz, where are you headed on foot?”
“The subway. I’m going home.” It was currently eight-thirty p.m. on a
weekday. Where else would I be going?
“Where is your car?” he asked, his brows furrowed with what looked
like concern. Yeah right, concern for me? Not a chance.
“The battery died this morning, so I had to take an Uber,” I answered as
nicely as possible. At this rate, I would get home close to ten. That wouldn't
even leave me enough time to scrub away all the diseases I would catch on
the subway.
Without so much as acknowledging what I had said, he turned toward
his car and unlocked it. My brows pinched in irritation, but I ignored his
rude dismissal and turned to walk back to the crosswalk. Before I could
take another step, he called my name again.
“What?” I demanded when I spun back around, impatience clear in my
tone. A tone I should not use with someone who potentially holds my career
in his hands. But I didn’t care. I was hungry and tired. I just wanted to be in
bed with a slice of pizza. The spotty vision was creeping up on me, which
meant I had to get home soon and eat something.
He was now standing at the passenger side, holding open the door.
Unable to make sense of his action, I stared back at him.
“Get in,” he said, an expectant look on his face as he gestured toward the
inside of the car.
“Huh?” I questioned, still rooted in my spot. My brain was spent from
the overtime and the hunger strike I was apparently on.
“Sarvenaz, get in the car. I’m driving you home.” He looked at me like I
was the crazy one.
Me? In his car, alone? I’d rather take a ride with my new rat friends. At
least they didn’t look like they wanted to bite my head off, well, most of
them.
“Can you stop being so difficult?” He let out a defeated sigh at the
offended face I made. “It’s late, and you’re not walking home alone,” he
declared, a pinch of annoyance seasoning his words.
He was growing more impatient by the second as he ran his long fingers
through his curls, the other hand still on the door. The look he shot me,
dared me to defy him one more time.
Without thinking,—because apparently, my brain was incapable of that
right now—I walked to his car and brushed past him to sit in the passenger
seat. He shut the door, muttering something I didn’t quite catch.
I was immediately engulfed in his stupid patchouli and currant scent,
making my stomach flutter. The smell alone sparked a hot sensation to drag
along my skin. He had to have been mixing crack in it every morning.
When he finally got in the car, I refused to look his way, knowing his
eyes were burning into the side of my head. Without turning, I decided to be
somewhat cordial.
“Thank you,” I said to the window. All I got was a small grunt in
acknowledgement and started the car. It was only a twenty-minute drive
during the rush. I could survive twenty minutes in a car with Jordan. How
difficult could it be?
When I could no longer take the ache in my neck from the awkward
angle of adamantly staring out the window, I sat back against the leather
seat and focused straight ahead.
He had a nice car. It even had that new car smell and an expensive cream
interior. I could tell from the way the thread cut through the leather that this
wasn’t just any car. It was only a car someone like Jordan could afford. I
thought back to my crappy little Subaru with the peeling leather interior and
superglued rear view mirror. A laugh escaped me, and I clamped my mouth
shut. From the corner of my eye, I saw Jordan turn to glance at me, but I
didn’t meet his gaze or explain my laughter.
Suddenly, my stomach betrayed me. I had kept this silent act up for so
long, but of course, the universe had other plans. My stomach was going to
growl, and it was going to be loud. In an attempt to cushion the sound, I
tightly wrapped my arms around myself, praying he didn’t hear. Stomach
grumbles were embarrassing regardless, but it just had to happen while I
was trapped in a box with Jordan. I could feel the hunger catching up and
grabbed my purse, desperately looking for something to eat.
A mint, an almond, a piece of lint? Anything?
The search was futile because I had already emptied the remnants of my
purse in the office for that one heavenly Starburst.
I had written off the Subway too soon. The loud screeching tracks, that
would surely be the cause of my hearing’s early demise, would have saved
me from this mortification. Maybe one of the rats would have shared their
food with me. As hungry as I was, the thought of old sewer rat food made
me want to throw up the scarce contents of my stomach.
Staring straight ahead, I pretended like I didn’t hear the sounds of my
hunger. I felt Jordan's eyes on me again, and I knew my face was turning
red. He didn't say anything, probably taking pity on me for resembling a
tomato. After a few minutes, my stomach seemed to quiet, and I finally
relaxed in the seat. But then my eyelids grew heavy, and they began to
droop.
“Are you okay?” Jordan asked.
I nodded, but my hands shook as a cold sweat covered my body. Maybe
I should take my iron pills regularly. While knowing my borderline anemic
blood was already trying to kill me, this was a grave mistake.
“Sarvenaz?” I heard Jordan’s voice. “What’s happening?” he asked, his
growing concern palpable. Immediately, I felt the car swerve and come to a
halt. Then Jordan’s warm touch fell on my cold cheeks and then my eyelids.
“Fuck,” he cursed under his breath. That might have been the first time I
heard him swear, but I couldn’t find it in me to give the reaction I wanted.
The click of his seatbelt and the slam of his door caused my eyes to jolt
open. Was he going to leave me here?
Before I could contemplate any longer, my door swung open, and Jordan
reached over me to undo my seatbelt. He crouched by the door, cupping my
face in his hands and turning me toward him.
“Hey, I need you to keep your eyes open, okay?”
I weakly nodded, feeling completely vulnerable. My half-lidded eyes
were trying their hardest to heed the command.
“I need five minutes. Just keep your eyes open. Can you do that for
me?” His calm voice revealed hints of panic as his thumb made soothing
movements on my cheek.
I could only nod again, opening my eyes to stare into his calming hazel
ones. He hesitated for a second before closing the door, leaving me in the
car alone. I fought to keep my eyes open when my body hummed from the
lack of glucose in my bloodstream.
After the longest five minutes of my life, he was back. Jordan knelt by
the passenger side and slid his large hand on the nape of my neck, lifting me
slightly from where I rested on the seat. He held a cup to me, the paper
straw touching my lips.
Craving sustenance, I wrapped my lips around the straw and felt the cool
liquid trickling down to my empty stomach. It was iced tea. Instantly, I felt
the difference in my body and had enough energy to sit upright.
“Better?” I heard from beside me, and I looked up from the cup to find
Jordan’s brows knitted in concern.
When I nodded, his features calmed. He took my hands and wrapped
them around the cup. “I’ll be back in a second. Keep drinking,” he ordered,
before leaving me in the car again.
When Jordan slid into his seat, he held a large paper bag and placed it on
my lap. He ran a hand through his hair for what felt like the tenth time
today and looked straight ahead, exhaling a long uneven breath.
“You skipped lunch and dinner, didn't you?” he asked, turning to me
with a disappointed look.
“I didn’t realize I went that long.” I shrugged, dropping my gaze to my
lap, feeling like a child about to be scolded by their parents. I set the drink
in the cupholder keeping my eyes on it.
“You were late for the meeting this morning. Did you even have
breakfast?” he asked, his voice growing more frustrated.
I wasn’t sure why he seemed so concerned, but I would be lying if I said
I didn't like it.
I didn’t answer him. Knowing he would be even more annoyed if I told
him the handful of grapes and coffee I drank filled me up enough to last
until dinner. Instead, I remained silent, hoping he would recognize I was a
grown adult who didn’t need a lesson on the importance of breakfast.
“Eat.” The command was curt and annoying.
He took the brown bag from me and pulled out the takeout box. The car
filled with a delicious aroma when he placed the warm box on my lap. My
eyes dropped to the food, and then back up at him.
Unsure of how to react, I shook my head. “I'm fine, the drink really
helped. You didn’t need to buy me anything.”
“We’re not leaving until you eat,” he said with a look that made me
think if I objected, he would start spoon-feeding me himself.
Still feeling stubborn, I sat back, staring at the food. It was from the Thai
place a few blocks from our apartment building. My mouth watered in
betrayal. There was a perfectly good cardboard-flavoured pizza in my
freezer. I didn’t need Jordan spending his money on me, ever.
“Please,” he said in a low voice that made my stomach dip. My eyes
snapped to his, and I tried my hardest not to let my mouth fall agape. The
word and his soft voice rang in my head. That one word and he could
probably make me do anything.
He let out a breath at my reaction, then pulled out another takeout box
from the bag. “I think we can be civil for one night and have dinner
together,” he said, already digging in.
“You’re holding me hostage to have dinner with you?”
He gave me a look of dry amusement. “Seeing as you’re not
immobilized, and the door is unlocked. No,” he answered robotically, but I
didn’t miss the tiny pull on the corner of his mouth.
He continued eating, and I was bewildered by the small action. “You’re
eating in your car?” Jordan slowly nodded at my question, not
understanding the issue. “This is a new car. I don’t want to drop something
in it.”
Confusion marred his features until he realized I was serious. “It’s just a
car, Sarvenaz. It can be cleaned.”
I almost laughed, thinking of the time my ex threatened to break up with
me for dropping a piece of candy on his console. Being young and naive, I
even paid to get his interior cleaned. I bit back my smile at Jordan’s attempt
to make me feel comfortable eating in his car. I regarded him a minute
longer than I would ever want to admit and realized I would have passed
out on a subway car if it weren’t for him.
“Thank you. I'm sorry for being stubborn. I just don’t want anyone to be
inconvenienced because of me.” I let out a weak laugh, taking another bite
of the heaven in a box.
“You’re not an inconvenience,” he said with a sharp edge to his voice.
I was too stunned by the statement to say anything else and instead
buried myself in the Pad Thai. We sat in the comfortable silence of his car,
not a word between us. Oddly enough, aside from Linh, this was the first
time I didn’t need to fill the silence. The lack of words between us was
calming, and we both sat there, watching as New York moved with passion
around us. It was the first time I didn't feel out of place and admired the city
that had now become my home. The imposter syndrome was slowly fading
away along with the evening light. I couldn't understand or explain how
sitting with Jordan in his car was the first time this city held a familiarity
like I had back home.
I broke the silence when a question popped into my head.
“What was all that noise the night I came to your door?”
He looked like he was recalling the night when he placed his takeout box
on the console. “I was making a gift.”
My brain automatically assumed he was making a gift for his girlfriend.
He was twenty-eight, according to James, and he looked like that. There
was no way he was not in a relationship.
“Creative,” I muttered, trying not to make it awkward. Knowing what
cheating felt like, I would never put someone else through it. That was
enough for me to want to pack up and go.
“I guess. If putting together a princess castle for my niece needs any
type of creativity.”
A laugh barrelled out of me, probably a little too loud. The relief of it
being for his niece hit me like a bag of bricks.
“What about you? I thought you already had a job,” he asked.
Right, because I had told him my life story in my long-winded rant. I
wasn't sure where to start with my answer or if I should give him a real one.
I did not want him to think I was so naive I had almost gotten my work
stolen twice now.
“Cypher. It was temporary, so I applied here.” It wasn’t a lie, but it also
wasn’t the complete truth.
“I haven’t heard of that company,” he remarked. Yeah, apparently no one
had. “But I’m glad you got Spectrum. I can tell you’re good at what you
do.”
My head visibly reared back at the compliment, too surprised to respond.
I couldn't tell whether it was coming from Jordan, the guy I had despised
since moving here, or my new boss.
When Jordan finished his food, he placed the box back in the bag. I had
barely made a dent in mine, and he glanced over before relaxing in his seat.
I closed my takeout box, moving to set it back in the brown bag.
“What are you doing?” Jordan asked, looking at the takeout box.
“I’m putting it away. I can eat the rest later.” That and the fact that rice
noodles weren’t the sexiest food to eat—not that I was trying to be sexy.
“I’ll wait,” he said, not making a move to drive again.
“It’s fine, seriously. Besides, it’s late, and we have work tomorrow,” I
said, putting it in the bag and placing it by my feet.
The look on Jordan's face told me he was ready to protest, but instead,
he sighed. Shaking his head, he put the key back in the ignition and drove
us home.
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER TEN
I
n the lunchroom, I found Natalia sitting in our usual spot with two other
women.
“Naz, this is Alexa and Jeannie,” she introduced us.
“Nice to finally meet you. We’ve heard so much about you. You’re like a
celebrity in the E-wing,” said Jeannie with a warm smile.
I laughed. “It’s nice to meet you too.”
“We’re talking about what we did when we first moved out here. Yours
are probably fresh on your mind. What did you see first?” Natalia asked
when I took my seat beside her.
An image of a shirtless Jordan popped into my head. I doubted that it
was a tourist attraction. Although, it did have my heart pumping like a visit
to a national amusement park.
“Actually, I didn't. I haven't had time to do much of that.”
“You’re kidding! Not even Times Square?” Alexa chimed in.
“Not y—”
“Jordan!” she exclaimed, cutting me off to look past me. “I’m surprised
to see you here. You always take lunch in your office.” Alexa moved to
where he stood by the water dispenser.
After the fainting spell in Jordan’s car, I tried to find him to pay him
back for dinner. However, it appeared on the rare occasion that I wanted to
talk to him, Jordan was nowhere to be found. Our friendly exchange in the
car had left me confused about where we stood. I hadn’t seen him all day,
and I wasn’t sure if we were back to being standoffish or if we had travelled
into the acquaintance category.
He acknowledged Alexa but didn’t bother to give her an actual response
as he filled his water.
“Sit with us. We were talking about when we moved to New York. Can
you believe Naz hasn’t seen anything yet?” she asked, waiting for a
response.
At the mention of my name, Jordan’s eyes cut to me. An indiscernible
look took over his features as I waited for him to say something. Instead,
his eyes dropped to my lunch on the table in front of me before turning back
and screwing on the cap of his water bottle. Of course he hydrated with
water and not coffee like the rest of us peasants.
“I know you haven’t forgotten how much fun we had exploring New
York. That was the best semester break we had,” Alexa tried again,
touching his shoulder in a teasing move.
“I have work to do, Lex. Enjoy your lunch.”
Lex?
The nickname left a sour taste in my mouth.
His eyes momentarily drifted to me again before he exited the break
room. I felt a pulse low in my stomach from the heat of his parting look.
Since when did one look have the power to do that to me?
I turned back to Alexa. “You went to college together?”
Although he looked like he would be anywhere but here, she seemed
completely comfortable with him. I hadn't seen someone so at ease with
Jordan before.
“I took business as an elective at Columbia, and we became really
close.”
An unfamiliar sensation filled the pit of my stomach as I finished the rest
of my lunch.
Clocked in, I grabbed my wallet and headed straight to Jordan's office.
Determined to pay him back for dinner and alleviate some of the
awkwardness. He was seated at his desk when I peeked through the glass
door and lightly tapped it. His eyes raised from his computer screen, and he
seemed to hesitate a second before signalling me to enter. Head held high, I
walked to his desk and slapped the bills next to where his hand rested.
That frosty glare became even colder when he saw the money. His brows
furrowed as he blinked at the table and then at me. “What is this?”
“Uh...for last night? I’m paying you back.” Had he forgotten?
I pushed the cash to him, but his hand came over mine, stopping the
movement. I froze, and my next breath was stuck somewhere in my chest.
His large hand swallowed my small one, and I desperately had the urge to
pull away.
“I don’t need your money,” he stated, sliding it back to me.
I pushed it back. “I know you don’t need it, but I don’t want you paying
for me.” I was ruining any progress between us, but I had to do this. I knew
from my past that favours were not free, and I wouldn't let anyone hold
them over my head. Especially if that someone was my boss.
Jordan’s jaw clenched tightly, and I waited for him to say something.
Instead, he stared at me even longer, as if trying to figure out a complex
puzzle. Then his face went blank, and one hand smoothed his tie as he
leaned back in his chair.
“Think of it as my good deed for the day,” he finally said, a smirk
tugging at his lips. I imagined throwing the money at his smug face but
maintained my composure.
Annoyed, I took the money and walked out of his office.
When I turned off my computer and switched off my desk lamp, there was
barely anyone in the office. Somehow, I managed to stay late again. Only
now discovering that the entire E-wing had emptied. I stuffed my laptop
into my bag when a deep masculine voice made me jump.
“Here.”
I whipped my head around, and my eyes met his whisky-coloured ones.
Jordan stood behind me, my coat in his outstretched hand. I blinked,
wondering why he even had it. Too tired to ask, I accepted it and slipped it
on.
“Thank you?” I said, but it sounded more like a question. I turned to
grab my phone from the desk, trying hard to ignore him as I made sure I
had all my things, but I could feel his eyes burning the back of my skull.
“Do you need something?” I asked, turning to face him again.
Jordan’s presence confused me. I wanted him to take the money, so I
wouldn’t feel so weird about him paying for me like we were on a date. A
date with my boss was the last thing I needed floating around in my mind. I
guessed he was my neighbour before he became my boss, but that logic
would get me nowhere. Pulling my heavy bag over my shoulder, I turned to
shoot him a skeptical look.
“I’m driving you home,” he stated. What? I do not remember arranging
this or him wanting to arrange this. “Ready?” he asked, snapping me out of
my trance.
Impatience clouded his expression, and now I knew I wasn’t
hallucinating. Did he somehow feel obligated to chauffeur me because I
didn’t have my car and almost passed out last night? It wasn’t even that
late, and there was still daylight. Surely, this didn’t have to do with a safety
concern.
Instead of answering him, I tugged my bag higher on my shoulder and
walked out of the office. I hoped if I didn’t acknowledge him, he would go
away. The sound of his footsteps neared as I impatiently jabbed the button
for the elevator. When it finally dinged, I got in first, my hand shooting out
to push the main floor button.
But before I could, his annoyingly large hand stopped me. Shocked by
his quick reflexes, I grimaced as he pressed the button for the parking
garage instead.
“Don’t,” he warned, seeing my hand trying to inch back to the buttons.
I retracted it, embarrassed at my lame attempt to escape the confines of
his car. Looking ahead, I scanned his face through his reflection in the
mirrored elevator. A muscle in his jaw jumped, and his brows and lips were
drawn in a straight line.
I continued scrutinizing his reflection, but his eyes detected mine,
catching them in the mirror. Averting my gaze, I pretended I wasn’t
examining his every feature and attempting to decipher his thoughts like a
lunatic. Then, like the universe was finally doing me a favour, the doors slid
open and drained the tension from the elevator. We walked out, with me
trailing slightly behind as he led us to his car. He held open the passenger
door for me, and I stopped myself from reacting. I liked that way too much.
Outside the cement walls of the garage, the sun was setting, leaving an
orange glow in the sky. The white clouds lightly sketched across the sky.
Sunsets have always been my favourite, but this was the first colourful
one I had seen in New York.
When Jordan pulled onto the road, I peered out the window and chased
the sunset with my eyes.
As we idled at a stop light, I finally spoke, breaking the silence. “It's so
beautiful,” I said, a bright smile on my face.
“Yeah, it is,” he agreed.
I turned to him and caught his eyes already on me. We stared at each
other for a long minute before he turned to the blinking green light and
continued to drive. My gaze remained latched on the side of his face,
wondering why he seemed to mull something over in his head. Ignoring the
probing question, I set my eyes back on the beautiful sunset peeking out
between the tall buildings.
“I love sunsets. I wonder if we can see it from the apartment,” I said,
thinking out loud. Then Jordan made an abrupt turn. I scanned the street
names and noticed we had passed our apartment. “I think you missed our
turn,” I told Jordan, who was too concentrated on driving to make a mistake
like that.
“I know.”
When he didn’t elaborate I continued to stare at him, my hand snaking to
the door handle in case I needed to jump out. Was this his plan? Was he
going to mug me and leave me in a back alley dumpster? It wasn’t like I
had money, he had to have known that. If anything, I should be the one
robbing him.
“Relax. I want to show you something,” he said, probably noticing the
gears turning in my head.
Jordan pulled into a nearby street and parked the car by an empty curb.
My stomach dipped, and I found my heartbeat ricocheting against my
ribcage.
Jordan opened my door, holding his hand out for me to take, and I
hesitantly took it, noticing the tension from earlier dissipate from his
features. He held my hand in his as he closed the door, walking me toward
the tall building. Once we got to the elevator, he used a scanner to take us to
the highest floor. Why did he have a key scanner for this random building?
I had so many questions brewing inside my head, but before I could ask
any of them, I felt him give my hand a squeeze. If I wasn't so hyper-aware
of his touch, I wouldn’t have noticed it. But this—this I felt every second
of. My eyes widened, and I focused ahead, not wanting to make eye
contact. Thankfully, this elevator wasn’t mirrored.
The doors opened, and a man in a security uniform stood in front of us.
“So good to see you. The phone calls do not cut it anymore. How have you
been?” he asked, pulling Jordan in for a hug.
“Can’t complain. How’s your family?”
“They’re good. My youngest just graduated.” He grinned. The man was
a lot older than Jordan, and the warm smile on his face told me they’d
known each other for a long time.
As if finally remembering I was there, Jordan looked over at me.
“Sarvenaz, this is Mo,” he said, gesturing to the man in the security
uniform. I waited for him to continue, but that was it. I guess he didn’t find
it necessary to explain any further.
“Nice to meet you, Mo,” I said with a handshake.
“You too, Sarvenaz.” He smiled, and the knowing wink he shot Jordan
made me furrow my brows. I turned a questioning gaze to Jordan, who
looked like he was going to kill him.
Mo laughed, but before he could say anything, Jordan interjected. “Just
unlock the door, man,” he said, sounding agitated.
“Already did. You kids have fun.” Mo quickly rushed out in the other
direction.
Jordan pulled me forward with my hand in his. Before he pushed open
the heavy doors, he halted. “Close your eyes.”
“What? No.” I shook my head, looking at him like he was crazy.
“Trust me?” He said it like we were the best of friends, and I would
blindly follow him off a cliff. But for some reason—that was beyond me—I
obliged. With that sincerity and the hint of excitement in his voice, he held
the power to make me do questionable things.
He led me outside, and I took cautious steps in case there was actually a
cliff. I felt a wave of cold air wash over me, almost throwing me off
balance. Finally stopping, Jordan let go of my hand, steadying me with a
hold on my shoulders.
“Open,” he said in a low voice, and I could hear his smile come through
his words. For some reason, knowing that Jordan was smiling behind me
made me want to turn my head and witness it for myself. However, when I
opened my eyes, I was entranced by something just as beautiful.
My jaw dropped, and I felt goosebumps cover my arms at the sight of
the now darkened sunset. The sky was painted pink and purple, with
splashes of orange from earlier. Behind the stunning Manhattan
skyscrapers, I saw the colours of the sky reflecting into the East River as the
sun sank into it. Walking closer to the edge, I peered at the city below us.
Just today, Alexa had freaked out when I said I hadn’t seen New York,
and now I was looking down at the entire city. In minutes, the sun dipped,
and the night sky slowly emerged.
I remained frozen in place, still taking in this beautiful view. I had seen
beautiful views in Vancouver. We were surrounded by dark green forests,
the bluest mountains, and beaches, but New York during this sunset was
breathtaking. Neither of us spoke. I was speechless from the sunset and the
height at which we were standing, and Jordan stood beside me, letting me
take it all in.
“Wow,” I said, turning to him. “Thank you for showing me this.” I
smiled, and as if the sky had cast a spell, I stepped forward, wrapping
Jordan in a hug before I could think better of it. My arms went around his
waist, and his body stiffened. I did not think this through. “And thank you
for yesterday. I’m still annoyed you didn’t let me pay you back, but I
wanted to tell you how grateful I am that you were there,” I finally
admitted.
Not being able to see his face made saying I was thankful so much
easier. I pulled away and looked at him. Half of me was worried he would
have pushed me away, but he didn’t. If he did, I wouldn’t have blamed him.
It probably wasn’t normal to hug employees on rooftops during a sunset.
“I’m glad.” His voice had lost that icy edge it usually held when he
spoke to me. I smiled at the small revelation, and he looked confused by it,
making my smile even wider. He gestured to the green bench facing the
view, and we sat down, his knee bumping into mine.
“How do you know about this place?” I asked.
His eyes focused on the sky, but his thoughts seemed to stray far away.
“My dad and Mo were best friends. Mo told him about it, and my dad came
up here whenever he needed a break. Then one day, I was having a hard day
at school, and he brought me along. It became our place after that,” he
revealed, with not even a hint of a smile on his face.
“That’s sweet. Do you two still come up here?” I asked, watching his
expression.
“No, he passed when I was sixteen. Heart attack.”
My eyes widened in shock, and I felt like an idiot. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t
mean to—”
“It’s fine. You didn’t know,” he assured, finally looking at me.
“Is that why you’re so…healthy?” I asked, navigating the question like
thin ice, so close to accidentally talking about his distractingly large
muscles.
“It definitely pushed me into taking care of myself. I never miss a day,”
he admitted. “Why haven’t you seen anything in New York?” he asked,
changing the topic.
“I didn’t have time. I moved from Vancouver on a whim, then started at
my job the next day.” The job that wasn’t even real and shaved a week off
my life.
“You moved in the same night you came to rip me a new one? Aren’t
Canadians supposed to be nice?” he asked, amusement written on his face.
Did Jordan make a joke?
I rolled my eyes at him, turning back to the view. “Yes, that was my first
night in New York. I would have been nice if you weren’t starting a
construction business in your living room.”
He let out a deep, reverberating laugh, and I stared at him in shock. Who
was this guy?
“You’re going to catch a fly,” he said, his hand coming up to close my
dropped jaw. The simple action ignited my skin as if he had seared it with
just his touch. Okay, now I was seriously befuddled. My emotions were
running wild, and the erratic pulsing in my ears didn’t help.
“Why did you move here?” he asked.
I was trying to decide whether to tell the truth or make something up. As
much as I wanted to say it was because of the job, something in me wanted
to be honest. To lift this weight I’ve had on my shoulders for months and
finally tell someone else. I had hidden this truth from my own parents, and I
just wanted to let it out. They didn’t understand why I moved in with Karn
and why I needed to move away after the breakup. Lately, our phone
conversations were a quick health and weather check. We had become more
like awkward acquaintances than anything else.
“The real reason. Not the ‘I had a job offer, so I moved’ excuse you tell
everyone,” he said, bumping my leg with his knee, pulling me out of my
thoughts. I think I liked this Jordan.
“That’s part of it, but it’s a long story.” I shrugged
“I have time.” He paused. “If you want to tell me.”
Did I want to tell him? It would be like dropping a heavy cinder block
off my back.
“Okay, but I’m only telling you this because I know you would be the
last person to pity me or care enough to feel bad,” I said, pointing a finger
at him. “This doesn’t make us friends or anything,” I joked.
His face hardened, and he looked away from me. “Trust me, I’d rather
not be friends with you.”
Well, okay.
I wasn’t embarrassed or hesitant to tell him now. It felt like letting it out
one last time was what I needed during this new transitional period in my
life. Especially to someone I knew wouldn’t hold back.
“When I graduated, I found out my long-term boyfriend was stealing
from me. He was a lot older, working in technology when we met at a
university event, and we got close because he said he could help with my
career. Then he tried to sell my app idea for some petty cash and somehow
convinced me he was doing me a favour. I ruined my relationship with my
parents when I moved in with him.” I let out a sardonic breath at how
pathetic it sounded. “Sometime after that, I caught him cheating on me, and
I guess that was my final straw.” I reluctantly let the last part out, knowing
Linh was the only one who knew the entire story. What I couldn’t let out
was that it was my cousin who Karn cheated with.
I let out a noisy exhale, feeling a tear fall on my cheek. I quickly wiped
it away, angry that even a year later, it affected me. I’d thought I had grown
past it, but it hurt as bad as it did all those months ago.
I didn’t bother looking at Jordan. I knew he would look at me differently
like everyone did when they found out. Some even told me that Karn
needed to be with a more mature girl, and I was lucky he was even with me
for that long.
“So that was the main reason I left. I didn’t want to stay there when
everyone I knew found out about what he did. Or see them look at me like I
was a stupid kid.” Growing up in the Indian community meant everyone
knew your business. The aunties like Mrs. Sharma treated everything like
the next tabloid in their gossip circles.
I finally looked over at him, seeing his clenched jaw. “You better not be
pitying me,” I said with a watery laugh.
His jaw ticked at my words before he finally brought his eyes to me. “I
don’t pity you,” he said. “What you went through is hard. But you focused
on what was important to you despite it. I don’t know many people who
could do that. It’s admirable.”
I looked at him, taken aback by his words. That was not the response I
was expecting from Jordan.
“Seriously, Sarvenaz, you’re intelligent and beautiful. Any guy would be
an idiot to lose you.” Jordan’s eyes stayed on mine, imprinting his words on
my brain.
Yup, there is no way I was getting any sleep tonight. I blinked away the
tears, trying to break free. The words intelligent and beautiful flashed like
neon signs in my head. Maybe I should get them tattooed.
“That’s…really nice of you,” was all I managed to say.
I watched as his hand raised to my cheek, and his thumb wiped away a
stray tear. The touch ripped the breath from my lungs. The gauge in my
head that helped me define this connection was spinning back and forth
between neighbours to friends to colleagues.
His hand cupped my face, eyes dropping to my lips, then back to my
eyes. Achingly slow. The pulse low in my stomach began thumping out of
control. Now, the gauge was falling into an entirely new category I wasn’t
willing to name.
As much as I tried to stop myself, my gaze dropped to his lips and then
back again to his eyes, echoing his actions. As if giving him some sort of
silent permission. Permission I hadn’t even known I wanted him to have.
Those soft eyes darkened, and I could see him contemplating something.
Then he lowered his hand from my face, turning to the now black sky. His
hand came over mine, squeezing it before he let go and stood up.
We left the building in complete silence, and one question kept ringing
in my head.
What the hell just happened?
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Me: Got off work. I bought something for you, so I’m coming
over. Finally going to see your apartment!!
L
inh was eyeing some art supplies when we went shopping, so I bought
them for her, and couldn’t wait to see her reaction to the surprise. When
I first arrived in New York, she reluctantly gave me her address and I was
now on my way to it in a taxi. She hadn’t answered my text, but I knew she
was home early in the morning. When the driver pulled into a sketchy
neighbourhood, I had to double-check the address.
“Are you sure this is where you need to go, ma’am?” asked the driver.
He looked just as worried as I did. That was not a good sign.
“Yes, my friend lives here. I’m sure this is the right address,” I assured
him, not feeling all too confident when we approached a rundown building.
“All right. It’s that building,” he said, pointing to the one I was hoping
wasn’t hers.
The brown building was polluted by graffiti and broken windows.
Shopping carts and used diapers were strewn by the front entrance. How on
earth did my best friend end up living in what looked like something out of
a horror movie?
My phone vibrated just as I exited the taxi.
Linh: I could have just come to yours. You don’t have to do
that.
I stared at my phone, confused by her response. She had done the same
thing at the farmer’s market. Disregarding her texts, I walked up the
wooden stairs, begging the universe not to put any rats in my path. Finally
finding her apartment door, chipped with a dent right in the center, I
knocked.
“Hey!” said Linh as soon as she opened the door. She cracked it just
slightly, the chain lock still holding it together.
“Hi?” I said, narrowing my eyes at her odd behaviour. “Linh, what the
hell are you doing? Let me in.”
She let out a loud sigh and finally opened the door, watching me step
into her apartment. I gaped at the graffiti on the walls, the broken window
held together by duct tape, and the doorless bathroom. I froze in the middle
of her apartment, stunned into silence.
“Okay. Don’t freak out.” Her words were cautious as she shot me a
worried look.
“Are you kidding me? How could I not freak out that my friend is living
here? Not to mention I thought I would get mugged trying to walk into the
building,” I yelled.
“You would not have gotten mugged.” I blinked at her. “Probably,” she
rectified.
I gave her a horrified look while still taking in the apartment—if you
could even call it that. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You were already stressed! I didn’t want to add to that,” she admitted.
“Besides, I’m an intern. I don’t get paid. My reception job at the hospital is
barely enough for food and bills.”
I stared at her in disbelief. Linh was going through all this, and I didn't
have a clue. I felt like the worst friend, and that’s when I made a decision.
“Let’s go. I will help you pack. Where did you put your suitcase?” I
asked, taking off my purse and coat as I walked into what I assumed was
her bedroom.
“For what? What are you doing?” she asked, following behind me.
“You’re coming with me. You are crazy if you think I’m letting my best
friend live here while I’m living in Manhattan. Now hurry, we can go home
and order some food. I'm starving.”
“I don’t want to take over your space, Naz. I’m fine here, and I have
been for the past year.”
“If by fine you mean a second away from getting black mold poisoning
or being robbed—then you’re coming with me. You can have the office. It's
big enough for a twin bed. It has a small closet and a bathroom.”
When I looked up to see why she was frozen next to me, I saw tears
streaming down her cheeks. Seeing her like that, I could not stop the flow
of my own and mauled her in a hug.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I thought I could save enough and get out of
here.” She sniffled into my shoulder.
“Well, you can save your money for something else. Now stop crying, so
we can go home and watch Gilmore Girls,” I laughed through tears, making
her snort.
Later that night, I scanned the restaurant and found Jordan's mom waving at
me from our table. When Linh found out I was having dinner with Janelle,
she freaked. Apparently, I needed to make a good impression on his mother,
even if I wasn’t fond of her son. It wasn’t like I was planning on
disrespecting the woman. Frankly, I was trying to forget she was that
confusing man’s mother.
I made my way over to her, giving her a hug, the sweet smell of peaches
surrounding her.
“Nice to see you again,” she said, smiling as I sat in the chair opposite
her. The waiter came to take our orders, and Janelle took the courtesy of
getting us a bottle of wine.
“Now tell me, Naz. How on earth did my son not tell me he was friends
with such an accomplished woman?”
I gave her an awkward smile, not feeling great for lying that we were
friends. However, it was better than telling her we would rather listen to
nails on a chalkboard than to each other's voices. At least, I thought we did,
but I wasn’t sure what we were since the rooftop.
“There’s nothing to tell. We met when I moved in and was surprised to
see he worked at Spectrum.” I shrugged. “To be honest, I wouldn’t classify
us as friends,” I admitted.
She didn’t seem surprised by the news. Instead, she laughed. “Oh, I
know.” She shook her head. “Seeing you two outside the store was
confirmation enough that you did not get along. I was waiting for you to
crack because he never did.” I guessed mothers did know everything.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to be rude. I know he’s your son.”
She waved me off. “Oh, don’t apologize. Jordan has a special talent for
pissing off the wrong people. I just hoped he didn’t blow it with a girl like
you.”
“Oh, we’re not…”
“Right, of course. You’re young and beautiful. You probably have a
special someone in your life?” she asked.
I shook my head. I was as single as the one-dollar bills tucked into a
stripper’s G-string. She didn’t say anything, just gave me a curious look
before taking a sip of her wine.
“How do you like New York?”
“It’s different. I hadn’t seen much since I moved, but I got to see
Manhattan from the rooftop on Beekman. It was breathtaking,” I said,
immediately feeling awkward that her son was the one to take me there.
When her lips parted, and she stared at me in shock, I worried I had said
something wrong.
“Jordan took you to that building?” Janelle asked, and I nodded. “He
hasn’t been up there since his dad,” she said, still searching my face.
The vice grip on my heart tightened at the revelation. Jordan hadn’t been
to the building since his dad passed when he was sixteen. What Mo had said
about it being a long time suddenly made sense. The meaning behind her
words left a tight fist constricting my throat. I tried not to read into the
gesture and warded off the unwanted feelings trying to creep into my heart.
The waiter came with a bottle of wine, pouring it into our glasses. “He
told me about that. I am so sorry for your loss. Jordan seemed to be very
close to his dad,” I said, putting a hand over hers on the table. Jordan kept
his personal life private, so I knew he was sensitive about his family. Even
the piece of information about his father was difficult for him to reveal.
“Thank you,” she said, still processing what I had said. “It was hard, and
us girls always outnumbered Jordan and his father. They were best friends,
and when he was gone, it devastated him.” She looked down, then suddenly
shook her head. “But we’re not here to talk about all that!” Janelle leaned
her wine glass toward mine, the clink of the glass filling my ears.
By the end of the night, I had to clutch my stomach from laughing, while
Janelle wiped her eyes as she continued telling me stories. We drank the
entire bottle of wine, barely making it through our sentences before bursting
with laughter. She told me about her college days with Jordan’s dad,
Maleek, and having kids in her early twenties. I could feel her love for
Maleek through her words, and it reminded me I still craved a relationship
like that.
“Oh Naz, I had the best time. We must do this again,” she said as we
waited for our rides by the curb.
“Of course! I need to hear all of Jordan’s embarrassing stories.”
“I am so glad he found you. After Steph, I didn’t think…” she trailed
off, slightly slurring her words.
I stared back at her, confused. “Steph?”
“Stephanie. You know, Jordan’s fiancée.”
The urge to slip under the manhole cover overwhelmed me. The only
thing that slightly calmed the storm in my chest was her next words.
“I mean ex-fiancée,” she corrected.
Speechless, I froze in place, and in her inebriated state, Janelle didn’t
notice that I hadn’t moved a muscle. Jordan was engaged. When? How
long? The questions continued to populate my brain, and I wondered why
he didn’t tell me. Why didn't he say anything when I spilled my guts to him
about my ex?
After a few minutes, a car pulled up to the curb, and I held open the door
for her. She ducked in and I waved goodbye. Waiting for my own ride, I
stood there with the word fiancée swirling in my head.
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER TWELVE
“N
o, no, no!” I cried on the phone.
“I’m sorry, Ms. Singh. If there was a way I could get them to
approve it, I would. But, it’s not up to their lawyer's standard. You’re
missing the requirements to send them the paperwork.”
It was Monday morning, and I was sitting on the stairwell of the office
talking to my agent on the phone. I sent my paperwork to Catalyst, the
company that wanted to buy my app. When I got the email of their interest,
I was ecstatic and rushed to send them the details.
Except, the cheapest lawyer I could find to review the contract was also
the crappiest. Go figure.
“I understand. Thank you for letting me know.” I groaned, hanging up
on my agent. “Ugh! Please, I really need this to work out,” I begged, hoping
God could hear me.
This had completely ruined all my plans and would take me back to
square one.
“If you do this one thing for me, I swear I’ll start—”
“Didn’t take you for the talking to the wall type.” A deep voice
interrupted me.
I whipped my head around and dropped my folded hands to see Jordan
standing at the threshold, looking at me with raised brows.
The first thought in my head when I saw him was Stephanie. When I
told Linh about this revelation, she tried her hardest to cyber-stalk his exfiancée. We found nothing, so all my questions went unanswered.
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and ignored him. Getting up from
the stairs, I ran a hand down the cotton material of my pants and walked
toward the door to move past him.
Jordan didn’t move, his wide shoulders crowding the exit.
We hadn’t spoken since the rooftop, and every time I saw him, we were
too wrapped up in our work to acknowledge each other.
I huffed in annoyance, crossing my arms as I looked up at him. Those
light swirls stared back with unbreakable eye contact.
“Jordan, I’d rather not argue with you today.”
“Who said we were arguing?”
I was letting whatever ugly emotion I felt about his ex-fiancée taint any
progress we had made as friends, or whatever we were. I couldn’t fault him
for keeping his personal life tucked away just because I was apparently
fond of over-sharing.
“I am not joking! I have at least eight hours of work ahead of me, and
now Catalyst rejected my app proposal for the second time. My lawyer
costs two hundred dollars an hour and if this doesn’t work out, I will have
to go back home a failure. Nothing has changed, my parents and Kar—”
“Hey, hey,” he interrupted, taking a step toward me, the door closing
with a loud screech behind him. Jordan’s hands came to rest on my
shoulders, eyes intently focused and his expression a picture of calmness.
“Breathe. We’ll figure it out.” His thumb moved back and forth on my
shoulder. I hoped he didn’t see me swallow.
His warm hands felt like they were searing the fabric of my silk blouse.
How did he expect me to breathe when he looked at me like that? And what
did he mean by we?
Still, I did as he instructed, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.
When I opened them, Jordan watched me with a sympathetic look I hadn’t
seen before.
“Now, tell me what’s wrong.”
My heart palpitated, and I attributed it to the stress of work instead of the
rough, yet soft voice that swirled straight to my chest. Wide-eyed, I debated
whether I should tell him about the app deal. I couldn’t trust myself to keep
from spilling my life story to him, again. If he was being secretive, so could
I.
“Nothing. Forget I said anything. I need to get back to work,” I tried to
push past him, but his unmoving rock-like body stood in my way,
undeterred.
“How can I help?”
“What?” I asked like he offered to help cover up a murder.
“How can I help you?” he repeated, slower this time.
I blinked, bewildered and seemingly stuck in a haze. Discreetly, I made a
move to pinch myself into reality, but Jordan caught the action.
“What are you doing?”
“Nothing,” I muttered, retracting my hand and taking a step away from
him to allow myself to gather some oxygen. His presence often restricted
the blood flow to my head. “Thanks for the offer, but I’ll figure it out.
James is already helping me.” I continued to back away, ever so slightly.
A muscle in his jaw ticked, and his caring eyes dimmed. He gave a curt
nod, then turned to go back into the office. He would crush his molars with
how hard he clenched his jaw. Maybe I should tell him to see the dentist
before he caused some serious damage.
When I went back to the E-wing, I was met with a pile of contracts.
Enough work to bury me in deadlines and meetings for the rest of the work
week.
That same week, Jordan was so immersed in the project, it seemed like
he was drowning himself in work to avoid whatever he was going through.
Maybe his breakup was fresh, and he was in the same boat as I was a few
months ago. Except his issue was as serious as marriage, and I had no idea
how he was dealing with that. I tried to avoid his wrath by checking if the
coast was clear every time I walked into a room.
After he found me talking to my lawyer, we hadn’t exchanged one word.
The day on the rooftop was long forgotten, and things had gotten extremely
awkward between us. Jordan had individual meetings with everyone and
noted their concerns about the project.
When it was my turn for a one-on-one with him, it was short and
professional. Nothing like the completely inappropriate dream I had the
night before. There was no rough press of his hips against mine, no
flattening of my cheek against his desk, and no hands running down my
back—nope, absolutely none of that.
The heavy tension still soaked every corner of his office, but we seemed
to have a silent agreement to ignore it and not divert from the role of
colleagues. So, to say we were getting along would be the furthest thing
from reality.
We fell back into our usual routine: bickering every time one of us ended
up in the same room. It was as if I dreamt up the night on the rooftop. There
was no way the gentle voice and sincere eyes belonged to the same man
who told me he wanted to see my degree, just to be sure. Then again, I told
him he needed to use the hours he spent looking at himself in the mirror to
reflect on his shitty personality. So, I guessed we were even.
Maria had gotten involved a few times as if we were petulant children on
the playground that needed to be separated. Fortunately, she sided with me,
knowing Jordan could drive anyone up the wall.
“Ms. Singh. I expect the proposal on my desk by the end of the day.”
I snapped out of my trance, finding all eyes on me. I looked from
Jordan’s hard stare to Maria’s concerned eyes bouncing between us.
