Athiya Organizational Com petencies Pvt Ltd ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION ATHIYA ORGANIZATIONAL COMPETENCIES (P) LIMITED Designed for Mindtree, 2020 Athiya L&D Division Ver 1.2/Jan 2020. No part of this mate rial may be reproduced without prior permiss ion. www.athiya.com Page 1 WORKBOOK VER 1.0 / ATHIYA-QUANTIPHI/ 2020 Athiya Organizational Com petencies Pvt Ltd INTRODUCTION Being assertive is a core communication skill. Some people seem to be naturally assertive. But if you're not one of them, you can learn to be more assertive. Assertiveness is based on mutual respect; it's an effective and diplomatic communication style. Being assertive shows that you respect yourself because you're willing to stand up for your interests and express your thoughts and feelings. It also demonstrates that you're aware of the rights of others and are willing to work on resolving conflicts. Of course, it's not just what you say — your message — but also how you say it that's important. Assertive communication is direct and respectful. Being assertive gives you the best chance of successfully delivering your message. If you communicate in a way that's too passive or too aggressive, your message may get lost because people are too busy reacting to your delivery. What is Assertive Communication? Assertive communication is the ability to express positive and negative ideas and feelings in an open, honest and direct way. It recognizes our rights whilst still respecting the rights of others. It allows us to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions without judging or blaming other people, and it allows us to constructively confront and find a mutually satisfying solution where conflict exists. Being assertive is usually viewed as a healthier communication style. Being assertive offers many benefits. It helps you keep people from walking all over you. It can also help y ou from steamrolling others. Behaving assertively can help you: Gain self-confidence and self-esteem Understand and recognize your feelings Earn respect from others Improve communication Create win-win situations Improve your decision-making skills Create honest relationships Gain more job satisfaction Athiya L&D Division Ver 1.2/Jan 2020. No part of this mate rial may be reproduced without prior permiss ion. Page 2 Athiya Organizational Com petencies Pvt Ltd TYPES OF BEHAVIOUR List your experiences in dealing with the following people: PASSIVE PERSON AGGRESSIVE PERSON ASSERTIVE PERSON EYE CONTACT BODY POSTURE GESTURES VOICE TONE LANGUAGE WHAT ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION IS NOT...? Assertive communication is NOT a lifestyle!!! It's NOT a guarantee that you will get what you want It's NOT an acceptable style of communication with everyone… It is however, a far better option than being Passive or Aggressive Athiya L&D Division Ver 1.2/Jan 2020. No part of this mate rial may be reproduced without prior permiss ion. Page 3 Athiya Organizational Com petencies Pvt Ltd COLD SOUP ACTIVITY You take a very important client out for lunch in a classy restaurant. Both of you order the same soup. The soup arrives and it is cold; you know that the soup is supposed to be served hot. Please right down your response with justifications: Athiya L&D Division Ver 1.2/Jan 2020. No part of this mate rial may be reproduced without prior permiss ion. Page 4 Athiya Organizational Com petencies Pvt Ltd INDENTIFY THE BEHAVIORAL STYLE Look at each of the situations below and study the alternative responses. Say whether each response is assertive, aggressive, passive, or passive-aggressive. 1. A customer demands something that there is no way that you can accommodate. You say: ‘I’ll see if I can do something and get back to you.’ This behavior is: You say: ‘This is absolutely impossible!’ This behavior is: 2. A colleague compliments you on the way you dealt with a client complaint. You say: ‘It’s what I always do – I wasn’t born yesterday, you know!’ This behavior is: You say: ‘It was awful, I didn’t handle the client very well, I found it very difficult –I could feel myself going red.’ This behavior is: 3. You have been preparing an important report on MS Excel and need the help of a colleague to do a complicated chart. You approach her. You say: ‘I need your word-processing expertise; what we need to do is . . .’ This behavior is: You say: ‘Have you got five minutes? Since you are such a star, could you possibly amend this? It will not take you long. Tell you what; I’ll buy you an ice-cream after work tomorrow. Thank you ever so much.’ This behavior is: 4. Following a disagreement with a colleague, your manager asks what went wrong You say: ‘It was a total waste of time even trying to explain. You didn’t tell me that he was so narrow minded, and his language . . .!’ This behavior is: You say: ‘I don’t know really; I always lose my battle with people like that.’ This behavior is: 5. One of your colleagues has prepared a report. When reading through it, you find six mistakes. You return it, saying: ‘I’m so sorry to trouble you again, but there are a couple of things wrong – only little things. Could you possibly find time to correct it? I’d like to take it with me this afternoon if possible.’ This behavior is: You say: ‘Please could you correct these mistakes … or I can do it if you’re pushed – just give me the disk, if you prefer.’ This behavior is: Athiya L&D Division Ver 1.2/Jan 2020. No part of this mate rial may be reproduced without prior permiss ion. Page 5 Athiya Organizational Com petencies Pvt Ltd TYPES OF BEHAVIORS There are three common behavior styles called passive, aggressive and assertive. We all tend to fall in one of these behaviors. Below is a description of each type of behavior, including characteristics, feelings, other people’s actions and other people’s feelings. PASSIVE PERSON AGGRESSIVE PERSON ASSERTIVE PERSON Is afraid to speak Interrupts and talks over others Speaks openly Speaks softly Speaks loudly Uses a conversational tone Avoid looking at people Glares and stares at others Makes good eye contact Intimidates by using expressions Stands rigidly, crosses arms, invades the personal space of others Shared expressions which matches the message Shows little or no expression Slouches and withdraws Relaxes and adapts an open stance and expressions Isolates self from groups Controls groups Participates in groups Agrees with others despite personal feelings Only considers own feelings / or makes demands to others Keeps to the point Values self, less than others Values self, more than others Values self, equal to others Hurts self to avoid hurting others Does not reach goals and may not even know goals Hurts others to avoid being hurt Reaches goals but hurts others in the process Tries to hurt no one (including self) Usually reaches goals without hurting others “You’re okay, I’m not” “I’m okay, you’re not.” “I’m okay, you’re okay.” Which one of these behaviors do you use most frequently? Assertive behav ior is what is most often recommended by experts to use. While being passive may get you secondary gains and being aggressive might push people to give you what you want, you do it at the cost of a relationship. Decide for yourself, do I have to be passive, aggressive or assertive? Athiya L&D Division Ver 1.2/Jan 2020. No part of this mate rial may be reproduced without prior permiss ion. Page 6 Athiya Organizational Com petencies Pvt Ltd TOOLS FOR ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION You can learn to be more assertive over time by identifying your needs and wants, expressing them in a positive way, and learning to say "no" when you need to. You can also use assertive communication techniques to help you to communicate your thoughts and feelings firmly and directly. It likely won't happen overnight but, by practicing these techniques regularly, you will slowly build up the confidence and self-belief that you need to become assertive. You'll also likely find that you become more productive, efficient and respected, too. So, if your disposition or workplace tends to be more passive or aggressive than assertive, then it's a good idea to follow the below tools to become assertive: TOOL 1 : The BEF Tool TOOL 2: Four Rules for Your Responses: Use factual descriptions instead of judgments Avoid exaggerations Use “I” not “You” statements Express thoughts, feelings, and opinions reflecting ownership Athiya L&D Division Ver 1.2/Jan 2020. No part of this mate rial may be reproduced without prior permiss ion. Page 7 Athiya Organizational Com petencies Pvt Ltd THE SIX TECHNIQUES OF ASSERTIVENESS TECHNIQUE 1: BEHAVIOR REHEARSAL It is literally practicing how you want to look and sound. It is a very useful technique when you first want to use "I" statements, as it helps dissipate any emotion associated with an experience and allows you to accurately identify the behavior you wish to confront. Ex: You are waiting for a client's call who will let you know about the success of the project that you had submitted earlier. You are nervous about this call and hence practice receiving this call to come across assertively. Identify the actions that you will need to do to be successful. You could get help if need be with this. This list could contain actions like: When I hear the phone ring I will breathe deeply and stay ‘calm and cool’ I will move slowly to the phone aware of my breathing, breathing deeply and I will wait until the 3rd ring before picking up the ‘phone I will sit down on the chair and relax a moment; my body posture will be relaxed and radiate self confidence Next comes the behavioral rehearsal. Carry out the actions as planned by answering the phone as if for real. Repeat the rehearsal several times and modify your actions, as you feel fit to make the answering go even better. You can extend this rehearsal exercise to include thoughts and images besides only actions. Athiya L&D Division Ver 1.2/Jan 2020. No part of this mate rial may be reproduced without prior permiss ion. Page 8 Athiya Organizational Com petencies Pvt Ltd TECHNIQUE 2: REPEATED ASSERTION (THE 'BROKEN RECORD'): This technique allows you to feel comfortable by ignoring manipulative verbal side traps, argumentative baiting and irrelevant logic while sticking to your point. To most effectively use this technique, use calm repetition, and say what you want and stay f ocused on the issue. Example: Manager's assistant: The manager can't see you now Individual: I would like to see the manager about the reports I received from two of his team members. Manager's assistant I'm sorry, but without an appointment you can't see the