IELTS Writing Model Essay
Estimated Overall Band Score: 9
Prompt:
As compared to the past, people nowadays are choosing to have fewer children than their
parents and grandparents.
Describe some of the problems that having fewer children can cause and suggest at least
one possible solution.
Model Essay:
Western societies are known for low birthrates. While a couple of generations back,
couples often had four or more children, the average today hovers around one or two. Having
fewer children may require additional help from outside the immediate family and slower
developmental growth for their youngest additions, though the trend could be reversed by
changing how families are represented.
When parents have fewer children, the need for support from outside the nuclear
family increases while development tends to slow. For working parents, a younger only-child
may require another guardian from extended family, a friend of the parents’, or even daycare.
This can be a burden in terms of others’ time and energy, or a family’s finances in the latter
case. An older sibling, however, could instead handle babysitting responsibilities.
Additionally, younger siblings often model older brothers and sisters. Younger children often
learn to walk faster, talk faster, and achieve other milestones more quickly in these situations.
While certainly not the end of the world if a child grows up alone, parents eager to get past
some of the early hurdles may wish for such an example.
To encourage parents to have more kids would firstly require changing how families
are represented in the media. People's attitudes are influenced very much by indirect
messages, even from the shows they watch. For example, if the families they stream on
screen usually consist of one or two children, it could be associated as the norm. As in the
case of the youngest internalizing the behavior of their older siblings, surrounding viewers
with larger model families could potentially increase the amount of kids they consider as
standard.
In conclusion, many families today stop at one or two children, but need additional
support. Additionally, their kids may not develop as quickly in certain areas. By
incorporating larger families in the media, however, the trend could be reversed.
Writing Task 2 Band Score 9 (Public Version):
Task Achievement
fully addresses all parts of the task
presents a fully developed position in answer to the question with
relevant, fully extended and well-supported ideas
Coherence &
Cohesion
uses cohesion in such a way that it attracts no attention
skilfully manages paragraphing
Lexical Resources
uses a wide range of vocabulary with very natural and sophisticated
control of lexical features; rare minor errors occur only as ‘slips’
Grammatical Range
& Accuracy
uses a wide range of structures with full flexibility and accuracy; rare
minor errors occur only as ‘slips’