This was another one of those team meetings that made it hard for me
not to stare at his tight dress shirt as he stood at the head of the table. His
pants fit him so perfectly, that I had to stare holes in the table to keep from
gawking at his toned glutes. This man possessed every one of my
weaknesses, like my very own Pandora’s box delivered from the universe
with a giant middle finger.
Taking a confident breath, I grabbed the folder in front of me and strode
across the room to where Jordan stood. The white button-down that nabbed
my attention earlier, and the navy blue tie he wore had my eyes slipping
down his torso again, but I quickly refocused.
I cleared my throat. “No need to wait that long, Evans. Here it is,
complete with everything we need from finance and the designers. I also
added the budget analysis for next month.” I dropped the file in front of
him, feeling smug that I had the upper hand. He looked at the file I had
tossed on the table and narrowed his eyes at me. I matched his expression,
my brow raised in a well-earned victory.
Unexpectedly, his hard features softened, and a slow smile reached his
eyes. One that knocked me off balance and wiped the victory right off my
face.
“Great, we can always count on your excellent work ethic, Sarvenaz.
Thank you for setting a great example.”
His aim was perfect. He hit the bull’s eye. The words disarmed me in
seconds, and I was left stupefied, puzzled, and forced to do nothing but
blink back at him. His lack of surprise for my work further solidified my
competence. The imposter syndrome clinging to me like a needy child, now
only held on by a string.
“I’ll see you all next week,” he addressed the room, but his gaze was
unwavering.
I didn’t move, hoping I could still challenge him to look away first. I
ignored the pain in my neck from looking at his six-foot-four stature.
When he finally blinked, I dropped my gaze with a relieved puff. I
looked around only to find the boardroom empty. Heat climbed to my ears,
knowing we were alone for the first time in days. The flashes of my dream
had been frequenting my brain and right now, it was all I could think about.
Get a grip, Naz!
Likely noticing my dilemma, he took a slow step toward me, and I
instinctively took one back. The action brought a smirk to his face.
I rolled my eyes, turning on my heel to retrieve my laptop.
His gaze burned holes in the side of my head, but instead of giving him
the satisfaction of acknowledging his infuriating smirk, I walked out.
“I almost died coming up in the elevator,” said Linh, walking into the
apartment with grocery bags.
I chuckled at her dramatics and got up to help her put the groceries
away.
I was working from home today, so I had my computer set up on the
small dining table I purchased a few weeks ago.
With a curious look, I gestured for her to continue.
“Well, the elevator takes forever, so I decided to snack on this,” she said,
holding up the wafer snack and handing it to me. “I finally enter and this
guy gets in after me. He was as tall as the freaking Empire State Building,”
she exaggerated.
“Linh, you’re five foot one. You think everyone is as tall as the Empire
State Building.”
“Ha ha. You wound me.” She rolled her eyes. “Anyway, his phone rings,
and he answers it.” She held up a hand to her ear, mimicking a phone. “And
he says, Yes, this is Jordan.”
I blinked back at her, unsure how this was news. He lives in this
building. It was inevitable that we see him.
“Your Jordan!” She felt the need to clarify.
“He’s not my anything,” I corrected, but she ignored me, continuing her
story.
“When it clicked who he was, I choked. So, he’s looking at me like I’m
crazy and I’m trying to wave him off to tell him I’m fine. He’s nice enough
to look into his bag and find me a water bottle. Eventually, I stopped
coughing and we started talking. Well, I was talking, and he was just
nodding as I told him my life story,” she admitted. “But that’s not
important. What is important is that you didn’t tell me he looked like that. I
didn’t know that was the Jordan who drove you crazy, Naz,” she said as if I
was lying when I told her about him.
“I don’t understand why you’re going through this whole dating cycle
when you could have him!” she exclaimed, staring at me as if I was
oblivious to the beautifully sculpted face that belonged to Jordan.
“What does Jordan have to do with dating?” I asked, lining the almond
milk into the refrigerator door. I knew damn well what he had to do with it,
but I was not letting any of those thoughts out of my head. If Linh knew
what Jordan’s proximity had me feeling, she would not let me forget about
it.
“One: he’s tall, dark, and handsome. Two: he’s a good listener. Need I
say more?” she said, jumping onto the countertop, looking accomplished.
“Three: We can’t stand each other,” I finished for her.
“How could you not like someone who looks like that?” she asked
incredulously. “Naz, he had his gym bag on his shoulder, and his shirt was
so tight it clung to all his muscles. Have you seen those pecs?”
I shot her a glare, seeing her lost in some weird daydream. Although, I
was reminded of the first night I met him, when I had, in fact, seen his pecs
and a whole lot more.
“By the sound of it, maybe you should date him.”
“I’m just enjoying him from a purely objective point of view. No need to
get jealous.” I rolled my eyes at her response. “I can already imagine your
babies!”
“Okay, seriously, you’re creeping me out,” I said, screwing my nose. I
closed the refrigerator door and turned to her. “I work with him. I don’t
need to be thinking of our babies.”
“Fine. But just so you know, I’m team Jordan.” She hopped off the
counter and grabbed the chocolate snack from me.
“You were team Naz two days ago! You don’t even know him. He’s like
part demon or something.”
“All I know is he gave me water when I choked and listened to me
complain about work. He seems perfectly nice to me.”
I gave her a weird look. If that were the bar, I’d have babies with half the
male population.
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
M
usic pounded against the thin walls of the bathroom. I stood in front
of the mirror, officially breaking the seal and feeling just how drunk I
really was. I tried to clear my head before I dried my hands and slipped out
as someone else barrelled in after me.
Linh finally had a night off, so she dragged me to a party at her friend’s
apartment in Bushwick. I carefully made my way to the living room, where
I found Linh fast asleep on the couch, cradling a bag of Funyuns.
I crouched down beside her sleeping form. “Linh!” I yelled over the
music and poked her awake. “Let’s go home.”
She responded with incoherent words, slapping my hands away. When I
continued to poke her, she opened her eyes, suddenly alert. “Leave me
behind. I can’t make it soldier.” She held an arm over her forehead in fake
anguish.
“It’s past midnight. I’m not leaving you here,” I said, glancing around
the room. There were a few dozen people crammed in the small apartment.
I had gotten to know a few of them, but I wasn’t too fond of leaving Linh.
“Joyce doesn’t mind if I crash. The gallery is five minutes from here,
and I have to go in tomorrow,” was what I understood from her garbled
words. She seemed more exhausted than drunk as she snuggled into the
couch.
I had a call with my agent tomorrow for potential companies that wanted
to purchase my app and needed to get some rest before then. When I got the
notification that my car arrived, I patted her goodbye and headed
downstairs.
Wobbling into my apartment lobby, I felt the bright lights stinging my
eyes, the sudden change making my head throb even harder. These Indian
genes weren’t only good with computers, they came in handy when you
were trying to beat your friend in beer pong.
I rarely drank, but when I did, I was usually a heavyweight, which made
me drink way more than I should. Being able to go out and have fun was
something I had lost about myself. In the past, I was either at home as per
my parents’ rules or constantly with Karn after I moved out.
He was possessive about who I was around and would judge me for
drinking at social events. This was the first time I could decide for myself.
“Sorry!” I said in a high-pitched voice when I stumbled into the elevator
and bumped into someone. The woody smell of cedar and notes of
patchouli flooded my senses.
“That’s a first,” noted a familiar voice. That intoxicating smell was even
stronger now.
When I squinted up, I saw Jordan. It looked like he stepped out of a GQ
magazine. Where was he going looking like that? White sneakers, lightwash jeans, and a rich cream sweater. He had freshly cut hair and was
clean-shaven, looking just as good as he did with a beard.
Damn. I secretly hoped he was hideous under that beard. There was a
fifty-fifty chance he was a culprit of the man's form of cat-fishing. Of
course, that wasn't true for him.
This was a version of Jordan I hadn’t seen before. In my life, he had two
roles: strict boss and infuriating neighbour. I chose not to supply the other
role my ovaries were well acquainted with. Aside from his first shirtless
encounter, this was a whole new man. It was casual, and so heavily inverted
from the usual energy he exuded.
He stood in front of me, holding the elevator doors open, giving me his
signature smirk that weakened my knees and made my palms sweaty. I felt
drunker than before and lost my balance, my hands shooting out to hold on
to the elevator walls. When I staggered, warm hands wrapped around my
arms. Air expelled from my lungs when my eyes darted to where he held
me, and I felt lightheaded.
Trying to get him to release me, I tried squirming away, but his grip only
tightened. “I'm fine. Let me go!” I said, trying to yank my arms back.
“Fine.” He let go, the sudden release sending me backward into the
elevator wall.
I grunted at the hard contact and shot him a loathsome glare.
“Hey! You gettin’ in or not?” called an irritated voice from behind
Jordan. From where I stood, I couldn’t see the man, Jordan’s large frame
blocking the doors.
“Move! I can take care of myself,” I slurred an unconvincing argument. I
slid across the elevator wall, positioning myself into the snug corner, finally
getting everything to stop spinning. Yes! I closed my eyes, leaning my head
back against the wall, drunkenly smiling to myself.
“Fuck,” Jordan cursed, before walking closer to me in the elevator. “Get
the next one,” he said to the man in a deep authoritative voice that made the
hair on the nape of my neck stand. There he was, that uptight boss and not
the man dressed in jeans in front of me.
Annoyed, I fixed my gaze on the wall. He stood so close, that I could
now smell the clean scent of the soap he must have used to shower. Don’t
think about him in the shower. Don’t think about him in the shower.
In complete silence, we reached my floor, and I sprung out of the
elevator before he could stop me. The image of him under a steamy shower
with water droplets running down his body was enough to incite horror
within every nerve in my body. I had to physically rip myself away from the
suffocating tension that consumed me when I was around him. Stumbling
over my feet on my way to the door, I regretted wearing these heels. When I
didn’t hear Bigfoot behind me, I hastily pulled out my keys. I wasn’t sure if
I was too drunk or if I still wasn’t used to the lock, but I couldn’t open it.
Kicking the door, I tried again, failing miserably. Just as I was about to slide
down the door and set up camp in the hallway, a warm body covered my
back and I forgot how to breathe.
Jordan was close, so very close. Every square inch of my body reacted to
the proximity, like fireworks eager to be lit. I wondered if he could hear my
heart racketing against my chest.
Slowly, he brought both his arms around me, stealing my keys. Although
my brain protested, my body leaned into him, and I voiced a small moan
from the warmth. My eyes fluttered shut, and his scent blanketed me. He
was much more comfortable than my crappy piece of foam. So warm and
firm, I would switch them out in a heartbeat. I nestled deeper into his arms
and felt my newly declared bed stiffen.
“Sarvenaz,” he said gruffly. But I was too far gone in serenity to listen.
Alcohol buzzed through me like pops of electricity.
Preventing me from melting into sleep, Jordan’s strong arms slipped
under my legs and around my back, swiftly lifting me off the ground. The
touch was so confident and assured, it felt like this was our routine. Like
carrying me to bed after a long night was something he was accustomed to.
I shrieked, my eyes popping when Jordan carried me past the threshold
of my apartment like I was his bride. The thought alone made me choke,
and I physically shook my head. I did not just think of myself as his bride.
When he kicked the door closed, the loud thud pulled me back to reality.
My arm involuntarily looped around his neck. “What are you doing? Put
me down, Evans!” I demanded.
“Okay.” He dropped me, and a scream rattled my throat, only to be cut
short by my body landing on my bed.
When I was all riled up to yell at him, a yawn slashed through my fury.
Exhaustion bit my bones, and I was ready to fall asleep, Jordan Evans be
damned. My eyes drooped, but when a warm hand wrapped around my
ankle, they popped open. I propped myself onto my elbows and saw Jordan
kneeling by my bed, directly in front of me. The sight was doing incredible
things for the part of my brain that filed away these moments and haunted
me with them in my dreams.
I tilted my head, suppressing a laugh as I watched this handsome man
trying to figure out how to remove my laced heels.
“I can do it,” I offered, although I was fine falling asleep, heels and all.
“I got it,” he said, focused on the straps.
The little crease between his brows and his long fingers working the
knot made it hard for me to catch my next breath.
Soon, a victorious smile appeared on his face when he untied it and
pulled off both my heels. A sigh fell from my lips when the blood flow
returned to my feet. Noticing my relief, he went one step further and gave a
quick press to my instep. My involuntary moan lassoed the air around us.
His darkened eyes latched onto mine, and I flushed, collapsing back on the
bed to hide my burning face. Jordan softly chuckled and reached for my
shoulders to sit me up.
Why is he always after my sleep?
“I have two sisters. Letting you go to bed with makeup on would be a
cardinal sin in their books,” he answered before I realized I had said that out
loud.
Warmth swirled in the center of my chest at the anecdote.
Those large hands hoisted my unmoving body off the bed, draping my
arm across his shoulder and holding onto my waist. I felt a faint buzzing on
my right hip and looked down, trying to figure out what was happening.
“Why do you have my vibrator?”
Jordan halted, blinking at my drunken words before slowly reaching
inside his pocket and pulling out his phone.
Oh.
He cleared his throat, silenced the phone, and shoved it back into his
pocket without glancing at the screen. I didn’t bother to hide the heat that
climbed to my cheeks this time. When I got to the bathroom sink, I assessed
my face, holding onto the counter for support. Jordan’s gaze clashed with
mine through the mirror, and I averted mine to reach for my makeup
remover.
Ignoring Jordan was harder than I expected because he leaned against
the opposite wall with crossed arms and watched my whole routine.
After sleepily patting on my toner and applying my moisturizer, I
walked past him toward my bed. Sitting on the mattress, I stifled a yawn
while he opened my closet door and grabbed the first shirt he saw. It was
one of my oversized volunteer shirts from high school.
Exhaustion weighed on my body, and I moved to dip under the covers,
but I was too slow. Jordan caught my arm and handed me the change of
clothes.
“I can’t,” I drawled, almost completely consumed by sleep. “Just cut me
out of this dress,” I groaned. Something told me I’d regret that in the
morning.
“I’d rather not,” he said, a strange edge to his voice.
I shrugged, unzipping the side of the tight dress, and noticed him
watching me. I narrowed my eyes, wiggling my finger in a circular motion
to signal him to turn around. His eyes slightly widened before he turned to
face away.
Finally changed, I left my dress on the floor and slipped under the
covers, relaxing into the pillow. The lights turned off, and I felt a dip in the
bed that forced my eyes open. Was he joining me? I should have been
alarmed that the prospect excited me. I blamed it on my intoxicated self.
Instead, I found Jordan sitting on the edge where my hips curved. In the
dark, his pocket was glowing from the notifications on his phone, but he
continued to ignore them.
I met his eyes again, and in my inebriated state, I couldn’t help it, I
smiled at him. Eyes touching every inch of my face, Jordan watched me—
or he observed me—I couldn't tell what the look meant. Like he was
communicating with me in a language I hadn’t learned yet.
When his hand lifted to touch my cheek, my heart dropped out of my
chest. My eyes fluttered shut when his slow, deliberate touch brushed away
a loose strand of hair, leaving a tingling sensation dancing across my face.
Jordan caressed my jaw, moving his thumb back and forth. I leaned into
the touch almost instinctually. My eyes were still closed, unwilling to see
the look in his eyes or let him see the emotion behind mine. Barely awake, I
felt his lips on my forehead, and a lingering kiss pressed into my skin. With
no energy to react, I fell asleep, as if spellbound by his touch.
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
A
fter my weekend phone call with my agent, where I was half hungover
and half sleep-deprived, I got the green light to submit my final
proposal. The only downside? I didn’t have a clue on how to get the
contract started. So, first thing Monday morning, I called every lawyer in
town. Only to find out that they charged an arm and a leg, and any other
organs I was willing to sell. One even tried to send me an invoice for a twominute phone conversation. The apartment and my car that broke down
every second day were eating up every nickel of my paycheck, so a New
York lawyer was well out of my ballpark.
Despite all the obstacles in my endeavours, my work at Spectrum ran
smoothly.
“All right, so these are the assigned projects for this month. I have
already shared the to-do items with all of you. We need them completed by
the end of next week, and if we work together, it will be done quicker,” I
said, ready to end the group meeting and get back to the hours of work I
still had left to do. Last week's project was complete, but that didn't mean
we could relax. We had at least three more to get done before the month
ended. So, this was one of my first meetings with the developers on
Jordan’s project, and I had a good feeling about it.
“The Porter’s want the final draft of the software by the end of the
month, but we haven’t received the budget from finance. Jordan said we
would get it today,” he explained.
The mention of Jordan caused an uncomfortable feeling to wriggle
between my ribs. We haven’t so much as looked in each other's direction
since the other night. Waking up to my folded dress and an Advil on my
bedside table, made the pounding in my head worsen.
That had to be pushed aside since it was not like Jordan to say
something and not deliver on it. I was debating whether I could ask James
to ask him on my behalf. But I knew Jordan would notice I was avoiding
him, and I had to be professional.
“I’ll get that information from Jordan and send you the details,” I said,
regretting my decision to go into his lair. Hopefully, Jordan could see that
the work he allocated to me was on track. It felt strangely satisfying to
know he didn’t doubt my ability and instead relied on them.
Grabbing the incomplete finance report, I walked down to the opposite
end of the building. As an indirect thank you for the help when I was drunk
—not that I needed it—I worked on extra projects for two clients. I knew
Jordan had a lot of work on his plate, so I wanted to help.
I picked up the file with the finished projects to hand to him and gave
myself a pep talk before stepping inside Jordan’s office. The door was
already open. He was sitting in front of his computer, his posture tense and
face focused, unaware that someone had entered his office.
I cleared my throat, but he didn’t look up.
Three buttons on his shirt were open, cuffs folded, tattoo ink flowing
along his thick forearms as he typed. He made typing on a keyboard look so
unintentionally seductive. You would think computers were the least sexy
thing after suffering through a four-year degree to figure them out, but this
—this was almost pornographic. Jordan’s long fingers moved in quick
succession on the keyboard, gliding along the letters with precision. My
body burned with a heat that could only be provided by an open flame. A
bead of sweat glided down the small of my back, and my hands clutched the
papers tightly. What kind of nerd fantasy was this?
I dropped the thought and remembered why I was here. “Jordan, I came
to check on the reports you were going to have finance send?”
He didn’t answer, and I stood there unsure if he still hadn’t heard me.
His phone buzzed on the table, then pinged with a text. He glanced at it, and
his features visibly hardened. Creased forehead a mixture of distress and
exhaustion. A contemplative look settled on Jordan’s face before he
answered his phone.
“Marcus, I’ll call you in a minute.” The clipped tone almost had me
backing out of the room. It iced over the heat that licked my skin just
seconds ago. “Yes, everything is cancelled.” Then he hung up.
When he finally brought his eyes to mine, my palms were layered with a
cold sweat. I suddenly wished I had sent him an email.
“I'm busy. Can you figure it out?” he said, giving me a look that
conveyed it wasn’t an actual question.
I stopped myself from flinching at his sharp tone and swallowed the
acidic taste in my mouth. “Oh, I—Yeah—I can ask finance directly.” I
stumbled over the words like I had just learned how to speak. Jordan was
always cordial with everyone at work, so his reaction was out of character.
A tornado of emotions swept through him. I knew I should have left to
protect my sanity, but his stiff posture was concerning, even for him.
Standing there, eyes on his rigid profile, I let my curiosity slip.
“Is there something wrong?” I asked, regretting my words as soon as
they slipped out.
Jordan’s demeanour shifted, his already stony eyes putting up a whole
new barrier. “Sarvenaz,” he said in a low warning tone. His elbow came to
rest on his desk as he pinched the bridge of his nose, eyes closed in
frustration. “I don’t have time for this.”
My head reared back at his curt words. I understood the looming
timelines over his head, but I was sure the tense look was because of
something else. Something like the phone that hadn’t stopped vibrating
since I came in here. However, I wasn’t going to be the one to pry it out of
him.
Confounded by his sudden irritation, and before I could make a bigger
fool of myself, I walked out. I wasn’t that girl anymore, the one who stayed
even when people pushed her away.
I had the urge to rip up the extra work I did for him, but my anger
toward him wasn’t going to affect my performance. If that wasn’t any
indication of how we could never be friends, I don’t know what was. I
shoved my feelings of hurt deep down, something I was accustomed to with
my ex, Karn. When I needed to communicate with him, I’d have to brush
my feelings under the rug and never let them surface. Doing that only
battered my mental health until I felt like I could burst. The worst part was
that I took my irritation out on people who actually loved me. There wasn’t
a day when I forgot how my parents and Linh took all my harsh words.
I worked through the remaining hours of the day in a cloud of irritation.
Even James didn’t disrupt the hyper-focused bubble I sealed myself in. I
packed up right at four and flew out of the building. I didn’t see Jordan
since he was in a late meeting all afternoon, which worked out well for me
since I needed the breathing space of the subway and not his suffocating
car.
At home, I changed into a comfy outfit and made my comfort food.
“What’s wrong?” asked Linh when she walked into the living room. I
shrugged from my spot on the couch. “Your comfort show and mashed
potatoes? I know this is your sulking routine. What happened?” She lifted
my legs to sit, then placed them on her lap. Pausing the show, I swallowed
my mouthful of potatoes and sat up. Looking at Phil Dunphy’s face onscreen, I realized not every man could live up to the standard he set.
“He is so rude for no reason. Every time I see him, I want to wrap my
hands around his neck!” I ranted and Linh gave me a sympathetic look.
“You two are going to give me a migraine. I saw him in the elevator on
my way up, and he was not in the mood to talk. Can you believe that? Not
in the mood for one of my stories,” she scoffed.
My ears perked up at the mention of him, despite trying not to show
interest.
“Did he look mad or something?” I asked, trying to appear nonchalant.
But the tight-lipped look Linh had, told me she wasn’t fooled.
“I wouldn’t say mad,” she continued. “More like—actually, I have no
idea how to read that man. He’s like a brick wall. Besides, why do you
care? You’re not even friends.” She watched for my reaction, but I didn’t
give her one. “But at least you don’t have to think about him anymore.”
“Why…?” I asked, sitting up from the couch and eyeing her cautiously.
“Because I found you a date!” I shot her a blank look. She knew damn
well I wasn’t going on a date with anyone she suggested. “Oh, come on! At
least let me redeem myself. He’s tall, in finance, and originally from
Toronto. His name is Tarren, and I showed him a picture of you. I told him
you would be there by eight.”
That had me tumbling off the couch. “Why are you showing random
men pictures of me?” I asked incredulously.
“I’m helping you with the game, and I think he’s a winner!”
“Except I’m not looking for a winner, remember? I did this to get out of
the funk I’m apparently in.”
“I think it’s working! When was the last time you even thought about
you-know-who?” I couldn’t remember the last time I was sad over the
breakup. My mood was instantly better knowing that my dating game was
working to help me move on. “Exactly! Now move and wear that cute
brown top,” she said, pulling me off the couch.
“Linh, I’m not going. I even cancelled on James because I’m not in the
mood today.”
“I’m not going to watch you sit around and sulk. You’re the one who had
this idea of dating roulette. Now you have to go!”
I shook my head, making a move to sit back on the couch.
She let out a sigh, stopping me. “Please, let me redeem myself. I’ll pay
you to go. He is seriously perfect,” she begged.
I couldn’t keep the wary look off my face. “You’re joking. You can’t be
that desperate.”
“I’m not joking, and you’re going. I’m pulling any best friend rights I
have to make you go. Plus, you won’t even have time to think about Jordan
if you’re out.”
Realizing she was right and not wanting to waste another second
thinking about my frustrating neighbour, I agreed.
This officially marked date number two. Or three if Linh was counting
because she refused to believe that the car dinner with Jordan wasn’t a date.
I sat in my Uber and headed to the restaurant for the blind date. I would
have never done this before, but I was turning a new leaf. Once I arrived, I
noticed a tall man standing by the front entrance. Linh described my date as
a linebacker type, which fit his description. Upon seeing me, he perked up,
his gaze travelling from my shoes to my face. He wasn’t conventionally
attractive, but something about his soft features made him look handsome.
Without a word and with a creepy stare, he accepted my quick hug.
Awkwardly smiling, I waited for him to speak.
“Sorry, I just— you’re beautiful. The picture Linh showed me doesn’t do
you justice,” he finally said, turning red in the face, his eyes looking a little
feral.
“Thank you, you look great too,” I complimented, and he seemed to
light up with that, making me smile. He was actually kind of cute.
“I've never been out with someone so exotic.”
My smile dropped.
I wasn’t sure if I heard him right. He could probably see the confused
expression on my face because his eyes widened.
“I just mean, I have never been out with your kind. I love Indian food.”
OH MY GOD.
My hands were in tight fists, my nails digging into my palms. I needed
to walk away, or I would stab my heel into this man's eye.
“I’m not sure what your food preference has to do with me,” I gritted
through clenched teeth, trying to keep my voice level. This was going to be
the shortest date in history.
“I like your people's food. That’s why I chose this Indian restaurant
tonight.” He smiled as if he didn’t just say your people.
My jaw dropped. Noticing my face he panicked and decide the right
course of action would be to touch my shoulder. I flinched, instantly ripping
away from his hold.
“Not to get ahead of myself, but I’ve heard Indian chicks are fr—” His
ignorant statement was cut short. Unfortunately, not by my fist colliding
with his mouth.
I pulled my ringing phone out of my purse to find Linh calling me.
“Was I right, or was I right?”
“Is there another option?” I asked, trying not to yell at her.
“I feel like you’re about to yell at me,” she said. “I messed up, didn’t I?
Fine, I’m officially retiring. Do you want me to fake an emergency?”
“Not this time,” I said, eyeing the airhead in front of me.
“You’re still going to have dinner with him?”
“Definitely not. I’ll see you soon.” I hung up on a confused Linh.
Well, she was right about one thing. This got me to forget about Jordan.
I turned back to my date, who pretended not to be eavesdropping, and
gave me a sheepish smile. For once, I didn’t want to fake an emergency. In
the past, I would have let this behaviour go unchecked, but I would not
allow it this time.
“Tarren, is it?” I asked, and he nodded. “Look, you seem like a...decent
person. But I won't be having dinner with you,” I said, trying to find an easy
way to tell him he was an idiot without causing him bodily harm.
“Was it something I said?” he asked, and I had to stop myself from
laughing in his face at the idiotic question.
“Using the word exotic and then proceeding to talk about my people
should give you a clue. You don’t like me, Tarren. You’re fantasizing about
my ethnicity and trying to check off some sick fetish.”
He looked visibly taken aback by my observation. “B-but I said that
because you are exotic. Your skin, your eyes, and your hair are so unique.”
I had brown eyes and brown hair. There was hardly anything unique
about that. There was no way he thought that was the right thing to say.
When it was clear he would not understand, I started to walk off. It wasn’t
my job to hold his hand through understanding why he came off as blatantly
racist.
“Oh, come on, that can't be the reason,” he griped.
“If you still don’t understand, you've got a lot more problems than I
thought,” I said over my shoulder before walking across the street to wait
for my ride. I was annoyed that I wasted an outfit on him.
Dragging myself into the lobby, Chris greeted me.
“Good date, Naz?” he asked. He eyed the car that had dropped me off,
thinking it was my disaster date. I had complained to him about my dates
never waiting for me to get inside my apartment before driving off, and he
completely agreed with my test.
I shook my head, giving him a shrug “I’m glad this one didn’t work
out.”
Maybe I shouldn’t have rejected the proposals my mother sent my way. I
was sure she would stop sending them since we drifted, but that didn’t deter
her persistence. Clearly, the idea of love marriage or just dating was looking
bleak for me. The surgeon she sent a picture of last week wasn’t looking too
bad right now.
“You’ll find him. You keep looking, and I will keep crossing them out.”
I groaned in embarrassment. “Don’t tell me you have a list on a
chalkboard somewhere.”
“Only a mental one, but I might just make a scoreboard. Who’s still in
the running?” he joked.
“If only I knew.”
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
O
n Tuesday afternoon, I came from work to see a package had arrived
for me. My air mattress had finally been delivered. After weeks of
sleeping on the terrible piece of foam left by the owners and probably
infested with bedbugs, I finally had a proper mattress. It was the only thing
missing from my apartment, so I couldn’t help but squeal when Phil
rounded the desk with it.
“Let me help you with that,” said Phil, just as the front desk phone rang.
“It's okay, I got it! It’s not that heavy,” I lied, waving him off.
He looked conflicted, but when I wrapped my arms around the box and
used all my strength to casually walk to the elevator, he relented, rounding
the table to answer the phone.
Immediately after he turned, I rested its weight against the wall, letting
out a ragged breath. The elevator dinged open and I squeezed in, dragging
the box with me. When I went to press my floor number, someone pushed it
for me. My eyes travelled up the tattooed arm to see Jordan, who regarded
me with a cautious look.
“Thanks,” I murmured.
No response.
His hot and cold manners were giving me some serious whiplash.
Although I was no longer looking at him, a looming tension threatened to
fill the elevator walls, but thankfully it fizzled out into the hall when I
reached my floor.
Dragging out the box was a challenge. I wrestled it out of the elevator,
the doors slamming on it when I was too slow, I blew my hair out of my
face and eventually heaved it out. Facing away from my unhelpful
neighbours, I lugged it behind me and down the hall.
I stopped midway and rested against the box to release a harsh breath.
Clearly, I was out of shape and my twig-like arms weren’t being helpful.
Just as I regained the willpower to continue, the package moved away,
almost sending me crashing to the floor. It was lifted from the ground as if
gravity had ceased to exist, or I was the strongest woman on earth. I stared
at my hands like I had become a master of telekinesis until a throat cleared,
and I spun on my heel to see the reason for my sudden strength.
It was Jordan. Stoic as ever. Carrying the weight of the package under
one arm as if it weighed nothing more than a newspaper. I guessed his
vanity muscles were good for something.
Without a word, he strode to my door, and I followed his quick steps. He
set down the package and waited for me. With nervous legs, I propelled
myself to the door and unlocked it.
“Thank—”
My words were cut short when Jordan picked up the package and
walked into my apartment and straight to my bedroom. The same way he
carried me in that night as if it was all a well-practiced routine. Like
slipping off my heels and kissing me goodnight—my forehead, to be exact
—was just something we did.
His eyes flicked to where I stood at the threshold, and his expression
hardened once he must have realized what I was thinking.
Dropping my gaze, I looked anywhere but at him, uncomfortable with
Jordan being able to read my thoughts. Before I could finally get him to
leave, he opened the package and pulled out the mattress. Was he an
undercover white glove delivery worker?
“Scissors?” Jordan asked.
Snapping out of my trance, I nodded and dipped into the kitchen, only
finding a knife.
When I handed it to him, he gave me a funny look, then proceeded to
open the plastic. He had taken off his suit jacket and was now standing in
his white button-up. The sleeves were rolled up, his muscular forearms in
plain view. My kryptonite, also known as his sleeve tattoo, peeked out. I
was overheating and needed fresh air—or an ice bath—stat.
As soon as the mattress filled with air, Jordan removed the old one and
set the new one on my bed frame. I felt useless standing there, but watching
Jordan's muscles strain against his white dress shirt was much more
rewarding.
Occupied by the show that could rival Magic Mike, I leaned against my
door with a blissful smile. Jordan ripped off the plastic in one move and I
almost sighed in appreciation.
When his eyes slid to mine, I jerked and snatched the plastic from him
before hastily fleeing the room. I debated whether to stick my head in the
freezer to cool down, sweating as if I was the one doing the heavy lifting.
When I returned to my bedroom, his sleeves were rolled down, and he
shrugged on his suit jacket. A frown made its way to my face.
Not wanting him to see my pout at his fully clothed state, I grabbed a
fitted sheet from my closet. “Thanks, it probably would’ve taken me two
days if I did it myself.” I laughed, as I unravelled the bed sheet.
When I was putting it over the corners, it was eerily silent, until Jordan
spoke.
“I want to apologize.”
Those four words almost made me lose my grip on the sheets and fall
face first on the mattress. I tried not to choke or make any kind of noise. My
gasp was caught between my lips.
“For how I treated you in my office last week. You don’t deserve to be
spoken to like that. I’m sorry.” His apology crowded the room, and a hefty
weight jammed inside my chest.
Did Jordan Evans just say sorry? To me?
I couldn’t remember how to construct a single sentence. The sincerity in
his voice reminded me of the night on the rooftop. Still facing the bed, I
tried to collect my thoughts.
“It's no big deal. You were busy, and it was a stupid question, anyway.” I
shrugged, not being the best at accepting apologies. I don’t think anyone I
knew had ever owned up to how they treated me, let alone apologized.
“It’s not okay, and your question wasn’t stupid. Don’t apologize for
doing your job,” he said, in a gravelly voice. “And don’t downplay your
feelings to me, Sarvenaz.”
Unsure how to react, I continued to fiddle with the sheet. He let out a
breath, then clasped my elbow, seizing my nervous movements. I squeezed
my eyes shut, not enjoying how my heart sang at the contact. Jordan gave
my arm a light tug, willing me to turn around.
Reluctantly, I faced him, my eyes glued to his chest.
He took a step closer, his hand lifting my chin, forcing my eyes to meet
his. Those eyes were like warm pools of honey in the afternoon light. His
dark skin was flawless, and his lips were like pillows. I held back the
sudden need to touch them with mine. I did not like this—not one bit.
“Tell me,” he urged.
Jordan was looking at me like what I had to say was the most important
thing in the world. Like there was nowhere else he would rather be. Which
was a drastic turn from how he acted in his office. His undivided attention
was kind of intimidating.
The pulse low in my stomach was no joke. This was no time to be
feeling that. To distract from the heathen between my legs, I decided to be
honest.
“I-I felt inferior. Like what I had to say didn’t matter,” I said, and I
swear he winced.
“That was never my intention, but that doesn't mean you have to forgive
me. I was preoccupied with some personal issues along with work, and I
took it out on you.” I immediately wanted to know which personal issues.
Who was Marcus? What was cancelled? But I was not going to pry. “I was
wrong, and I will never speak to you like that again. Maria told me about all
the extra work you did to help, and I should have been thanking you.”
An unfamiliar emotion came alive in my chest, and my stomach dipped.
The deathly grip that wrangled my heart seemed a lot like feelings. Big,
warm, mushy feelings. Stomach-dipping, heart-piercing, body-heating…
feelings.
Uh oh.
I simply nodded, unable to speak when his hand slid down from my
elbow to encircle my wrist. My breathing quickened, and it was obvious the
effect he had on me. The effect I had been dismissing all along. He had
cracked me wide open with his honest words and genuine apology.
We stared at each other for so long, that I thought time had frozen over.
Then his head dipped, and his gaze focused on my lips, our noses touching.
My throat went dry, and I shook with need as I lifted myself on my toes.
“Naz I—Jordan?” A voice sliced through our heated moment, and I
forcefully pushed Jordan’s chest. Caught off guard, he stumbled backward
before catching himself. I shot him an apologetic look.
“Am I in one of Naz’s dreams because there is no way you are actually
in her bedroom.” She looked at us in disbelief, dramatically rubbing her
fists over her eyes and blinking, clearly amused.
“He was helping me with my mattress. It finally came in,” I explained,
shooting her a glare for trying to embarrass me. I turned back to Jordan.
“Thank you for the help, Jordan.” Then, as if the synapses in my brain were
delayed, I extended my hand. For a handshake.
I don't know why I did it. Apparently, I defaulted to formalities in
stressful situations. Jordan stared at my hand like he hoped it would light on
fire, and when his eyes flashed I curled it back.
“See you at work!” I said, stepping to the side so he could leave.
He looked at me once more, words seeming to latch on his tongue when
his gaze dropped to my lips again. With every morsel of my scant selfcontrol, I fought the urge to look at his lips. He eyed Linh snooping at the
door and seemed to decide against whatever he was thinking. Instead, with
a curt nod, he turned to leave.
“Wait! It’s good you’re here. I wanted to invite you to the gallery. We’re
having an art exhibit this Friday,” said Linh, stopping Jordan in his tracks.
“They liked my stuff and approved my pieces to be a part of the show. So,
I’m inviting all my friends, and I hope you can make it.”
She and Jordan had become good friends. Well, Linh does most of the
talking anytime she catches him in the lobby or the elevator, and he listens,
but they seemed to get along.
“I’ll have to check my schedule, but I’ll try to come,” he responded, his
deep voice vibrating against my skin. I swallowed at the troublesome
thoughts spinning in my head from just the sound.
“Great! Naz is letting me borrow her car, so she’s going to need a ride.
Maybe she could go with you?” asked Linh, her hand clasped under her
chin.
My head spun to her, and I almost toppled over. The pulse in my throat
jumped at the thought of being alone in a car with Jordan.
“Why? I can take an Uber,” I said, still glaring at her.
“No, you can go with Jordan.”
“I'm fine on my own.”
“No, you’re not.” She levelled her glare with mine.
“Li-”
“You’re not taking an Uber,” said a voice from behind me. Linh's eyes
looked above my head at Jordan with a victorious smile on her face.
I turned to him. “I’m not a child. I can go out alone. Thank you for the
offer.”
His jaw flexed. “I didn’t say you were. It wouldn’t make sense to Uber
when we’re going to the same place,” he said with his logical thinking
brain.
“You haven’t even confirmed that you can go,” I argued.
“I’m going.”
I pursed my lip at his response. How did he clear his schedule without
even checking it? Huffing in defeat, I focused on putting the sheets on my
bed, ignoring them both.
Without another word, Jordan walked out of the apartment
“Holy shit! That was intense,” said Linh. “Does he always smell that
good? And did you seriously try to give him a handshake?” She howled
with laughter.
I grabbed a pillow, chucking it at her, annoyed that she had succeeded in
sticking me with Jordan. Linh caught the pillow, which only doubled her
laughter.
“I’m glad someone finds this funny.”
“I’m not apologizing for getting you a hot date!” she said, throwing the
pillow back at me.
“Hot date? You just put me in the most awkward position. I do not do
well in enclosed spaces with Jordan Evans. You know that!”
“You looked perfectly fine being close to him before I walked in,” she
noted with a raised brow.
“That…was completely different. I wasn’t thinking.” I was glad that I
hadn’t kissed him. Living in the same place and working with him would
become even more complicated if we got involved.
“Then don’t think when you’re in the car with him,” she suggested.
“That’s what I’m worried about,” I muttered.
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
I
opted to work from home this week since my car was screeching like it
was on its deathbed and I wasn’t in the mood to splurge on Ubers. I
ignored the look Linh gave me because she thought I was trying to avoid
Jordan. That may have been true if I had ever thought about him—but I
didn’t.
When I finished making a sandwich for lunch, my phone pinged with a
text from an unknown number. It had a Manhattan area code, so I knew it
had to be someone from work.
Unknown Number: Where are you, Sarvenaz?
That sounded cryptic, but for some reason, I already knew who it was.
There was only one person who was still adamant about using my full
name, and he worked with me. Of course, his text messages were typed
with proper grammar as if we were conversing over email.
Me: Who is this?
Unknown Number: Jordan Evans.
Me: How did you get my number, Evans?
Jordan: You’re on my team. Why wouldn’t I have your
number?
Me: Stalker much?
Jordan: I don’t need to stalk you. We work and live in the same
place.
Jordan: Why aren’t you at work?
Me: Miss me?
Jordan: Sarvenaz.
Me: I’m kidding! I’m working from home today. Did you need
something?
He didn’t reply after that.
A long four hours later, I finished all my contracts for the day. It was one
of the first times in weeks that I ended my shift at a reasonable hour. Now, I
had the day to take care of the chores I had been neglecting since I got here,
and give my parents a call. I didn’t know why I felt nervous to call them
when I had talked to them a few times last week before I got busy with
work. Our phone calls had progressed from awkward small talk to asking
about my job and questions about how to fix the WiFi. It felt a lot like old
times, and I couldn't help the hope that bubbled in my chest.
When I dialled their number, my mom answered the second I put the
phone to my ear. “Naz, we’ve been worried. How are you?” she asked, in a
voice that made me miss her. She hadn’t asked about me without a lecture
accompanying it in a while.
“I’m doing good. I’ve been so caught up in work that I didn't have time
to call.”
“We’re glad you’re doing well, beta. We just want to know you’re
okay,” said my dad, and I realized I was on speaker phone. The sting of
tears forming in my eyes made me blink rapidly. I didn't know where this
warm interaction was coming from.
“Thanks, Papa. How are you guys? Have you been using the Peloton? I
left it there for you.” My parents had always relied on me to advise them on
their health or they would drench all their food in ghee. That all changed
when I moved out with Karn and never called them, and I regretted losing
those years.
“Yes, I’m winning! I have more badges than your Mama.” He laughed
and I could hear my mom arguing with him in the back.
“What about you? Do you like New York?
“It’s nice. It feels similar to Vancouver.”
“I don’t know why you couldn’t find the same job here. You were so set
on leaving us. I thought you would regret moving like you did last time
with that boy,” chided my mom.
“Sunita, that’s enough,” my dad said, admonishing her for the snide
remarks. I was already here, it wasn’t like they could pull me back home
through the receiver.
“I have more opportunities here, Mom. I like it.”
“I guess I should be happy that you at least call us now,” she muttered.
“Oh, before I forget. We’re coming to New York in a few weeks.”
“What?” My parents did not go on vacation, ever, so her words came as
a shock to me. It made sense why they were excited when I called.
“Yes, your Papa’s best friend. You know, your uncle Yash and his
daughter Priya? They live in Pennsylvania, and she is getting married in
New York. He invited the whole family.” Of course, the only time my
parents went anywhere, it had to do with a relative's wedding.
“The whole family? As in uncles and aunties too?” I asked, hoping she
only meant our immediate family. If my uncle was invited, that meant so
was my cousin Jas and I’d rather not be graced with her malevolent
presence.
“Yes, all of them, but only a few can make it.”
“That’s…great,” I said, trying not to sound annoyed. “What about
Naveen? Please tell me he’s coming.” He was one of the few people that
could make family functions bearable.
“I’m not sure. His mother didn’t confirm. But we booked a hotel close to
the venue. We are planning to come on the Friday and stay for the
weekend.” They knew I didn’t have enough space here, and I was glad they
wouldn’t be staying with me. All of us crammed into this space would not
yield a pleasant outcome.
“Okay. Don’t forget to send me your flight number so I can pick you
up,” I said before hanging up. I felt like I would develop a stress rash.
To offset some of the pressure of having my parents visit, I decided to
keep busy with the piling chores. I washed and dried two loads of laundry
and sat on the floor of my room, folding it with my music blaring from my
earphones.
I was singing along to the chorus when I saw someone approaching me.
Linh had left for work seconds ago, so I knew it couldn't be her. Heart
halting in my chest, my gaze travelled up from the legs and the suit-clad
torso to meet a familiar pair of honey-brown eyes.
My brows knitted at the sight of Jordan. His mouth moved, but I
couldn’t hear him.