manager. Individual: Manager's assistant Individual Manager's assistant Individual I have just received reports from two of his team members and I would like to speak to the manager now as the matter is extremely serious. There is an appointment available Friday morning next week, would like to see the manager then? I understand that I don't have an appointment; however, as the matter is very serious, I would like to see him now. The manager is a very busy man and can't just see people when they want him to. I'm sure that the manager is busy, however as the matter is very serious, I would like to see him now. TECHNIQUE 3: FOGGING This technique allows you to receive criticism comfortably, without getting anxious or defensive, and without rewarding manipulative criticism. To do this you need to acknowledge the criticism, agree that there may be some truth to what the other party says, and remain the judge of your choice of action. Danny Dave I work very hard but receive no appreciation or recognition whatsoever. Don’t you think I am being taken for granted? I agree you have been working very hard! We couldn’t have completed that project without you. Danny But no one appreciates my efforts. Dave I understand. No one likes feeling unappreciated. Athiya L&D Division Ver 1.2/Jan 2020. No part of this mate rial may be reproduced without prior permiss ion. Page 9 Athiya Organizational Com petencies Pvt Ltd TECHNIQUE 4: NEGATIVE ENQUIRY This technique seeks out criticism about yourself in close relationships by prompting the expression of honest, negative feelings to improve communication. To use if effectively you need to listen for critical comments, clarify your understanding of those criticisms, use the information if it will be helpful or ignore the information if it is manipulative. Example: Criticism Reply You’ll find that difficult won’t you because you are shy? In what ways do you think I’m shy? TECHNIQUE 5: NEGATIVE ASSERTION This technique lets you look more comfortably at negatives in your own behavior or personality without feeling defensive or anxious; this also reduces your critics' hostility. You should accept your errors or faults, but not apologize. Instead, tentatively and sympathetically agree with hostile criticism of your negative qualities. Example: Negative comment Reply You are selfish. Yes, you are right. I am giving my own needs some priority right now. TECHNIQUE 6: WORKABLE COMPROMISE When you feel that your self-respect is not in question, consider a workable compromise with the other person. You can always bargain for your material goals unless the compromise affects your personal feelings of self-respect. However, if the end goal involves a matter of your self worth and self-respect, THERE CAN BE NO COMPROMISE. Example: "I understand that you have a need to talk and I need to finish what I'm doing. So, what about meeting in half an hour?" Athiya L&D Division Ver 1.2/Jan 2020. No part of this mate rial may be reproduced without prior permiss ion. Page 10 Athiya Organizational Com petencies Pvt Ltd THE ART OF SAYING 'NO' We are often made to feel guilty and mean when we say “NO”. This is a form of manipulation, a last-ditch attempt to make you change your mind and cooperate after all. Dealing with this requires a particular kind of resilience. It helps if you really do believe that it is perfectly acceptable to make choices according to your own set of priorities, values and beliefs. This does not mean to say that you need always say ‘No’ just to prove you are in control of your own decisions. Here is a list of useful tips that you can use when wishing to say ‘No’: Know Your' No' Be Appreciative Say 'No' to the Request, Not the Person Explain 'Why' Be as Resolute as They are Pushy Practice Establish a Pre-Emptive 'No' Be Prepared to Miss Out Gather Your Courage Below is an example showcasing the art of saying “NO”: Manager: Jon Manager Jon Manager Jon Can you get all these reports finished by the end of today? No, I won't be able to finish them all today, but I will finish them tomorrow. But I wanted them all done today. No, I won't be able to finish them all today Can't you just work late tonight until they are all finished? No, I won't be able to finish them all today. But I will finish them tomorrow." Athiya L&D Division Ver 1.2/Jan 2020. No part of this mate rial may be reproduced without prior permiss ion. Page 11 Athiya Organizational Com petencies Pvt Ltd CASE STUDY CASE STUDY Apply your learning to solve these cases: Scenario 1: A new manager (Daniel) has stepped in to take charge of your team. Your team is currently working on the Manhattan Project for the client Marriott Hotels. He has still not understood the dynamics of your team members. In a team meeting with your team, Daniel decided to move 3 people of your team to a different project (HSBC) and instructed you to handle the workload and tasks of those 3 members. Though other members in your team mentioned to Daniel that this would have impact on your workload, he still went ahead and initiated the transition. You know it is impossible to handle this work alone. How would you handle this situation with an assertive response? Try to use the tools of assertion. Athiya L&D Division Ver 1.2/Jan 2020. No part of this mate rial may be reproduced without prior permiss ion. Page 12