“What?”
His eyes momentarily closed and then pointed to his ear, signalling me
to take out my earphones. His massive presence enraptured my attention,
but I tried my hardest to feign indifference.
I pulled them out, giving him an impatient look, trying to figure out why
he was here. Better yet, why he was in my room, standing a foot away from
a pile of my folded underwear. He crossed his arms, waiting for me to say
something. When I didn’t speak or move from my spot on the floor, Jordan
walked to the bench at the end of my bed and sat in front of me.
“I didn’t say you could sit,” I said, hoping he would get annoyed and
leave. I didn’t appreciate the way he had agreed to give me a ride to the
gallery or the fact that we almost kissed. Not to mention that he still hasn’t
told me anything about his ex-fiancée.
“And I don’t take orders from you,” he countered, his brow raised in
challenge as he unbuttoned his dust grey suit.
His response made me purse my lips. “I think you’re forgetting you’re in
my apartment,” I crossed my arms over my chest. “How did you even get
in? Don’t tell me your stalker tendencies go as far as making duplicates of
my keys.” I feigned horror.
He rolled his eyes, suppressing the small smile that tugged at his lips.
“Not a stalker. Linh let me in.”
“Traitor,” I muttered.
Just then, his gaze flickered to where my arms were crossed, and it
dawned on me that I had on my laundry day outfit. The random pieces of
old clothing I threw on until my clothes were washed were inappropriate for
unwelcome guests to see. My track shorts from high school and the white
raggedy cropped tank I found in the back of my closet, weren’t leaving
much to the imagination. I could feel myself flush down to my neck and
Jordan’s mouth pressed into a hard line, noticing my sudden realization.
Frantically looking around my pile of laundry, I grabbed the first hoodie
I spotted. My hand shot out, shaking the fold and hastily pulling it on.
Jordan watched me the entire time, now eyeing the hoodie that engulfed my
frame. It was a worn-out men's hoodie, and from the look on his face, he
knew it wasn’t mine. Jordan raised his brow from his spot on the bench as
he watched me awkwardly roll up the long sleeves.
“Do you usually buy men's clothing?” he asked, giving me a once over.
I pushed the hood off my head and shot him an annoyed look as I tried to
tame my disheveled hair.
“It could be unisex,” I retorted, causing his eyes to narrow. Giving up, I
let my hands drop from my messy hair. “But no, it’s an old...friend’s,” I
finally said, revealing the truth. Well, not the whole truth. I omitted the fact
that it was an old boyfriend's hoodie. One who is the furthest thing from a
friend, the word alone making my skin crawl, but one whose hoodie I
absentmindedly packed with me.
Jordan’s jaw ticked before he abruptly stood to tower over me.
I scrambled to my feet, not appreciating the intimidating pose. His face
tightened when my hoodie fell to my thighs, eating up my shorts.
“Why are you here, Jordan?” I asked, looking up at him.
“I have something for you,” he revealed, handing me the envelope that
was tucked inside his suit pocket. He held it out for me to take, and my
brows knitted in confusion.
“What is this?”
“If I tell you that would defeat the purpose of a sealed envelope,
wouldn’t it?”
I shot him a glare before I ripped open the letter. The first page was a
bunch of legal jargon about my app, and I read through it, confused why he
even had this. The next page was addressed to ConTech from Catalyst. My
head reeled with possibilities. There was no reason this company would
reach out to me unless…
“Letter of approval for startup purchase?” I read aloud while still hastily
scanning the other papers. “This is a contract. Catalyst is buying my app!” I
exclaimed, unable to contain my excitement.
“Oh my god! Oh my god! What? I—Jordan!” I hopped in my spot,
vibrating with excitement.
I looked up to see Jordan’s smiling face as he watched me react to the
news. The dimple on his left cheek, that I had no idea was there, came into
view. I lunged straight at him, tossing my arms around his neck, causing
him to stumble backward before he wrapped an arm around my waist.
Standing on the tips of my toes, my head barely meeting his neck, I muffled
a scream into his chest.
Rigid in my hold, I unwrapped my arms from around him, realizing
what I was doing. I should have been embarrassed, but I didn’t care. I
couldn’t believe they were buying my app and that too, for an insane
amount. This was money I could use for my next project and help stabilize
my career. As I came down from my euphoric state and the endless
possibilities this had created for me, I read the paper one more time.
“But the legal team rejected my contract. How did they even negotiate a
deal? And where did you get my proposal?”
I had worked tirelessly with my lawyer to get the paperwork done, but
the forms were corrupted and never made it to Catalyst’s legal team. They
were lenient enough to give me a five-day grace period, which I used to
find a new lawyer I could afford. But as soon as I sent in the first draft, he
said it would take over two weeks. I had accepted defeat and decided to
wait for another offer.
But these papers meant they accepted my proposal. Which didn’t make
sense because I never told Jordan what the issue was the day in the
stairwell, and he didn't ask me again either. I looked up to see him still
watching me with that same glint in his eyes.
“I heard you couldn’t get a good lawyer, so I asked Spectrum’s legal
team to expedite the process and send it over to Catalyst on your behalf.
They owed me a favour, and I got all the papers from that junior developer,”
he said as if it was no big deal.
“You did all that for me?” I blinked up at him, baffled by the sudden
admission.
I ignored the way he purposely referred to James as a junior developer—
he definitely knew his name. That unfamiliar feeling floated around my
stomach, but this time I couldn’t push it down even if I tried. I had officially
caught the hot potato of feelings I was trying to dodge. It fell right into my
palms and burned every inch.
Does he…?
No.
This was the cold, broody giant we were talking about. He can’t possibly
have feelings for me. That would be insanity. Total check-into-a-mentalasylum level insanity.
Jordan shrugged, still looking as humble as ever. I felt the urge to repay
him somehow.
“I won’t say I know what it's like to be a woman in a male-dominated
field, but I do know what it’s like being the only person in the room that
looks different. Representing women—Indian women—in this field is a big
deal, and I know how it feels to lose something you had to work extra hard
for.”
Those words robbed my next breath straight from my lungs.
Why did he always have to go and say things like that? Like he could
empathize with what I was going through even if we had different
experiences. My terribly confused heart felt like it was no longer out of
commission.
I swallowed. “You’re doing the same. I can’t imagine it was easy
securing CMO.”
“It wasn’t. My success is hard-earned. I didn’t recognize the impact of
being a black man in such a high position until recently. I wasted time
thinking I couldn’t be as good as everyone before me. I don’t want you to
think that.” His eyes locked on mine. “Because it’s not true.”
Jordan is frustratingly easy to like once you dig your way under all that
broodiness. So easy to fall in love with—if I still did that sort of thing. But
when he talks like this, like I could easily carry the weight of the world on
my shoulders because I was capable, it becomes harder.
For the second time today, I hugged Jordan. Like really hugged him. My
arms went around his waist and squeezed him so tight, that I heard him
groan.
“That is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.” My words
muffled against his chest. He was getting my hug, whether he liked it or
not. To my surprise, he wrapped his arms around me and even squeezed me
back a little. I lifted my head from his chest to look up at him, my smile
permanent.
“You deserve it,” Jordan said, and I thought my knees would buckle. I
was in awe of his generosity, despite my rude dismissal of him. I didn’t
understand any of it.
“Thank you. I can’t believe you went through the trouble. I know you’re
busy,” I managed to say, words seeming pale to describe my gratitude.
“I wanted to,” he replied with a soft voice, the type of soft I’ve only
heard a few times. His words did things to my insides that I wouldn’t
acknowledge. I couldn’t acknowledge. So, I smiled at him, a full-on beam
that was made for him and made because of him.
His eyes bounced all over my face as if he was memorizing the sight.
Jordan’s hand came up hesitantly, hovering in indecision until he fought his
reluctance and cupped my jaw.
My smile quivered until it dropped, and I stilled, afraid of what a simple
touch from him could do to me. His lips hovered mine, our breaths
mingling, noses touching, and heart thumping. I waited for him to claim my
lips. To touch me and consume me in ways I could only imagine.
Fingers heavy on my waist, his hand tightly fisted the fabric of my
hoodie, as if one more second, and he would tear it right off. With one
deliberate move from him, our bodies flushed from the waist down, our lips
brushing against each other, a feather-light touch. My eyes fell shut, and I
was greedy for a taste of him. My throat was parched, but I didn't need
water. The only relief I desired would be from his lips devouring mine. The
fleeting touch of his mouth sent a fire raging through me. What kind of drug
was getting pumped through the vents? This was the second time he had
come this close to me in my apartment.
Before I could think to close the distance, to end the torture and take the
nourishment I craved, the hand clutching my hoodie dropped. Jordan pulled
away, clearing his throat and removing his hands from my face, a cold
absence replacing his touch.
My eyes snapped open to see his taut expression. I physically deflated,
unsure whether I was disappointed or relieved. I chalked up my willingness
to kiss him to the excitement of the app purchase. However, even I couldn't
lie to myself.
“Congratulations,” he said, sounding more closed off, but holding the
hint of the softness I heard earlier. I stayed glued to my spot, still processing
when he turned to leave.
“And Sarvenaz.” My name sounded like it scraped against his vocal
cords.
My eyes lifted to where he stood at the threshold. “Yeah?” I said,
watching as he glanced down at my outfit once more, then met my eyes.
“Burn that fucking hoodie.”
My phone vibrating on my bedside table woke me at seven a.m. on a
Saturday morning. I groaned into my pillow before reaching for it.
There were three texts. The first one was from Janelle.
It was an image of a Peppa Pig themed birthday invitation. She had
forgotten to give me one yesterday when we had a last-minute lunch while
she was in the area, and she was adamant that I attend her granddaughter’s
party to meet the family. I agreed but didn’t think through the idea of
meeting Jordan’s entire family.
The second text was from Nadir asking me if I was free tonight. I
contemplated whether I wanted to go, not loving the idea of leaving my
apartment. Nadir and I had been texting each other consistently, but we kept
a friendly undertone. After the second almost kiss with Jordan, I couldn’t
stop thinking about him. I was developing feelings I had no business
having, especially if I was set on my new path. He constantly plagued my
thoughts, and I was irritated by his intrusions. Deciding I needed a break to
think about someone other than him, I said yes to Nadir.
The last text had a number I didn’t recognize, and I blocked it without
opening the message. It was a Vancouver area code, and I only knew one
person who had been trying to contact me from there. I was sure my ex,
Karn, was keeping tabs on me to hold some semblance of control.
Later that night, I walked into the elevator, ready for my date with Nadir.
I dressed nicer than usual since he was taking me to a high-end club in the
upper east side. I wore my satin cowl neck dress paired with heels that
crisscrossed up my calves.
I approached Nadir, who chatted with Phil at the concierge desk. Phil
saw me first, raising his brows at my appearance and shooting me a wink.
He shifted away from the front desk, giving us some privacy.
“Hi,” I greeted, and Nadir turned around. His brows shot up in surprise.
Green eyes trailed over my body before he hugged me.
“Stunning. Blue is your colour,” he said, before pulling away, his hands
still on my shoulders as he took in my midnight blue dress.
I could feel my face flush from the compliment, and I focused on
Nadir’s outfit. He was wearing slim-fit pants with a simple black button-up.
“Not too bad yourself,” I said, just as someone cleared their throat.
We broke eye contact to find Jordan standing in front of us.
Our last encounter slammed into the forefront of my brain and ignited
my body with its reminder.
With one glance at Nadir, Jordan's gaze came to settle on me. His eyes
lingered on my cheeks, assessing the blush that must have coloured them,
with a flash of irritation. Then, painfully slowly, the darkened orbs dragged
down my body like he was seeing me for the first time. Like he was
stripping me without a single touch. My heart flipped with his perusal, a
small part of me wanting to know what he was thinking. I wanted to know
if I affected him the way he affected me, and guilt crept in for not feeling
this way with Nadir. It would be a lot easier if I could transfer these feelings
his way.
After an eternity, Jordan licked his lips and returned his gaze to my face,
his expression giving away nothing. My breasts tightened from the look,
and I was annoyed that he stared at me like that with my date beside me.
Despite my protesting thoughts, my eyes landed on the grey and black
flannel over a white T-shirt and his black jeans. His broad shoulders made
every piece of clothing look like it was made for him. His white sneakers
were so clean, that I had the urge to step on them just to piss him off.
“Hey, nice to see you again.” Nadir extended his hand to Jordan,
obviously noticing how he was blatantly checking me out. They had only
seen each other in the elevator, and I was surprised Nadir recognized him.
Jordan didn’t acknowledge him though, his eyes were still locked on
mine. They flickered to my lips every so often, as if trying to remind me
how close we were mere days ago. How ready I was for him to have me. I
ripped my attention from him and focused on Nadir. He gave Jordan a
strange look before dropping his hand.
I cleared my throat. “Let’s go. Don’t want to be late,” I said in a highpitched voice, looking anywhere but at those sharp hazel eyes. I took
Nadir’s withdrawn hand, pulling him with me as I brushed past Jordan, the
feeling of his firm torso making the bare skin of my arm tingle. When we
were almost out the doors, Jordan’s voice called out behind us.
“Good luck taking those heels off, man. They were a pain,” said Jordan.
I tripped over my feet, but Nadir caught me before I could fall. My
breath snagged in my chest. Jordan stared at my legs with a smirk when he
saw my stunned expression.
My cheeks burned with embarrassment and shock at his audacity to
make such a comment. I didn’t look at Nadir, afraid my expression would
give away something I didn’t intend.
Jordan’s face was a blank slate, but it was a mirage. It would have fooled
me if I hadn’t recognized the dangerous flicker of anger simmering beneath
the surface. That look had me scrutinizing his face until he turned away,
taking the stack of mail from a wide-eyed Phil. He slipped into the elevator,
looking as arrogant as ever.
My mouth was left hanging open as I watched him, appalled by his
idiotic words. Nadir stood beside me, speechless. I avoided his gaze,
consumed by my outrage.
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
“T
here’s going to be a beautiful full moon tonight,” said my Uber
driver.
“I’ll keep an eye out for it.” I smiled, staring out at the darkening skies.
Since Linh was borrowing my car today, I had to take an Uber from work.
After the night out with Nadir, we texted every day this week. Nadir was
a lot more mature than I first made him out to be. The one-year age
difference was obvious to me, but as friends that didn’t add any unease. I
could feel like less of an adult with responsibilities with him and enjoyed
that break. Alas, I couldn’t ignore my responsibilities forever.
I bumped into Jordan a few times this week, but today he was out of the
office, and I was desperately hoping he had forgotten about the event
tonight. Linh’s art exhibit came a lot quicker than I hoped, and I had little
time to stew in my thoughts about Jordan. I was trying hard to remember all
the reasons why I didn’t like him. However, that proved to be quite difficult
when I knew how he felt mere inches from me.
Although, to my surprise, it seemed we were both going the immature
route by acting like nothing happened. The tension between us at work
seemed to heighten ten-fold after it. If anything, I thought we would be
friendlier, but we were both running away from the reality of the situation.
Although Nadir hadn’t asked me about the odd exchange in the lobby, it
was obvious even he felt the palpable tension that strummed between
Jordan and me. I knew why I didn't want to feel that again, but what was
Jordan running away from?
When I got to the apartment, it was already seven, which meant I only
had an hour to get ready. I fumbled through my closet and got dressed in
record time. A knock sounded at my door at exactly eight, and sharp stabs
of anxiety assaulted my stomach. Jordan and his damn punctuality always
made him reliable. I didn’t think he would show, and honestly, I would have
preferred that.
I opened the door to a breathtaking Jordan. The man standing at my door
had the power to make me fall on my ass just from the sight. He wasn't
wearing his regular work attire, but a deep green suit, over top of a black
turtleneck sweater. I feigned disinterest despite the craving to continue
scanning his body from head to toe.
His eyebrows raised when he saw me, those hazel eyes glittering. His
attention was not on my face, and I didn’t blame him.
“You made it,” I said with clear dismay.
When he looked at me, my chest caved. His face was devastating. I was
suddenly jealous of everyone who had gotten to see this face before me.
“I wouldn’t have missed it.” He said the words like they had a deeper,
more raw truth veiled behind them.
“I need to get my heels.” I rushed back into my room after letting him in.
I caught my tattered breath before digging through my shoes. Not wanting
to wear my strappy heels, I chose a nude pair with my off-the-shoulder
dress. The dress reached down to my ankles, but the slit went right to midthigh.
When I stepped out, I saw Jordan looking at a picture I had on the wall
from my graduation. It was taken right around the worst time of my life, but
I kept it there as a reminder of everything I could overcome.
His gaze flicked to me, going from my face down to my shoes, then
back up to linger at the slit of my dress. Feeling self-conscious, I put my
hand over the slit, hoping he would avert his eyes. Instead, they travelled
up, finding the only other bare part of my skin, and rested on my shoulders.
He was insufferable.
“Should we head out?” I muttered.
He nodded, then opened the front door for me.
The car ride to the gallery was painfully quiet, and I could see the
tension in Jordan’s jaw when I snuck glances at him. His ignorant
comments to Nadir had made things very awkward, yet he was acting like I
had insulted him.
“Take a picture. It’ll last longer,” he said, startling me, his eyes still
focused ahead.
“No thanks, I don’t want to crack my lens,” I fired back, immaturely
recovering from being caught.
When we reached the gallery, the valet rounded the car and took the keys
from Jordan. I hopped out before he had the chance to open my door.
Turning to shoot him a triumphant look, I met his heated eyes, which only
made my grin wider.
I darted to the entrance, my eyes bouncing around to locate Linh.
Executing my plan to ditch Jordan was so close, that I could almost taste it.
Finally spotting silky black hair and the fluffy corset dress pinched around a
small frame, I smiled.
I hadn't even taken one step toward Linh when a solid arm entrapped my
waist. A grunt escaped me when I was pulled back, and barred against a
firm body. Jordan's chest covered my back, and I could smell everything.
His cologne, his soap, his after-shave, and his minty breath. All of it
clogging my arteries like my mother's cooking.
Overwhelmed by the mix of heat, his touch, and the scent, I tried to pull
away. My attempt was cut short when Linh and her mentor Elaine
approached us. Instead of letting go, Jordan held on tighter.
“Don't run from me, Sarvenaz.” He pressed the words roughly against
my ear, and the muscles in my neck tightened.
“I’m so happy you made it!” An ecstatic Linh cut the wire of tension
that was pulled taut between us. “Elaine, this is my best friend Naz and our
friend Jordan,” she introduced us.
“So nice to meet you. It’s been a pleasure having her here. You are lucky
to have such a light in your life!”
“Oh, I know. I couldn’t have made it through my life without her. She’s
always talking about how lucky she is to intern for you. Your work is
amazing, Elaine.”
She smiled and lead us inside.
As much as I would hate to admit it, the arm wrapped around my waist
was comforting. Jordan hadn’t budged, and I hadn’t told him to either. Linh
wiggled her brows, looking proud of herself for forcing the ride on me.
Before I could wipe the smirk off her face, she was whisked away.
“Champagne?” asked the server.
Jordan accepted two glasses and handed one to me. I swallowed the
bubbling champagne in one gulp, enjoying how it travelled down my throat
like liquid velvet.
“Trying to get drunk tonight?” he asked, sending a shiver shooting down
my spine. “It takes a lot more than this to get me drunk,” I said, holding up
the flute.
“Is that a challenge?” His warm breath fanned the side of my neck, his
words leaving me sweltering. Jordan’s eyes fell to my heels, and a knowing
smirk earned its way on his face.
When I moved my arm to elbow him in his ribs, he held me tighter,
trapping my movement. “Careful, Sarvenaz,” he warned. “Don’t start
something you can’t finish.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, trying to ease the dryness. His words
sent an electric current straight to my core, sharp enough for a tattered
breath to escape my lips. The way my name rolled off his tongue made me
clench my thighs. Though the action only increased the pressure between
them, my sensitive skin chafing against my dress. With my back flush
against his chest, I tried to shift to re-establish some space and ease the
ache.
Checking to see if he noticed my budding arousal, I was met with
Jordan's delicate smile. It punched me in the gut, and if it weren’t for his
arm, I would have knocked into the sculpture behind us. This was the
second time I saw that genuine smile, and damn did it make him look
handsome. Feeling my own lips rise in adoration, I snapped my head back
to the art, recalling why we were here.
There was no way I would let a smile lower my guard. These gates were
made out of steel and I wouldn't let anything past them.
“That one is a labour of love!” said a voice from behind us. We turned to
see Elaine admiring the sculpture. “Our artist created this with his wife.
They both sculpted what they imagined as their love for one another and
then fused them! Brilliant!” she exclaimed as Jordan, and I looked intently
at the art piece.
It was a white clay sculpture, with one broken side and one clean cut
with intricate carvings. The shapes of two bodies were melded together in a
heart, with asymmetries and vulnerabilities visible on both sides.
“It’s gorgeous,” I said in awe.
“I knew you two lovebirds would enjoy this one. Love speaks to those
who have been immersed in its beauty.”
“Oh, we’re not—”
“Absolutely,” Jordan agreed. “This whole exhibit is exceptional,
Elaine.”
“I’m happy to hear it. I’ll stop talking your ears off. You two have fun!”
she said, wandering off.
When I was going to question Jordan about why he didn’t correct Elaine,
he dropped his hand from my waist, putting our champagne flutes onto a
server's tray and taking my hand in his.
“What are you doing?” I questioned as he pulled me along. He didn’t
answer, only striding confidently down the narrow hallway. When he finally
stopped to pull open the door, I tried to yank my hand from his. “Jordan!
Wh—” My words caught in my throat.
We stood in the softly lit courtyard of the venue. Taking in my
surroundings, I read the sign by the door. It was an outdoor addition to the
exhibit called ‘Sleepless Nights’, and they transformed the space into
something out of a painting. The ground was covered in patches of coloured
grass, flowers poking out of every wall and entangling with one another as
the breeze sifted through them.
I walked forward, my hand dropping from Jordan’s. Since the display
was set up outside, the wind blew past the hanging chimes, making them
sing in the sky. Jordan captured my hand when I wobbled from my heels
digging into the grass. Seeing my unstable movements, he led us to the path
of the cemented walkway. We strolled along the perimeter of the display,
then stopped at the small bridge overlooking the small pond covered in
floating water lilies. We stood in silence, the two of us the only ones
outside. I looked at the sky, seeing the glowing full moon casting its light
on us.
“I didn’t expect you to come with me.” Jordan’s deep voice broke the
silence. His arm brushed against mine as he shifted closer. The sudden
warmth of his contact made me realize that I was still cold even in this
long-sleeved dress.
“It’s not like I had a choice.” I shrugged.
His eyes looked yellow in the light when he turned to me. Staring for a
long minute—that seemed to stretch into ten—as if wordlessly dismantling
every wall I had put up.
“I’m not convinced you wanted one.”
My throat seized like I had ingested a spoonful of sand. I dropped my
gaze before he caught the heat that would surely colour my cheeks. He was
right. If I wanted to escape him, I would’ve planned to leave in a cab
beforehand.
I pressed my lips together, feeling a shiver drag through me from the
breeze kissing my skin. Jordan must have noticed the slight chattering of
my teeth because he took off his coat and held it open so I could slide in my
arms. I obliged, his coat was still warm as I relished the stolen body heat.
When I met his gaze and saw his longing expression, I averted mine to the
floating lilies. I didn’t trust myself to even say thank you.
When Jordan's heavy arm draped over my shoulders and tucked me
closer, his warmth coated my insides like a viscous liquid. My lips slightly
parted to allow small puffs of air inside my lungs, the bolt around my throat
constricting the normal flow. Eager for more, I circled his waist and let my
head rest on his chest—for no other reason than that I was freezing. I
couldn't decipher whether the beat sounding in my ear was mine or his until
the rhythm altered. The slow, steady pump of his heart increased to match
my tempo. Our breaths and hearts synchronized to a beat of anticipation.
Nervous to meet his eyes, I glued my focus to the water. The reflection
in the pond was a picture of two lovers under the moonlight, a juxtaposition
of our current reality. It startled me enough to look up, and my eyes collided
with bright ones that watched me intently. He was probably scared I would
do something stupid and tumble over the edge to my death.
Then, with a hand on my shoulder, he moved me to fully face him. The
potency of the emotions running along his features had me hypnotized, and
I couldn’t make out what they meant. Not when I had my own stampede of
thoughts.
He tucked away the hair the wind blew in my face. It probably looked
like a bird's nest, but I didn’t care because I loved the way he gingerly
brushed it behind my ear. Jordan’s gaze sank to my lips, then back to me.
The same dance they always did.
The ubiquitous fog of lust draped itself over us. Heat pooled at my core,
and ardor hugged every inch of my body. His left hand slid down the side of
my face to land on my bare shoulder, thumb lightly grazing my collarbone.
The simple touch made me inhale a sharp breath. Noticing the sudden
change in my breathing, his gaze fell to my chest. It lingered there, and I
had never been happier to have worn this dress.
Jordan’s full attention on me was something I didn’t realize I longed for
until now. The attraction that bubbled between us was finally breaking
through, eros clawing out of us.
Trusting myself to be intimate with someone without getting attached
was uncharted territory, but that fear drove away when I came this close to
Jordan. Any inhibitions and insecurities seemed minuscule. Insignificant.
Foolish.
My dating rules? Never heard of them.
Knowing that he was always willing to help, despite my stubborn
refusals, was one of the reasons he could make me unravel so easily. Like it
was okay to open up and bring down my guard because he would be careful
with me. With him, my heart was ready to abandon any reservations.
I watched his gaze slowly travel up from my chest, along my neck, to
my lips, then back to my eyes. Those warm honey-flecked pools of whisky
swam with desire. My mouth ran arid from the torturous path, leaving my
skin sizzling.
Instinctively, I licked my lips, and those once calm eyes were ablaze.
The need in my core was growing with each passing second.
Unable to take it any longer, I moved closer, tip-toeing in my heels to
wrap my arms around his neck to make me level with him. I waited for
Jordan to close the gap, preferably with his mouth, yearning for the same
intoxicating warmth I felt when his lips brushed mine. He watched me just
inches from his lips but stayed rooted in place.
My chest deflated with his hesitation, and aware that my disappointment
was clear in my expression, I masked my dismay. When I moved to extract
my arms from around his neck, his hands shot up to hold my elbows in
place.
I looked at him with questioning eyes.
When Jordan made sure I wouldn’t move, he slid his arms down to my
waist. A gasp escaped my lips when his iron-like hold held me flush against
him. Before I could look away, he moved his face closer. So close, his
warm, minty breath fanned my mouth.
“Sarvenaz, I’m going to kiss you,” he whispered. “I might lose my damn
mind if I don’t.”
My legs felt useless, and if it weren’t for his tight hold I would’ve been
on my way over the railing and into the pond. I wanted to know how he
tasted, and if that mouth that infuriated me before would now cool my
heated skin. His searing gaze tormented my body with heady desire.
I nodded just inches away, so close I could see the tiny flecks of gold
surrounded by umber in his eyes. He searched my face for any indication of
uncertainty. But I knew the only thing he would find in them was hot desire.
Then, as if abandoning all rationale, Jordan’s lips came over mine,
eliminating the last sliver of space between us.
Hard and rough, exactly how I had imagined. As if Jordan needed this as
badly as I did.
Shocked by his intensity, I couldn’t move, but then I felt his teeth graze
my bottom lip, my mouth parting on a small moan. His tongue slipped into
my mouth, and I devoured him with equal need. Hands weaving through his
curls and down the nape of his neck.
The right hand that cupped my face came around to the side of my neck.
The hold was firm, and his dominating presence lit up my body. I wrapped
myself impossibly closer, feeling him against my stomach. When I smiled
into the kiss, Jordan let out a low groan and pulled his mouth from mine.
“No,” I breathed, hating the loss of contact and trying to tug him back to
me.
A ravenous look took over and he released an amused breath. His eyes
lit up. “There she is.”
Jordan’s hands slid down my back before he roughly palmed my ass. He
pulled me closer to him, the desire pooling when I felt him right where I
needed him, so damn close. Those hands came to rest on my back, holding
me in place before he walked us backward. Our lips never parted as my
back made contact with a cold brick wall. I moaned into his mouth at the
rough move.
“You drive me crazy,” he whispered against my lips. “So fucking crazy.”
His coarse voice fell hot on my skin as he kissed his way down my neck. I
tilted my head back, giving him more access, allowing him to travel down
to my chest, to the swells of my breast. Oh my god.
There was no one else in the open courtyard, but if I was being honest, I
didn’t have the willpower to stop him if there was. I felt like I could die at
any moment, and the only thing I cared for was this. I dug my nails into his
shoulders, the thin shirt being the only thing stopping me from piercing his
skin. The rumbling sound that left his throat made my body burn, arousal
hitting me harder than it ever had.
“Jordan,” I breathed, unable to form another word. I placed my hand on
either side of his face, bringing him to kiss me again. He tasted as he
smelled, and I couldn’t stop. I moved from his lips slowly to his ear and
then to his neck. He grabbed the back of my leg and pulled it around his
waist. My dress rode up, the slit not leaving much covered. It was a
scandalous position, but I didn’t care.
My skin was on fire, and I hastily removed Jordan’s coat from around
me. Taking it from my hands, he tossed it on the railing to his left.
Reluctantly breaking apart, we rested our foreheads against each other,
smiling through our heavy breathing.
“So perfect,” he said before taking my mouth again. One of his hands
was firmly placed at my waist, touching the underside of my breast, the
other moving toward my inner thigh. His knuckles skimmed the material
between my legs, and I let out a choked moan.
“Tell me to stop,” he murmured against my lips.
“No,” I breathed.
Nothing had ever felt as good as he did right now. I needed everything
he would give me.
With that, he spun me around so fast, that I barely had time to brace my
hands against the wall. A squeak left my throat when the warm skin of my
cheek sizzled against the cold brick. Jordan planted gentle kisses down the
side of my neck while making small circles with his thumb on the sensitive
skin of my thigh. I was acutely aware of the hardness pressing into me.
One of Jordan's hands was braced against the wall beside my head, and
the other snaked around to settle between my legs, the movement of his
warm fingers sending a shiver crawling through my body. I let out a jagged
exhale when he rubbed me through the thin fabric, a quiet whimper fleeing
my throat.
“You like that?” he asked as he applied more pressure. “You’re fucking
soaked already. You want my fingers inside you, Sarvenaz?”
Every pass of his strong hands over my skin was heavenly sinful. The
spontaneity of the moment melted my brain, and my body wanted to give
Jordan whatever he wanted. Hell, he could have told me to jump into the
pond, and I would have dove headfirst if it meant he’d touch me like this or
say my name like that.
I nodded, but instead of continuing, he stopped. When I peered at him
over my shoulder, both urgency and softness clouded his expression as his
gaze scraped over me.
“Use your words.” His voice was controlled, but his eyes were full of
raw unconfined lust.
My skin was a live wire. I had to dig deep inside to rediscover my voice.
“Y-yes. Please.”
Jordan’s smile brushed my ear. “Never thought I’d hear you say that.”
Just as quickly as he halted, he came back to teasing me. The thin fabric
between my legs was pulled away, and a rough breath escaped his lips. I
tried to even my shaky inhale as he slid in both his fingers. My nails dug
into the brick wall at the sensation, and the visual of his hand between my
thighs.
“So fucking tight,” he groaned. Jordan pushed in deeper, slowly
pumping his fingers, fisting my hair to turn my face, and catching my
moans in his mouth.
Unable to take the slow torture, I rocked my hips against his. Jordan let
out a throaty moan by my ear, then increased the speed of his fingers. I
whimpered with each curl and stroke.
“Don’t stop,” I begged when he tightened his hold around my waist. As
if knowing my legs were slowly becoming useless. I turned to find his lips
again, needing the softness of his mouth on mine. He was a drug, one taste,
and I was hooked.
Just when I felt the orgasm ready to destroy me, I heard Jordan’s voice.
“Show me how much you like it, Sarvenaz. Come for me.”
With swift pressure on my clit, I was driven to the brink of destruction.
Jordan’s commanding tone, which I usually hated, drove me to my release. I
came undone on his fingers while he continued riding out my orgasm until I
was sure I would pass out.
That’s it. This was the end of me. Twenty-four-year-old woman
pathetically dies after an other-worldly orgasm. I rested my forehead against
the rough brick, trying to remember how to breathe. Was it in-and-out or
out-and-in?
He turned me around to face him, then brought both his fingers into his
mouth. My eyes widened as I watched the erotic sight.
“I knew you could be sweet,” he whispered with a playful smirk before
he kissed me again, and I could taste the arousal on his lips. The need to
have him inside me gnawed at my core. Seeing his darkened eyes, I didn’t
want anything more at that moment.
“I want you,” I blurted, hoping he would do something before I became
a pathetic puddle. I didn’t care if I looked desperate or if I hated him a few
minutes ago. I was finally saying exactly what I wanted for once and hoped
he felt the same way. Hooking my hand on his belt, I stared at him with
trepidation leaking into me.
When a conflicted look crossed his face, I regretted my words. I pulled
my hands away, still trapped against the wall. Dejection stomped on my
chest, regret pouring into the cracks.
He shook his head, and just as he started to say something, the door to
the courtyard screeched open.
Our heads whirled to the door on the opposite side of where we stood.
The flowered bridge that went over the pond hid us from view. I could see a
group from inside walking down the steps. They were focused on the art,
unaware of the two of us pressed against the far wall. Suddenly, the reality
of the situation hit me like a freight train.
It’s as if we get caught up in a cloud of each other, and as soon as it
imploded, we were left as confused as ever. I tried to avoid eye contact with
Jordan because the only thing in my head was a large siren and a small
version of me holding a bright red sign that read ‘Danger Zone!’.
Danger zone is right. There is no way I can let myself enjoy any part of
this. If I did, it meant I learned nothing from my past. Continuously
draining my heart and feeling it crumple in my chest when the inevitable
happened was not what I needed.
Jordan did not seem bothered that I was having a mental freak out
because he was probably having one of his own. I mean, it isn't every day
that you take your enemy up against a wall. The first guy I’ve let this close
to me in a year, and it had to be him. I was fine despising each other and
never knowing the magic he held in those hands. The magic that sent my
eyes rolling backward and my soul into an alternate universe. For him to do
that with just his fingers is beyond me, and I had to force myself to not
think about what he could do with the rest of him.
I straightened my dress, unwilling to meet Jordan’s eyes as I fiddled with
the fabric. He picked up his coat from the rail, and placed it back on my
shoulders, then intertwined our fingers before I could even think to cross
my arms. I stopped myself from reading into the action and moved beside
him on wobbly legs.
Inside, I came back from the restroom to find Elaine talking about the
outdoor addition, and since I was so dazed, Jordan had to do all the talking.
Linh’s knowing look zeroed in on me as she mouthed tell me everything and
I mouthed back later.
“I’m going to take Sarvenaz home. Do you need a hand with anything
before we go?” he asked Linh, and I could practically see her swoon. Her
eyes flicked to mine, a look that could only be translated as lock him down,
or I will kill you before she shook her head.
“I’ll be fine. We have volunteers to help us at the end of the night. You
two have fun.” She winked, which had Jordan clearing his throat.
We didn’t talk the entire car ride back to the apartment, but I caught
Jordan stealing glances at me as if wanting to say something. The tension
was heavy around us. I hoped I could escape it as we reached my floor, but
Jordan walked with me, prolonging this awkward moment.
Unlocking my door with him behind me, I debated whether to invite him
in but was unsure if I could handle what would happen if I did. I had
already said too much in the courtyard and was not in the mood to get
rejected again. I felt like a fool. Linh could paint clown makeup on my face
later tonight, so I could fully accept my new profession.
Turning around, my eyes landed on his chest instead of those
hypnotizing eyes.
“Night!” I said, my voice coming out as a pathetic squeak.
I didn’t want him to know that his rejection disappointed me, but my
face wasn’t doing a good job of hiding it. Feeling something deep in my gut
meant I was falling into a previous pattern, and that was unacceptable.
I made a move to step inside, but Jordan’s hand on my arm pulled me
back. The stutter in my heart probably wasn’t good for my health.
Jordan stepped forward, coming as close as he did in the courtyard. His
hand raised my chin to meet his eyes. When I gradually drew my gaze up,
those magnetic eyes were filled with a completely different emotion than
when we were at the venue, but I couldn’t decipher it. Was that regret?
Dread spread in my belly at the thought of him regretting what we had
done. Rejection was tolerable, but regret would have me holed up in my
room for a few weeks.
I looked away, unwilling to read more into what his eyes were telling
me. Instead of letting me pull away, he tugged my chin again.
“Look at me,” he said roughly.
That commanding voice was doing wonders for my ovaries. So I did,
slowly meeting his eyes.
His thumb glided over my bottom lip, hunger in his gaze. “I intend to
finish what I started.”
I couldn’t speak, my throat shrivelling at his words. Unsure if he was
looking for an answer, I nodded.
A slow lazy smile formed on his face at my response. Jordan pressed a
soft kiss to my forehead and then turned to walk down the hall. I closed the
door and melted against it, warmth seeping into my ribcage.
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
I
thought about it all weekend. Through the cookies burning in my oven,
my distracted forty-five-minute showers, and a slew of romcoms I forced
Linh to watch. Those bubbles of excitement floated into the next work
week, too. Though, it did nothing to combat the exhaustion from the
overtime.
When I walked into my apartment, ready to pass out, I found Linh
grinning at me from the living room couch. I warily approached her, the
grin growing brighter with each step. Dropping my purse on the dining
table, I didn’t say anything, waiting for her to tell me what had her about to
burst.
“You got flowers!” She bounced with excitement.
Linh pointed to the coffee table, then pulled me toward it. I carefully
approached the bouquet of blue roses. A colour I had never seen before, the
blue vibrant in our white living room.
“Who would send me flowers?”
Never in my life had I gotten flowers, and I couldn’t think of a reason
why I would get them now. From the look on Linh’s face, she seemed to
know who it could be.
“There’s a note. Read it. I bet they’re from Jordan!” she squealed.
Did Jordan get me flowers because of what happened between us? I
couldn’t fathom that it was so life-changing that he decided flowers would
be the right course of action. I hadn’t even seen him at work today.
“Maybe he wrote something romantic about the other night.”
Excitement splashed through me. If he got me flowers, that meant we
were something. Maybe not dating or in a relationship, but a thing that he
was acknowledging.
“You think?” I said, biting back a smile. “What do blue roses even
mean?” I had never seen someone receive this colour of roses before.
Linh googled the symbolism and read it aloud. “Blue roses represent
unreachable love”—we shot each other a confused look— “someone may
be trying to get your attention.”
I couldn’t think of a reason why Jordan would send this colour. I was
literally right under his nose and very much within reach.
“Can you stop with the suspense? Just open the damn note, woman.”
The small white card was folded in half, the golden letters of the flower
shop name outlining the perimeter. If Jordan wrote me a love note, I would
probably pass out, then go straight to his apartment and let him finish what
he had started.
I swear I felt my soul leave my body, and not the way it did when I was
pressed against a brick wall. Blood draining from my face, I read the note
aloud to Linh.
“The cities may change, but my heart still beats the same.” My voice
quivered with each word, and I dropped onto the couch.
“What the hell?” Linh snatched the note from me. “If this is who I think
it is, I'm going to be pissed.” She searched the flowers for another note.
“How does he know my address?” I tried racking my brain for any
private information I might have made public but couldn’t come up with
anything. I hadn’t received any calls from the police about the possible
identity theft from my scam job, either. “What if Karn comes here? His
calls have been getting more frequent. I don’t understand him, the last time
we talked he was in bed with Jas.”
He thought he’d gotten away with it too until I came home to pink
panties and boxers strewn on my living room floor. Finding the lace bra in
my closet a week prior was a straight jab to my lungs. One I ignored and
couldn’t bring up unless I was willing to fight him on it. He didn’t seem at
all remorseful when it did come to light because he sent my cousin Jas, the
one he cheated on me with, to talk to me. Her conclusion was that I was
young and naive, that he needed a more mature woman in his life, and he
pitied me, so he kept up the relationship. Like I was the burden, and I
wasn’t the reason his software existed and got him promoted.
I held back my tears, not wanting to release the emotion I knew he
meant to evoke by sending these flowers. Snatching the large vase off the
table, I tossed it in the trash can.
“I would have burned them,” spat Linh, giving the trash can a dirty look.
The twister in my mind raided through everything. Taking the first step
to loosen and become open with Jordan seemed idiotic now. It all came
crashing down. There was no reality where that was a good idea,
considering how familiar this feeling was. If I let myself go through that
again, it meant forgetting all the work I'd done. I knew how it ended, and I
had the knowledge to stop the looming failure before it wrecked us.
Linh was supportive of my decision to give Jordan a chance, and now
with me backing out, she tried her best to talk me off the ledge.
“I can’t do it, Linh. Jordan doesn’t deserve all my baggage. Hell, I don’t
deserve all my baggage. The flowers are like a sign from the universe that
this whole thing is a terrible idea. I shouldn’t be opening myself up to this
inevitable failure. He hasn't even said anything about his ex-fiancée, which
is understandable because he isn’t serious about us—not that there was ever
going to be an us. I won’t let it happen. For his sake and mine,” I decided.
The lies I told myself rested heavily on my tongue. I knew our attraction
wasn’t just physical. I felt it deep inside, and in the way he looked at me. I
liked him for his sweet side, his safe side, and all the other sides that
sometimes infuriated me. Despite all that, I knew if we became an us it
would become complicated quickly. All the hurt that still cut me open and
the difficulty for me to completely trust my partner held me back. Though,
the idea of never feeling those soft lips or his incredibly sculpted abs
sounded like a sin. But, I had to put my foot down before the other shoe
dropped.
“You shouldn’t let Karn stop you. This is some weird manipulative shit,
and I am not having any of it. Just forget he even sent them. You know, I
hope he shows up so I can finally get in the bitch slap I’ve been dying to
give since you called me that night,” she said, seething with anger.
“I can’t Linh. I want to stick to my harmless dates and be cordial with
Jordan. It’s all too weird, plus he’s technically my boss, it's already
complicated.” What I felt with Jordan reminded me of how blinded with
love I could become in a relationship. “Please, just take my mind off this
before I go crazy,” I groaned, dropping my head on my arms.
“Kai reached out to me.”
My head shot up. “When?”
How did she not tell me the guy she thought she would marry reached
out to her? The guy who left for military camp in high school, leaving their
three-year relationship in shambles, the one whose dad despised Linh for no
apparent reason, the same guy that was the reason why Linh hasn’t been in
a relationship since the day he left.
“Two days ago,”—my jaw dropped—“I was going to tell you, I swear! I
couldn’t believe it myself. This is the same Kai who was my first
everything. I needed a minute to get my bearings straight. Plus, you’ve been
so busy, I didn’t want to burden you,” she rushed out, trying not to insult
our friendship.
“You know your life will always be important to me, Linh. No matter
how busy I am. What did he say?” I asked, my words cautious. Knowing
Linh, I was scared that she would get her heart broken.
“That he’s back in Vancouver and was sorry about how he left things,
but he wants to see me in person to explain. He also said that if I didn’t
want to see him, he understood and would never bother me again. I don’t
know what to do, Naz. I loved him, and might still love him, but I have no
idea.”
“He broke your heart, Linh. It’s affected you for a long time. You
haven’t paid attention to another guy in years. I mean, take David for
example. That guy would do anything for you, and you won’t even give
him the time of day. You need to talk to Kai and get your closure. Go see
him when you’re home for graduation,” I suggested. I didn’t know if it was
right, but she needed to see him in person. There was no way she would
move on without it.
“I need time. It feels like I’m picking at badly healed wounds all over
again, but I’ll think about it,” she said with a sullen look. “First, I want to
be here for you.”
I stood from the table and pulled her into a hug, something we both
needed.
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER NINETEEN
I
had just slipped on my dress and fiddled with the zipper when a knock
sounded at my door. It was a Friday night, and I was not expecting
anyone. Linh was at the gallery, and Nadir was going to wait for me in his
car.
Confusion stirred inside when I walked toward the door and looked
through the peephole. My heart stuttered, and my stomach plunged to my
feet.
It was Jordan.
What was he doing here? I could feel a mental freak out coming on. Get
it together, Naz!
Although Friday at the art exhibit had us closer than we had ever been,
things had taken a steep decline. Those damn flowers were to blame for it. I
don’t think I’ve ever hated flowers as much as I did right now.
We hadn’t spoken that entire weekend, and it gave me plenty of time to
make several pros and cons lists. Though, my brain had thought of a million
cons sending me into a panic.
Work hadn’t made it any easier when they flooded us with deadlines,
which meant Jordan and I had barely seen each other. When we did, I was
with James or we shared a few awkward glances. Well, I was making them
awkward by looking away and avoiding him as much as I could. He seemed
to notice and left me alone the entire week.
When his patience withered, he caught me alone in the mailroom, and
closed the door behind him, startling me. I backed away, and seeing my
alarm, he stopped his approach.
When it was a mistake came barrelling out of my mouth, the words
seemed to hit Jordan like a bullet. Not wanting to read much into his
reaction, I dropped my focus to my hands. A deep you’re right left him,
then the mailroom door closed.
You’re right? Any other day, those words out of Jordan’s mouth would
have me jumping for joy, but right then they had to be the worst words in
the English language. As much as Linh tried to tell me I was ridiculous and
he was into me, I didn’t want to believe it. I couldn’t believe it. What
happened that night reminded me of how far I could sink, and I wasn’t
planning on allowing myself to drown. Not this time.
Now, I wished Jordan would disappear from where he stood outside my
apartment. Cursing, I finally opened the door, shielding myself behind it,
with only my face peeking out.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, trying my hardest to avoid eye
contact, making sure he wouldn’t notice I was dressed up.
“I need to talk to you,” he said, ignoring my uninviting tone. “Can I
come in?”
My throat dried, making it hard to swallow.
Talk?
My vocal cords were not ready for that. What could we even discuss? I
stood at the door, just staring at him, unsure if I wanted him in my
apartment.
“Is that a yes?” he asked with an expectant look.
With a defeated sigh, I opened the door wider for him to pass. If he
noticed my indignation, he didn’t seem to care.
He brushed past me, and the warmth of his arm felt like it seared my
skin. Maybe he was Lucifer in plain clothing. That would help me make
sense of a lot of things, starting with those magical hands of his.
Closing the door, I trailed behind him into the living room. He looked
out the windows, and when he turned, whatever he was going to say seemed
to lodge in his throat. Jordan stood there staring, his eyes carefully
navigating my appearance, mouth pressed in a tight line, making me
extremely self-conscious.
A deep exhale escaped him as his gaze fell to my hand holding up my
unzipped dress.
“Are you going somewhere?” he asked. A muscle in his jaw popped
when he finally looked up.
“A date. Not sure if you know what those are,” I quipped. If I wasn’t
going to engage in anything related to his mouth on mine, I might as well
re-establish our dislike for one another. I said it was a mistake, and he
agreed, so this was over.
Jordan’s eyes flashed, and disappointment muddied his features.
Disappointed I was going on a date or disappointed that it wasn’t a date
with him? I forced myself to snap out of the thought. Why did I even care?
“Heard of ‘em,” he responded, taking a deliberate step toward me. “The
elevator guy.”
It wasn’t a question, so I just watched him as he neared. Linh wasn’t
home, but I wished she would burst through the door and ruin this moment
like she usually did. I didn’t want to be close to him. I could already feel the
way my body hummed, and I knew that was never a good sign.
“Here to wish me luck?” I asked, growing impatient.
Another step.
So close I took one backward, bumping into the wall. When did that get
there? My palm flattened against the cool surface when a thick tension
bracketed the apartment.
“No,” he said, his arms lifting to either side of me on the wall, caging
me in. “Because I wouldn’t mean it.”
I swallowed. “Why?”
The moment the word left my lips, I knew I shouldn’t have asked.
Darkened eyes caught the shift in my breathing.
Violent. That was the only way to describe how hard my heart was
thrashing against my ribcage.
“I think you know why, Sarvenaz.” He let my name roll off his tongue
like a plea and prayer. Like he knew what it did to me, how easily it could
make me come apart.
His head dipped, and so did my stomach. Those soft lips hovering over
mine, so close we were breathing the same air. Despite my solid selfrestraint, I tipped my chin, lining up our lips so perfectly they brushed
against each other.
I gasped at the electric touch, my hand falling from my unzipped dress,
then shooting right back up to catch it.
Jordan glanced at my hand with a contemplative look. “Do you need
help with that?”
The offer alone made my heart drop between my legs. He was doing
some serious damage to that organ. I had no idea what would happen if he
touched me. Not trusting myself if he came any closer, I vigorously shook
my head.
“Don’t be stubborn.” The finality of his tone quieted any objections I
could have made.
Suddenly, I felt naked in my short strapless dress and wished I had
thrown on a parka. During times like this, my mother's lectures about
dressing more like a nun whacked me over the head.
Jordan held onto my shoulders and turned me around. The arms that held
up my dress, were now pressed against the wall. Memories of the night at
the gallery flashed in my head as we assumed the same position. He stood
behind me, so close I felt the heat radiating off his body. If I leaned back an
inch, I could close the gap and have his warm chest against my bare skin.
The thought rattled me, forcing me to stand up straighter to put some space
between us.
Gliding his long fingers across the back of my neck, he moved my hair
to one side. I shivered, and I was sure he felt my odd reaction to his touch.
Jordan’s arm trailed down to the zipper that lay low on my back, the
action agonizingly slow. The sound of it moving up my spine filled my ears,
warm fingers grazing the skin. Minty breath fanned my neck as I stood
there with my eyes squeezed shut.
“I’m going to be late,” I said, completely breathless.
He leaned in close, lips brushing the shell of my ear, his intoxicating
scent and the contact producing a lightheadedness.
“You know,” he drawled. “If I were him, I wouldn't leave you alone for a
second.” My heart stilled, and the apartment began feeling like a cramped
sauna. “This dress,” he whispered, his fingers gently grazing the hem. “This
tiny fucking dress wouldn’t last, and the only thing coming out of that
pretty mouth would be my name.”
What?
My pulse skittered to a halt. My skin felt itchy, and I wondered whether
he could feel the blood pumping under my skin. His hands skimmed along
my arms and turned me to face him again.
I brought my hands to his chest with the full intention of pushing him
away, but they stilled against his pecs. Linh was right. They were some
amazing pecs, and I couldn’t help but think of how they would feel if he
took his shirt off.
I snapped out of the thought because one word kept popping into my
head: mistake.
“Thanks.” My voice sounded hoarse, forcing me to clear my throat. “For
the zipper.”
He didn’t respond, instead continued his torturous thumb movements on
my arm. His head dipped again, eyes blazing with pure unadulterated need.
When his lips were about to touch mine, and I was going to let them, my
phone vibrated on the dining table.
The interruption gave me the strength to push him away, but he barely
moved an inch. He stayed right there, only moving his head back to look
into my eyes.
“I need to go and you shouldn’t be here.”
His eyes searched my face, looking for something more, something I
wouldn't give him.
“I would believe you if you weren’t trembling under my touch.” His
voice was stripped raw, the control it usually held gone.
A shudder rolled through me. I couldn’t speak, but my gaze flickered
back to those intense eyes that showed traces of disappointment. While
trying to decipher another emotion and the clench of his jaw, my phone
vibrated again.
Jordan’s unmoving body stood in front of me, our eyes locked. His now
stony expression gave away none of the emotions I had seen flickering
through him just a second ago. After a long minute, he moved, walking past
me toward the door.
Unease trickled along my skin when I turned my head in his direction,
trying to remember why he was here. “I thought you had something to ask
me?”
“Not important,” he muttered before he closed the door behind him.
I couldn’t hold my laughter as we rolled around Central Park in a horsedrawn carriage.
“This cannot be what you meant when you said you wanted to show me
the real New York.” I looked around, seeing people minding their own
business as if there wasn’t a horse taking up the entire walkway.
“It’s not, but we went to dinner the last time. So, I thought I’d take you
somewhere unexpected.”
“Well, a horse-drawn carriage is definitely not what I expected.”
I actually enjoyed the wobbly ride. We came to a sudden halt as Nadir
hopped out of the carriage, holding his hand out for me. “Next, we have
dinner,” he said as he handed the coachman a few bills.
“Where would that be? We can’t just go to a regular restaurant after
this.”
“Oh, trust me, this is not your run-of-the-mill restaurant.” He said with a
mischievous look as he hailed a cab. The taxi stopped by a building that
looked like it had been standing for more than a century.
“Welcome to our restaurant for the night,” he said, opening the door for
me to walk into his apartment.
“You can cook?” I asked in disbelief, seeing he had groceries already set
up on the kitchen island.
“Of course, I can. You can’t be middle eastern and not have your mom
beat the idea of cooking into you.”
Nadir gave me a quick tour of his apartment. It was a small clean place
with a great view of the city. For dinner, I helped him cook mujadara with a
side of tabbouleh and labneh.
When the time slipped into midnight, I assured him I was okay to take a
cab home. Before I could leave, he turned me toward him, my back against
the front door. The action reminded me of what had happened with Jordan
minutes before this date.
Nadir’s head lowered and lingered, waiting for my approval.
Instead, I froze, an unfamiliar feeling churning in my gut, and I couldn’t
understand it. Nadir was great. He was never clingy, always excited to go
out, and already knew about my dating rules. He was fine with my idea of
dating for fun and not to find a relationship.
My need to feel my pounding heart and sizzle of touch between
breathless moments was a ridiculous fantasy.
You felt that with Jordan.
Nope. My thoughts had strayed too far away, and I had to haul them
back to base. I could not think about the weird sensation that shot through
me when our hands touched or hearing my thumping heart in my ears when
Jordan got close enough to take me in a ravenous kiss. I physically shook
away the memories to deter my mind from going off the rails. Screw Jordan
for messing with my head earlier. I was not going to do this to myself.
Jordan and I were colleagues and nothing more.
“You okay?” he asked, pulling back to see my face.
“I’m sorry. I can’t,” I finally admitted, wincing when Nadir's face fell,
then just as quickly became masked by a smile.
“It’s him, isn’t it?” he stated more than asked, and I looked away, unable
to keep eye contact. I didn’t know how true that was, but I wasn’t going to
deny anything. “Finally.” He let out a breath, and my head reared back at
his reaction. “Took you long enough. I thought I might have been wrong,
but ever since the day in the lobby it was quite obvious you two had
something going on.”
I must have turned a deep shade of red because he chuckled.
“I’m sorry. My head is all over the place, and I don’t know what’s going
on between me and him. You’ve been nothing but honest and kind, so I
don’t want to lead you on in any way. I like our friendship, and I hope this
doesn’t affect that.”
A big smile made its way onto his face as he pulled me to him, kissing
the top of my head. “Of course. Every time we’ve gone out so far, it's
because I enjoy your company. You didn’t lead me on, you were clear about
your intentions the first night. Besides, you can never have too many
friends.”
I pulled back, grinning before hugging Nadir and heading out after
making him promise I could make him dinner next time. Knowing I had a
new friend made me smile, but I couldn’t ignore the sinking feeling in my
gut when one man kept invading my thoughts.
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER TWENTY
S
currying through the lobby and out of the automatic doors, I pretended I
didn’t notice Jordan at the front desk talking to Phil. I was on my way
to his mother’s house for the birthday party, and I didn’t know if he was
aware of that.
Hiding around the side of the building, I spied Jordan walking to his car
parked out front. I spun around to avoid him.
“Need a ride?” he asked, coming to stand a few feet away. I jumped at
his sudden appearance, almost dropping the present. I was putting in
Janelle’s address for the subway route and found it was almost impossible
to get there by transit.
I eyed him for a long minute, surprised that he would offer a ride after
his abrupt exit from my apartment. “No, thanks. I can get there on my
own.” I tucked the box with Valerie’s present under my arm and opened a
ride-share app. From the corner of my eye, I could see him still standing
there.
“Where is it?” Jordan asked.
So, he wasn’t aware that I was going to meet his whole family. Great,
this wasn’t awkward at all.
I let out a sigh. “About an hour from here,” I answered, purposely vague.
He looked down at his watch, then back up at me. “Okay, let’s go.”
I stared at him, confused about what part of that made him think I was
asking for a ride and fully expecting the hour commute to dissuade him.
“No, thank you.”
“What’s the address?” he pressed, ignoring that I had already declined
the ride. He gave me an expectant look. He was not going to let up easily.
“I’m going to your mom’s house for your niece’s birthday party.”
His brows knitted, then his eyes slightly widened in realization. He
seemed like he was trying to hide that he may have forgotten. Jordan pulled
out his phone, typed something, then looked back at me. “I’m headed there
too. Come on.”
That’s when I rejected his offer once again, but he forced me to get in
the car. Well, he demanded I get in the car and stop making excuses, or he’d
carry me in himself. Apparently, our brief reunion in my apartment hadn’t
made him completely aversive to my company.
I begrudgingly agreed, and we were now sitting in silence. Just when I
sent my tenth text to Linh about this weird car ride, Jordan's head turned to
me.
“You seem nervous,” he remarked.
Seriously? It’s been twenty-five minutes, and now he wants to talk. “I’m
not. I’ve become good friends with your mom.”
“I mean, you seem nervous to be in the car with me.”
I snorted. “You don’t make me nervous, Evans.” I let out a pathetic
laugh, feeling lightheaded with his eyes on me.
“Then how come you can’t stop bouncing your leg?”
His heavy hand landed on my thigh to stop my movements. I hadn’t
even realized I was doing that. It was an unconscious response to whatever
was going on in my head. My jeans felt like they would singe under his
touch. His large hands were dangerously close to the place he often elicited
a carnal reaction from.
I gulped. “No reason,” I said, moving my leg and forcing his hand to fall
away.
Staring out the window, I willed the traffic to move, hoping to get out of
this car and crawl into a dark hole. As if the universe could hear me, the
traffic picked up, and I let out a breath when his curious eyes turned back to
the road. Before he could grill me and make me even more uncomfortable, I
derailed the conversation.
“This is your favourite song, isn’t it?” I asked. The song playing in the
car was low, but I could recognize it anywhere.
He glanced at me and then back to the road. “It is. How did you know?”
Uh oh. That was definitely supposed to stay locked up in the vault of my
mind. I tried conjuring up an explanation because how did I know? Was I a
psychic, or was I just his creepy neighbour that liked to search the songs I
heard from above?
“Lucky guess,” I shrugged, clearing my throat. “So, how old is Val
turning?”
The sharp turn in topic was blatantly evident, but I’d do anything to steer
clear of why I knew that tidbit about him.
“Four.”
I rolled my eyes at his curt response, but grateful we had muted
conversation where I was bound to slip up again. Burying myself back in
my phone, I noticed that Linh had yet to reply. I didn’t blame her. She was
busy with school and this internship, and barely had a second to rest. Just as
I set it down, my phone began vibrating in my lap, and I could see Nadir’s
name flashing on the screen. I quickly silenced it, turning it over.
“You should answer it,” said Jordan, staring at the phone on my lap.
“What?”
“Your boyfriend is probably wondering where you are. You should
answer his call.”
Those understanding words were complete bullshit, considering the
bitterness that smothered them and his tight grip on the steering wheel.
“Thanks for the concern, but he’ll be fine,” I snapped, but I didn’t bother
correcting his boyfriend comment. Nadir was the furthest thing from being
my boyfriend, but the way that word left Jordan’s mouth angered me.
Thirty minutes of watching the horizon for entertainment passed, and I
spotted the balloons and streamers that decorated the fence when we turned
into his mom’s neighbourhood. The small Peppa Pig cutouts were scattered
across the lawn, and children could be seen in the backyard. As soon as he
parked, I sprang out of the car, walking as fast as I could without looking
back at him. I ran up the stairs of the two-story house and rang the doorbell.
Kids’ laughter sounded inside as a blurred figure approached the translucent
door.
Janelle opened it, beaming once she saw me. “Naz! You look gorgeous
as always. I’m so glad you made it,” she said, wrapping me in a tight hug.
“You look stunning, Janelle. You have to teach me your ways.” She
waved a hand at my comment and laughed.
I handed her the present I bought for Valerie, and just as we were about
to step in, I felt Jordan’s presence behind me.
Janelle looked surprised to see him. “Jordan? I thought you came by
yesterday because you were busy today.” I looked back at him, my brows
furrowed with curiosity. He wasn’t going to come?
“Change of plans. You look beautiful, Mom,” he said as he brushed my
shoulder, moving past me to hug her and ignoring my questioning eyes.
Janelle ushered us inside, taking us to the kitchen where his sisters and
other family stood. The first one to spot us was the birthday girl herself,
who ran to Jordan so fast that she almost knocked him over. Her coiled hair
bloomed around her tiny face. Jordan picked her up, tossing her in the air a
few times, watching her giggle uncontrollably.
“Happy birthday, Princess,” he said, giving her a kiss on the cheek.
She blushed, her smile wide as she stared up at Jordan. I guess he wasn’t
a complete menace to everyone. Janelle introduced me to Jordan’s two
sisters, Malia and Jayda. I hugged them and greeted a few other relatives
who stood around the kitchen.
“My mom has not stopped talking about you since you two met. I’m
glad we could finally put a face to the name,” said Malia, Jordan’s younger
sister.
“We started to think she was replacing us,” said Jayda from where she
stood by the stove. “Luckily, with you to keep her company Grandma has
stopped stressing about getting ready for the baby,” she said, placing a hand
on her belly.
“Congratulations! Two kids will be exciting,” I said, just as a man
walked up behind her.
“Oh yeah. Two kids under four will be a blast,” he chimed in with a flat
tone, then laughed, introducing himself as her husband, Will.
When Val was finally released from Jordan’s hypnotic presence—one I
had been a victim of one too many times—she finally noticed me. She
looked at me for a minute before whispering something to Jordan.
“Val, this is Sarvenaz,” he said, not bothering to explain how he knew
me. Was the word friend so hard for him to say? Maybe acquaintance would
be a better term, but after that night at the gallery, I had no idea what we
were either.
“Hi!” she greeted me enthusiastically.
I shook her tiny hand and wished her a happy birthday. She giggled at
the gesture, then stretched her arm out to touch my eyelashes. I fluttered
them against her finger, making her giggle again. This was the happiest
child I had ever met.
“You’re pretty. Is my uncle making you my new aunty?” she asked,
smiling from ear to ear.
My voice caught in my throat, and I tried my hardest not to turn
crimson. It suddenly felt like the entire kitchen had been muted, and all
attention was on me. It was an easy answer, but new aunty threw me off. I
didn’t think of the possibility that Valerie must have met the infamous
Stephanie. I didn’t dare let my eyes flit to Jordan.
Someone cleared their throat, then Will took Valerie from Jordan. “She’s
our new friend, honey.” He shot me an apologetic smile.
“Naz, let me make you a plate. Come sit,” said Jayda, trying to rectify
the uncomfortable moment.
I sat at the table with Jordan’s sisters while he and Will went outside.
After finishing my plate and feeling the looming food coma, I tried to
help Jordan's mom in the kitchen, but she shooed me away before I could
get my hands on anything. Giving up, I climbed the stairs, finding Valerie
sitting on the steps with a sullen face. I jogged up to her and sat on the one
below so we could be at the same level.
“Hi, birthday girl,” I said, and she sniffled as a response. “What’s
wrong? You’re not having fun?” I asked. I felt horrible that she was sad on
her birthday, and I felt the need to reign terror on whoever had done this.
“No.” She crossed her arms with a pouty look on her face.
“Why not?”
“My best friend Zara didn’t come to my birthday.”
“Oh no! Was she busy today?”
She nodded.
I tried not to smile at the adorable face she made. As I was thinking of
how to console her, I looked up to see someone walking by. Jordan peered
down at us, a curious look on his face as he assessed the situation.
“Zara couldn’t make it to the party,” I told Jordan, and he raised his
brows, then nodded in understanding.
I shifted to the side to allow him to squeeze between the wall and Valerie
so that we were sitting on either side of her. He looked like a giant
compared to her, and I tried not to laugh at the sight.
“I heard the princess wasn’t in her castle,” he said, and I watched as
Valerie tried hard to suppress her smile. I was in awe of how quickly her
mood could change with just her uncle’s presence. “Has her highness taken
a vow of silence?” he asked, poking her on one side. She moved away each
time he poked her, but soon enough, she laughed. When she finally lit up,
he pulled her onto his lap and gave her a serious look.
“Since your best friend is busy today, can I step in?” The smile that
covered her face was contagious.
“Me too?” I asked, and her smile grew even brighter, her tiny teeth on
full display. She bobbed her head and stood up, grabbing both our hands in
each of hers. Jordan shot me a thankful look.
For the next hour, we had teatime with Val and the other kids, jumped in
the bouncy castle, and were now playing hide and seek.
Currently hiding in one of the rooms, I plopped onto the bed in
exhaustion. I looked around, noticing the pictures adorning the dark blue
walls. There was one of Jordan and his family that I recognized from his
office. Another one on the nightstand beside me caught my attention.
A young Jordan on a rollercoaster with an older man who looked nearly
identical to the Jordan I knew now. I realized it was his dad. More family
portraits hung on one wall, smiling faces in each frame. Walking to the
dresser, I picked up one with a teen Jordan and his dad standing by a
barbeque. My heart ached knowing he had lost a parent so early in life.
The sound of the door opening forced me to look up from the frame. My
eyes collided with Jordan walking inside and closing the door behind him.
At the sight of him, I fumbled with the picture frame. “Sorry, I didn’t
know this was someone’s bedroom,” I said, trying to act like I wasn’t
snooping.
“It’s my old room,” he replied as he watched me place the picture back
on the dresser.
“Is this your dad?” I was unsure if I should bring him up.
Jordan nodded, a reminiscent expression on his face as his eyes stayed
on the frame. “That was the last trip we went on.”
I hid the shock of him opening up to me and watched as he seemed to
replay the memories in his head. Lowering the frame on the desk, I peeked
at the other pictures. Silence stretched between us, but I could feel his gaze
warming my back.
“He would’ve liked you, you know.”
My heart stuttered. “You think?”
“Yeah. Smart, brave, and resilient. You’re everything he raised my
sisters to be.”
Compliments from Jordan never got old. I should start recording them
on my phone to listen on a loop before bed.
I bit my lips to keep the smile from exploding on my face. “And you. I
can tell your parents raised you well. Maybe a little broody, but we can
work on that,” I teased.
I watched the smile on his face like it was my own private fireworks
show. “He also would’ve loved how you aren’t afraid to tell it like it is.”
His smile was contagious, and when our eyes locked, my tongue started
to feel like a lead weight. So, I changed the subject. “Did you get caught by
one of the kids, and now you’re here to tag me?” I narrowed my eyes,
taking a cautious step back.
Jordan’s mischievous smile told me I was right. I almost squealed when
he trapped me against the dresser. He hadn’t touched me yet, but I held a
small hope that I could still win the game. Then his face lowered, and his
lips came dangerously close to my ear, and I thought I would fall into him
myself.
“Just one touch, and we both lose.” With each word, his warm breath
touched my ear, and I felt myself wanting it despite the ringing truth in
them. Just as I was going to respond with what I hoped wouldn’t be a
whimper, Valerie burst through the door with two other kids and attacked
our legs.
“Caught you!” they shrieked, forcing us apart.
I took a few breaths to steady myself before we followed the kids out of
the room. Jordan held me back, letting them run down the steps. My eyes
fell to his hand encasing my wrist.
“Are you feeling alright? You look flushed,” asked Jordan, looking at me
with genuine concern. As if he was unaware of the effects of the proximity
we shared seconds ago.
“Peachy.” I wasn’t sure if he was trying to embarrass me or if he thought
I’d pass out in front of him again. “Don’t worry, I won’t be fainting in your
presence any time soon.”
“I’d rather it happen in front of me than on the subway,” he remarked,
giving me a look that made me roll my eyes. I pushed his chest, and he
caught my hand, threading it with his before we descended the stairs.
Downstairs, we found his family setting up the living room to cut the
cake. As if sensing us, they turned around. Their eyes shifted to our hands
and then back between us with big smiles plastered on their faces. Janelle’s
hand landed on her chest, looking at us with bright eyes. Like we were an
adorable litter of kittens.
Completely mortified by their reactions, I tried prying my hand from
Jordan’s, but he kept it there, seemingly unbothered by his family's eyes on
us.
“What are—” started Will before his pregnant wife elbowed him in the
ribs. He was a few inches shy of Jordan’s height, his hair cut in a loose flat
top style. “Ow! Just because I’m a doctor my bones are not unbreakable,
Jay,” he muttered, rubbing his side. But when his eyes followed theirs, he
stilled.
After an embarrassing amount of time,—which may have been less than
a minute or an entire hour—Jordan’s phone rang, and his grip loosened.
Ripping my hand out of his hold, I walked to Janelle, the colour of my face
probably resembling the red party hats she was holding.
“I can help with that!” I said to Jayda, desperate to shift the attention
away from the awkward moment. Jordan excused himself from the room to
answer the call, and I relaxed. Everyone finally moved from their frozen
state, the smiles still plastered on their faces. I took the candles from the
table, silently sticking them in the cake. Will grabbed the lighter and lit the
candles once I was done.
“All right. I’ll go get the birthday girl,” said Will, quickly leaving the
room, the awkward tension still lingering.
“Thanks for helping with Val. She likes you,” said Jayda.
“I’m glad we could cheer her up. I hope she’s feeling better now.”
“She’s a strong girl. Don't worry about her,” she assured me, squeezing
my shoulder. “But someone over there might be worried about you.” She
pointed to the other room, pressing her lips together as she held in a laugh.
Jordan stood in the kitchen, keeping a watchful eye on us.
“Give her a break, will you?” scolded Janelle, trying not to laugh at the
embarrassed look on my face. “Jordan will have our heads if he finds out
we’re bugging his girl.”
My eyes almost popped at her words, and they chuckled. Before I could
correct her, Will came in carrying Valerie, with all the kids following
behind.
“We’re going to head home,” said Jordan, giving his mom a hug.
“Already? At least take some dessert with you.” She got up from the
couch before we could stop her.
“Might as well sit. She’s not going to stop at the cake,” he said, sitting
on the spot Janelle had just occupied. I stared at him sitting there and
couldn’t help the question that sat heavily in my brain.
“You weren't planning on coming?” I abruptly asked.
“What?”
“Earlier, when you were talking to your mom. You said there was a
change of plans, and you ended up coming to Val's party.” My heart
thumped in my ears. “So, what changed?”
It took a lot to pry the question from my cotton-dry throat because I
wasn't sure I was ready for the answer.
His gaze dropped, and his jaw ticked. When it lifted again, something
was shining through them. Something that I tried hard to decipher.
“My meeting was cancelled,” Jordan said.
It was a lie.
I knew it from the way his eyes darted before he answered, and how his
lips set into a rigid line. Itching to unveil the truth, I tried to voice the
question that whirled inside, but frankly, I was relieved. It was out of
bravery I had asked in the first place, but now it seemed foolish to continue.
What answer did I want from him?
Not wanting to think about it, I relented and sat on the other end of the
couch.
“You scared of me?” He gestured to my choice of seating.
“No, I just like my personal space,” I said, crossing my arms over my
chest and shooting him a glare.
His tongue ran along the inside of his cheek. “Didn’t seem like the case
the other night.”
My eyes widened and warmth bloomed on my cheeks at the memory of
his hands between my thighs, with my body against the hard wall as I
moaned into his mouth. I snapped my head away, almost giving myself
whiplash. Great, the cocky Jordan was back.
“Well, it is the case now.” There was no point in denying what
happened. We both knew I couldn’t forget that. I was pretty sure even
amnesia couldn’t wipe that memory.
“We’ll see about that,” he said before getting up from the couch. My
head snapped back to him, but he was gone before I could say anything. My
thoughts spun out of control as I sat on the couch alone. Though it was cut
short when Janelle came back carrying a tote bag filled with containers.
“This should be good. Let me know if you need anything else.”
I gaped at the overstuffed bag, unsure if she knew we were only two
people. Before I could refuse, or at least put a few things back, Jordan was
at my side again.
“She’ll be insulted if you don’t take it,” he whispered, gesturing to the
bag.
I smiled, recalling all the times I had family dinners and my aunts would
pack us food that would last us days. Realizing he was right, I thanked her.
Knowing someone as pure as his mother liked me enough to feed me, made
me feel loved.
“I appreciate it, Janelle. It’s always so nice seeing you,” I said, pulling
the bag high on my shoulder and feeling genuinely happy to have her in my
life. Noticing my struggle with the heavy bag, Jordan took it from me.
“This won't be the last time. We’ll go out again soon!”
I nodded as Janelle brought me in for a hug and pulled Jordan in at the
same time. We were in an awkward three-person hug, where my body was
half sandwiched between Janelle and Jordan. Finally letting go, we said our
goodbyes and walked out the door. I started down the steps and turned to
see Jordan’s head lowered as his mom whispered something to him.
He looked at her with a small lopsided smile while she gave him a stern
look before her smile broke free. “I’ll try,” he said, his eyes zeroing in on
me.
I looked away, continuing my descent and not stopping until I stood by
his car.
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
“W
oah, where are you going looking like that?” asked Linh, letting
out a loud whistle.
“The Hartford tech event, remember? The one I wanted to take you to.”
I was looking forward to the event. I had been so focused on my work
that I almost forgot about my app. This night would serve as a reminder of
how far I had come since the prototype.
“Oh right! I really wished I could be there,” she said, slumping on the
barstool by the kitchen island.
“I know, I know. This is important, but so is your internship. I'll just be
gone for a few hours,” I said, hoping she didn’t feel too bad about missing
this. It was a Thursday night, and it was rare that she ever had a free one
since she got this internship.
“Weren’t you thinking of asking Jordan?”
I had let it slip that a date to the event would be nice, and Jordan
accompanying me wouldn’t be a terrible idea. We've had this weird
stalemate ever since Valerie’s party. However, that lapse in judgement was
after the gallery and before those dreaded blue roses. I shook my head, not
wanting to get into all that.
She let out a loud sigh before lighting up. I shot her a weird look at her
sudden change in mood. “That means you’ll be surrounded by those tech
nerds!” she exclaimed.
“That would technically categorize me as a nerd, too.”
“Yeah, a hot nerd! You’ll meet those new money billionaires. That’s the
perfect dress. It looks amazing on you.” She walked up to me. “On second
thought, maybe you should wear something shorter with a little more
cleavage. Nerds love boobs.”
“And how would you know that?” Ignoring my question, she walked
toward me, trying to adjust the neckline of my black gown. “Linh, stop. If I
show any more cleavage, they'll kick me out of the venue.” I swatted her
eager hands away.
“You’re right. You look great. If you want, I’ll stay with a friend for the
night,” she offered with a wink.
“Gross,” I replied, face scrunched in disgust as I put on my heels and
grabbed my clutch from the coffee table.
Linh clasped her hands together, looking at me like her teenage daughter
going to the prom, and making a show of wiping away non-existent tears. I
took a cab, not trusting myself to find parking or for my car to work long
enough to get there. It was a busy night; the traffic making the ten-minute
ride into thirty.
Entering the banquet hall, I saw men everywhere, and not the fun
shirtless performer kind. Tables swam with black tuxes, and a few women
clung to the arms of the engineers. Intimidation poked into me as I glanced
around to see the clear majority at this event. Expelling the nerves with a
deep breath, I marched inside to check in. Four years in a male-dominated
classroom didn't deter me, so this wouldn't either.
Walking over to the bar, I ordered a soda as a tux stood next to me, his
slim figure leaning with his elbow on the bar.
“Sarvenaz Singh for ConTech, right?” he asked.
I turned to the man that stood at equal height and looked much older
with his salt and pepper hair. He wore a crisp tuxedo that fit him flawlessly,
and a blinding Rolex on his wrist. Just looking at him, I knew he had to be
someone important.
“Yes, that’s me.” I shook the man’s outstretched hand.
“Nice to meet you, Ms. Singh. My name is Heng Lau. I’m a VC for
Catalyst at our Hong Kong headquarters. The board was floored that such a
young entrepreneur could get themselves so high on the charts.”
That meant he was on the board for the company purchasing my app.
Just like that, my nerves calmed, realizing they invited me to this event for
my hard work and that people here recognized it. I had no reason to feel
inferior.
“Thank you, Mr. Lau. It’s honoured to have been invited.”
“I’m glad you could make it. I have a few people I would love for you to
meet. Would you mind accompanying me?” He gestured to the table.
I followed his lead and greeted the men at the table. They were all big
names that I had learned about in school and followed some online. They
asked me about my app and felt as though they were testing my knowledge.
I spit out statistics and back-end developing information that came as
second nature to me now. The older men looked surprised by my
knowledge.
When I excused myself from the table to visit the restroom, my gaze met
with a familiar pair of hazel eyes. Jordan stood around a group of men,
holding a glass of what looked like whisky in his hand, his large figure
draped in a sharp tux, and his features crystallizing at the sight of me. Just
my luck.
I had thought for one night I could meet new people and swat away the
thoughts of him that multiplied in my head like irritating fruit flies, but
Jordan's face just had to appear. It was like the universe was adamant about
placing him in every aspect of my life.
My steps faltered, internally groaning when he excused himself from the
group and approached me. Jordan’s eyes raked over my dress, leaving a
burning sensation as they travelled down their path. He always did that, and
I hated it. I wanted to hate it.
“Nice to see you here,” he said when he came to stand a little too close
for my liking.
Trying to appear indifferent, I met him with a blank look. “I didn’t know
you were invited.”
“I should have known you were.” His eyes fell to my dress again, and
his gaze darkened. That look should not have given me the feeling it did.
I shifted uncomfortably. “Why? It's not like women are a hot commodity
here.”
That brought his eyes back to mine. “Exactly. Yet you’re here,
representing them and so much more.”
I shrugged.
“Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Diminish your importance because you can’t see that your being here is
a big deal.”
Of course, he always had to be right. I needed to give myself some
credit. “I do recognize that, and I’m proud of myself.”
The satisfied smile that reached his eyes made me release a shaky
breath. “Me too.”
I fidgeted with my fingers, racking my brain for a way to exit his
alluring bubble. “How did you get invited?” I asked, hoping the redirection
would help ease the burn in my chest.
“See that guy over there?” He pointed to a man standing in the group he
had come from. “That is my friend Abel. He created Wake, and I did his
marketing. So, he invited me.”
“Wow, that’s really impressive,” I said, looking at anything but him. The
project went viral after its release, helping insomniacs and people who
suffered from sleep disturbances. I had no doubt it got to where it is today
because of his marketing help.
When those intense eyes were studying me once again, I took a step
back. “See you around, Evans.”
A look of dismay took over his expression. His hand on my arm stopped
me from getting away. “Evans? Last time I checked, you couldn’t stop
saying Jordan.”
I scoffed, trying not to choke. That night hadn’t stopped clouding my
memory in a constant loop, and he just had to bring it up again. “That is
quite an exaggeration. I was just being respectful. Try it sometime.”
“I can show you just how respectful I can be.” His voice was coated in
hot seduction. Those words lit up my skin like a match, and I was acutely
aware that we were talking about two very different versions of respect. I
had the inclination to find out what his version entailed.
Before I could respond, a beautiful blonde wrapped her hands around
Jordan’s arm and stood beside him. I recognized her as one of the girls from
accounting, whom I met a few weeks back. Her hair fell in waves on her
shoulders, and her emerald dress fit perfectly around her figure.
“Babe, they’re waiting for you at the table,” she said, her mouth a little
too close to Jordan’s ear.
Jealousy lined my gut like acid, and I yanked my arm out of Jordan's
grasp.
He brought a date, and it was Alexa. Or Lex, like he loved to call her.
I was an idiot. Of course, he had a date. I masked the emotions that were
so blatantly displayed on my face, but not before Jordan’s eyes had already
caught them.
Embarrassed by my reaction, I slapped on a fake smile when Alexa’s
eyes slid over to mine. She then turned back to Jordan—whose only focus
was me—with a questioning look before shaking him to pay attention to
her.
His attention didn’t waver. “Lex, you know Sarvenaz.”
“Nice to see you again!” I said with a little too much enthusiasm.
Alexa looked me up and down with a critical look. “You too,” she said,
not looking at all pleased to see me. “Jordan, the table?” she reminded him.
“Yes, Evans. Don’t want to keep your girlfriend waiting,” I bit out
before spinning around and rushing away from them like they were a raging
fire. They might as well have been with the way my heart charred in my
chest.
Barrelling into the restroom, I dropped my hands on the sink. Through
shallow breaths, I dug my phone out of my clutch and dialled the first
person I could think of.
“James, I need a huge favour,” I said as soon as he answered.
“Uh oh,” he responded, warily.
“I need you to put on a tux and get down to the venue to be my date.”
“What? Why?”
“I’m at the Hartford event alone, looking like an idiot without a date,
and I need you here. Plus, there are a lot of people here to network with. I
know you’ll love it.”
Truthfully, many people didn’t have dates, but seeing Jordan paraded
around by Alexa ticked me off. I was acting on impulse, but none of the
rational parts of my brain wanted to chime in right now.
“And what makes you think I just have a tux ready to go in my closet?”
“Don’t you?” I retorted.
I was sure he had a tux. James was particular about his clothing, and I
followed him on social media, where he was always dressed for the
occasion.
“Fine. Give me twenty minutes,” James obliged.
“Thank you! I owe you big time. I’ll text you the address,” I said, finally
making my way out of the washroom. Before I could step further down the
narrow hallway, my phone rang.
“Hey, I just got your texts. He’s an idiot,” said Linh as soon as I
answered.
“It’s fine. I didn’t even know he was already invited. Plus, James is
coming.”
“That’s good. Just have fun. You deserve it,” she said, as footsteps
sounded down the hallway. I turned to walk back to my table.
“And to think I was going to ask Jordan to be my date,” I said, letting
out a sardonic breath.
As the words left my mouth, an irritating deterrent stood in my way.
Jordan stiffened in front of me, an unreadable expression on his face.
He heard me.
Pretending like I hadn’t said that out loud, I hung up on Linh and made a
move to get past him. He was quick to block my path.
“Jordan, you’re in my way,” I gritted out, annoyed that he had overheard
my conversation. This was one of those times a neuralyzer would come in
handy.
“It’s Jordan now, is it?” he questioned with a raised brow.
I shot him a drab look and pushed past him, not wanting to play this
game. Before I could make it any further, his hand caught my wrist, his grip
loose, giving me the option to pull away.
I didn’t.
“She’s not my girlfriend,” he said after a beat.
As much as I didn’t want to care, a feeling of relief hit me square in the
stomach.
I let out a scoff, still not facing him. “I don’t care who she is to you. Let
me go,” I said with much less conviction than I had hoped.
He knew I could easily leave, but I chose to stay, allowing him control
over the situation. I didn’t know why I did it or what I wanted him to say,
but a small feeling of hope swam around in my chest.
“I know, I’m doing this all wrong,” he admitted, sending my heart
speeding into a painful tempo. “I just can’t seem to think when I’m around
you.”
I suppressed the sound that wanted to jump out of my throat. The air
around us hummed, and every nerve ending in my body became responsive.
Every question in my head fell flat when Jordan came up behind me, still
holding my wrist in his soft grasp.
“But just so you know,” he said, moving even closer, his body inches
from mine. The zap of electricity when his fingers touched the shell of my
ear was startling. I was sure he felt it too because he paused, both of us still
enveloped in the electric air. Then Jordan’s hand came up to gather my hair,
his fingers brushing over the bare skin of my neck to place it over one
shoulder, and his lips halted right by my ear. “I would have said yes.”
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
I
n an attempt to prevent my heart from popping like a balloon, I sat
outside the venue. Jordan's words had fallen like a warm blanket on my
skin, lips so close his breath fanned my neck, and touch so delicate it tore
my sanity to shreds.
As quickly as he had come up behind me, he left, leaving a cold draft of
air to hit my back. Unable to take the heat of his admission, I ran out of the
banquet hall to find someplace to breathe. I sat there watching the blue sky
become engulfed by darkness when someone called my name.
“Naz!”
I turned to see James walking up the stairs to stand in front of me. Wow.
James’ golden brown hair was expertly styled, his black tux a perfect
contradiction to his pale skin, and the bright smile adorning his face tied it
all together. He watched my eyes roam over his body, a knowing smile
appearing on his face when I looked up.
“Ready?” he said, holding his hand out to me. I slid my hand into his as
I stood from the bench, and watched as he took in my appearance.
“Beautiful as always, Naz.” He kissed the back of my hand and then led
me through the doors. “I think I know why I’m here and I’m flattered.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“You’re using me.”— I let out a gasp— “No, it’s okay. I don’t mind
doing you a favour to make someone jealous. It’s kind of nice to know that
you chose me. Plus, I’m using you too,” he said, looking genuinely proud of
himself.
I shook my head, laughing at his reason. “How?”
“I was with a guy I’ve been talking to when you called. He wasn’t acting
right, so when I told him I had to go change for an event, he was not
happy.” He pulled out his phone to show me the screen. “Look, he’s called
me six times.”
“I'm glad to be of service, but what guy?”
The last time we talked about relationships, he was not in the mood to
even date, and I could relate. Knowing he was seeing someone meant he
was finally moving on. Which was a lot better than what I was doing.
“He's a lawyer for one of our clients.”
“Look at you!” I gave him an impressed look with a pat on his arm.
“Well, then, we have a mutually beneficial friendship.”
“And that man of yours? Trust me, I would do the same crazy things if I
were you.”
“I’m not doing crazy things!” I protested.
“It’s okay. I’m not judging you. I am completely supportive.”
“There’s nothing to support,” I urged, and he gave me an astute look. I
shook my head, walking us to our table, and caught him up to speed on the
event.
“I’m going to get a drink.” James stood from the table.
“I’ll come with you.”
I waited at one of the high tables as he went to the bar. While swiping
through my phone, a presence stood in front of the table and demanded my
attention without a single word.
The gluey feeling in my throat prevented me from swallowing my
nerves.
“Sarvenaz—” Jordan started, then, as if on cue, James came up behind
me. He slipped a hand around my waist in a defensive move. I smothered
the urge to elbow him for trying to draw a reaction from Jordan.
“Jordan,” he nodded.
I looked up to meet Jordan’s calculating stare, looking at James’ arm
around me and then travelling to what I was sure would be my blushstained face. His jaw pulled taut, and he straightened, giving James a stiff
nod before reluctantly walking away.
I eyed James, who shrugged with a mischievous look.
“You don’t have to wait with me. I know you start early tomorrow,” I said,
trying to push James to leave.
“I'm not letting you stand here alone. I’ll wait with you until your car
comes.”
“I’m serious. It's going to take some time, and you did enough for me by
coming here. I’ll wait inside until then,” I removed his coat from around me
and handed it back.
“Fine, but text me when you get home,” he reluctantly obliged, giving
me a kiss on the cheek before leaving.
Standing at the top of the stairs, I tried to find an available Uber. It was a
Thursday night, but at this time in the city, there was no way I would get
one. I switched between apps trying to find something, but the landing
screen showed no results. Giving up, I called a taxi company.
“How is that even possible?” I asked the operator who had told me she
couldn’t dispatch a taxi for the next half hour. I could walk home within
that time. This couldn’t be real.
“Yes, it’s a busy night.”
“There's nothing you can do? I’ll pay extra.”
“That’s not how it works, ma’am.”
“But you—” I heard a click. “Hello? Hello—”
“Having some trouble?” said the last voice I wanted to hear tonight.
Despite my indifference, I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand from
how close he sounded.
“I’m fine,” I said, walking down a few steps and away from him.
“Your date ditched you?” he had the nerve to ask, making me want to
flip him off.
“Not that it’s any of your business, but I told James he could go home.”
“And he actually left you here alone?” he asked, sounding irritated.
“Yes, Jordan, some people actually listen when you tell them to leave.”
“He must be an idiot, then.”
“Excuse me?” I asked, clearly offended.
“If I’ve learned anything about you, it’s that you hate being a burden.
You say one thing and mean another. All because you don’t want anyone
else to feel uncomfortable.”
I stood there, dumbfounded by his words. The only person who could
read me like that was Linh, and I’ve known her my whole life.
I let out a long sigh, finally making eye contact. “I didn’t bring my car,
and there’s nothing available right now.”
Surprised, he pulled out his phone and probably went through the same
apps as I was. As if somehow his search would yield a different outcome
than mine. Slipping his phone back into his pocket, he walked down the
steps, stopping midway to turn to me.
“Come on.” He nodded his head toward the sidewalk.
“What?”
“There are no cars available for another half hour, and we could walk
home in less time. So, let’s go.”
“Why would you walk with me?”
“I didn’t bring my car. I came with Lex.”
The sound of his date’s name brought a dark feeling to my chest. “Lex,
got so sick of you she didn’t want to give you a ride?”
“No, she had to leave early. Now, let’s go home.” He gestured toward
the sidewalk again.
I gave him a doubtful look, still frozen in my spot. “You don’t need to
babysit me. I can walk alone.”
“It’s past midnight and you’re dressed like that.” He paused to eye my
dress with a tight expression. “There is no chance in hell I’m letting you
walk anywhere alone.”
When I still didn’t move, he let out a noisy exhale and walked back up
the steps to my frozen figure. Jordan took my hand and pulled me along,
and this time I followed.
We walked side by side on the narrow sidewalk, the cold air nipping at
the bare skin of my shoulders. I wrapped my arms around myself for some
warmth, knowing if my mom were to see me like this, she would yell at me
for forgetting my coat. Smiling at the thought, I felt an unfamiliar wave of
homesickness drench my heart. I’ve been so caught up in work, I haven't
had time to call home in over a week. My mom would surely remind me
that I have been derelict in my daughter duties. I made a mental note to call
my parents in the morning.
A sudden warmth draped over my shoulders, snapping me out of my
thoughts.
I looked to my side to catch Jordan placing his coat around me. As much
as I wanted to stay engulfed in the warmth of it and the smell of his
cologne, I didn’t need his help. The move was too intimate, the one thing I
was straying far away from. I could live with the consequences of forgetting
my jacket.
Just as quickly as it was placed on my shoulders, I slid it off, instantly
regretting my decision when the crisp chill was back to biting my skin.
“No, thanks.” I held the coat for him to take, both of us still walking. My
arms froze from the temperature change, and a slight shiver racked me,
forcing me to bite down to keep my teeth from chattering.
Jordan turned his head, his eyes landing on his coat in my outstretched
hand, then traveling to the goosebumps on my skin. He looked at my face
for a long second, like he was dealing with an errant child, and didn’t know
what course of action to take. Then, without a word, he turned to look ahead
again, ignoring me.
“Hey, I said you can have your jacket back. I don’t need it.” I held it
against his hard chest, trying not to revel in the movement of his warm torso
and the steady beat of his heart.
“I know. I want you to have it.”
My heart packed a suitcase and tried to flee my chest, and it made me
want to put the coat back on. Still stubborn, I crossed my arms with his
jacket in my hand, refusing to give him the satisfaction.
From beside me, Jordan let out a breathy chuckle but continued walking,
apparently giving up on making me wear it.
We cut through a grimy, cramped alley that I would avoid at all costs if I
was alone. I was a firm follower of staying away from situations that could
lead to my corpse in a dumpster. I unconsciously stepped closer to Jordan. I
swear the warmth radiating off of him had its own gravitational pull.
In a corner of the dark alley, I spotted three men laughing and drinking
by a back door. I immediately regretted not wearing Jordan’s coat, but I
couldn’t accept defeat now. Keeping my head held high, I walked ahead
with his coat still in my arms.
The whistling that followed their perusal of us spiked a hot tension to
slither through me. My entire body heated, the cold New York air forgotten
as their hollering grew louder. My hands closed into a tight fist, stopping
myself from doing something more than just ignoring their despicable
words. The anger fizzed inside me, overflowing to my throat.
Then Jordan suddenly turned to look at me, and I clamped my mouth
shut. Giving these men attention would further fuel their vulgarities. If I
said something to them, they would take that as an invitation to do more
than just throw words. I avoided Jordan’s eyes, trying to appear unbothered
by the creepy men. When he continued to burn holes into the side of my
head, I couldn’t help but meet his eyes.
His brows furrowed at my expression, probably noticing the shaken look
on my face. Were men oblivious to catcalling? I was annoyed at myself for
letting my vulnerability show because it felt like something switched in
him. He straightened, squaring off his shoulders, appearing larger than he
already was. Jordan’s hands closed into a tight fist, mirroring my own.
His brown eyes darkened when he looked over at the men loitering at the
end of the alley. Each held a beer in their hand as they conversed loudly, the
pungent smell of marijuana clouding the air around us. They were definitely
high and looking for trouble.
These encounters were why I kept pepper spray and a lipstick-shaped
switchblade in my purse. I would not let some stupid, intoxicated fools
escalate this situation. I wasn’t aware of what Jordan was capable of, and I
didn’t want to find out now. As much as I would love to see them get
pummelled by Jordan, I sure as hell did not need him to defend my honour.
This wasn’t the nineteen-fifties, and I was no damsel in distress.
I hooked my arm around Jordan’s firm bicep, trying to stop him from
doing anything irrational. However, I must not have known him as well as I
thought I did because he didn’t head over there. I expected that same overly
protective and violent behaviour I was used to in the past. Instead, he
seemed to clear his head when he looked at me, his features visibly relaxing
and his rigid posture softening at my touch. Jordan’s sympathetic eyes
searched my face, looking for any sign of the same vulnerability he found
earlier.
“Don't give them the satisfaction. I’ve got you.”
I blinked back at him, watching as those caring eyes searched my face
again. I must have looked dumbstruck at his action because his head
slightly tilted. My stomach twirled in knots, and I felt overwhelmed by an
emotion I didn’t want to label. Without thinking, I leaned into him, the crass
voices lost in the air as I wrapped my arms tighter around his bicep.
He tensed for a moment before softly removing my grip.
Disappointment pierced my chest, and I crossed my arms to hide the blow
to my heart. Suddenly, I felt his hands take the coat from where it hung on
my arm and drape it across my shoulders.
This time I didn’t object.
A heavy weight clogged my throat at his careful action. Slowly, he put
his arms around me, holding me tightly to his side as we made our way
home.
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
I
t was eight p.m. on a Saturday when my phone rang.
I instantly smiled, finding it was Janelle calling me. We had lunch
again last week, and it was getting increasingly difficult to leave Jordan out
of the conversations. He was omnipresent, and ripping away his plague on
my life was impossible. Janelle was full of wisdom, but I couldn't take
advantage of it since all my tumultuous questions were about her son. So, in
her mind, I was happily single and not daydreaming about how her son
touched me, the way he rasped my name, or the intoxicating after-effects of
his scent. That last one needed some empirical research done on it.
She usually called to check up on me, and every time she did, I called
my parents right after because it made me homesick. Though, not enough
for me to want to go back.
“Hi, Mrs. Evans!”
“Oh honey, what did I say about calling me that?” she chided.
I seriously needed to stop thinking about him. “Right, sorry. Janelle, how
are you?”
“I'm well. But I didn’t call you to talk about me. I called you to talk
about Jordan.”
“Oh…?” That confused me. It was rare we specifically brought up
Jordan unless it was an embarrassing childhood story that I filed away for
future use.
“I was going to come by to drop him off some soup and medicine, but
the weather is terrible, and I don’t think I will be able to drive into the city
tonight.”
I looked out the window and saw the storm front making its way in,
leaving Manhattan overcast.
“Medicine? Is he okay?” I asked, sounding more worried than I wanted
to let on.
“Oh, I thought you would know. He’s got a cold or the flu. I can't be
sure. He said he was fine, but you know men, acting like they’re so tough.”
I let out a weak laugh, feeling a pang of guilt. I didn't see him these past two
days, and he was sick because of me. It was freezing that night he let me
wear his coat while he wore his thin dress shirt.
“I’ll go check on him and make him something. Don’t worry about
driving over, it's too risky,” I said, already making my way into the kitchen,
pulling out a pot and searching my cupboards for what I needed.
“Thank you, sweetheart! I knew he could count on you. I'll check in
tomorrow. Bye!”
I put my phone down, and when the water boiled, I threw in cardamom,
raisins, cloves, and fennel seeds; the ultimate Indian concoction to get rid of
colds. My mom would make it every night in the winter when I was
younger. Being a staple in any Indian household, it was a given that she
made sure I was stocked up on all the supplies when I moved here.
It surprised me that she shipped me a package with the items since she
wasn’t delighted by my move. My parents viewed it as impulsive and
reckless, just like I was in my relationship with Karn. When they finally
saw me healing, they thought I would conform to the life they wanted me to
live. However, going through that experience only made me want to break
free of their expectations. Their love was still there, and I could tell by their
check-ins that ensured I wasn’t working myself into the ground.
The tea simmered. The sweet smell of fennel, cardamom, and raisins
filled my kitchen. In the meantime, I made him some fresh minestrone.
When I got to his door, I hesitated before knocking. I was nervous to see
him after that night and wondered if being in his apartment was a good idea.
What if I just left the food here and hid around the corner?
After a few minutes of a heated debate with myself, I gave up and
knocked. Not hearing anything, I lifted my hand again when suddenly, the
door swung open, my hand freezing mid-knock as he came into view.
Oh, he was definitely sick. Jordan’s hooded eyes looked glossy, and his
dark skin pale. Somehow, he still managed to look effortlessly sexy. It
should be a crime to look this good while being sick. I was jealous he didn’t
have a puffy red nose and cracked lips like every normal person when they
were ill.
He was wearing his signature sweats. This time they weren’t grey. Thank
God. And of course, with my luck, he was shirtless. What was his aversion
to clothing? Instantly, I regretted not leaving the food at his door and
fleeing.
The sight of him weakened my knees. When I caught myself standing
there like a stunned mullet, I cleared my throat. “Hey.”
He nodded, acknowledging my presence, but not bothering to say
anything back.
“Your mom called and said you were sick, so I brought you some food.”
With a strange look, he hesitantly stepped aside, letting me move past
him and toward his kitchen. It hit me that it was my first time in his
apartment.
The way my body hummed at the revelation frightened me. Without
making it obvious, I tried to get a glimpse into Jordan’s world. His
apartment was twice the size of mine, but the layout was the same. I wasn’t
sure why a single man needed such a large space, but I assumed his family
came by, too. I took in his decor and wasn’t surprised he had good taste.
The off-white sectional in the living room complemented the marble slab
coffee table in front of it, and a gold-accented lamp casting a dim light in
the room. If he was looking at me, he would have noticed my shock upon
seeing the two orchids resting on the side tables.
The apartment was so clean, that I couldn’t spot a speck of dust. Since
Linh moved in, ours had been a lot cleaner too. I wasn't sure if she was
doing it to contribute or if she had turned a new leaf since her room back
home was as boisterous as her personality.
I headed to the kitchen, unpacked my bag, and placed the soup and
concoction on the counter. As I looked through his cupboards, Jordan
stepped into the kitchen and leaned against the counter. Trying to ignore
him, I found his cups and poured the hot drink from the thermos. Looking
up at him, I found the same peculiar look on his face.
Annoyed by his distracting presence, I pinned him with a miffed look.
“Go lie down. You’re sick,” I said before refocusing on emptying the items
from my bag.
When he didn’t move, I turned around, boldly placing my hands on his
chest and pushing him out of the kitchen. His skin was hot under my cold
hands, and his body was surprisingly easy to move. I thought I had gotten
stronger, but it was probably because he was sick and not putting up a fight.
He turned, finally moving on his own accord to his bedroom.
I stood at the door with my arms crossed, gawking at his toned back—
trying not to whip out my phone to take a picture and save it for later. He
laid on his bed, not bothering to cover himself with the comforter. This had
to be more than a common cold if Jordan was heeding my words.
Walking back to the kitchen, I found a tray on his counter. I placed the
hot drink, the soup, and cold medicine on it. It was dark, but the living room
light illuminated a path into his room. When I entered, he moved up to sit
against the headboard. I carefully placed the tray on the bedside table and
sat on the edge of the bed next to him.
“Drink up,” I said, holding the warm cup. Taking it from me, he eyed the
brown liquid. “It's not poison.” I shot him a dry look. “It might be bitter, but
trust me, if you drink this two more times, you will be as good as new
tomorrow.”
“Thank you,” he said in a rumbling voice, eyes on the cup.
I focused on his Adam’s apple that bobbed when he gulped the hot liquid
in one go. Shocked, my jaw dropped as he put the cup back on the tray. An
amused smile played on his face.
Not giving him the satisfaction of acknowledging his reckless behaviour,
I unscrewed the cap on the medicine, dropping two tablets into it. He took
the glass and pills, softly brushing his fingertips against my hand. I quickly
retracted it and focused on screwing the cap back on the bottle. He placed
the glass back on the bedside table, not taking his eyes off me the entire
time. Breaking away, I turned to leave, but he stopped me with a hold on
my wrist.
“Seriously, thank you, Sarvenaz. You didn’t need to.” A vulnerable
sincerity came through in his strained voice.
“I know, but your mom called, and she was worried.” I shrugged.
“Right, my mom.” A tinge of defeat peppered his words. My brows
furrowed at his response. “Is that the only reason?” he asked, still holding
my wrist.
His intense stare made me wish I stayed in my apartment, but I held his
stare, not giving him what he wanted. He was definitely high on something
if he thought I would tell him I was worried.
“Yup,” I responded. We held each other's gaze as if challenging the other
to say what was on our minds. “Should there be another reason?”
“I’d hope so,” he said in a husky voice.
Jordan’s words caught me off guard. He had that teasing edge, but the
vulnerability was there too. My heart squeezed, and the butterflies in my
stomach awoke from their slumber.
Shocked by his admission, I was afraid to ask outright what he meant.
Continuing our silent stare down, we waited for the other to concede.
Holding it as long as possible before I looked away, losing our unspoken
game.
“Well, get some rest!” I patted the bed, standing abruptly and pulling my
wrist from his grip. Shifting his empty glass onto the tray, I moved the soup
onto the table. “Don’t forget to drink the soup. It’s still warm.”
He nodded and moved down the headboard to lay back. When he closed
his eyes, he looked so peaceful, and if I hadn’t known any better, I
would’ve thought he looked innocent.
“Stay,” he whispered, causing me to freeze, my foot halfway out the
bedroom door.
A familiar warmth washed over me at his words. My head snapped to
his, his eyes were closed and his face gave away nothing. I questioned
whether I had imagined it. Shaking the thought, I walked into the kitchen,
washing and putting away the used dishes. When my eyes shifted to the
time on the oven, it was close to midnight. There is no way I was staying
alone with Jordan in this apartment for an entire night. Right?
I awoke to loud coughing. When I shot up from my spot on the couch, a
sharp pain travelled up my neck from my awkward sleeping position.
Suddenly unaware of my surroundings, I rubbed my eyes, feeling for my
phone in the dark. I found it wedged between the couch cushions. Fishing it
out, I checked the time. It was three in the morning, and I was still in
Jordan’s apartment.
I groaned, getting up from the couch, despite my body’s protests, and
shuffled into his room. When I walked in, he was propped up on one arm,
drinking from a glass of water. When he noticed me standing in the
shadows of his room like the Boogeyman, his head reared back in surprise.
“You okay?” he asked, his voice hoarse as he pointed toward the hand
on my neck. I let my arm fall, hiding the pained expression on my face, not
wanting him to know I slept on the couch for him.
“I think I should ask you that.” I approached the bed, sitting on the same
spot as earlier.
“You stayed,” he said, and I shrugged. Jordan eyed me with an odd
expression, then a smirk. Good to know his weak immune system didn’t
affect those damn smirks.
“Your poison is working.” A weak smile on his face. A smile that made
me want to hug him until he was better. “Just a headache now,” he said,
laying back down with a hand on his forehead, his eyes squeezed shut from
the pain. My chest ached at the sight.
“You know, cold hands do wonders for headaches,” I said without
thinking. Shooting him a sleepy smile as I lifted my hands to wiggle my
fingers.
“I don’t want you to get sick.”
“I have a strong immune system,” I retorted. I moved from my spot at
the foot of the bed and sat against the headboard where his head rested on
the pillow. “Besides, my iron-deficient blood has given me the power of
eternally cold hands. Let them be good for something.”
With this newfound confidence, I moved his head onto my lap and
ignored how aware my body was of his presence. He didn’t object as I put
my hands on his feverish forehead, applying light pressure like my parents
used to do for me when I was a kid.
Jordan let out a deep hum of pleasure when my cold hands touched his
forehead. The unexpected sound made my ovaries scream in delight and
caused the butterflies in my stomach to erupt. Ignoring the sensation, I
continued with the head massage.
When I looked down, his eyes were closed, a content expression on his
face as we sat in comfortable silence. After a few minutes, the steady rise
and fall of his chest indicated his sleeping state. Accomplished, I smiled at
myself and tried to move his head without waking him. After a few
unsuccessful attempts, I remained in place unsure of what to do. Deciding
he would move off me in his sleep, I rested my head against the headboard
and waited.
The sound of water running and the clanking of dishes stirred me awake.
The room was still dark from the closed blinds, but bright light streamed
through the cracks.
It was morning.
Looking down at my lap, I realized I was still in the same position as last
night. As if on cue, sleepy brown eyes met mine and widened in surprise.
Suddenly, someone walked in, and our attention snapped to the intruder.
As soon as we saw who it was, we froze in place, my eyes growing wider as
my horror caught in my throat.
“Oh no! I hope I didn’t wake you. You two looked so adorable!”
Our heads whipped back to one another, eyes wandering over our
sleeping position. Jordan’s arms wrapped around my thighs, his head in my
lap, and my hands still splayed across his forehead. We sprang apart faster
than repelling magnets. Jordan moved to the other side of the bed, and I
stood up to fix my shirt as I faced his mother. She looked between us,
smothering a laugh and shaking her head. Janelle placed the steaming cup
in her hands on the bedside table.
“Well, you seem to be feeling better, J,” she teased with a knowing
smile. Janelle walked toward the blinds, letting in the bright morning sun,
and putting a spotlight on this disaster. I can’t imagine what she must be
thinking.
“Sarv—”
“Nice to see you again, Janelle. I’m going to head out now!” I said, my
voice way too loud and cutting off Jordan.
Bolting out of his apartment, I smacked my palm against my head and
impatiently waited for the elevator. Feeling like I was doing the walk of
shame, I ignored my neighbour on the way out of the elevator and went into
my apartment, heading straight for the shower.
Linh would have a field day with this one.
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
I
bumped my head under the island for the third time, just as Linh groaned
in frustration in the living room. Finally, having a long weekend to
ourselves, we decided to make our bleak apartment slightly more congenial.
As I screwed together our brand new pink bar stools, someone knocked.
“I’ll get it,” I called to Linh, who was stuck under a pile of manuals for
the TV stand. I set aside my screwdriver and made my way to the door.
“Mom? Dad?!” I exclaimed in disbelief when I found both my parents
standing at my front door, suitcases in hand.
“Naz! We’re so happy to see you!” said my dad, pulling me in for an
unexpected hug, making me swallow the emotion clogging my throat at his
surprising words.
“You’ve gotten so patli. Have you not been eating? Jai, I told you she
was developing these western eating habits,” said my mom, looking at my
dad with concern. This woman wouldn’t be happy until she saw me stuffing
my face at all times.
“I thought your flight landed in the evening. I was going to pick you
up.” I held the door open, allowing them to step inside.
“We had an early landing. So, we decided to surprise you! Better for you
since we talked our Uber driver’s ears off on the way here.” My dad gave
me a kiss on the forehead and then a rough pat on my cheek that felt more
like a slap.
When I moved to close the door, my mom stopped me. “Wait! Jas is
coming.”
Jas was my older cousin, and I hadn’t seen her since her engagement last
year. She was also the cousin that cheated with my boyfriend. Of course,
her engagement broke off when her fiancé found out about her infidelity.
My parents were clueless about what she had done because I was unwilling
to ruin my dad's relationship with his brother. The only person who knew
about her reality was Linh, and I was fine with that.
My thoughts were interrupted by a nauseating scent of rose. “Oh Naz! I
missed you. What a…. cute apartment,” she managed as she came to hug
me.
I plastered a fake smile and invited her in, but not before resting my
head against the front door to take a deep breath. How was she standing in
front of me as if she hadn’t been a key player in the spectacle of my life?
When I walked into the living room, Linh was busy chatting with my
parents and making them laugh as she always did. I righted the barstools I
was setting up as Jas tucked her things by the door, probably worried her
designer luggage would get tainted.
“Naz, here is the wedding card. I’m sure you’ll find time to attend,” said
my mom, placing a bright orange card on the coffee table.
“Mom, I told you I have a lot of work. Plus, I didn’t bring an outfit with
me.” A perfect excuse not to go to the wedding.
I obeyed their every wish since I moved back in with them after the
breakup, but I couldn't stand a wedding where everyone would cast their
judgements on me. Trying to find an escape from this family reunion, I
went to the kitchen to make chai. Just as I filled the pot with water, another
knock sounded at my door.
“Please don’t be more family,” I begged the universe, internally
groaning.
“I got it!” called Linh as she headed to the door.
I threw in the tea bag and some ginger, allowing the tea to simmer, and
went to sit with my parents. Just as I was about to sit on the couch, heavy
footsteps approached the living room.
“Hey, you left this at my place,” said that deep masculine voice I dreamt
about one too many times these past few days.
I squeezed my eyes shut in an attempt to wake up from this nightmare
before turning around to see Jordan standing there, putting my purse on the
dining table. The same one that I had been turning my apartment upside
down for. I had to use a temporary scanning badge at work and Linh’s keys
to get into the apartment. Luckily, I had kept my license and credit cards in
another wallet.
When Jordan looked up from the table, his eyes locked on mine before
seeing my family sitting in the living room, staring at him with curiosity
and a little hostility from my dad. Catching their grilling stares, I filled my
head with a thousand excuses about why this man was in my apartment and
why the hell he had my purse. None of them seemed adequate enough as I
stood there like my parents had unveiled a dirty secret.
“Hi, I’m Jordan,” he greeted, walking past me to my parents.
They abruptly stood, taking in this man who apparently had their
daughters’ things in his apartment, and eyed him like predatory animals.
My six-foot father stood next to the six-foot-four giant in my living room,
and my mom had never looked shorter between the two men. I couldn’t
help but smother a laugh.
Jordan turned to my cousin and decided a quick nod would be a
sufficient greeting.
“What do you do for work?” was the first question my mom asked, and I
brought both my hands to my face to conceal my embarrassment. There was
no way she was going to interrogate him before even confirming who he
was. He could be my doorman for all she knew.
“You don’t have to answer that,” I said to Jordan, hoping if he just
stayed mute, I could get him out of here sooner.
He ignored me, of course. “I work at Spectrum with Sarvenaz. I’m her
team lead.” I looked over at my mom to see a light of approval washing
over her stern expression.
“And where did you go to university?” she pressed, and I wanted to stop
her, but Jordan seemed happy to answer her questions.
“Columbia. I got my business degree from there.” As soon as the Ivy
League university came out of his mouth, my mother was practically
drooling.
“Medical history?” she asked, eyeing his unmistakably healthy
physique, and my jaw dropped.
“Mama!” I interjected, frustrated with her questions. She pierced me
with a narrow-eyed look in response but sat back down. I glanced over at
my dad, who still looked like he was planning a complicated murder, and
before I could say anything, Jas spoke.
“Naz, who is this man you’ve been hiding?” She stood from the couch,
prowling toward Jordan, devouring his large figure. Her greedy eyes on
something I wanted to keep for myself, annoyed me more than her presence
had earlier. Hadn’t she had enough?
“I’m Jas. I’d love to get to know you better since my little cousin over
there hasn’t bothered to introduce me,” she purred, her hand on his arm.
The rabid dog part of me wanted to rip her arm out of its socket, but I
kept my composure. I looked at Linh, who gagged at Jas' attempt to seduce
Jordan. She had no idea who he was, yet thought it would be appropriate to
start hitting on him? I’d seen her do this countless times before, always a
little too interested in my boyfriends, one in particular. Not that Jordan was
my anything, but how terrible would it be if I threw a pot of hot chai at her
smug face?
“He’s—”
“Her boyfriend!”
My head snapped to Linh, my eyes widening at what she had just blurted
out. My parents turned to her, then looked at me for an explanation. Words
fell flat on my tongue, shocked into silence by my best friend, who was
clearly going through psychosis. The words that hung in the air suffocated
the room. When Linh’s eyes locked with mine, guilt took over her features,
and her forehead creased with worry.
I was going to kill her.
Before I could rectify the situation with an explanation I didn’t have, my
mother spoke. “Sarvenaz! You have been keeping this a secret from us? Is
this why you wanted to move to New York?” she chastised in Punjabi, but
the hint of approval playing in her tone did not go unnoticed.
My parents had always been strict about dating, and after the years I
spent away from home with Karn, they didn't fully trust me yet. Before
then, my mom always wanted to be in the loop so she could plan my
wedding at the drop of a hat. However, when I distanced myself from them
and moved in with Karn, I severed the close relationship we once shared.
So, finding out I had a secret boyfriend in a different city would not bode
well. I turned to see her getting up from the couch to land a scrutinizing
gaze on Jordan again.
“What? No! I would never do that again. I came here to work with the
degree you paid for remember?” I was shocked that she would even ask
that. She had seen what Karn had done to me the past year, but she thought
I was dumb enough to go through that again?
Her eyes narrowed as she stepped around Jordan, and he stood there,
watching this Indian serial play out in front of him. The only thing missing
was the dramatic sound effects. His head turned, probably to question what
had happened. I looked away, unwilling to explain.
“All she’s been doing is working. Even that scam didn’t stop her.” Linh
smiled proudly, and my head spun to her once again. Why wouldn’t she just
shut up?
“Scam?” Three voices questioned from behind me.
Linh gasped.
I turned back to them, trying to think of something that could offset this.
I wasn’t going to tell my parents about it. They would want to drag me back
home with them.
“At the farmer's market,” Linh piped up, visibly fidgeting to come up
with a lie. “The…clerk charged her twenty dollars for a bag of grapes. It
was outrageous! But you know our Naz, she worked hard and made those
twenty dollars back.” Linh smiled, her hand in a fist like she was giving a
motivational speech.
Regardless of how absurd that was, I nodded, and it seemed like they
bought it.
“See, this is what I always tell you girls. You need to bargain with the
store owners. I will go down there myself. Let’s see him try to overcharge
me,” declared my mother, her head held high. She went to grab her purse as
if I would actually go down there so she could argue about the price of fruit.
“That’s all right, Mama. I’ll make sure to do that next time.”
She shrugged, then sized up Jordan. “Are you scared of commitment,
Jordan?”
I groaned at her invasive questions. I couldn’t stop her interrogation
now, she was determined to shake him.
“No, ma’am. I’m not. There isn’t much I’m scared of.” Confidence
dripped from each word.
“So, marriage? Kids? You want all of it?” She crossed her arms, trying
to intimidate him. She looked like an ant standing in front of him, but her
piercing eyes could make anyone squirm. Tilting her head, she waited for
him to crack under the weight of her question.
“Yes, of course.” He turned his face to my flaming one with a dreadfully
serious expression. “With the right person, I want all of it.”
Could words send you into cardiac arrest? They wrapped around me like
saran wrap, and I felt like I was going to pop. I hoped my glare conveyed
that I thought he had gone insane. That was the only explanation for
whatever the hell was happening here.
“I approve of this one,” my mother stated. She returned to her seat
beside my dad, who looked anything but pleased with the revelation.
What the hell?
I didn’t understand how she approved of a man she had met less than
five minutes ago. However, Karn never acknowledged my parents, the one
time they saw him was when he helped me move out. By help I mean sit
idle in the car while I carried out my boxes. So, I guess Jordan's politeness
and willingness to answer my mother's intrusive questions was an A-plus
impression in her book. My dad, on the other hand, was watching Jordan
with a calculating stare. If I had the opportunity to read his thoughts at that
moment, I wouldn’t take it.
“Mama, he’s not my—” I started, but was conveniently cut off once
again.
“Boyfriend? Naz, how could you pull someone like this?” Jas laughed in
a mocking tone, her words marked with incredulity.
“Why is that so hard to believe?” I asked. Dismissing the fact that my
question had just cemented this relationship in my family’s minds.
“Well, you know. It didn’t go that well before.”
I stared at her in disbelief. She knew I would never tell my parents the
truth, but she was testing my patience. The secrets felt hot on my tongue,
waiting to be released to cool my mouth. Before I could preserve what was
left of my dignity, that deep voice spoke.
“The difference between me and her past is that I would do anything to
see Sarvenaz happy. Even if that meant dealing with the people who hurt
her,” Jordan said, looking straight at Jas, who shrunk under his harsh glare.
I knew then that he had deduced that Jas was a part of what hurt me. Jordan
was really selling this with that protective boyfriend act. I wasn’t sure why
since there was no incentive to this charade.
“Oh, Jordan! You’re always so sweet to my best friend!” said Linh
gushing over his words as if she hadn’t started this calamity. “And Jas,
jealousy doesn’t look good on you, hun. We all know what happened the
last time.” Linh’s sweet smile contrasted her edged words.
Zing! I couldn’t help but sputter a laugh, my anger from the lie she
started almost dissipating. The reminder of Jas being so jealous of me, she
slept with my boyfriend, and it ultimately led to her wedding being called
off, clouded the room. The look on Jas’ face brought me so much joy, that I
couldn’t bring myself to reveal the truth now. Maybe I could tell my mom
in private later.
Finally assessing the mess I had made of my life, I clutched Jordan’s
arm to pull him to the door. Ignoring how my hand couldn’t even wrap
around a quarter of his bicep. “Thanks for bringing my purse, but it’s
getting late. Don’t you have somewhere to be?” I pressed, hoping he would
take the hint and leave. Instead, he gave me an amused look as if my life
was entertainment for him.
“Naz! Where are your manners?” My mother shot me an admonishing
look. “Jordan please stay for dinner. I would love to get to know the man
who has stolen my daughter's heart!” she gushed, and I could practically
hear the wedding bells ringing. Her choice of words earned her an annoyed
look from me. Despite the strain on our relationship, she sure seemed eager
to settle on a wedding date.
“Mom, he’s busy,” I said, pulling Jordan away.
“Oh, come on, babe. Dinner won’t hurt.” His eyes danced with mischief.
Babe? I couldn’t help but notice the little flutter in my stomach at the
word. I shoved it deep down. Right next to the pile of other things Jordan
has said that made my body hum with pleasure and haunted me day and
night.
“Naz, let the man stay for dinner,” muttered my dad, who had been
sitting silently on the couch for the past few minutes. I had been relying on
his sinister mood to accompany my refusal.
Reluctantly, I let go of Jordan’s arm and retreated to the kitchen in
defeat. I added milk and removed the chai from the stovetop.
“Sorry, sorry, sorry!” rushed out an apologetic Linh.
“Why would you do that?” I groaned, still wondering the reason for her
sudden outburst.
“I don’t know! I saw Jas touching him, and the look in her eyes looked
like she was ready to have him for dinner, and the words slipped out.” She
looked genuinely upset by what she had done.
“I am so screwed,” I said as I poured the chai into the teacups and set it
on the tray. I let out a deep sigh, seeing her worried face. “It’s fine. I’ll tell
my mom the truth later.”
I had no idea how. If they found out it was a lie, the trust I had worked to
build would break. Linh silently took the tray from me, shooting me another
apologetic look before making her way out of the kitchen.
I began setting the dinner table and noticed Jordan excuse himself from
the living room and disappear into the kitchen. He came out with the rest of
the food, helping me place it without a word. We both set the table in
silence while that pesky organ in my chest flooded my ears.
With dinner served my family moved to the dining table, but there
wasn’t enough space for all of us, especially not someone as big as Jordan. I
looked around, figuring out the seating plan when Linh stole the last seat
with a victorious smile as if we were playing musical chairs.
Shooting her a glare, I grabbed the bench that was meant for a small
piano, slid it to one side of the table, and motioned Jordan to sit. He gave
me a look of question, but I fled to the kitchen. I was not going to sit on the
same seat as him. That would barely give me enough space to breathe, let
alone think to keep up with all the lies. When I started banging my head
against the cupboard, a hand came between my skull and the hard surface,
cushioning the assault. I froze and looked to see an irritated Jordan towering
over me.
“You don’t have to hide in here. I’ll make an excuse and leave,” he said,
letting his hand fall from my forehead.
“What? I am not hiding. I was…getting some water.” I pointed to the
sink that I clearly wasn’t using. He gave me an unimpressed look and then
turned to leave.
“Wait!” I grabbed his arm to stop him, then immediately let go as if he
had burned me with the curves of his muscles. “I’m sorry, okay? I don’t
want to be rude. I want you to stay for dinner. It’s just that everything is
extremely awkward, and I swear I’ll tell them the truth. I just couldn’t at
that moment. I hate lying, and I never wanted to, but it just happened.”
“You don’t have to apologize to me. I understand where you’re coming
from. Family can be intrusive. I mean, you’ve met mine,” he said, letting a
smile touch his lips. “And you don’t need to tell them anything. I’ll play the
part as long as you need.”
“Why would you do that? We’re not exactly friends.”
“Definitely not friends.”
“Then what do you get from this?”
“Things.”
“Things? What is that supposed to mean? You’re not going to take my
firstborn child, are you?” I feigned horror.
Amusement brushed his lips. “No, but it isn’t the worst thing to have
you owe me one.” A flicker of something ran through his eyes. “Even if I
have to be your boyfriend.”
“Fake boyfriend. Only until my parents are in town,” I said softly, and
his face hardened a fraction before he let out a breath.
“Right. Now, come on. I’m starving.”
I exited the kitchen behind Jordan with everyone's eyes on us, causing
me to flush under their stare. My steps faltered when Jordan pulled out the
bench for me to sit. He slid in beside me, our knees pressed together, the
unspoken weight of comfort hanging in the tiny sliver of space between us.
We passed around the food, and my parents continued questioning Jordan
about his life. I might’ve even seen my dad smile a few times.
“You play any sports?” my dad asked, clearly wondering if he put his
athletic body to use, very different from the uses my brain conjured.
Jordan nodded. “I used to play varsity basketball in college, but I went
the education route.”
I saw Jas eyeing my surprised reaction, and I quickly masked it with a
smile, trying to act like this wasn’t news to me.
“My dad is a huge basketball fan. He loves the Knicks.”
“Only after the Raptors,” my dad corrected.
“I get tickets to the Knicks since their manager is a client. Maybe next
time you’re here we can watch them play. Courtside.”
My dad’s eyes lit up, and I knew Jordan had reeled him in. Hook, line,
and sinker.
I wasn’t sure why he offered, considering he didn't need to butter him
up. That calculating look on my dad's face vanished, and he sat up straighter
and nodded. I smothered a laugh. He was so easy.
“That would be great, son.”
Jordan seemed to be thrown off by the endearment because I saw his
Adam's apple bob. He recovered, falling into an easy conversation about
work and sports. He was charming, and I knew that, but seeing him interact
with my parents was a bizarre experience.
“Does your family live here too, Jordan?” My mom chimed in with
another one of her interview questions.
“Yes, my mom and my sisters live here.”
“What do they do for work?”
“Both of my sisters teach, and my mom is retired. Although, she does
freelance since she used to be a wedding planner.”
As soon as he spoke those words, I froze mid-bite, knowing my mom
would be over the moon. She was a self-proclaimed wedding planner after
handling all my cousin's weddings.
“That’s wonderful! I would love to meet her.”
My dad, Linh, and I exchanged looks. We didn’t know this version of
my mother. She was especially eager today, and I didn't know what spell
Jordan had cast on them.
“I can—”
“Next time!” I cut off Jordan, who looked ready to invite his mom over
for dinner too. She was a great woman, but I didn't need her entangled in
this web of lies. I was beginning to envision this whole thing like it wasn’t
an act and how comfortable it would be to have him like this all the time. I
crushed that ridiculous daydream like a fruit fly and dropped my grin as I
ate my food.
I cooked three different dishes, all to my parents’ liking. The biryani was
my dad's favourite, the shahi paneer, and daal makhani for my mom. I
ordered the naan and samosas from the only Indian restaurant I knew was
decent. Of course, my mom had something to say about that because she
inspected the samosas and remarked that homemade was always better. But,
I was sucking up to them hard, and I wasn’t ashamed. Regret spun taut
around me every time they didn’t approve of something, so today, I was
loosening the tight wire to regain some oxygen. Apparently, they had that
effect on people because Jordan was doing the same with his conversations.
“How did you two meet?” asked Jas, just as I took a drink of water.
On its way down my throat, the water caught and I sputtered. Jordan's
hand landed on my back in an attempt to be helpful, the hot touch only
making it worse. I tried shrugging him off, but he didn’t relent, lightly
tapping my back to aid with the coughing.
When I finally calmed down, tears stained my cheeks, and I flushed
from embarrassment.
“Wrong pipe,” I choked out between another bout of coughs as Jordan’s
torturous movements persisted. He handed me a tissue, and I wiped my
eyes. My mom's worried expression finally calmed and was replaced with a
smile at Jordan’s attentiveness. I cleared my throat, able to breathe again,
and like the annoying person she was, Jas repeated her question.
My parents regarded us with interest, and Linh clasped her hands
underneath her chin, waiting for our story with amusement.
I started to question how genuine her apology really was.
“It’s a funny story,” Jordan started, and I watched him with curiosity. He
placed his arm around me and smiled, drawing the perfect picture of young
and in love. “Someone was banging on my door in the middle of the night.
When I opened it, I saw this angry girl in the tiniest—”
I elbowed him in the ribs before he could get the words out. He had to be
clinically insane if he thought that was the story we were going with.
“At work. We met at work,” I rushed out, not wanting my parents to
think I was going around in skimpy outfits, knocking on strangers' doors in
the dead of night. Jas pinned me with a suspicious look. I darted my eyes
away, pretending to be particularly interested in my biryani and evading
further questioning.
When the awkward dinner was over, my parents got ready to go to their
hotel and insisted they would take an Uber. I said I would drive them, but
they refused. Then Jordan stepped in to offer, and for some sick reason,
they happily obliged. Likely ecstatic at the idea of spending time alone with
him.
“I’ll come too. I don’t want Jordan to get bored on the ride back,” I said,
grabbing the purse that had started this whole charade. Maybe I could tell
my parents the truth then, too.
“It’s late, Naz. You should get some sleep,” Jordan insisted, then
dropped a kiss on my forehead.
My ears burned from the gesture and hearing him call me Naz for the
first time. It was like a large vat of warm honey enveloped me. This all felt
too real, and I started to panic. I didn’t want him to forget it was all a lie
because I certainly had more than once.
“We’ll take good care of him, Naz,” said Jas with a devious smirk that
made me want to strangle her.
Suddenly, my mom, who couldn’t keep the grin off her face, stopped
midway to the door, placing her luggage on the floor.
“Mom, what are you doing?” I watched her unzip the suitcase. Just as I
was about to ask again, she pulled out a garment bag. My eyes widened,
already aware of what she had in her hands. “Mama…” I said in warning,
not ready to believe she had brought this with her. One thing my mom knew
was how to be stubborn. I guessed I got it from her.
“I knew you would make an excuse. So, I brought your sari to you,” she
said, an accomplished smile plastered on her face.
“You wasted your luggage space to fit my heavy outfit?” I questioned in
disbelief.
“Of course! I know you, and I also know you would make a thousand
excuses. So now you will come,” she said sternly, and I knew there was no
way for me to wriggle out of this one. I silently took the bag and thanked
her for going through the unnecessary trouble.
“Don’t make that face,” she said pointing her finger at me. Her eyes
narrowed at my sullen expression, then a sudden inhale, and her face lit up.
“Maybe you’d enjoy the wedding more if you brought Jordan,” she
suggested, beaming as if it was a brilliant idea—not brilliant, probably one
of the worst ideas I had ever heard.
“No!” I shouted, loud enough that Jordan’s conversation with my dad at
the door halted, both of them turning to look at us.
“Jordan, what do you say?” asked my mom, despite my refusal.
“About?” He asked, walking toward us.
“About attending the wedding, I suggested you accompany Naz.”
Jordan turned to me for an answer, and my mortified expression must
have given it away.
“Thank you for the invite, but I couldn’t impose,” Jordan declined,
which eased my breathing a bit. I guessed he wasn’t hell-bent on making
my life miserable, unlike my mother.
“Plus, he probably has work to do,” I interjected before my mom could
sweet-talk him.
I heard a snort from behind me. Linh, who sat on the bar stool, rolled her
eyes at my terrible excuses and watched the scene play out in front of her.
“It’s on the weekend, and you two will come. No more excuses,” she
ordered, ending any further debate. Of course, she wanted Jordan to come.
This was her chance to parade around her potential Javai, her son-in-law.
She zipped up her luggage and rolled it to the front door before Jordan took
it from her like the gentleman he was. He shot me an apologetic look upon
seeing my peeved expression before they walked out.
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
“Y
ou never mentioned what my parents said to you when you dropped
them at their hotel,” I said from inside my bathroom, trying to tie
the strings on the back of my blouse.
“Didn’t I?” parried Jordan, who had wandered into my bedroom after I
let him in. I peeked out of the en-suite bathroom to see him sitting on my
bed, waiting for me to finish getting ready so we could head to the
reception.
The morning after dinner with my family, he texted to ask if I was
uncomfortable with him coming to the wedding. I wasn’t jumping at the
idea, but since my mother had outright approved of Jordan and invited him
herself, I wouldn't make him bail. If Jordan was the key to having my
mother come to terms with my independence and judgement in a partner,
she had my green light. Though, her approval wasn't the only reason I
wanted him to come. The jolt of electricity on my skin when he was around
might have something to do with it.
I rolled my eyes at his response. He was being awfully secretive about
whatever my parents had said to him.
My weird behaviour around Jordan only intensified after that night. My
emotions were trying to ooze out of me whenever he looked my way. So, I
kept a distance between us and planned an escape route if it got to that
point. I was sure he noticed my lame attempts to put an invisible wall
between us, but he never said anything.
“You could just ask for my help,” he called from the opposite side of the
door.
I jumped at the sound of his deep voice. “How do you even know I need
help?”
“I heard you cursing in there for the past two minutes. Just open the
door.”
Annoyed, I swiftly opened it. Jordan looked surprised I listened, but then
those simmering hazel eyes found mine. I dropped the dori of my blouse,
pretending like it was supposed to be hanging loose instead of neatly tied
together in order to keep the sari blouse from slipping off my shoulders.
“No, thanks. I don’t need your help.”
He continued to stare as he took slow, measured steps toward me,
perusing my outfit.
My sari was pink, the sheer fabric of the long skirt lined with silk. The
intricate silver embroidery shining beneath the bathroom lights. I shifted
uncomfortably under his blazing eyes, fiddling with the silver churia on my
arms.
“Really?” he asked, his head cocked. “Because I thought the whole
reason I was attending this wedding is because you need my help.”
Ignoring his words, I brushed past him and out of my room to look for
my shoes. Just as I spotted the perfect heels to go with this outfit, Jordan
came up behind me and watched me tiptoe to reach the top shelf. He leaned
against the wall, his arms crossed, and a smug look on his face. Jordan
wouldn't even need to extend his arm to reach the top shelf. Instead of
giving him the satisfaction of asking for his help, I slipped on an old pair of
six-inch heels and boosted myself to snatch the ones I needed. I threw him a
victorious smile over my shoulder before sitting on the couch to slip on my
shoes.
“Let me tie that for you,” he insisted.
Confused as to what he was referring to, I turned to him. Jordan’s face
was as hard as stone, his eyes burning holes into the untied blouse of my
sari. It wouldn’t slip off, and I was sure of that. No one would be getting a
strip tease from me.
“It’s fine. I can do it later,” I urged, grabbing my clutch to confirm I had
everything. When I brushed past him to get to the front door, he stopped
me, his stupidly large hands wrapping around my bicep.
I shot him a glare. “What are you doing?”
He stared at me before briefly closing his eyes and taking a breath. Like
he needed to compose himself before dealing with me. “We’re not leaving
with your top like that,” he stated. The sound of his authoritative voice
irritated me. It sounded too much like the Jordan I had to interact with in
the office.
“Then it’s a good thing I don’t take orders from you,” I said and yanked
my arm out of his grip. Seeing his expression harden, I knew I’d succeeded
in pissing him off.
“Why won’t you let me tie it?” he asked, growing frustrated with me.
“I don’t want you to. If you care that much,” I grabbed the long end of
the sari that was draped on one shoulder and brought it around to cover my
back. “There, happy?” I said through gritted teeth.
“Naz, it's one knot, and I won’t even stand close to you since you are so
terrified of me,” he tried again, looking like he genuinely just wanted it to
be tied. The use of my nickname didn’t go unnoticed.
“I’m not terrified of you, Evans. I told you, it’s fine. My mom will do
it.”
That had him letting out a deep sigh as if I was being unreasonable. Why
did he always have to press until he got his way?
He stared at me like he was questioning my intelligence. “Don’t you
think your mom is going to wonder why your boyfriend couldn’t do it for
you?”
I froze. Shit, he was right. Why wouldn’t any capable boyfriend with
two hands be able to tie a simple knot for me? For all she knows, he’s
helped me untie them, too.
Without a word, I turned, my back now facing him. I was too proud to
say anything. I couldn’t see it, but I knew he had that know-it-all smirk on
his face. The fingers grazing my back felt like small jolts of electricity on
my skin. But he did as promised, not moving any closer as he tied the knot
and stepped back.
I gave him a nod in thanks, and we walked out of the apartment to his
car. It was a short drive to The Plaza Hotel, where the wedding reception
was taking place. Once the valet took the car, I gawked at the massive
building. My eyes widened as we stepped onto marble floors and the
twentieth-century architecture overruling the entire ballroom. I looked
around the room, my eyes landing on Jordan, who was now talking to the
hotel staff.
Jordan was in a dark grey three-piece suit and looked like he had stepped
out of a modelling catalogue. The tie and the pocket square tucked into his
suit were the same shade of pink as my outfit. I had to stop myself from
thinking too much about that small detail.
Surrounded by the beautiful architecture, he looked straight out of my
dreams. So tall, so handsome, so perfect. I continued to stare at him even as
he turned to look at me. I didn’t care. I was shameless enough to let my
eyes enjoy this.
“Like what you see?” He smirked
I scoffed. “Hardly.” Although, the truth was written all over my face.
That’s all right,” he drawled. With no distance between us, his finger ran
along my ear to tap my jhumka, making the earring bounce. “Because I
really like what I see.”
The raw hunger in those pools of honey was unmistakable as they
cruised down my body. My pulse clattered under my skin.
Dropping my gaze, I fixed my eyes on his chest, convinced that the look
in my eyes matched his. Though, a view of his attire only fuelled my wild
thoughts.
“Now, if you’re done ogling me, your mom has been trying to get your
attention.”
I fell out of my trance to look over at my mother. Her arms crossed as
she watched me. She whispered something to my dad, who looked like he
was barely paying attention. I gave her a tight smile as Jordan took my
hand, walking me over to them.
“When did you meet him?”
“How long after Karn?”
“Is he well-off?”
“Will you teach your children Punjabi?”
Those were just some of the questions that were flung at me when I
greeted my aunts. Overwhelmed and irritated, my hands were in tight fists
when Jordan wrapped his hand in mine and walked us to our table. When he
excused himself to head to the bar, my eyes followed his retreating figure
until I lost him in the crowd.
“Don’t tell me you’re too cool to dance now,” said a familiar voice from
behind me.
I turned in my chair, looking up to see a smiling Naveen. He looked
sharp with his black suit and perfectly styled hair.
“I didn’t think you were coming!” I exclaimed, shooting up from my
seat.
“You think my mom would have let me bail?” He laughed, pulling me in
for a hug.
Naveen and I have known each other since we were babies. Our dads
were best friends for years, so get-togethers included both our families. His
mom still held a candle in hopes that we would get married one day. He was
becoming a pediatrician, and I was a software engineer, so to them, we were
a match made in heaven, kismet, as she would say. It was always Nav and
Naz, even our names were meant to be. Unfortunately for them, the thought
of even kissing each other made our skin crawl. We have seen every
possible embarrassing and awful moment in each other's lives. There is no
going back from that.
I hadn’t seen him since he moved to Boston, and I missed him. Now that
I worked in New York and he was busy with residency, seeing each other
was close to impossible.
“It's been so long! It’s so good to see your irritating face,” I said, poking
my finger at his chest.
“Dance with me?” Naveen asked, holding out his hand.
I shot him a funny look, but he smiled and led us to the dance floor
where the bride and groom were lifted on chairs. As they were lowered, the
music switched to a soft melody. Suddenly, the couples around us began
joining in a slow dance.
I awkwardly stared at Naveen, who laughed and pulled me to him. He
placed my hands on his shoulders and his on my waist.
“I have so much to tell you,” I said, beaming up at him.
“Yeah? I’m glad you’re happy now. But I still have the urge to break
someone’s nose,” he said with a serious look.
“It’s a good thing you already did, then.” I laughed, remembering when
we were twenty, and Naveen had caught me crying over Karn. Naveen was
so angry he went to our apartment and drove his fist into his face one too
many times. Sadly, even a broken nose didn't deter him from continuing to
mess with my life.
“So, what’s new?” he asked as he lowered his head so I could hear him.
“What’s not new? I’m in a much better place since the last time you saw
me.”
“Good.” He pulled back to stare at my face, then his expression changed
into a wide grin when his eyes focused on something over my shoulder.
He bent down, his mouth stopping, right by my ear. “And what about the
guy at the bar who looks like he wants to kick my ass?” he asked, grinning
widely.
Confused, I looked behind me to find Jordan staring right at us, a drink
in his hand—not alcohol since he was driving—and his jaw set as he leaned
against the bar, watching us. He downed the rest of his glass, darkened eyes
didn’t waver as his Adam’s apple bobbed, sending a searing sensation to my
core. I turned away, letting out a breath I hadn’t known I was holding.
Naveen’s amused eyes followed me and I shrugged. When I didn’t say
anything, he laughed at me.
Ignoring the beam-like gaze that heated my back, I continued to dance
and told him everything about moving and my job, strategically leaving out
anything about Jordan. Which proved more difficult than I hoped since
almost every moment of my life in New York was shrouded in him.
Naveen told me about all the women he met during his residency and
how there was one he hated to admit he could not get out of his head.
“You? Hung up on a girl? I’ve missed so much. I need to meet this
supernatural woman,” I said, laughing at his plight.
“Ha ha, I am serious Naz. I knew her from pre-med, then we had a onetime thing, and when I asked her out—which I never do—she said no. She
said she wasn't looking for anything, then avoided me whenever she saw
me.”
He sounded like he was actually beaten up about this. His reaction
solidified my belief that no woman had ever turned him down. Apparently,
being in med school to become a physician for children was a guaranteed
panty dropper. He was a proud asshole, and this woman had hurt his ego.
“So, you’re mad she used your move on you? That is quite hypocritical
of you, doctor. Maybe it was your performance that was subpar.” I snorted
with laughter.
His eyes widened as if I had tipped his world on its axis. “Holy shit! I
hadn’t thought of that,” he said, looking like a tornado had developed
behind his eyes.
“I was joking, Nav.”
“No, you’re right. If that is the case, I have to redeem myself. I mean,
not to inflate my ego, but I have never gotten a bad review,” he said,
holding a proud look, and forcing one of disgust on mine.
“You’re not a hotel, you freak,” I said, smacking his chest.
Our laughter halted when a large hand came to rest on Naveen’s
shoulder.
“Do you mind?” said Jordan, his voice anything but polite. Naveen
looked over his shoulder, fighting a grin. When his eyes came back to mine,
he winked.
“And if I do?” he poked. Jordan did not like that. His jaw flexed, and his
eyes zeroed in on an amused Naveen. A laugh escaped Naveen, only further
disgruntling Jordan. “I'm just playing, man. She's all yours,” he said,
landing a kiss on my cheek before turning around. I narrowed my eyes at
him, knowing he did that purely to piss Jordan off.
Naveen was immediately swept away by a woman eager to dance with
him. Maybe she could help him forget the disappearing act he hadn’t gotten
over. I smiled to myself at his obvious feelings for the woman who turned
him down. He was so smart but so stupid. Maybe Naveen, the player,
finally found his match.
“You’re awfully happy today,” said Jordan, cutting my attention back to
him as I felt the warm weight of his hand slip low on my waist. “I thought
you hated family events.”
Ignoring the feeling of his warm hands caressing the bare skin of my
waist, I snaked my hands to his shoulder and hooked them around his neck.
“Am I? I hadn't noticed.”
I could practically feel the jealousy thrumming off him and couldn't help
but laugh. He studied my humoured face, then swiftly pulled me flush
against him, ending my light laughter. My hips pressed into his, queuing my
inconsistent breaths.
“Yes, you are, and I don't like that I’m not the one responsible for it,” he
said, his mouth right next to my ear.
I swallowed hard at his admission. Little did he know, he was
responsible for every emotion in my body. Any word or action from him
pulled out feelings I thought had rotted years ago.
After seeing the look on my face, he chuckled, shaking his head.
“What?” I asked, annoyed at his laughter that was clearly aimed at me.
“You’re cute when you’re flustered.”
Cute? Jordan Evans just told me he wanted to be responsible for my
smile and then called me cute. I hoped one of my uncles didn't slip him
some desi alcohol.
“Me? Flustered? Keep dreaming, Evans.”
“Trust me, I do,” he said casually.
I clamped my mouth, no longer trusting my voice and his sudden candor.
His hands dipped lower, pulling me close, our bodies moving with the
music.
“You think I’m cute?” I asked, hoping to throw him off with the
question.
He watched me with a look that made my chest heave. “I think you’re a
whole lot more than just cute.”
Someone needed to have an ambulance on speed dial because there was
no way the rhythm of my heart was healthy. I tried to recover by
nonchalantly rolling my eyes at him and ignoring that statement altogether.
Although, I was sure I would obsess over those words later.
“Who is he?” he finally asked, and I couldn’t help my smile.
“Who?” I asked, acting oblivious.
A blank stare.
I smothered my laughter. “Naveen,” I said, still wanting to toy with the
emotions he hid so well. Besides, he still hasn’t told me about his exfiancée, so my childhood friend was the least of his worries. He gave me an
impassive stare, and I looked up at him with a blank expression.
“Who is he to you?” he asked, carefully enunciating each word,
showcasing his disintegrating patience.
“Why?” Judging by his blackened eyes and the grip on my waist
tightening, that was the wrong thing to say.
“Answer the question, Sarvenaz.”
“Might want to reel it in, Evans. Or I'm going to think you’re jealous,” I
said, and he gave me a deadpan look. “Relax. He’s a family friend. I’ve
known him since we were kids. He’s like a brother to me,” I explained,
hopefully easing the thoughts I could see churning in his head.
The tension rolled off his shoulders. His arms pressed me firmly against
him, his chin lightly grazing the top of my head. We were in a full-on
embrace, and I knew my nosy family was watching us.
“If we keep dancing like this, my family will expect us to get married
next,” I joked.
Instead of letting me wiggle out of his tight grip, he brought my head to
rest on his chest. I could hear the calming thrum of his heart.
“Would that be so bad?” he whispered into my hair. So quietly, I didn’t
think he meant to say it out loud.
My throat constricted, and I became rigid under his hold. His thumb
caressed my waist as if soothing away the tension in my body. Feeling light
in his arms, I knew there were worse places I could be, and Jordan’s arms
were not one of them.
“You two are so sweet. If I didn't know better, I’d think you were the
bride and groom!” said a voice from behind us. I stepped away from Jordan
and let out an awkward laugh. Is that why he was being extra touchy?
I greeted my Bhua, my dad’s younger sister. She was the only member
of my family that I always got along with. With a not-so-discreet wink, she
walked off the dance floor, and I let out a groan when Jordan laughed
beside me.
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
A
knock on my apartment door woke me from my deep slumber.
We had gotten home at three in the morning, and Jordan had to
carry me to my apartment. My cousin, Dhiya, had snuck over one too many
drinks when she heard my aunts talking about Karn. I wasn’t sure if Jordan
heard any part of that conversation, but if he did, he hadn’t said anything.
As soon as he dropped me off at my door, he mumbled something about not
coming inside and took off. I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
Unfortunately, that pillow happened to be on my couch. I could feel the
aches in my neck and tried to remember why I had slept in the living room
after getting ready for bed.
Walking toward the door, I unlocked it to find a perfectly dressed Jordan
holding coffee and a box from the bakery by our building.
He walked past me, and I followed behind him, trying to pull down the
oversized t-shirt I wore to bed. Every time he has seen me here, I’ve been in
the most questionable clothing.
Jordan wordlessly headed to my kitchen, then, after a few minutes, he
emerged with a croissant sandwich and my coffee.
“Eat,” he ordered, setting down my plate, eyes taking in my appearance.
Mimicking a salute, I sat at the table. “What did I do to deserve this?” I
asked, taking a bite out of the croissant, sliced in half with cheese, avocado,
and tomato. Still warm, it melted right into my mouth, making me moan in
appreciation.
I looked at Jordan, who stared at my mouth as if in a trance. When I
waved my hand in front of his face, he blinked.
Clearing his throat, he focused on me again. “Your mom had me promise
to bring you to the family brunch today.”
I groaned in response. “I told her I was busy. Please tell me you didn’t
agree.” I pouted.
He bit back what I thought was a smile. “Since the wedding technically
isn't over, I am still responsible for you. So yes, we’re going. Get dressed,”
he commanded, and I narrowed my eyes.
Realizing I was pigging out, I offered him the last bit of my sandwich.
He shook his head, and I shrugged, popping it in my mouth and
dramatically stomping off to my room.
“Why do you even care to impress my parents? Not like you’re going to
see them again,” I blurted from inside my closet. A small drop of remorse
coloured my chest at the thought of Jordan not being with me for family
functions.
He didn't answer.
I showered and dressed in record time, knowing Jordan was right outside
my door. I pulled on black jeans and a blue strapless top, that just happened
to match the blue of Jordan’s tie. I took my time doing my makeup and
clipped my hair half-up. Then slid on simple black heels, it felt nice to wear
them and not feel like the Green Giant for once. Not that I ever let it stop
me.
When I walked out of my room, Jordan was leaning on the back of the
couch, twirling a small object between his fingers. He looked up through
his lashes, doing a double-take as soon as he saw me.
I awkwardly rummaged through my purse, pretending to check for
something. With the slow footsteps approaching, my chest rapidly began to
rise and fall. Jordan stopped an inch away, pointed shoes touching mine.
His finger came up to twirl the strand of hair that framed my face. The
touch grazed my cheek with a light motion that forced my eyes to flutter
shut and my hand to drop my purse. Startled, I bent to pick it up, only for
Jordan to stop me.
Instead, he lowered himself to the floor, taking his sweet time as he
kneeled in front of me. My breaths came short and uneven as I watched him
at my feet. Jordan’s eyes never left mine as he slowly stood, the fabric of
his pants brushing against mine as he straightened, and every part of me
burned with need.
He tossed my purse on the dining table. “No dress today?” His voice
was so raw it sounded like he hadn’t spoken for ages.
My eyes dropped to my outfit at his words, surprised he’d noticed I
almost always wore dresses around him.
“Thought I’d go for a more casual look,” I shrugged. “Why? You don’t
like it?” I asked, pathetically making a move to rethink my entire outfit.
Before I could, Jordan’s hands came to my arms, holding me in place.
Those intense eyes bore into mine as he studied my features. He looked
at me like he couldn’t fathom that I had asked that. “I like you in
everything.”
Oh.
I found it hard to breathe again, and I didn’t think there would be a better
time to kiss him than right now, but my body was caked in cement and
unwilling to budge. His hands slid down my arms, encasing my wrists in his
grip. When he brought them to his chest, I felt the steady beat of his heart.
Safe. That’s how he made me feel.
A warm hand cupped my cheek, and I leaned into his touch, causing a
hungry look to appear in his eyes. Tilting my head toward him, he brushed
his lips against mine.
“What are you doing to me?” he whispered, so quietly against my mouth
that I wondered if I heard him correctly.
Three beats of silence passed between us.
Then his lips sealed over mine in a plunging kiss, knocking any coherent
thoughts right out of my head. I kissed him back without hesitation, my
hands wandering up his torso and around his neck. He groaned into my
mouth, my thighs involuntarily squeezing together. The kisses turned
hungry and selfish, full of abandoned control and pure desire. Hands
travelled down my body to hold me at my waist, fingers slipped underneath
my top. My own hands sifted through his short curly hair, pulling him
closer to deepen the kiss.
As if on cue, his phone rang. I tried to pull away, but he stopped me.
“Ignore it,” he growled, kissing me even harder.
Still focused on the ringing, I didn't kiss him back until he lightly nipped
my lip, drawing my attention back to him. His tongue danced with mine,
caressing the inside of my mouth feverishly. The ringing of his phone
became faint background noise.
He walked us backward until we were in my room. The back of my
knees hit the mattress and I collapsed onto it, our lips never losing
connection. Jordan’s hands roamed my body, and the pressure of his weight
shot a pulsating desire through me. His knee nudged the needy spot
between my legs, and I whimpered.
Those large hands roughly pulled down my top, letting the cool air kiss
my skin.
“Jesus,” he groaned when he saw I had to go braless with this
strapless shirt. His tongue lightly circled my puckered nipple, then sucked it
into his mouth, and all I could do was dig my nails into his shoulders.
I moaned, and it seemed to throw him off balance because he froze.
Until his gaze liquified, and he kissed me again. Biting, touching, and
squeezing every part of my exposed skin like he couldn't decide what to
focus on.
“So damn soft,” he said in a deep guttural voice as his thumb pressed
over the reddened area on my breasts, then his mouth covered them. When I
gasped, I could feel him smiling against my flesh. Jordan’s fingers went to
my jeans and barely touched the buttons when—with impeccable timing
from the universe—my phone rang. Our foreheads stayed against each other
as we caught our ragged breaths. I pulled my phone out of the pocket of my
jeans, seeing Mom flash on the screen.
“Finally, you answered. You had me worried. Are you two almost here?
I assumed Jordan was driving since he didn't pick up my call,” she said as
soon as I answered, causing a guilty look on Jordan’s face. She probably
forced him to give her his number, and I couldn’t help but laugh at that. I
kissed his jaw, trying to relieve his guilt.
“Yes Mama, we are almost there. See you in a few,” I said quickly,
hanging up before she could ask what street we were on.
“I guess we should go,” I said. Nothing like a call from your mom to kill
your libido.
He reluctantly nodded, helping me fix my top and pulling me off the
bed.
The entire ride, his hand rested on my thigh, forcing me to act like I
wasn’t freaking out. When the valet took his car, we spotted my mom at the
entrance, a look of displeasure on her face.
“You’re late,” she rebuked, with a stern look and an impatient tap of her
foot.
“It’s my fault.” Jordan cut in. “I got…distracted.”
My mom narrowed her eyes, looking between us, then finally resting
them on Jordan. “You look handsome, dear. I’ll excuse your tardiness
because you got her to come.” She smiled and then patted Jordan’s arm.
I stared in disbelief. She had never let me off the hook that easy, but one
word from Jordan, and suddenly she was a priest in a confessional.
Inside, we greeted my family. Most of them were missing, only Jas
coming from her side and a few of my aunts. My mom introduced Jordan as
my boyfriend at least a dozen times to people I didn't even know. When we
got to my Daadi, she spoke in Punjabi and went as far as calling him my
fiancé.
Jordan greeted her, then looked over to me to translate, but I waved him
off. My grandmother was traditional, so telling her he was a boyfriend was
out of the question. Not to mention he wasn’t Indian, which was already
strike one.
She beckoned me over, and I gave my mom a nervous look before
heeding her order. I peeked over at Jordan, who was in a circle of my
uncles, looking like he was charming their pants off. I envied his
charismatic energy.
“Sit.” My grandmother gestured to the chair beside her.
“I missed you, Daadi. You never come visit anymore.”
She brought her arm around me, smoothing down my hair. “If you ever
asked me to come, I would have.” She chided, in Punjabi. “But it looks like
you’ve been busy.” She shot me a pointed look, and I tried my best not to
look guilty. “You know, your Baba was as tall as him at our wedding.”
“He was that tall at eighteen?”
They had been in an arranged marriage since they were teenagers and
together for almost sixty years before he passed. They’d spent more of their
lives together than apart.
She nodded, a glint in her eyes as she renewed the memories of him in
her mind.
“You couldn’t find a Punjabi boy?” she half-heartedly scolded, and I
shot her a tentative smile. I knew this was coming, and I wasn’t sure how
she would take it. Instead of shackling me away, she tugged me to her in a
tight embrace.
“It’s okay. He’s handsome, and I'm sure he takes care of all your needs.”
Her teasing smile almost had me falling on my ass. Never in my twentyfour years of life had she been so...open. I let out a weak laugh, and she
grinned at my reddening face. “Now go! The poor boy is probably bored to
death over there. Oh, and teach him some Punjabi. I would like to talk to
him one-on-one.”
As I watched him with my family, I couldn’t ignore the terrible feeling
that raged in my gut. I was happy that he was playing this part so
effortlessly, but the lie was getting pulled out of proportion. My
grandmother approving of him was insanity, and I was sure I slipped into an
alternate timeline.
I stewed in my thoughts for the rest of the brunch. When it was time to
leave, my dad stopped us and asked to speak to Jordan. We were so close.
My parents would leave for New York tonight, and our stupid charade
would soon be over. I panicked, and upon seeing my face, Jordan squeezed
my hand.
“It’s fine.” He pushed on my shoulders to sit me back down. Seeing my
worried expression, his hand went to my leg and soothed my anxious
movements. “I’ll be back in a minute.”
As time trickled on, my anxiety shot through the roof. I looked toward
the door, willing them to walk through.
“He’s fine. Quit worrying,” said Dhiya.
After the train wreck they witnessed the past few years, Jordan was
technically the first to meet my parents, and he wasn't even my actual
boyfriend. The guilt bubbled with the acid in my stomach, feeling worse
that Jordan would have to lie to my dad.
“So, tell me everything! I haven't been able to talk to you this entire
time. Where did you find him?” she pressed, excitedly.
“Where haven’t I found him? I first met him in my building. He lives in
the apartment above mine.” Dhiya’s eyes widened, waiting for me to
continue. “Then we happened to work at the same place, and well, here we
are,” I said, trying to conceal any other information.
Dhiya was trustworthy, but I couldn't afford to complicate the lie. It
would break my parents’ hearts, especially since I’ve kept it up for days.
“I think your mom is ready to plan a Roka,” she laughed, pointing to my
suspiciously happy mother.
The thought terrified me. The pre-engagement ceremony quite literally
meant ‘stop’. It would show potential suitors that I had found my husband.
It was so traditional, it made my hands sweaty.
I groaned, shaking my head at the thought of my mother planning our
wedding in her head already.
“Aunty is just happy to see you with someone nice after everything.” A
sympathetic look came across Dhiya’s face. “I’m sorry I wasn't there for
you. I found out months after I moved to Ontario, and I wished I could have
come back, but with work—”
“It’s okay Dhiya, really. That’s all in the past, and I’m happy now.” I
didn’t know how much of it was true, but I didn’t want her to hold any guilt
about my situation.
“Ready?” Jordan’s warm hand on my arm was an instant flood of relief.
We hugged everyone goodbye, and when I turned to Jordan, the new
smile on his face made me nervous. Then, with his hand on my lower back,
he led me out of the room. I couldn't help but feel disappointed that this
would be over, and I’d have no excuse to be this close to Jordan again. We
walked through the empty hallway, and just before we reached the exit
Jordan tugged me to him. I could squeal with the excitement that twisted
my heart.
“I can’t wait another minute,” he said in a voice full of desire as he took
me in an all-consuming kiss.
This kiss was different from this morning. This kiss felt like he was
mapping every part of my mouth and committing it to memory. It wasn’t
rushed, as if he didn’t want this to end either. We both knew when we
walked out those doors the bubble would burst. The only thing that would
remain would be a sticky residue.
He pulled back, and no words passed between us as we gazed into each
other's eyes. His expression was thoughtful, and I wished I could pick his
brain to see inside. Dropping another kiss to my lips, he pressed me to his
chest, as if restraining himself from going further.
I smiled, feeling safe in his hold like I belonged right there. He kissed
the top of my head and then moved down to my cheek until he met my
neck.
My parents were steps away, but for some reason, that didn’t scare me
enough to get him to stop. I was enjoying this way too much, but nothing
like an intrusive thought to nab you from the moment.
I desperately wanted to throw caution to the wind, and continue our
breathless kisses. To feel that spark that I had been yearning for, but as
much as I didn’t want to break this, I couldn't help but think of one thing.
“What did my dad say to you?”
Jordan’s chest reverberated with a soft chuckle, and he pulled away, his
hands framing my face. He regarded me for a long second. “Can we not talk
about your dad when I’m thinking about all the things I want to do to you
right now?”
That was enough to make me forget the question. Was it important?
At this point, I would permanently glow red from how much I blushed
around him. But when I stood there, seeing him smiling down at me, the
thoughts trickled back. They stuck to my tongue like a leech, waiting to be
ripped off. I couldn't stop thinking about how this wasn't real.
Jordan pulled me into another kiss, but my mind was elsewhere. He
seemed to notice and levelled his gaze with mine. “What’s wrong?” he
asked.
As much as my heart and body needed Jordan, he was only comfortable
doing this under a pretense. I had to let him know that I didn’t enjoy making
him lie for me.
“I wanted to apologize for making you lie.” His eyes were on me,
features still hazed as his hands moved along my arms. “I don’t know what
my dad said to you, but I know you had to lie to put him at ease with us. I
didn’t want to put you in this position, but I want you to know you won’t
have to pretend anymore. Once they are back home, I’ll tell them the truth,
and we can be free of this burden.” His hands seized their movements.
My words were a bucket of cold water. I guessed moms weren’t the only
assassins for libidos. The truth was too. I regarded his hardened face, a
bitter look dimming previously soft features. Those once ablaze eyes
shadowed, and his jaw clenched.
“Is that what you want?”
His question wasn’t what I expected. “Yes,” I replied. It’s what we both
wanted, wasn’t it?
He moved away from me as if I had burned him. A look of hurt flickered
past his features before an aloof expression replaced it. I took an
unconscious step toward him, but he stepped back, ripping my heart in two.
With a curt nod and a hand that gestured toward the exit, he patiently
waited. I stared back at him, trying to find a sign of something, anything,
that would override the heavy thoughts in my head. However, his cold
expression made it impossible to tell what he was thinking. When he didn’t
meet my eyes, I walked out with him following behind.
The valet stood at the sight of Jordan and used his radio to bring the car
around.
We awkwardly stood side by side while he pretended I ceased to exist.
Just as I mustered the courage to say something, his car pulled into the curb.
Jordan waved the valet away and opened my door, not saying a word as I
brushed past him to sit inside.
The car ride was painfully silent, but thankfully it was a mere ten
minutes. I hadn't even noticed I was bouncing my leg until I felt his hot
gaze on me, forcing me to seize my movements. Just as we approached our
building, a text message popped up on the screen in his car, and my heart
lurched. Jordan's head turned toward mine, but I snapped my eyes away to
look out the window.
Once we got to the apartment, he stopped right in front of the building. I
gave him a strange look. We should have been going into the parking
garage.
“I have some things to do,” he said, not even looking my way. His voice
was cold, reminding me of the first time I met him. I didn't miss his tight
hold on the steering wheel, his knuckles paling.
Jordan’s words fuelled the anger bubbling in my chest. He might as well
have told me to get out. Oh, how badly I wanted to throw my shoe at him. I
grabbed my purse from my feet and used every shred of control to stop
myself from swinging it at his thick head. I stepped out of the car and held
back from slamming the door before walking into the building without
turning back.
“Do we have a winner?” asked Chris, the security guard.
Seeing him brought a smile to my face, but it slipped once I realized
what he was referring to. Jordan had waited for me to get inside before
driving off, and Chris assumed it was one of my dates. I couldn’t ignore the
small bubble of hope that floated in my chest before the reminder of the text
message imploded it.
“I don’t think so, Chris,” I said, and he snapped his fingers in defeat.
I walked up to my apartment with a daze of questions swirling in my
head. Why do I care if he was going to see his ex-fiancée? It shouldn't
bother me at all. Our stupid game is over now, and he owes me nothing. I
don’t care that he kisses me like he could spend the rest of his life doing it,
then acts like he can't stand being near me. He’s a rude a—
“Naz? Who are you talking to?” asked Linh, making me freeze at the
front door. I shook my head, still fuming as I walked past her into my room.
“What happened?”
“Nothing, I’m great!” I replied, now in the bathroom, aggressively
ripping off the cap of my makeup remover to pour it onto a face towel. A
worried Linh stood at the bathroom door, carefully watching me.
“You know what pisses me off? When people act like they care about
you, then when you get comfortable, they leave you questioning
everything!” I vigorously wiped the makeup off my face. Linh's brows
raised, her eyes widening at my outburst.
“All right, I think we’re missing a few parts of this story. What happened
between you and Jordan?”
“I was talking about people in general. People who give me whiplash
with how their actions don't match their words.” I continued washing my
face, patting it dry. Linh watched me through the bathroom mirror with an
unamused look, crossing her arms over her chest. I let out an exasperated
breath. “He went to his ex-fiancée. The fiancée he hasn’t said anything
about.” All the anger dissipated and was replaced with hurt.
“Did he tell you why he was seeing her?”
“That’s the thing. He didn’t tell me anything. I told him we could stop
faking the boyfriend thing, and then I saw her message before he dropped
me off. I don't even know why I care. It’s not like we’re together. He's not
obligated to tell me about his personal life, right?” I looked over at Linh,
hoping she would tell me he’s an idiot and that I was always right.
“I guess not, but you both care about each other. I’d even say you were
becoming friends?” I gave her a look. “Fine you were becoming close. If
you share things with him, it’s because you trust him, not because he owes
you his life story.”
She was right. He didn’t force me to tell him. I felt comfortable enough
to share it with him, but that didn’t mean he had to have the same
vulnerability with me. “To be fair, it’s probably a sensitive subject. Maybe
he wants to clear up everything in his life before he tells you about her,” she
reasoned, trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.
“But I told him about Karn. Not everything, but he still knows why I
moved here. Exactly what I didn’t want is happening. I’m falling for
someone before knowing who they really are.” I let out an exasperated sigh.
We were having fun and got caught up in the spur of the moment.
“You two are the most stubborn people I have ever met!” She shook her
head. “I don’t understand why you don’t just say what you’re thinking. One
minute he pushes you away, and the next you’re going on about how
everything between you is a mistake. One of you needs to get your head out
of your ass and finally use your words! Do you think there’s going to be a
code for love? That’s not how it works, Naz!” she yelled, rubbing her
temples.
“I just think if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen. It shouldn’t be this much
work.”
With Karn, it started easy, and when the lying began, the relationship
started crumbling. If Jordan and I were starting with a poor foundation, I
didn’t want to see it through.
Linh shook her head at me. “Hopeless,” she said with an exasperated
breath before storming out of my bathroom.
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
“H
ave you seen the rainstorm? I hope my flight doesn’t get
cancelled,” said Linh as she peered out the window. The wind had
picked up, and angry grey clouds loomed over Manhattan. “I’m all packed.
Ready?” She wheeled her suitcase to the front door.
Linh’s flight back home was in less than three hours, and I had offered to
drive her to the airport. She was lucky she was my best friend, or driving
into the pits of hell was not something I would willingly do.
My flight was scheduled to leave in two days so I could attend her
graduation. I finally felt better about going back home, now that I had
something to look forward to. My relationship with my parents had
improved, but I still hadn’t been able to tell them the truth about Jordan.
They liked him so much, that it helped us get close again. My mother
stopped giving me grief about moving to New York and instead asked me
about my app. When I told her Jordan was the one who helped me with the
deal, she was ecstatic.
They had even kept the Jordan talk to a minimum, mostly wanting to
know about my life as they tried to give me some space. However, their
idea of space was a lot different than mine. Instead of calling three times a
day as they would have, they called me twice a day. Although, I couldn't
bring myself to be annoyed because it felt like we were making up for the
lost time. I liked having my family back, and I wasn’t going to ruin it by
telling them I lied about Jordan. We technically broke up, if that’s what we
were calling it, and I only had a few days to figure out how I would break it
to them. I was pretty sure my dad would be more devastated than I was.
“Ready. The guy I contacted for the raspberry pi got back to me. He said
I can pick it up tonight.”
“Why are you getting a pie from a random man off the internet?” She
looked at me like I was crazy.
“P-I. Like the small computer used for programming.”
“Right, for the mirror. You’re still making that for him?”
After her outburst about Jordan and me acting like children, Linh
ignored me for all of five seconds, then decided she didn’t want to hear
anything else unless it was to tell her how his pecs felt.
“He helped me with my app contract, and I already started it. Phil will
deliver it to his apartment,” I explained.
I had started the perfect artificial intelligence mirror for him. It would be
a replica of The Mirror for tracking workouts, with daily things like weather
forecasts and a Google assistant built into it. Once I got the raspberry pi and
programmed it, it would be complete. Throwing away all the work I had
done would be foolish, and we would be even this way.
She hummed in response, giving me a skeptical look.
“Okay, as much as I would love it if you missed your flight, you have a
graduation to prepare for!” I said as I grabbed my keys, and we rushed out
of the apartment.
The heavy rainstorm pounded at my weak umbrella as the strong wind tried
hard to knock it away. With numb hands, I failed to get a good grip on the
handle.
My poor car had taken its last breath an hour ago, and I was left walking
back to the main roads. After I dropped Linh off at the airport, I went
straight to downtown Brooklyn. The man who sold me the raspberry pi met
me at a random street corner that was well out of any ride-share radius. My
only option was to leave my car parked in some alley and find a green area
on the map to order a ride home.
My jeans were soaked, my skin itching from how they clung to my legs,
and my damp black sweater was zipped up to my chin, not providing any
warmth. Completely drenched, I could even hear my feet sloshing around in
my shoes.
I looked up at the sky, a hopeless dread washing over me.
“Okay universe, I learned my lesson! This isn’t funny anymore,” I
muttered under my breath.
A ripple of thunder and a crack of lightning followed my words. I
jumped, screaming louder than a woman my age should be at lightning. The
wind picked up, and in a violent heist, it snatched my umbrella, ripping it
right out of my grip, and forcing me to watch it dance away with the wind
as if it were mocking me. It was the umbrella Jordan gave me, and I felt a
painful tug at my heartstrings for losing it.
Refreshing the app every second, I was met with blank results showing
the entire area as a blackout zone. Deciding to call someone for a ride, I
searched my contacts. Linh was in a metal tube in the sky, Nadir was out of
town for a job, and James lived on the opposite end. The pitiful tear that
slipped down my cheek drowned with the rain that wet my face. I mustered
up my will and trudged over to the nearest subway entrance. After changing
three different trains and creating puddles wherever I stood, I finally headed
to the correct neighbourhood.
Once I exited the Subway and was sure I had developed hypothermia, I
slipped into the only available Uber. The driver blasted the heat for me,
noticing my soaked state and chattering teeth.
When I stepped into my warm apartment, I slumped against the door and
sobbed on the hardwood floor. I was exhausted, emotionally and physically.
My best friend wasn’t here, and everything I tried to forget hit me harder
than the subway doors at my last stop.
The weird interaction with Jordan replayed in my head. I hadn’t seen
him since the day of the brunch, and being alone was not helping with my
isolated mind. Absurd thoughts roiled my head and told me to make stupid
decisions. The self-pity was bothersome, but my thoughts were loud and
clear.
I missed him.
As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I knew I made a mistake with how
I left things. At the moment, it seemed necessary to tell him the charade
was over, but all it did was make me feel like the trash lined up on the
curbs. I sobbed with my head on my knees, wishing I didn’t have all the
baggage that latched onto me after Karn. His emails and texts were getting
more frequent, and they messed with my head. I felt the absence of Linh in
the apartment sit heavily on my chest. If she were here, she would force me
to snap out of this.
Whether it was driven by a moment of weakness or bravery, I couldn’t
be sure.
I pulled out my wet phone and dialled Jordan’s number. My heart
pounded, a small part of me hoping he wouldn’t pick up so I could cower
away from my impulsive decision. It rang for a while, and as a mix of relief
and disappointment settled between the unanswered bouts of rings, he
picked up.
“Hello?” His voice was thick with sleep. How that alone could make me
go from sobbing on the floor to feeling a pulse between my legs was an
enigma. It made me forget everything. I couldn't even remember why I
called.
“Hey, it’s Naz,” I finally spoke, my voice breaking. With the tears still
staining my cheeks and my position on the floor, I was reminded of why I
had this moment of weakness. Except now, my heart thrashed so heavily it
would surely bruise my ribcage.
“Where are you?” he asked, alarm in his voice, sounding wide awake
now. I heard shuffling and then the sound of keys jingling through the
phone.
“I’m sorry I called so late. I didn’t want to wake you, but Linh’s not here
and—”
“Sarvenaz, tell me where you are,” he urged.
He thought I was in trouble. Of course, he did. I was calling him crying
in the middle of the night.
“I'm fine, I-I’m okay. I just got home,” I stuttered, and he released a
rough breath. Beginning to second-guess myself, I decided this was a
terrible idea. “I was thinking—I wanted to—” I paused, mortified. The need
to hang up overwhelmed me. “Never mind. I shouldn’t have called. Uh,
have a good night!” I quickly rushed out and hung up on him.
On the bright side, I no longer felt like a loner.
I felt like an idiot.
Entering my room, I wiped my tears and tossed my phone on my bed to
escape the reminder of my stupidity. Grabbing a towel and dry clothes, I
slipped under the hot shower and fought back the lingering shivers from the
cold rain. Once I stepped out, I dried myself off and was in the middle of
changing into my slip nightgown when there was a loud knock at my door.
I ran over to my phone in case I needed to have the front desk on speed
dial. There were three missed calls from ten minutes ago and a new text
message telling me to open the door.
All from Jordan.
My stomach dipped, and I debated whether to hide under my covers or
face him. Feeling brave once again, I finished changing and composed
myself before casually opening the door to an intense Jordan. He wore a
navy Columbia hoodie and dark sweatpants, his hair flattened under the
hood, a few curly pieces peeking out. He looked exhausted, and I felt bad
knowing I woke him with my crying.
“Naz,” he said in a gentle voice. A voice that would have completely
shattered any resistance I had toward him, but the reminder of the
embarrassing call was enough to keep me rooted to my spot.
“Hey, what’s up?” I said, sounding way too casual for someone with a
red nose and blotchy face. I set one hand on the doorframe in an attempt to
appear unbothered. He saw right through my act, and I knew it from how
his eyes stayed on mine with a deadpan look.
“You hung up,” he informed me as if I hadn’t been the one to press end
call.
“I said good night,” I reasoned, but we both knew I wasn’t convincing
anyone with that argument. From the look on his face, I wouldn’t be
bringing home an Oscar either.
With a resigned sigh, I moved, allowing him to enter. The atmosphere
was so tense, that I stared into the hall, contemplating locking him inside
and running off. I could tell Jordan felt it too because he looked at me like a
fist was wrapped around his lungs. With the heat of a spotlight on me, I
went into the kitchen and grabbed the kettle I had plugged in. I put my
lemon-flavoured tea bags with a drizzle of honey into the mugs and poured
in hot water. Just then, Jordan came to stand in the kitchen to watch me. It
felt like a repeat of when I was in his kitchen. To offset some of the tension,
I handed him his mug.
Neither of us said a word as we stared at each other. Eyes
communicating, mouths closed. I didn’t know what to say or where we even
stood at this point.
Overwhelmed, I walked past him into the dark living room, where the
city lights shined through the windows. Looking down at the traffic below, I
tried to clear my thoughts.
“Where were you?” His question sliced through the biting silence.
“Brooklyn. My car broke down, and there were no Ubers available at the
time.”
“So you walked home in the middle of a rain storm?” A bout of thunder
punctuated his sharp words with perfect timing. I glared at the sky.
“None of my friends were available.”
“I would have come.”
I let out a snort. “We’re not friends, Jordan. You’ve made that pretty
clear.”
“Still. You should have called me.”
“And said what? We’re not friends, but please drive across town to pick
me up?”
“Yes.”
I scoffed because he was being ridiculous. His presence was bothersome,
and I wanted to know why he was here. It couldn’t be the first time a girl
cried on the phone to him, especially with his charming ways.
“I’m sorry.”
My heart managed to shrivel to the size of a raisin.
“You don’t have to say sorry to me,” I said, without turning, because I
was a coward. Instead, I focused on the moon peeking through the clouds as
the rainstorm began to clear.
“Look at me.” His voice was rough, yet pleading. I hesitantly turned to
see him standing a few steps away as he observed me carefully. Like if he
blinked, I’d vanish into thin air. “I should have cleared everything up
earlier, but I thought I was dragging you into something you didn’t want,”
he admitted, and I held tightly onto my mug. He put his on the dining table
and took slow, cautious steps toward me.
“That day in my office when I took my irritation out on you, it was
supposed to be my wedding day. My friend Marcus was calling to confirm I
cancelled everything. Then the message you saw from Stephanie was
because the lawyer needed both our signatures to sell our apartment. The
one we were supposed to share after the wedding.”
I felt kind of stupid for thinking it was anything else. I knew she was an
ex-fiancée, and Janelle had never mentioned anything about them getting
back together.
“I was angry that you were trying your hardest to drive me away and
tried to give me an out. I don’t want an out, Naz. I should have never let
you leave the car without telling you that.”
The tightness in my chest started to dissipate. I opened my mouth to
brush it off.
“Don’t say I didn’t have to,” he warned, and I clamped my mouth shut.
“I know my mom told you, and you never brought it up because I should
have.”
"You're not obligated to share anything with me." The words trembled
off my lips.
"What if I want to?"
The why stuck to my tongue like taffy, and when I didn't voice the
question that hung between us, he released a weighted breath.
Gathering whatever thoughts scrambled in his head, he continued. “My
relationship with Stephanie was a routine. We both knew the love wasn’t
there, but it seemed futile to end it after so long. Until she fell in love with
someone who didn’t spend their entire day at work. Someone who could
love her, who could fight for her. Someone who wasn’t me.”
His fiancé left him for someone else? I was barely processing all the
information.
“After my dad passed, I knew I would never get that missing piece back,
but I thought Stephanie numbed that part of me because she was there
before and after it happened. I was wrong. I thought I could never be with
someone new after knowing the pain that comes with loss, but then...then I
met you.”
He watched for my reaction, but I didn’t know what to say. Words failed
me.
“I spend my nights and days wrapped in the thought of you, Naz. I was
so damn close to surrendering at your feet during the reception. I promised
myself I wouldn’t do it then because I knew you were trying to avoid
me”—so he did notice—“but I couldn’t help myself the next morning. I
spent the night barely keeping myself from going back to your apartment. It
had to be the longest night of my life.” His words were smothered in raw
emotion.
“You think I don’t like you because I don’t want to be your friend?” He
exhaled a bitter laugh. “That’s the last thing on my fucking mind when I’m
with you. I want to be more than that to you. And I don’t want to see you
dressing up to go out with someone who isn’t me." His throat bobbed. "Do
you understand that?”
I couldn’t think, and I sure as hell couldn’t give him a good answer to
his confession. What did this even mean for us? I was the one who had
avoided him and called what we did a mistake and a burden.
“Say something. Please,” he urged.
There it was again, that one word. The sting behind my eyes was
painful. Jordan didn’t want an out, and by giving him one he thought I
didn’t want him. Everything he did was because he liked me, because he
wanted me.
“I do. I-I understand.”
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
T
he blue hue of moonlight streamed through the window and lit up the
hardwood floors. The only sound I could hear was my erratic pulse,
pumping at the base of my throat.
“Come here, Naz.”
The rasped order almost made me fall to my knees. My hands shook
from the simple words.
“Jordan…” I croaked, my throat dry.
Noticing my hesitation, he took a slow step toward me. Shaking like a
leaf, I waited for him. With each agonizing step, his face became
illuminated by moonlight, sending my turbulent pulse flying. His sharp
features outlined by the bright light cast on his dark caramel skin caused
something to ache inside me. When he was close enough that I could smell
his clean scent, Jordan’s hands came up to cup my face, and he leaned in.
Intent and focused on my lips, he eliminated the space between us.
A flurry of debris erupted from the volcano in my chest.
This kiss was desperate and passionate and gentle. It was everything I
needed and more. Like a missing puzzle piece that had come to light. A kiss
so beautiful it would be painful to forget. I could feel this memory burning
into my brain, the pure euphoria of the moment engulfing all my senses.
His fingers sunk into my hair and angled my head as he continued the
mind-numbing kiss. I placed my hand on his stomach, moving to his chest,
then around his neck until my fingers were in his hair. He let out a low
growl at my touch and pulled me impossibly closer, kissing me hard and
allowing me to return the passion. He pulled back, letting us break apart to
breathe, forehead pressed against mine.
“I need you. So fucking bad,” he whispered against my lips.
Those words had set my heart ablaze, and I burned with desire. Jordan’s
wandering touch ignited small fires that cascaded throughout my body. Just
as I was finding my breath, his teeth knifed my lip, forcing my mouth to
part on a moan, and his tongue dominated mine. His hands slid down my
body to rest low on my ass before he squeezed. I let out a squeak at the
roughness, and he massaged the area, smiling as he hummed against my
lips. Moving down my neck, he bit at my collarbone, a hiss of pain, then
soft, wet lips soothing the tender skin.
Wanting more, I let my hands fall from his neck and hooked my fingers
around the waistband of his pants, pulling him to me. He froze and took a
step back, my fingers still clutching the fabric. His gaze fell to my hands,
and when his eyes met mine, they were so unbelievably clouded with lust, I
wasn’t sure he was seeing straight. The looks in his eyes spiked my nerves,
and my mind went into overdrive. Being this vulnerable with him was
nerve-racking, but my entire body was singing for him.
“Tell me what you want.” His husky voice made my legs tremble.
Not trusting myself to speak, I tugged at his waistband again, hoping he
would take the hint. His hips met mine in a rushed move, and I could feel
him hard on my stomach. Unable to handle the feeling, I kissed down his
neck to his ear, then finally captured his lips. He stood there, allowing me
the control, but quickly took over once again and overpowered my senses.
Those large hands squeezed the back of my thighs and lifted me off the
ground, urging me to hook my legs around his waist, and I did, allowing
Jordan to take full control of me. He walked forward until my back hit the
wall beside my bedroom door, making me gasp into his mouth.
My chest heaved with uneven breaths when his hands came up to my
slip dress and dragged the thin straps off my shoulders. Jordan kissed the
exposed swells of my breast, his teeth lightly grazing the sensitive skin.
Pulling the nightgown over my head, I dropped it on the floor, leaving me
in my underwear.
At the sight of my almost bare body, Jordan’s jaw clenched, and a
guttural sound escaped his throat. Eyes roamed every inch, the heat of his
stare consuming me.
Jordan moved us away from the wall and forward until I was thrown
onto my bed, my body bouncing on the mattress. I propped myself on my
elbows, my head cocked as I looked at him, standing at the foot of the bed,
his eyes devouring me. He pulled off his hoodie, revealing the body I
craved for so long, the moonlight illuminating the mountain range of abs
and the thick muscles of his arms. I felt the sudden urge to lick his entire
torso, and he seemed to notice the feral change in my eyes.
His body instantly came down on mine, skin to skin, mouth to mouth,
trailing passionate kisses on every bare inch. He pulled my arms out from
where my elbows propped me up, and my back hit the mattress. I laughed at
the sudden movement but clamped my mouth shut when I saw the look on
his face. The adoration in his eyes couldn’t be missed when he came to kiss
me softly. I could taste what he was feeling and it startled me.
The warm kisses that found the inside of my thighs, shot a surge of heat
down my spine. As if the lightning from the storm had been buried beneath
my skin.
“Is this where you want me, Naz?”
My core ached as he inched closer to where I needed him. When he
travelled up to my chest, my hands pushed down on his shoulders, wanting
him to go back. The corner of his mouth tipped into a sexy smirk, and he
pulled away, forcing an exasperated breath from me. My brows furrowed,
and I shot him a miffed look.
Jordan came up to my face, stopping just inches from my lips. “What do
you want? I want to hear you say it,” he said, his voice even deeper than
before.
I could orgasm from the rough baritone of his voice alone. I turned
away, heat licking my sensitive skin from the way he looked at me. Like
nothing else mattered.
“Look at me when I’m talking to you,” he demanded in a calm voice, a
stark contrast to the ferocity in his eyes.
Oh.
He was exactly like I imagined he would be.
Demanding.
I swallowed, nervous to ask for what I wanted, what I needed, what I
knew only Jordan could give me. But he wanted me to say it and be
confident in my decision. My hands shook as he waited for an answer, my
blush growing deeper when I reluctantly met his eyes again.
“Don’t get shy on me now.” His sweet voice made me smile.
When I didn’t answer, he cupped my wet core, causing me to
instinctively press into his hand with a relieved moan. A smirk came onto
his face as he saw the desire in my eyes and the undeniable arousal pooling
at my core.
“Is this all for me, baby?” he asked before he pulled away, a whimper
leaving my mouth. “Say it.”
“Yes. Yes, it’s all for you,” I managed, my voice trembling with nerves.
His eyes focused between my legs, and I felt the tremor that rolled
through him. Hands worshipping every part of me, his lips trailing all over.
I pushed my hips forward, desperate for his hard contact, but his hand
flattened against my stomach, holding me down.
I sighed in defeat at his slow torture, then wanting to mess with him, too,
I reached behind me and unclipped my bra, throwing it on the floor to
watch for his reaction.
He exhaled a harsh breath. “These fucking tits, baby.” His hands
instantly cupped the sensitive flesh as he pinched my distended nipple. I
gasped, my entire body sparking from his touch. “You like that?” he asked
before taking my breast into his mouth, a loud moan escaping me. I would
be an idiot not to like that.
“Yes,” I whimpered when he looked up and did the same to the other
one. Moan after moan rolled out of me.
“So. Fucking. Beautiful.” He punctuated each word with a suck, giving
me unexplained confidence.
“Jordan. Jordan,” I gasped, throwing my head back on the pillow as his
teeth grazed my swollen bud.
He kissed a path up my neck, stopping as his lips brushed mine. “Ask
me, Naz, and I’ll give it to you. Anything you want,” he said in between
soft kisses.
I kissed him harder as I rolled my hips against his, earning a low groan.
He still didn’t do what I wanted him to. He wanted me to beg. Of course, he
did.
Eyes closed, his weight rested on his forearms on either side of my head
as he tried not to crush me.
I whimpered, eager to get what I wanted.
“Use your words, baby,” he said, finally opening his eyes to see the need
in mine.
“I want you to fuck me,” I rasped, maintaining eye contact. “Please.”
A deep, satisfied groan left his throat as the everlasting flame in his eyes
grew brighter. Jordan’s patience vanished, and his fingers hooked around
the waistband of my panties and yanked them off, tossing them to the floor
next to the rest of my clothes. Jordan let out a hoarse sound, taking in my
naked body.
“This…this is how I've wanted you. Every inch of you, just for me.” He
ran a thumb down my hot pulsing core, and an embarrassing high-pitched
sound left my mouth. I didn’t care. I had never been this turned on in my
life.
“Did you dream about this, Sarvenaz?” he asked in between the kisses
he left on my thighs. “Picturing me eating out this pretty pussy?”
The words were like a jolt of electricity straight to my clit.
Yes! I wanted to shout. God, yes!
Growing impatient, I squirmed in an attempt to get closer, but his
forearm pressed flat against my stomach, halting my movements. Then his
lips came down on me and his hot, wet mouth sealed over my clit. I felt the
air expel from my lungs.
“So wet for me.” His words fell heavy on my skin, sending my eyes
rolling backward. “So ready for me to be inside you.”
The feeling of his tongue and the suction of his mouth had me floating
off the bed. He gripped my thighs, his fingers pressing hard enough to
bruise. Bringing his other hand between my legs, he parted my folds, then
slipped a finger inside.
I moaned so loud, that I was sure they could hear it at the front desk.
“Only for me,” he whispered, his voice low-pitched and authoritative.
I couldn’t help but roll my eyes and was reprimanded by a slap to my
sensitive core, making me yelp. A warning in his eyes.
“Only for you,” I affirmed, breathlessly.
“So fucking stubborn.” His low chuckle vibrated against my skin. I tried
to hide my smile by dropping my head against the pillow. But his fingers
squeezed my thigh and yanked me forward.
“Eyes on me, sweetheart,” he rasped. “I want to see your face when I
make you come.”
With uneven breaths, I lifted my head to watch his face buried between
my thighs. His mouth worshipped me, ruined me, and I was sure he had
captured my soul. He brought my legs over his shoulders, his pace
unchanging as I felt my orgasm build and build until all I saw were blinding
stars.
Recovering from being transported into another dimension, I lay
paralyzed, watching Jordan leave kisses on my thighs and murmuring sweet
words against my skin. After regaining my full vision, I immediately
wanted to please this man.
My hands went straight to his pants, and anticipation wrapped like hot
chords around my sizzling skin. He smiled at my clumsy attempt, stopping
me, then sliding them off himself.
The low gasp that left me was definitely doing things for his ego. He
was long and thick, his erection waking my body and driving it alert with
need. Liquid fire coursed through my veins, my face heating. I thought he
was gorgeous that first night, but right now, he was ethereal.
The smirk on his face told me he knew what I was thinking.
Skin on fire, I bit my lip. “Not as big as your ego.”
A wide grin. “Not even close.”
I smiled, then tentatively reached between us, taking a hold of his length,
squeezing my fingers around him to force the rough breath from his lips.
His eyes dove, then flicked up to meet mine again.
“No.” Jordan caught my wrist, seizing my movements. “I need to be
inside of you,” he rasped. “Need this cock between those sweet thighs.” His
voice was stripped raw, but the kiss he pressed to my lips was as soft as
honey.
He didn’t need to tell me twice. I laid back, allowing him to spread my
ankles farther until he stopped. Seeing the question in his head, I pointed to
the bedside drawer to signal him to pull out a condom. He opened it, giving
me a sideways look as he inspected the comically large box.
“A housewarming gift from Linh. Don’t ask.” I let out a breathy laugh,
and his expression tightened before he opened it. “I haven’t used them,” I
blurted, trying to keep my embarrassment from showing.
Apparently, I wanted him to know that there was no one else since I had
met him. I was glad I did because the slow quirk of the corner of his lip and
the shake of his head made me grin. He ripped open the foil wrapper and
rolled it on before aligning himself with me.
“Are you sure you want this?” he asked, pulling slightly away to look
into my eyes for any flicker of uncertainty, his thumb brushing my bottom
lip. What kind of question was that? I craved him so severely I was having
withdrawals before I even had him.
“Just fuck me already,” I blurted, but I couldn’t help it. I was sure I’d
burst if he didn’t.
He smiled, wide enough for his dimples to show. “I’ve been wanting to
fuck that attitude out of you.” The deep rumble of his words snapped my
self-control like a twig.
I pulled him close to kiss him hard. I needed him on me, in me, around
me. Everywhere. All the ifs and buts fled from my mind until the fog
cleared and I was rewarded with this beautiful man.
“I want all of you, Jordan,” I said, loosening the last thread of
vulnerability.
I felt the shiver rolling through him, and the soft groan that rattled his
throat.
“Good,” he said, teasing my entrance with his tip. “Because you have it.
All of me, Naz. And I don’t want it back.” His face was full of something.
Something more than just lust and adoration. Something that made the
organ in my chest burn and my lungs feel like they were being tightened
with a leather belt.
“I love you,” he whispered, before suddenly thrusting into me, so deeply
I could feel him in my stomach, exactly where his words had landed.
I lost my voice and my breath, and any coherent thought in my head. I
couldn’t respond or process the words that fell so gently from his lips.
Jordan’s low groans filled my ears as he pumped me full of him, pulsing
inside me. He still looked as if he was holding back, but I wanted
everything he would give me. Squeezing him tight with every thrust and my
nails digging into his back, I lifted my hips. With a pained groan, his hand
came up to hold on to the headboard and bury himself deeper. His thrusts no
longer held a pattern. They came faster and slower, harder and softer. My
lips parted on uneven moans and gasps, our mouths meeting in frantic
kisses as he spilled into me with feral thrusts. His mouth opened against
mine, and his fingers wrapped around my throat to press firmly.
Wanting to meld our bodies, I used all my strength to flip him onto his
back, and he let me. I rolled my hips against his thick erection, my hands
lying flat on his chest. His grip tightened on my waist, so tight it felt like he
was trying hard not to take over. While he matched my movements with
punishing thrusts, my head fell backward in a fog of pleasure. His hand slid
up my abdomen and pinched my peaked nipples, making me cry out in
bliss.
Having had enough of my control, Jordan flipped me on my back,
sliding a pillow under my lower back. I was confused by the action, but
then he withdrew inch by inch and drove back into me. I gasped when he
circled his hips, rubbing against me, allowing me to feel him in all the right
places.
Holy shit.
He put his palm over my mouth. So lost in his movements, I didn’t
bother to control my volume. He slowed, and my moans grew quiet, enough
for him to remove his hand and swallow each of them in his mouth.
I was ready to go off like a firecracker again.
“Jesus,” he groaned, seeing my expression. “Let go, Naz.”
That’s all it took for me to shatter right there, his release triggered by my
own, feeling the thrill of his pulsating length emptying inside me.
The rest of our night was filled with a string of curses and my name
falling from his lips over and over. Our bodies entangled with one another
as loud moans rippled through me.
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
“S
he’s busy. Can I take a message?” The husky voice that had plagued
my mind for the past few months stirred me from my sleep.
The curtains of my room were wide open, allowing light to stream
through the windows. My hands roamed the hard contours of the abs
beneath me. Memories of last night flooded my mind, and I almost toppled
right off my bed. The panic seeped into my chest but dissipated when
Jordan kissed my hair.
“Good morning,” he said in that deep voice that melted away my
thoughts.
I lifted my head to see his face, one of his arms tucked beneath his head
as he looked at me. “Morning.” I beamed.
The sunshine cast a bright yellow glimmer over him. Jordan’s hair
shined, and his lashes appeared golden. His lips met mine, the kiss slow and
languid as his hands slid down my waist to pull me on top of him.
My eyes landed on my nightstand. “You answered my phone?” I asked,
my head pillowed on his chest as he soothed a hand through my hair.
“It kept vibrating, and I didn’t want to wake you. I thought it might be
important.” An unfamiliar feeling dripped over me as I slowly nodded my
head.
“Who was it?”
“It was an unknown number, but when I asked for a message, he said his
name was Karn, and he’s been trying to get in touch.”
He had no idea that one simple sentence made my blood run cold. The
sound of my ex’s name coming from the man underneath me almost had me
choking on air.
I didn’t move, I didn’t look up, and I didn’t say anything.
“Naz?” he called, stroking my hair, probably wondering if I had died or
why my heart was pounding against his chest. “You know him?” His voice
came again, sounding muffled in my ears. I should tell him. If anyone
would understand, it would be him. But was I willing to have that
conversation right now? To taint how we connected last night with the past?
“Just someone from back home.” The lie tumbled out of my mouth
before I could stuff it back inside. I regretted it immediately when dread
weighed heavy on my heart. “We should probably get up,” I said, my brain
still processing that Karn had spoken to Jordan. That meant he knew I was
with someone else now, and he would not be happy. I could sense the
impending disaster.
“I’m good right here,” he replied, holding me tighter, tucking me under
his chin.
Lifting my head, I narrowed my eyes at him. “Don’t you go to the gym
every morning?”
“I think I’ll skip the gym and get in a workout right here,” he teased,
kissing along my jaw and nipping my earlobe.
I scrunched my nose at his words, but my mind was consumed by the
reality of what awaited me. “You have to get ready for work, and I need to
get to my meeting,” I said, holding the covers to my chest and sliding off
him. I pulled his Columbia University hoodie over my head. The sweater
came down to my knees as I walked to the bathroom.
“Now that is a men’s hoodie I don’t mind you wearing,” he called after
me, and I hid the smile that tried to surface.
An hour later, Jordan was late for work, and I was going to be late for my
final meeting with Catalyst. I had scheduled it for my week off before I
headed to Vancouver. Thanks to Jordan, my morning routine was
interrupted more than a few times. He had become quite the
environmentalist and saved water by getting into my shower, almost
making me slip from his sudden appearance.
When I went to grab my keys, he reminded me where my unreliable car
was and made me promise to never drive it again. I would miss that car, but
I couldn’t forget that its breakdown was the reason for everything that
happened yesterday.
Now, with the clock almost striking ten, we sat outside Catalyst’s New
York office in Jordan’s car.
“You're going to do great. You already impressed them. They’re just
confirming the final details.” Jordan’s hand squeezed mine, giving me a
confident look. I was a fool for missing out on this version of him for so
long.
“I know. It’s just scary since I have so much riding on this.”
He smiled, a genuine smile, the dimple on his left cheek making a much
needed appearance. “I’m so proud of you.”
“I am too, you know. Proud of you, I mean.” His eyes flickered. “You
say it all the time. I just wanted you to know.” I rolled a shoulder.
“I know.” His hands came up to my face, bringing me into a deep ardent
kiss, all the worries in my head slowly draining away. As if he yanked out
the rubber stopper in the bathtub filled with them.
He pulled away. “Now go before you make us even more late.”
“Hey! The shower was your doing, Evans,” I chided, collecting my
purse.
“I’d apologize if I didn’t know how much you enjoyed it.” The boyish
grin on his face made my insides rotate. “I’ll see you after work,” he said
with a reassuring smile and a hand around my neck to pull me in for another
hard kiss.
I walked out of his car and into the building with his scent hugging me.
The words he let slip last night were still orbiting my mind. The secrets I
kept bound inside threatened to spill, and I didn’t know whether I was ready
to reveal them. I didn’t want Jordan to look at me differently because of
what was happening with Karn. He wasn’t a thing of the past anymore. His
presence had renewed itself in my life. Jordan knew most of it, but Karn's
recent intrusions were left unsaid. He had called me twice since this
morning, and I didn’t bother blocking the number, knowing he would find
one way or another to contact me. We hadn’t spoken since the breakup, I
wasn't sure what he wanted. Though, knowing him, the cryptic note and
flowers were his way to creep into my mind and try to lock me into the
prison of his memories.
I sat in the lounge of the Catalyst headquarters until the secretary led me
to the conference room where the board members were seated.
“Ms. Singh, we are eager to have this all settled. Your app will be an
amazing addition to our company, and we hope to take it even further than
you imagined.” I had to bite back the smile that wanted to rip through my
humble expression. This was the final meeting, and after today they would
deposit the money into my bank account. Pride bloomed in my chest, and I
couldn’t fathom that one of the largest companies in North America had
purchased my app. After signing document after document, I shook the
members' hands, and when I reached Mr. Lau, he handed me one more
envelope.
Slowly opening it, I read through the paper at least six times, unsure if I
needed to get my vision checked.
“I would also like to invest in your next endeavour. We understand you
were hoping for this purchase to go through so you can work on another
app. One that no doubt will be as successful as this one,” he said, looking
pleased by my shock.
“As an angel investor?” I asked, keeping my voice somewhat calm.
“Yes, this way you’ll have everything you need when you start.” I
looked around, seeing the rest of the members’ smiling faces.
“Thank you,” I croaked.
I remained cemented in place until it was just the lawyer left. She
handed me all the copies of the documents with a warm smile.
“Enjoy the rest of your day, Sarvenaz.”
I was floating around my apartment, still high from my meeting while
packing my suitcase. When I returned, I spent four hours finishing the
mirror I coded for Jordan. Now he would have his own artificial
intelligence mirror that would guide him through workouts and keep track
of his health through his smartwatch. I hauled it inside my closet and
draped a sheet over it, planning to surprise him while I was gone for Linh’s
graduation.
A knock sounded at my front door, and I almost slipped running to open
it.
“Hi.” I beamed once I yanked open the door.
Jordan was wearing his white dress shirt, suit jacket, and tie nowhere in
sight. He must have gone to his apartment for a quick minute before coming
to mine, and the thought of him being just as eager to see me made my heart
squeeze.
“Hi,” he responded in that deep voice that sent a jolt straight between
my legs. He came to kiss me, walking me backward into my apartment, and
kicking the door closed behind him. His lips found my neck, trailing warm
kisses to my shoulders.
“You’re distracting me. I have to finish packing,” I said, pulling away.
He let out a sound of disapproval at my words but followed me into my
room.
“How long are you going for?” he asked, sitting on my bed and helping
me fold a pile of clothes. I walked back into my closet to pick out some
more.
“A few days,” I called out in an unenthusiastic tone. I finally felt happy,
but the same dark clouds that loomed around me before I left were creeping
up again.
Warm hands snaked around my waist, trapping me in a hug from behind.
“Don’t say it like that.” He kissed the side of my head. “You’re going back
after accomplishing so much.”
Jordan turned me to face him, and I brought my hands to his chest,
focusing on the muscles underneath his shirt. Jordan kissed me again, and
although I had to pack, I would have happily stayed like this for the rest of
the day. When he drew back, leaving me breathless, he put his forehead
against mine.
“I meant what I said last night.”
My pulse thundered beneath my skin.
At the mention of the words I thought he had accidentally let slip, I
froze. I was half expecting him to never bring it up, thinking he might have
gotten lost in the ecstasy of the physical feelings. But this was Jordan. He
didn’t do or say anything unless he meant it.
“I love you, Sarvenaz,” he said, the words falling like raindrops on my
skin. Gentle and refreshing. “I think about you all the time. When I’m
awake and in my dreams. You are my favourite person.”
Tears pricked the back of my eyes, and the feelings in my chest
ballooned. The words I wanted to say twisted in my throat, and I couldn’t
detangle them.
He smiled. “You don’t have to say it back.” Those words stabbed my
chest. “I understand if it’ll take time, but you’re it for me, and I want you to
know that.” He sealed his words with a feather-light kiss to my forehead.
A smile came onto my lips as I tried to wipe away my runaway tears. He
stopped my vigorous wiping, holding my hands in his.
“I don’t know what to say.” How about I love you, too?
I looked down at our intertwined hands, unable to voice the words I
knew I wanted to. I couldn’t say it, not when Karn was hiding in my
shadow. Not when there were still things I had to tell him. The rational part
of me wanted to tell him he was the one who called, that he had sent me
flowers, and going back home was making me anxious because he would be
there. But I didn’t. The words locked themselves up and dropped the key in
a sewer grate.
He tipped up my chin, his eyes pinning me with fiery vehemence. “You
don’t have to say anything. Having you here in my arms is enough for me.”
I was full-on sobbing now. I could never get tired of his hugs.
He suddenly pulled back. “But if I see the elevator guy—”
I smiled, as he wiped my tears. “Nadir,” I supplied, knowingly irritating
him.
“Or the developer—”
“James.”
“Or the date Linh told me about—do not tell me his name—I’m not
hesitating to kick them out of the lobby.”
I planted my face into his chest and laughed into his shirt. Of course,
Linh was going around telling everyone about the horrible blind date. I
couldn’t believe he still thought I would date them. What an idiot.
“I ended it with all of them weeks ago.” I sniffled. “I’m still friends with
Nadir and James, but the last guy didn’t even get a first date,” I admitted,
finally putting him out of his misery.
He pulled away, holding me at my waist as he stared into my eyes with
genuine surprise.
“What?” I asked when a slow grin spread on his face.
“Weeks ago, huh?” he inquired, giving me a smug look. “Did that
happen to be around the time we were in a certain art exhibit in Brooklyn,
Ms. Singh?”
“Shut up,” I said, smacking his chest when I saw his smirk.
He caught my wrist, jerking me forward, and right to his mouth.
I melted into the kiss, the sweet taste of his lips caressing my soul and
fuelling my kindling heart. I couldn’t get enough, as if the band snapped,
and my body awakened to an entirely new craving. The kiss became frantic,
my hands roaming eagerly. Feeling the change, Jordan tugged at my top,
and we broke apart so I could lift my arms. He pulled it off, then
immediately crashed his lips to mine again, forcing me backward to bump
into something hard. Disoriented, my palm absently ran along the cold
surface. It was the mirror. The one I made for Jordan.
Shit. It was a surprise, and Phil was going to deliver it while I was gone,
but now we were pressed against it, and the cover was slipping off. I tried to
lead us away, but he was so much stronger than me, so large and allconsuming, that I couldn't pull away long enough to think. Then one
vigorous move and the sheet puddled to the floor. I waited for the robotic
voice to speak or for it to light up, but neither happened. Relief poured into
me when I saw that I had powered it off.
Unaware of the internal battle that swarmed my head, Jordan snapped
off my bra, letting it fall to the floor. His fingers dipped into my shorts, and
he impatiently twisted them in his fist. “Off. Panties too,” he breathed,
mouth lowering to savour my tumescent breasts.
I obeyed, hooking my thumb in the waistband and letting them fall to
my feet. Jordan pulled my naked body taut against his clothed one, the
cotton material rubbing on my bare and sensitive skin. His hand praised
every curve and every dip, moving with slow, calculated precision, as if to
not miss an inch, to not leave any part of me untouched by him.
Bringing my hands to his pants, I unfastened his belt. His hand on my
wrist stopped me, and I lifted my gaze. “Let me,” I said, and his throat
bobbed. I untucked the tails of his shirt and slowly unzipped his pants. His
breathing harshened when I slipped a hand inside, curling it around his
length. Jordan's forehead fell to mine, pulling my lips in for another kiss as
if restraining himself. “Don't hold back,” I said, and the switch in his eyes
was instant. I pumped him again, cupping all of him with a squeeze,
drawing out a hoarse breath. “You know I'm not fragile.”
“I know,” he rasped, taking a step away, eyes travelling along my
heaving chest, down to my slick core. Each sweep caused my tender skin to
light up and tighten in response, every live wire in my body rushing to
where he placed his focus, a race to feel the warmth of the blazing hazel
dancing in adoration.
Jordan’s hand came up to travel down the column of my throat with
aching slowness. He pressed a thumb on the base, and I swallowed under
the foreign pressure. Eyes locked on mine, unravelling my soul and reading
my thoughts, I held the contact so he would give me what I wanted.
“On your knees.”
I dropped to my knees.
Jordan gathered my hair in one hand, fisting it behind my head, and I
wet my lips, moving closer to take him in. He didn't rush, letting me move
on my own and give him what I knew he craved, his voice coaxing me
through as I tried to swallow every inch, not wanting to leave any part
unclaimed.
When his groans grew deep, I increased my pace. With a rumble rattling
his vocal cords, he suddenly jerked my head back, and my mouth popped
away. My widened eyes met his, and the look he gave me strained my
nipples.
“Turn around,” he ordered.
I swallowed hard and turned to the mirror. My breath hitched, seeing
Jordan towering over my bare body, shadowing me in his presence, jostling
it with craving. My breaths came short and uneven as he lowered himself
behind me. A surge of raw lust flooded my sanity, flouting my need to come
up for air. Through the mirror, he watched me as he slowly removed his
belt, my toes curling. Jordan brought my hands behind my back and
fastened them with the black leather. I licked my lips, feeling the pulse
between my legs.
“Tell me to stop, and I will.” I was so lost in the sight of my constrained
arms when he spoke that I didn't answer him. With a hold on my hair, he
pulled my head back to meet his eyes. “Clear?”
I nodded, swallowing the nervous bubbles clogging my airway. Then,
seeing his hard stare, I voiced my understanding. “Yes,” I said before he
could reprimand me for not using my words.
He smiled. “Good girl.”
Spoken like an incantation, I clenched, already so wet and ready, a
prickle of need embedding itself low in my belly as a shiver rolled through
me like a tide. Jordan bent me over, our hips connected as he ground his
pelvis against me. Through the reflection, Jordan pulled out his wallet, tore
open a rubber foil, and before I could inhale, he pushed into me. None of
the thoughts occupying my mind this morning were with us. None of them
clouded my thoughts, allowing my emotions to run free. I hoped he could
feel them beneath the surface, hoped he could see how desperately I needed
and wanted him, even if I couldn't bring myself to voice what every pore in
my body leaked.
“Look up,” Jordan demanded. “Look at you taking me so well, gripping
every inch.”
I pulsed around him, so unbelievably lost in the haze of pure ecstasy, the
fire-coated blood in my veins humming in my ears. My eyes were still
screwed shut when Jordan's fingers squeezed my flesh. “I c-can’t,” I choked
out. I was sure my eyes would never open again, bolted down by a heavy
fog of euphoria, and with no strength in my body to attempt to hold myself
up.
“You can.” That confident tone forced my eyes to pop open, and I used
my diminishing core strength to lift higher as he continued his thrusts, my
back arching. I caught my reflection in the mirror, and my face warmed.
Hands tightly bound behind me, hair messily pulled back with a few strands
grazing my cheeks, eyes glazed over, and mouth parted to allow loud moans
to fill the sex-soaked air. I had never seen myself like this, the sight sending
a new vibration to strum my core. Behind me, Jordan still wore his white
button-down, his pants undone as he spilled into me, one hand circling to
pinch my clit. I whimpered, and he rocked faster, his fully clothed state
against my nakedness making me squeeze so tight, that a rumbling groan
vibrated Jordan’s chest. When my head dropped, his hand came to my
throat, holding me up to continue watching, just like he wanted. The large
hand obstructed the air to my lungs, but I was too forgone to care, too
mesmerized by our bodies connected to the hilt, not even a paper-thin sliver
of distance between us.
“You’re so pretty, baby.” His jaw flexed as his fingers tightened on my
hips, and he lowered me to seat himself so deep inside that tears stung my
eyes. “You wanted all of me, Naz? This is it. It’s all yours. Only yours.” He
pressed the hot words to my ear, my back pressed into his chest, his arms
shackled around my waist. I was given an unrestrained look into every
emotion crammed inside him. All of it, out in the open, just for me. Then
Jordan completely let go and gave my body exactly what it needed—what I
didn't know it needed—as if he could speak its language before I could even
learn it.
“Jordan,” I cried out, his name sizzling off my lips as the dam broke. I
lost myself in his palpable love, an unconscious surrender of my body. He
came undone with me, our harsh breaths hanging around us as he murmured
my name into the crook of my neck.
Staring into the mirror, my hands now untied and palms flattened on the
floor, I met his sweet smile. Jordan didn't know it now, but he would
appreciate this memory later.
I guessed this was one way to christen his gift.
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER THIRTY
“S
urprise!” everyone shouted, sending Linh’s head rearing back.
We made it back from her graduation ceremony, where I
screamed her name and Linh’s parents stood beside me cheering just as
loud, and ignoring the other parents glaring at us. In the meantime, I bought
the decorations yesterday and had our friends set up her parents’ backyard.
I was sure I would have missed my flight from the way Jordan held me
outside the airport. Half of me was even considering staying in his strong
arms and never facing the reality that awaited me here. A part of my brain
was also screaming at me to tell Jordan who the call was from that morning,
but I was selfish and couldn't bring myself to ruin the moment.
Jordan must’ve kissed every part of my face, and when he finally pulled
away, I pulled him right back. I was needy. Sue me.
“Go,” he said, kissing my forehead. “Before you make it even harder for
me to drive back.”
I couldn’t help the laughter that escaped me. He shook his head as he
handed me my suitcase and gave me my favourite smile. I thought about
that smile the entire flight home and tried to suppress my own when I
arrived at my parents' house. That’s when I decided I would call him tonight
to tell him what I had so foolishly kept. He would want to know, and I
trusted, despite what I feared before, that he would understand.
A car door shut, and I turned to find my parents coming up the driveway
to the yard, Mrs. Sharma with them. My parents smothered Linh in a hug
and handed her an envelope with a wink. She looked over at me, waving it
at me with a laugh.
“Naz, you didn’t bring Jordan?” asked my mom, making me turn my
head to see her searching for him.
“No, Mama. He had to work.”
Asking Jordan hadn’t even crossed my mind. Bringing him here would
have helped ease my anxiety, but I would be uncomfortable seeing him
interact with people who knew about my relationship with Karn and how it
ended.
“That is too bad. Jai was looking forward to showing him around the
city.”
I smiled at the thought, realizing my parents might like Jordan more than
me. My dad, although still trying to play it cool, often asked about Jordan.
“Maybe next time.” The words came so easily that I imagined a time
when Jordan and I would come to visit my hometown together. A time
when I wouldn’t look back at this place with terrible memories.
“What a shame. I wanted to meet the young man I heard so much
about,” said Mrs. Sharma, and I shot her a dull smile. “I heard he isn't
Punjabi, but I guess we can't have everything. Right, Sunita?”
My mom glowered. “We can’t all have sons who sneak in different girls
every night, either.”
I choked on my next breath, my mouth agape.
Mrs. Sharma paled, almost matching the yellow of her salwar kameez.
“Naz, did you bring out the cake?” asked Linh's dad, pulling my
attention.
Not wanting to be roped into the suffocating tension between my mother
and Mrs. Sharma, I nodded. “It’s out front in the car, I’ll go get it.”
I walked around the house to the car and popped open the trunk. Sliding
my hand under the cake box, I balanced it in one hand as I locked the car.
Just as I was about to turn into the backyard, a voice stopped me. My heart
plummeted straight to my stomach.
“Hi, my love.”
My ears were on fire, and my face felt like the blood had drained from it.
I turned around to see Karn standing just inches away, looking disheveled
and frailer than the last time I had seen him.
He walked to where my legs rooted me in place and grasped my arm.
Bile rose in my throat from his poisonous touch. I couldn’t speak, the damn
tears I tried hard to hold back, slipped onto my cheeks. I was pissed at
myself for letting him see how he affected me, pissed that I still had these
emotions after all this time. Hurt shredded my heart as he stood there
watching me. The dark memories of his betrayal resurfaced, and I shook
with anger. My vision tunnelled. The only thing I saw was his fake
sympathy, his calloused thumb coming to brush away my tears, making me
flinch. He pulled away, shocked by my reaction, a sick smile coming onto
his face.
“Did you miss me?” he had the gall to ask.
I was paralyzed, my legs unmoving as he continued his nauseating
movement on my cheek. He took a step closer, pressing the cake box
between us. This is what he did every time. He manipulated me, and
somehow I was dumb enough to fall for it and stay with him for four years.
In some twisted way, I was grateful that Jas had done what she did,
allowing me to walk away from the nightmare.
“N-no, I didn’t,” I stammered.
“I think you did, sweetheart. Why else would you be reacting to me like
this? You’re practically coming undone by my presence alone.”
I had the urge to spit in his face, but my mouth was so dry I could barely
swallow.
His face came closer, lips hovering over mine. “Are you still upset with
me, baby? You know I would never hurt you,” he said, lying straight
through his teeth.
Upset? I was furious. Completely consumed by the memories of his
duplicity.
“I’ve kept tabs on you, love. Hartford, the angel investors, and
Spectrum. It’s everything we ever wanted. You wouldn’t be where you are
if it weren’t for me, but you know that.” His face grew more serious. “We
could make this even bigger like we always said. Together. I deserve this
much from you, don’t I, jaan?”
“No,” I said, my voice cracking.
The instant switch of anger in him was one I had grown accustomed to.
One that almost had me apologizing to him.
“No?” He stared at me in disbelief. “I was there for you during your
degree. I got you a buyer for your app. I let you move in with me when your
parents were trying to get between us!” he shouted, not bothering to control
the volume of his voice. I wasn’t surprised that this was how he
misconstrued our relationship in his head. “You owe me, God dammit!” he
snapped, and I flinched.
My brain shut down, and my body no longer worked. I tried to push him
away and failed. My strength completely disintegrated. He was
overpowering me in every way, and when his eyes calmed, he came just a
hairbreadth away from me.
His lips brushed mine. The touch was so familiar a whimper left my
mouth, my eyes shutting tightly. I felt disgusted with myself, unable to do
anything at that moment but stand there. He knew exactly what he did to
me, and I was angry that he still had this effect. What happened to all the
work I had done to move past this? Why couldn’t I stand here and tell him
exactly what I thought of him?
“Sarvenaz?” came that deep velvety voice that could probably wake me
up from the dead. A voice that sent my eyes flying open, giving me the
strength I needed to push Karn away from me. Karn turned to look behind
him, Jordan coming into view.
“Jordan,” I said, so happy to find him standing there. I placed the cake
on the ledge on the side of the house and came fully into view.
“What’s going on? Are you okay?” he asked, voice heavy with concern,
eyes scanning my body before searching my face.
That sent my legs propelling toward him. My hands were inches away
from him when Karn grasped my arm. I jerked back, my blood running cold
from the action. “Karn!” I croaked, glaring at him through teary eyes.
Jordan’s eyes fell to Karn’s hand on my upper arm, and I could see the
violent set of his jaw.
“This is him?” he asked, looking at Karn with barely contained rage.
I yanked my arm out of his grasp, and when Jordan looked back at me as
if to confirm, his eyes filled with something unrecognizable. Before I could
explain, Karn did.
“I believe we spoke on the phone. Jordan, right?” At that, Jordan looked
right at me, hurt in his eyes. “Naz’s rebound?”
I didn't know what to do, so I stayed rooted in my spot.
“You think it’ll be different with him because you’ve had a few months
away?” Karn let out derisive laughter. “You’re still that eighteen-year-old
girl who needed me and has only ever trusted me. How can you give him
your heart when I still have it?”
I tried to ignore him, but those words seeped through the cracks in my
mind. It wasn’t true. He didn’t have me like he used to. I moved on. Right?
I shook my head, looking back at Jordan. “I wanted to tell you—”
“What were you going to tell him, babe? Does he know about the
flowers I sent you? Or the phone calls and texts?” My guilty expression was
enough for Jordan’s eyes to dart away. “What about all of our history? The
years we lived together and learned every inch of each other. The way you s
—”
Karn’s sentence was cut short by Jordan fisting his collar and slamming
him against the wall of the house. So hard, rubble grazed his shoulders.
I jumped back, startled by the sudden action.
“Say another fucking word about her. I dare you,” Jordan said through
gritted teeth.
Karn let out a choked sound. “Is this your prince charming?” he
wheezed.
Voices approached us, and I turned to find Linh running up to me first.
“Jordan, you made it!” she cheered, then recognized the man pressed
against the wall.
It hit me that Jordan was here because Linh had invited him. He wanted
to surprise me.
“Who said you could step foot in my house?” she yelled. Linh started
tying her hair and unhooking her long earrings, handing them to me as I
stared at her in confusion. “I’ve been waiting to do this for a long time,” she
said, walking up to where Karn was pinned against the wall.
Realizing what she was about to do, I stopped her. Her hand was mid-air
in a fist, ready to aim when I pulled her back. I couldn’t let her get arrested
on her graduation day. She tried to free her arm as she gave me an
exasperated look.
“He’s not worth it,” I said, and she reluctantly put her hand down. When
Jordan released Karn’s collar, Linh spun around, sending a thundering slap
to ripple against Karn’s cheek. My eyes widened seeing the red mark bloom
on his brown skin. That was a bitch-slap if I had ever seen one.
“Bitch!” Karn snarled, and Jordan barred him with a forearm to his chest
and forcefully shoved him back against the wall.
I wanted to hug her, but I was so enraged I could only see Karn. Four
years of my life were gone because of him. My relationship with my
parents was strained because of the decision I made with him. My inability
to completely give myself to Jordan because of him. I was angry, so angry
at him and myself for still feeling like this.
“Get out of here, Karn.” My voice was calm, a stark contrast to the anger
raging through my body. I would handle this without getting my emotions
involved. He didn’t need to know how he affected me. He didn’t deserve
my emotions.
“Babe—”
“Get. Out,” I snapped. I was sick of hearing his voice. “You mean
nothing to me. I want you to forget there was ever a time that we existed
together. I owe you nothing. Everything I have accomplished has been from
the hard work I put in! You’re a sick, manipulative piece of shit. Just know
the next time I even see you breathing the same air as me, I’m calling the
cops.”
“You ungrateful bitch—”
A hard fist from Jordan punctuated his last word. Blood instantly
trickled out of Karn’s previously broken nose. Linh cheered on Jordan,
clapping in excitement beside me. Karn let out a string of curses and pushed
away from Jordan. Groaning in agony, he slid down the wall, clutching his
nose.
Jordan whispered something to him in a low, angry voice, but I didn’t
stay to hear what it was. I went to the far end of the yard, embarrassed
about causing this spectacle.
“Naz!” called Linh, who found me sitting on the swing in their
backyard. She hugged me so tight that it felt like she was trying to hold the
pieces of me together.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to ruin your dinner. It was supposed to be your
special night,” I hiccupped between sobs.
“Shut up. You didn’t ruin anything. It is still a special night. We’ll just
get drunk enough to forget about that last part,” she joked, earning my
laughter. “Maybe not that slap, though. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that. I
told you I could get scrappy.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too, crazy.” She rubbed my back in a soothing motion, then
suddenly froze. “That’s either the empire state walking toward us or your
sexy-pecs boyfriend coming to talk to you,” she said, pulling away from
me.
I rolled my eyes. Her and those damn pecs.
Linh’s hands came up to wipe my tears. “If he still loves you after one
look at that puffy face. He’s the one,” she teased as she bopped my nose
with her finger, running off before I could smack her arm.
I wiped my wet face and patted down my swollen eyes when Jordan
came to sit beside me, handing me a tissue.
I took it from him, dropping my gaze to my hands. Unable to make eye
contact with him without bursting into tears again. His hand came over my
own in my lap and the other around me, pulling me to his chest. We sat in
silence, only the beat of his heart heard between us.
My gaze lifted to those golden eyes that shined like they always did
when we were together. Like I held all the light in the world, and he
couldn’t look away even if he wanted to. However, this time, there was a
wild mix of emotions that swirled behind that look.
“Welcome to Vancouver,” I said sheepishly, letting out a pathetic laugh
as I stared at the tissue in my hand. He still didn’t say anything, and I didn’t
want to look at him to see what he was thinking.
“This is so embarrassing. I’m sorry you had to deal with that.”
“Don’t apologize to me. You know I would do anything for you, Naz.”
I squeezed my eyes shut at his words, holding back a new wave of tears.
“He won’t ever bother you again,” he said, wrapping his arms tighter
around me to pull me closer. “Hearing you back there, I couldn’t help but
think of all the work you’ve done to become the person you are today. The
one I fell in love with.” He kissed my hair. I let out a heavy breath and
slumped against him, my eyes closing on their own.
That one word stuck out. Love.
Now would be the perfect time to tell him I loved him too, that I have
for a while now. However, that same fear that stopped me before grew
larger. Seeing Karn again twisted my equilibrium. What if he was right?
What if he had permanently broken my ability to trust? The months of
torment were finally gnawing on the thin shell I used to shield myself.
“What if all that work just crumbles when something like this happens
again?” I began to panic. Karn’s sudden appearance weighed heavily on my
mind.
“It won’t. Besides, when I look at you I see your strength, and no one
can take that away.” His sweetness hurt to hear, especially when the voices
in my head were saying the opposite.
“I don’t know if I see that.” I felt a sharp stab of pain in my chest. “What
if he’s right—what if—what if this is like a rebound, and it ends up hurting
the same?”
As soon as the words dropped, it was like concrete spilled into the
wedge I had created between us and cemented the distance.
He stiffened, his arm falling away from me.
What am I saying? Why couldn’t I shut my brain off? The cruel
memories nagged at me, and I knew I couldn’t be reckless with my heart
again.
“Is that what you think?” His voice was suddenly cold.
I ran a stressed hand through my hair. I couldn’t think. I wanted to turn
off all the thoughts in my head. I liked it when I wasn’t thinking and was
just lost in his arms.
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know,” he repeated, his voice searing with hurt. Hurt that I
caused. My chest grew tight. I took a deep breath to unknot the
uncomfortable feeling.
“I just—everything happened so quickly. I don’t know if I can go
through that again. I don’t know if I want to.” I was thinking out loud now.
These words should have been left in my head. The logical part of my brain
was screaming at me to shut up, but my haywire emotions spewed every
negative possibility I conjured.
“I understand.”
“You do?” What the hell did he understand? I didn’t even understand.
“I didn’t stop to consider how hard this is for you. I can’t be selfish and
expect you to move at the same pace as me.” He shook his head as if he was
coming to the realization as he spoke.
“You’re everything I never knew I needed. You’ve made my family fall
in love with you in the short time you’ve known them. You’re the first
person I’ve opened up to about my dad and Stephanie. The first person who
makes me feel like my heart would give out if I didn’t have you in my
arms.”
I was ready to wither and let the wind take me away. If God struck me
down at this moment, I would go happily.
“I didn’t know it then, but I was a goner the day I took you to the rooftop
to watch the sunset. Hell, I probably fell for you the night you knocked on
my door and gave me an earful.” He smiled at the memory, and I held back
the tears shining in my eyes. “Every time I’m with you, I feel like I’m
dreaming, and if I so much as blink, you’ll disappear. I'm afraid you look at
me and see something temporary. I'm here to stay, and I want to spend
every day proving that to you.”
His gaze fell to our hands, and he seemed pained to say the next few
words. The look on his face squeezed my heart so tight I didn’t think I’d
live. I waited for him to continue when his gaze met mine again, eyes
shining with emotion.
“But I can’t do that. Not unless you trust me to be different for you. If
you had trusted me enough to confide in me, I would have been there for
you from the beginning.”
“I wanted to tell you, Jordan. But I didn’t want to ruin anything.”
“I get that. I told you about Stephanie when I was ready. I’m not going
to be hypocritical and hold you to a different standard, Sarvenaz.” Not Naz,
Sarvenaz.
My eyes burned. I knew there was a but coming.
“But if after everything you still think something like this could ruin us,
that means you don’t see us like I do, and that’s not your fault.”
“You should feel those feelings because you want to, not because you
have to or because your past is forcing you to make these decisions. I told
you, you were enough for me, and I meant it. I want to be the one you go to
not only on good days but on bad days, too. But I won’t be the one to force
you to do that, especially if you think of me as a rebound.”
His eyes were no longer on mine. Those last words stung, and I felt like
an idiot for calling him that. I was letting him slip away, and I couldn’t stop
him, not when his words rang true.
Not the part about love because I loved him so much it hurt. My heart
was shattering, but he was right about my reluctance. My past shackled me
down enough, and now I couldn’t open up. His pain and anguish were a
reflection of what I had done.
I couldn’t be the one for him. How was that even possible? I was riddled
with baggage, things that should have him running for the hills. He
deserved better, so much better than me.
His fingers touched the nape of my neck when he kissed the top of my
head, sealing his words. Jordan's lips stayed in my hair as he held me a
painful second longer.
“Goodbye, Sarvenaz,” he said, and my heart stilled. Then he retracted
his hands, and stood from the swing, leaving behind a scorching tattoo of
his lips on my skin.
Stop him, Naz! My heart screamed, but my lips were latched by my
uncertainties.
The words I wanted to voice clung to my tongue with unrelenting
strength. I wanted to tell him that every time I think of him my mouth
stretches into an annoying smile, and my cheeks start to hurt, that I haven’t
ever felt this way for anyone. But something tightened like an expertly
knotted rope holding the words ashore.
I couldn’t stop him. Not when I believed those things about myself,
things that were ingrained in me for years. I couldn’t simply erase them.
What remained of my heart held on by a weak string as I watched him walk
away, not even turning to look back.
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
A
nguish. It wasn’t a strong enough word to describe how I felt. The
moments we shared and the memories we made hurt to remember.
“Okay Nicholas Sparks, you can’t mope around here forever,” said Linh,
walking into my room and turning off the Boyz II Men album I had playing
on the speaker. She ripped open the blinds, and I groaned into my pillow at
the sting of light. “Come on. It’s been two days. Your parents told me you
haven’t even gone downstairs to eat,” she said, trying to pull the covers off
me.
Two days of crying to every teenage breakup album I had in my room.
Two days of wondering what the hell was wrong with me. Two days of
googling how not to be an idiot and lose the one guy who would do
anything for you.
“Linh, I’m not in the mood,” I groaned, my voice sounding rough. Like I
had been chain-smoking my entire life. Ignoring me, she yanked the covers.
“Oh really? I hadn’t noticed,” she said with a blank look. “We head back
to New York tomorrow. What are you going to do then? We live in the same
building as him, Naz. Not to mention you work in the same company.”
“I don’t know! We'll move, and I’ll quit,” I cried. I couldn’t bring myself
to call or text him, that is if he would even respond. He looked so broken
that night at Linh’s. I treated him like Stephanie did by making him think he
was temporary.
“Good idea. While you’re at it, get two tickets to Mexico, and we’ll go
out on the lam,” she deadpanned.
I shoved my face into the pillow again and groaned.
“Okay, that’s enough! You’re not sitting here for another second, acting
like you have no choice,” she said, forcing me to sit up. “You know I
support you no matter what, but you’re forgetting what you had with
Jordan! I saw the way his eyes held nothing but love and adoration for you
that day at the gallery and again the other night. How many guys outside of
romcoms would act as your fake boyfriend and go to a family wedding?”
“Naz, have you seen the way he looks at you? He lights up at the sight of
that smile. He shows less emotion than a rock, but when he’s with you, they
are all over his face.” I laughed at her words, knowing I had been annoyed
with his stony expressions. “I told you I was wary about the dating thing,
but I supported you, and you did it. You went on a few dead-end dates, but
is that all you want?”
It wasn’t.
“You always push me to do what would make me happy, and I want to
do the same for you! Don’t let that idiot keep you from someone special.
You can’t let him continue to cloud your perception of love and what you
deserve. You’re not that broken girl from a year ago. You’ve come so far.”
I nodded just as a knock sounded at my door. A sympathetic smile came
onto Linh’s face when the door opened.
“She wanted to talk to you,” she said, and before I could ask who Linh
was talking about, Jas walked into my room. When she looked at me, I
thought I would feel anger and disgust, but all I felt was sadness. “Think
about what I said.”
Linh excused herself from the room as Jas sat at the foot of the bed.
“My apology probably means nothing to you, but I realized I never
actually gave you one,” she said, her eyes glued to the floor. “I found out
what happened at Linh’s grad dinner, and I felt horrible. I’m sorry for
sleeping with him, and for pretending I wasn't a terrible person. I’m sorry
for being rude to you and throwing away what we had. My relationship
wasn’t great, and I thought by ruining someone else's I would feel better,”
she revealed, and I let her continue. “That’s horrible, and I’ve talked to my
therapist about it. I’m working on my own insecurities, and I needed you to
know it was a despicable thing to do, and I’ll always regret losing what we
had,” she said, her voice quiet, as a teardrop slipped from her eye. “I’m not
asking you to forgive me, but you need to know that the shame of what I
did eats me up every day.”
When she finished, she fidgeted with her hands, and I had never seen Jas
so vulnerable. She was always standing tall with her chin up high, judging
everyone around her. I thought she was smug about what she had done to
me and couldn’t care less about severing our relationship. For some reason,
Jas’s apology cut me open in a way that filled me with an unknown source
of peace.
“I forgive you,” I said, surprising myself.
Her head snapped to mine, and her wide-eyed stare told me she wasn’t
expecting it either.
For the first time since the breakup, I felt like a burden lifted. Holding a
grudge was a lot of work, and I was done feeling sad over what happened.
That was the past, and I wanted nothing more than to let it all go. Linh was
right. I was no longer that broken girl.
“You do?” she asked, looking like she had seen a ghost.
I nodded. “It won't be how it was, but I do forgive you.”
She quickly nodded her head in understanding, wiping away her tears. “I
missed you,” she said as I pulled her into a tight hug. “I know it’s not my
place, but I heard what Linh said to you, and I agree. You deserve someone
like Jordan. The things Karn did were a reflection of him, not you. Jordan
isn’t him, and you are not the girl you were back then, either.”
A force of clarity rammed into my head.
The Naz from a year ago could never have told off Karn or forgiven Jas
for what she had done. She would have never made a life for herself in a
new city and expected someone as caring as Jordan to love her. I had been
beating myself up over reacting to Karn when I saw him again and thinking
he was right about me. But that was normal. My reaction to him was
normal.
I was such a fool. So stupid. Everyone I loved was telling me I had
grown, and I didn't listen. Instead, allowing someone who thought of me as
disposable to dictate my feelings.
“You’re right,” I said, scrambling off the bed and into my closet to pull
out the box hidden under bags of old clothes. Jas followed me out of the
room, and down to the kitchen where Linh sat with my parents.
“What’s that?” called Linh, following me to the backyard.
“What are you doing?” asked Jas, when I dumped the entire box into the
large burn barrel my dad kept in the yard.
“This is everything I still had from my relationship with Karn. I didn’t
have the heart to throw it away back then, but now the only thing I want is
closure.”
I grabbed the lighter, burning one of the poems Karn had written. A
poem that I later found out wasn’t even about me. I threw it into the pile,
watching it explode into raging yellow and orange flames.
Linh and Jas cheered, and my parents came out of the house, alarmed by
the flames overtaking the barrel. After Jordan left, I broke down and told
them the truth about us. They weren’t mad, but I could see their
disappointment in me for lying.
“Naz, what is going on?” My parents asked, rushing to me.
“Mom. Dad. I am so sorry,” I said. “I’m sorry for how I acted when I
was eighteen and the way I left things when I moved out at twenty. I’m
sorry I didn’t listen when you said he was wrong for me, and I’m sorry I
wasn’t a better daughter to you after we broke up. I shouldn’t have lied
about Jordan, and I’ll never do it again. I just want my parents back,” I
cried, letting it all out, feeling light with my past mistakes burning behind
me. I was done building walls around myself. I was done with the dark
emotions trying to control my life.
My dad's eyes filled with tears, and he pulled me into a tight hug. My
mom wept right next to us as she joined.
“We never stopped loving you, and we are so proud of you. Yes, we
were hurt, but we see the woman you have become. You never lost us,
beta,” said my dad as my mom pulled back, wiping the tears from my face.
“Nothing is more important than your happiness, Naz. You are my
daughter, and there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you,” my mom said,
and I sniffled. “We wouldn’t mind having our javai back either,” she added.
I chuckled, unsurprised by my mother's eagerness to have Jordan be her
son-in-law.
“Get in here.” My mom gestured to Linh, who looked ready to explode
if she didn’t get in on this hug. She pulled Jas with her, and we turned to
watch the fire burn brightly, then doused it with water. The smoke polluted
air became clear once again.
OceanofPDF.com
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
“G
lad to see you two are back,” greeted Phil when Linh and I walked
into the lobby. “Oh, and I had gone to deliver your package to
Jordan as you said.”
I forgot about the mirror I told Phil to deliver, and I felt my heart stutter.
I had left a note in the package for Jordan to read. That meant he read it,
and still didn’t care to call? The pep talks Linh had given me on the way
here, flew out of my head.
“The AI mirror?” Linh asked, looking worried.
I swallowed hard and nodded at her.
“Hopefully, we don’t see it in the trash,” she chuckled, trying to ease the
tension. It had the opposite effect, and I gave her a horrified look. “I’m
joking!” she quickly added, but it was of no use. I already imagined Jordan
taking a hammer to the mirror I worked so hard on.
“Linh, I have to see him. Everything he said that night was wrong, and I
was too stupid to realize it then. If Jordan still doesn’t want to see me after
what I have to say, he has to tell me to my face,” I decided.
The anticipation was going to kill me, and I needed to relieve it. I
walked toward the elevator, ready to camp outside his door until he let me
in.
“Naz,” called Phil, catching up to me. “He’s not home. He hasn’t been
back since he left. I thought you were coming together. That’s why I was
trying to say I had to keep the package down here.”
“What?” My brows knitted in confusion.
Where else could he be? He hadn’t been home for two days, and there
were only two places I thought he would go. Either he spent his entire day
at work or was at his mom's house. Phil shot me an apologetic look. The
only thing I could think of doing was to call Janelle.
She picked up right away. “You’re back! How was your trip, hun?” she
asked, and I was sure I couldn't walk away from his family.
“Hi, Janelle. Yes, I’m back, but I was wondering if Jordan was at your
house?” I asked, trying not to sound like a stalker.
“Oh, I thought he was still with you. He’s not here, but try the office?”
she suggested.
“I’ll do that. I’ll talk to you later,” I said quickly before calling James,
who gave me the same answer. Hope deflated in my chest.
“He probably wanted to be alone. Is there someplace he likes to go to?”
asked Linh, trying to help me with this search.
Then, as if the universe planted the answer into my head, a light bulb lit
behind my eyes. “Beekman’s rooftop! He has to be there.”
I dialled Janelle again, who was confused why I sounded so rushed. I
asked her for Mo’s phone number, and surprisingly, she still had it. Janelle
didn’t ask questions, but I had a feeling she knew what was going on.
I was already out the door and in a taxi before I had another second to
think. Mo seemed delighted to receive my call and was happy to have the
security guard on duty take me to the roof.
When got in the elevator, I tried not to lose my mind with each stop. As
soon as I got to the top floor, I ran to the rooftop door and pushed it open.
A breath escaped my lungs when I saw him standing at the far end.
Jordan stood by the ledge, the same ledge from where we watched the
sunset. Just the sight of him eased something deep inside me. How did I
wait this long to see him?
I walked forward, my heart fluttering in my chest with each step. I
noticed him twirling something shiny between his fingers. Is that…?
My hand shot to my ear, realizing he held the earring I had lost when I
bumped into him in the lobby. He had it this whole time and didn’t tell me?
“Jordan,” I called, but he didn’t turn around. “Jordan!” I said again, this
time louder.
Maybe he couldn’t hear me over the traffic below. Without turning, he
just shook his head, and the weight of my heart plummeted to my stomach.
He was ignoring me.
My heart cracked in two, and I felt crushing hopelessness drown me
until anger took over. How dare he not let me explain myself? My body
heated, the anger simmering below the surface.
I grabbed his shoulder and turned him to face me. He was hard to move,
but the adrenaline running through my body strengthened my pull. His body
jerked, and he looked startled by the sudden movement. When his eyes fell
on me, they widened in shock. Everything I had come here to say tripped
out of my head when I was met with his face.
“You’re here.” His eyes searched my face with urgency. Jordan exhaled
a relieved breath before he moved closer, then stopped midway, his hand
inches from my face. I needed his touch so desperately that I wanted to step
forward but I knew what he needed from me. His hand dropped and fisted
at his side, gaze ripping from mine to face the city again.
I needed to say something before I ended up ruining this and driving him
further away. The look on his face was distant, but I knew he would hear
me out. He said he loved me, didn’t he?
“You don’t have to say anything or even look at me, but I do need you to
listen,” I admitted, and I could see the tension he held in his shoulders.
“I should have told you about Karn, but I didn’t, and I am sorry. It’s
difficult for me to open up because you’re the first person I have felt
something like this for. You are not my rebound. You never were. I didn’t
realize it then because I had no idea what love was, but now I do.” With
that, he turned to look at me.
“It’s painful. My chest hurts all the time, and I probably need to go to the
doctor. Standing near you right now definitely isn’t good for my blood
pressure, and the pulsing in my ears isn’t helping.” I let out a breath, feeling
like I was on the verge of death. “If I have to spend the rest of my life
making it up to you, I will. Although, I’m hoping it’s sooner than later
because these looks are not going to last forever.” I smiled and saw his
mouth twitch, encouraging me to continue. “I love your commanding ways,
how you can make my heart skip just from a look, and how you care about
the people you love and the people who love me. I hope you still feel the
same way because I’m having lunch with your mom next week and going to
your sister's baby shower. Oh, and I promised Val we would have a spa
day,” I confessed shamelessly.
“And I trust you with my entire life. I love you. I would be an idiot not
to.”
Just like that my feet left the ground, and I was captured in strong arms.
I brought my hands around Jordan's neck, finally touching his warm skin.
The dimple I was dying to see coming into view.
“I would be an idiot not to. I love you, Naz. So much,” he finally said,
capturing my lips with his soft ones. I wrapped my legs around him,
holding on for dear life. “All your stubbornness and all your attitude, it’s all
mine. Every bit of you is mine.”
I pressed closer, wanting to get lost in him. Jordan buried his nose
against the crook of my neck, and we stayed like that, listening to each
other breathe.
“You know,” I said, pulling away. “I still owe you one.”
“Oh yeah? For what?”
“For being my fake boyfriend when my parents visited.”
He hummed, tightening his hold on me. “Am I still your fake
boyfriend?”
I shook my head. “Nope. This is very much real,” I said, poking his
dimple.
He captured my hand, kissing it. “Then I think I should cash in the
favour and make us even.” He smiled, his hand continuing to caress my
body.
“I think you should, too. Anything you want.” I beamed.
“Anything?”
I nodded, my toes curling in anticipation as I ran a hand down his chest.
“Do you have some fascination with the outdoors I should know about?”
he teased.
“I guess you’ll have to find out.”
His face brightened, those honey-brown eyes full of love and something
greater than words could ever describe.
Jordan pressed another hard kiss to my mouth. “I missed you.” He
pulled back, cupping my face in his hands and brushing his thumb over my
bottom lip.
“Me too, and I never want to miss you again.”
He softly chuckled, and the sweet rumble of his chest told me I was
finally home.
OceanofPDF.com
EPILOGUE
JORDAN
Two years later…
S
tubborn.
Completely and utterly stubborn
She stood blocking the front door, arms crossed, an angry expression on
her face. The look alone barred me from exiting the apartment.
I smothered the smile that tried to break free, only making her scowl
deepen. Waves of brown hair fell messily around her face, one of my white
shirts on her slender frame, her long tan legs bare. A sight only my eyes
were rewarded, the outside world seeing her pressed skirts and made-up
face, only I got this version of her, the version that cluttered my heart with
warmth and a feeling of home.
“Sarvenaz, we are not doing this right now,” I said, trying to be stern.
But even she knew that I would give her anything she wanted. She just had
to ask.
Brown, blazing eyes narrowed. I loved those fiery eyes. Eyes I looked
into every day, slipping into the deep auburn pools that could drown me in
their beauty.
“Babe, you said you would think about it!” she whined. The pout on her
full lips had me resisting the urge to kiss her.
“I did, and I don’t think it would be a good idea.” My eyes held hers in
challenge as she pursed her lips in annoyance. I would be late if I didn’t
leave now, but the look on her face held me back.
“Fine. Bye.” She uncrossed her arms and moved to side-step me. Before
she could get far, I caught her arm, pulling her to my chest. She came easily,
not bothering to put up a fight, biting her lip in an attempt to hide her
amusement and keep up the serious act.
“What did you have in mind?” I asked in acquiesce, knowing I wouldn’t
have lasted long.
“Really?” She beamed so brightly it pierced my chest like a bolt of
lightning, her smiling face like the warmth of the sun. I had the sudden urge
to capture it and ensure I could carry it with me whenever we were apart.
Pulling out her phone, Naz scrolled through an album of pictures from
when she visited the dog shelter. “Okay, I think this one is adorable, and oh,
this chihuahua would not stop licking Linh.” She laughed at the picture of
Linh tackled to the ground by a small dog. “There’s this golden retriever
puppy that I could not put down. The shelter even said he never cuddles
anyone, but babe, look, he came up to me!” she gushed, and I could tell she
had already decided which dog she wanted to adopt. Frankly, I didn’t care
either way, but her smile made me fond of the dog that liked her. I couldn’t
blame him.
My only issue with getting a pet was the responsibility that came with it.
I wasn’t sure it would be a good idea considering all the new beginnings
awaiting us. I only wanted to spend my days wrapped in Naz, but if it made
her happy there was nothing I wouldn’t do.
“We’ll go this weekend,” I said with a kiss to her forehead.
She came up on her toes for a long, passionate kiss. One that told me I
didn’t stand a chance. “See you tonight.” Naz patted my chest with a
pleased look before I headed out of my apartment. The apartment she had
no idea would sell by the end of the month.
Naz refused to live together because it wasn’t considered appropriate in
her culture. I understood her reasoning since she wanted her parents to be
comfortable with us. Although, I was sure they wouldn’t care if we moved
in together since they already treated me like their son.
We were sure to make frequent calls and visit whenever we could, and
when they were in town, they stayed with me. When Naz would be busy
with work, I showed them around all the tourist spots. Which was mindblowing for her since she said they did not like tourist activities. Although,
their favourite place to visit was my mom’s house, where loud laughter and
wine dinners were the norm. If it were up to them, they would talk all night,
but I had to drag them out because I had gone a whole day without seeing
my girlfriend, and the texts she sent did not make the drive back easy.
Sarvenaz paid for it when her parents were asleep, and I snuck down to her
apartment.
Switching between her place and mine had become our weekly routine,
and we were both growing tired of it. I wanted her to fall asleep in my arms
and wake up in them without having to rush out of my apartment at dawn to
work. Since Naz left Spectrum for her own company and I was CMO, we
spent even less time together, no more carpooling to work and no more
lunch dates. The thought of missing moments with her nipped at my heart,
and desperation settled into my abdomen. The clawing wish to come home
to her grew heavy each day, and I decided to do something about it.
Hot coals of stress sat heavily on my chest as the nerves settled in.
I was on my way to our New Jersey house, about an hour from our
current place. We loved Manhattan, but when we were on our way home
from brunch at my mom’s one day, we stopped by an open house. The large
property was in a quiet neighbourhood, with a large backyard and plenty of
rooms, perfect for that big family Naz always talked about having.
She had no idea I had purposely driven by when she excitedly walked
through the house pretending we were actual buyers. The following day, I
put in an offer and was now ready to give her the news along with another
surprise.
My trip to Seattle last month wasn’t just for business. I took an extra day
and flew to Vancouver to ask for her parent’s blessing. Sunita knew why I
was there when she opened the door, and she couldn’t be happier, calling
my mom immediately after to start planning. Jai told me the same thing he
did the day of the brunch two years ago.
“I know many people who would be happy to do me a favour, Jordan. I
love my daughter, and this time, I won’t hesitate to ruin the man that makes
her cry,” he warned, his tone sinister. I didn’t doubt that Jai had
connections; I would never test him.
My mother, on the other hand, had been waiting for me to propose for
the past year. She started with her not-so-subtle hints of giving me the
engagement ring my dad had given her, urging that I have it custom-made
for Naz. Then she would complain about how all her friends had a
daughter-in-law, and she was the only one with an unmarried son.
She didn’t need to persuade me, I knew I was only ever meant to be with
Sarvenaz, but I was waiting for her to be ready. I couldn’t pinpoint how it
happened, but one night when we both arrived early from work, something
switched. Something peaceful and soul tying binding us together so tightly
we couldn’t find the words to describe it.
We made dinner surrounded by notes spilling from my record player. I
chopped the ingredients, and Naz added them to the pan, taking breaks
every so often to hold her in my arms, to kiss her, to hear her say I love you.
That one never got old, nothing did when I was with her. Hours after, when
we lay in bed, her head on my chest, eyes settled on mine, and my heartbeat
resting at a new level of calm, we both felt it. The almost palpable, allconsuming sensation wrapped us in its weight. It was more than love, more
than anything I had ever felt.
Now, with the blessings and the diamond ring in my pockets, I was
ready, and with Linh’s help, everything was going as planned.
Naz: A dress just for tonight and a love letter? I might fall in
love with you all over again, Evans.
She had no idea she would soon be Mrs. Evans.
Me: Fingers crossed.
I pulled into the driveway of our new home, seeing Linh, my mom, and
my sisters in the backyard setting up for tonight. The fairy lights hung from
the house and the outdoor deck, thousands of white rose petals surrounding
the area with candles lining the path. The sun hung low on the horizon, and
I felt my pulse skip with each passing hour. The wires twisting around my
lungs reminded me of the first time I had kissed her. The night I had already
fallen in love with her.
“Are you just going to stand there or help us put up these lights?” my
mom called, trying to hang white lights on the tree that loomed overtop. I
shook my head, laughing at their struggle before I pulled them up myself.
While I was busy helping with the heavy lifting, my two best friends
walked into the backyard. They had made the trip here from Boston for this
and were staying in town for a few weeks.
“Our boy is all grown up,” said Marcus as he pulled me in for a hug.
Wiping away his non-existent tears with an exaggerated sniffle. “It’s about
damn time.”
“Hopefully she doesn’t say no,” joked Devin, one of my oldest friends
from high school.
“You’re hilarious,” I deadpanned.
“Just busting your balls, man. You know Naz would want us to.”
I couldn’t help but smile at that because I knew she would. They had
known about Naz since she showed up at my front door. I was enamoured
by her then, and the feeling hadn’t worn off, I don’t think it ever will.
For the next hour, the women ordered us around the backyard. My
sisters helped the caterers set up the family dinner we would have after, and
Linh transformed the backyard.
I was flying out Naz’s and Linh's parents so they could be here for the
surprise. After getting to know Linh’s parents, I realized they treated Naz
like their daughter and would want to be present during a special moment
like this. I checked my watch every five minutes and texted Will to pick
them up from the airport.
“All right J, it’s done. You’re going to walk her down this path. Stop
right under the tree. I’ll be standing over there,”—she pointed near the
bushes—“stealthily taking the pictures before we all pop out,” she
instructed.
None of this was possible without her, and I was grateful we had her as a
friend. “Thank you. I couldn’t have done this without you.”
“Of course, not. You two wouldn’t even be together if it weren’t for my
words of wisdom,” she said proudly.
I shot her a droll look. “I would hope it has something to do with the fact
that we love each other.”
“Sure, whatever floats your boat, bud,” she said with a pat on my arm.
I shook my head at her smug face. “I’ll text you when we’re five
minutes away,”
The hour drive felt like an eternity and sent my pulse thrashing against
my collar. I didn’t think she would say no, but I was throwing a new house
and an engagement at her the same night. I just hoped she wouldn’t freak
and run out on me.
The traffic was heavier than usual, making me a few minutes late to pick
her up. When I parked, I spotted her in the lobby talking to Phil. She turned
when I walked in through the automatic doors, eyeing me as I made my
way toward her. Brown eyes narrowed, and she crossed her arms, gaze
travelling over my suit, and as if unaware of the action she drew her lip
between her teeth.
The heat in her eyes set my body on fire. The red dress exposed her
smooth brown skin, the deep V almost making me forget why I was here.
The high slit of the dress gave me a glimpse of those endless legs, and
something smothered my lungs at the sight of her. Jesus, this woman.
“You’re late, Jordan. Wouldn’t want someone to think my boyfriend
stood me up,” she said, trying to remain serious. I wanted to kiss that smart
mouth, but I fought the need to take her back upstairs, feeling the weight of
the velvet box in my pocket.
“Sorry, baby. I swear I’ll make it up to you.” I pulled her toward me, her
sweet vanilla scent flooding my senses. Settling into my arms, she snuggled
into the crook of my neck, breathing in my cologne.
She loved this cologne, and when I found out, I bought three more
bottles the next day. Of course, when she saw them, she fell to the floor in a
fit of laughter. Finally calming down, she kissed me all over my face in
apology and revealed she liked the smell because I was the one wearing it,
not the other way around.
Ever since then, Linh has exclusively gifted me that cologne for
Christmas and on birthdays. Naz would shoot me an apologetic look when
Linh would hysterically laugh every time she convinced me the joke was
done, and I would unwrap her gift to see the same bottle.
“Now come on. I want to see you in that dress,” I said, turning her
around. She smacked my hand away and walked ahead of me, swaying her
hips and giving me exactly what I wanted.
When we got in the car, I felt like I had plunged into deep waters. It was
as if something switched, and everything became real with her right by my
side, those expressive chocolate eyes looking at me so lovingly. I hoped I
wouldn’t pass out before hearing her say yes.
She tried making conversation, but I could barely get out two words,
giving her hums in response instead. I felt her burning gaze on the side of
my face, and I swear she could tell I had a tornado of thoughts in my head.
“You okay?” she asked, concern lacing her words.
I nodded, awkwardly switching on the air conditioning while avoiding
her eyes. My phone pinged non-stop, and I could see her watching me when
I turned it off. Minutes passed in silence, which wasn’t a rarity for us. We
often found solace in not having to fill the spaces of our lives with words
and just existing with each other. However, the thick strain that smothered
the air was jarringly evident.
“You’re breaking up with me, aren’t you?” she said, her voice cracking
through the tense silence suffocating the car. Her words were a knife to my
chest, almost making me slam the brakes in the middle of the road. I
immediately pulled over and parked before turning to her.
“What?” I asked, caught off guard by her assumption, an assumption
that was the complete opposite of what I was trying to do tonight.
She sniffled, avoiding eye contact with me. “You were late, you’re
barely talking to me, and you didn’t even kiss me,” she said, and I could tell
she was trying her hardest not to cry. Only she would conjure up that
ridiculous conclusion.
A burst of laughter escaped me, the unexpected reaction causing her
head to whirl toward me. The furious look on her face told me if she didn’t
love me, she would spear her heel right through my skull.
It’s been two years. Two years wrapped around Naz’s finger, unable to
live a second of my life without thinking about her, without touching her,
and she thought I was breaking up with her? I let out a deep exhale, trying
hard to hide the wide grin on my face.
She unfastened her seat belt and reached for the door handle, ready to
exit the car in the middle of nowhere. Panicking, I reached over, closing the
door and locking it. I pried her hands off and brought them to my chest,
holding them in mine.
“You’re mean,” she muttered.
I fought my smile. When I pulled her chin to face me, she finally lifted
her eyes.
“There isn’t a life I could live where you’re not mine. Understood?”
Those watery eyes tried to detect a lie. She wouldn't find one. Not when I
spoke about my love for her.
She slowly nodded, and I kissed her teary eyes. “I didn’t mean to make
you feel like that, Sarvenaz. I’ve been…preoccupied,” I said, without
revealing too much.
Before she could ask more questions, my hand tangled in her hair and
brought her to my lips, wholly consumed by my love for her. I hoped she
could feel that I had never been unsure. Not when it came to her.
Her nails ran along the nape of my neck as she deepened the kiss. I
cupped her jaw, angling her face to feel her tongue against mine, causing
her to voice a moan of pleasure. Her soft noises would be the death of me.
My hand eagerly slipped under the straps of her dress before I realized I
was sidetracked.
I pulled back, and her hands fell back on her lap. Wordlessly, I continued
driving, and she sat dazed in the passenger seat, fixing the fallen strap of
her dress.
“Where are we?” she asked when I pulled into our new neighbourhood.
Naz looked around the dark area, trying to make out the place. I didn’t
say anything, only smiling when I pulled into the driveway.
“Jordan…” she said, seeing the house in front of her and instantly
recognizing it. I stepped out of the car and rounded to the passenger side to
hold out my hand for her. “I have no idea what’s happening,” she whispered
before taking my hand, exiting the car on wobbly legs.
“Welcome to your new home, baby.”
Her eyes widened to saucers, and something wedged in my throat at her
astonishment. The realization hit her so hard that she stumbled backward. I
hooked a hand around her waist, holding her still, my pulse hammering.
“Home? What do you mean, home?” Naz asked.
“I bought it.”
Her jaw dropped, and she blinked in disbelief. “This is your house?
That’s cool…” she said slowly.
“Our house,” I corrected, and her eyes darted around the property.
“That’s not all. I have one more surprise.” She kept blinking, her mouth
opening, then closing, clearly speechless. I didn’t know if her reaction was
good or bad, and instead of waiting for her head to catch up with her eyes, I
led her to the backyard.
As we rounded the corner, the bright lights and rose petals surrounded
us, yellow lights like stars in the sky, hanging from the deck and off the
tree. Terrified to look back at Naz’s face, I took her hand and walked her
down the candle-lit path, stopping where Linh had instructed. Naz’s hand
squeezed mine so tight her nails dug into my skin, her breathing shallow. I
brought her to stand before me and then lowered to one knee. Her breath
hitched, her hand shooting up to her chest, auburn eyes brimming with
tears, and a bright smile coming into view.
The anxiety expelled from my body with one look at her awestruck face,
and I knew I would cherish every moment I would spend with her, my
favourite person, my Sarvenaz.
OceanofPDF.com
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
B
al is a Canadian writer, romance enthusiast, and book lover. Before she
decided to jump into the romance pool, she spent her time gushing
about books on Twitter.
When inspiration strikes, she is found filling her notes app with ideas for
romance novels. Although she has completed countless projects from her
Psychology degree to her Computer Science endeavours, this was definitely
her most exciting one yet.
She loves reading about love, watching movies about love, and now,
writing about it herself. There really isn’t much else that gets her heart
fluttering the way HEAs do. She fell in love with writing and hopes to
continue living out her romance author dreams.
OceanofPDF.com
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
I
f you are reading A Code for Love, it’s a testament to believing that if
you want something, go get it.
I want to thank my parents, who have supported me in every endeavour,
even with a book I won’t be letting them read. Being raised by hardworking
Indian immigrants is one of my greatest privileges, and their dedication to
providing their children with a better life has allowed me to achieve things I
once saw as far-away dreams. My main character Sarvenaz, represents
Indo-Canadians in a way where culture emerged in her daily life, but it
didn’t need to be at the forefront of this story to have her identify with it. It
allows us to connect with characters and appreciate where we come from. I
have always been proud of my culture, and I thank my parents for instilling
that pride in me.
Gurinder, you get on my nerves ninety-nine percent of the time, but I
would not have written this book if you didn’t ask, “What’s stopping you?”
I won’t write too much because we’ll both cringe, but I appreciate your
support and your unintentional (or intentional?) mentorship. I wouldn't be
where I am without you. Thank you.
Gurpreet, my favourite part of writing this book was introducing you to
the world of romance. You were seriously missing out. Your support is
unmatched, and your help with the small details added so much to this
story. Who knew the years we spent watching Bollywood movies and
romcoms would create this story? The names, the plot, and the touches of
culture ran through you because I knew you understood what I wanted.
Thank you.
Shayla, should I write this or telepathically communicate it to you? I
would not have guessed that one unhinged conversation would get us here.
Thanks to that guy who unintentionally brought about the downward spiral
of rants that somehow ended up as something positive. If it weren't for you,
this story would look like that first draft I sent you. All the extra angst and
heart-squeezing moments in this book were added because of your input,
and it made it that much better. You are the only person I would trust to be
my brain-stormer, early beta-reader, editor, morale booster, and the one
person who got me out of every single writer's block. I seriously don't have
the words to tell you how much I appreciate you (which is ironic
considering I wrote thousands of them for this book) but thank you.
Hopefully, this book will change your perception of romance books and I
can finally convert you into a fan. We’ll celebrate later, and you can give
me your full reaction plus a reading vlog. I’ll expect one of your hand-made
cards to add to my thirteen-year collection.
My amazing editors Danita, Kelly, and Jovana. This book survived the
brutal editing days because of your expertise. Thank you!
My beta-readers, for giving me your most honest and helpful
constructive criticisms. You all saw the potential in this story and were able
to help me create a piece of work that makes me proud. The editing months
were the roughest, and I’m so glad I had your input to help guide me
through them. Thank you.
Nina, you helped me with the final touches of this book like it was your
own. You have no idea how much I appreciated your FaceTimes, sketches,
and your input during these last steps. You were one of the first to read the
ARC and I’m so grateful for that. Thank you.
Leeza, Karla, Roza, Carlyn (that last minute scene is for you), Monse,
Ana, all of the book lovers GC, and everyone who did not hesitate to
support me, you all made my unhealthy obsession with romance books feel
normal. Thank you.
Lastly, You, the reader. I'm a rookie, but just know I poured everything I
had (and a little extra) into this book. This is my first perfectly imperfect
attempt at romance, and I really hope you love it. None of this would be
possible without your support and giving small writers like me a chance to
create stories. I hope this reaches the rom-com fans and you enjoy reading it
as much as I did writing it. If you did, leave a review or tweet at me because
I would love to hear your thoughts and have you stick around for more!
Thank you.
Finally, I want to stress that if I can do this, so can you. There is no
doubt about it. Aim for the stars, and you never know what you’ll hit on the
way.
OceanofPDF.com