People & Culture
How to Become Insanely WellConnected
Fall 1996. A young Chris Fralic is selling software for Oracle. He’s
not sure what he wants to do next, but he’s always been curious
about venture capital. And then some unusual magic happens — a
friend offers to introduce him to Kevin Compton, a vaunted name in
VC. To his surprise, they talk on the phone for over an hour, and
Fralic not only walks away with a comprehensive download on the
industry, but a thesis on networking he’s adhered to ever since: The
best way to be highly influential is to be human to everyone you
meet.
Fast forward to today, Fralic is a successful VC himself, responsible
for First Round’s investments in Warby Parker, Roblox, HotelTonight
and Adaptly among others. When asked what’s made his career
possible, he’ll tell you outright it’s the relationships — built
deliberately over many years. This might sound like a common
response, but among his peers, he’s acknowledged to be a worldclass super-connector with rarefied expertise. Known for helping
launch the famed TEDTalks (this is his 24th year attending TED), and a
landmark Forbes piece on nailing email introductions, Fralic still
responds thoughtfully to over 10,000 emails every year.
In this piece, he unpacks the strategies that have earned him this
reputation — including how to become a genuine and highlyconnective networker, how to propel your career forward with each
interaction (while doing the same for others), do’s and don’ts for
getting responses from influencers in your industry, and how to
regularly measure your performance in this area so it becomes a
competitive advantage.
Fralic’s 7 Rules for Making Memorable
Connections
'Add value in conversations’ is typical advice. This means making
sure people walk away with a new idea, referral, intro, etc. But Fralic
has found imparting energy to be even more important than sharing
new information. To do this, follow these seven rules:
1. Convey genuine appreciation. Actively project warmth and high
energy. It’s been observed people like you when they feel liked by
you. So, do you greet them in a way that sounds like you’re
genuinely happy to see them? To make it clear you’re interested in
the other person, think about what they know that you don’t.
What do you actually want to learn in the interaction? Focus on that
so that they can walk away knowing they added value too.
2. Listen with intent. The focus you bring to asking specific
questions about what’s being said in real time makes others feel
heard. This is a big one. Being a good listener is about two things:
1) Demonstrating that you’ve heard exactly what was said by the
other person, and 2) encouraging them to continue. This breaks
down into what’s called “backchanneling” — offering short,
enthusiastic responses as the other person talks (i.e. “yeah” “mmhmm” “totally” “I can see that”), and asking follow up questions that
reference the information you were just given.
You’d be surprised how often people flub on listening, says Fralic.
People’s minds wander, they’ll be nodding but thinking about what’s
for dinner, they might look past the person speaking to see who else
is in the room. All of this projects disinterest, a lack of value or
prioritization for the person, and that can only hurt the relationship. If
you’re talking on the phone, asking specific follow-ups becomes
even more important with no body language or eye contact to read.
3. Use humility markers. What you say and how you say it can put
others at ease and replace nerves with positive energy — even in
tough situations. “I have relationships that have lasted over a decade
that started with me meeting a founding team and not investing,”
says Fralic. “I’ll often start that conversation saying, ‘I’m wrong all the
time and I very well may be here.’” Acknowledging your own
fallibility and human imperfection can go a long way toward making
yourself relatable. Especially if there’s a power dynamic where
someone is asking for your advice, attention or help, you want to put
the other person at ease.
There’s an unspoken distinction in the
networking world between the Hunters and
the Hunted.
When Fralic reached out to Kevin Compton all those years ago. He
was approaching one of the ‘hunted’ — someone who had 1,000
other things to be thinking about. But he still took the time to
engage and it was never forgotten.
You don’t need to build yourself up any more or explain why you’re
important or going to be helpful. Your focus should be on building
bridges between your experience and theirs so there are points of
recognition, especially if you can organically work in shared
struggles or challenges.
Taking the time to call or meet in person also expresses humility —
which is paramount if you’re about to reject someone. You want
to emphasize that your time is no more important than theirs. “I like
to call to explain opportunities I’ve passed on versus emailing. A
rejection stands out among people’s interactions. When you take
the time to be conscientious and human, people are often
appreciative and will respect you more.”
4. Offer unvarnished honesty. There are a lot of reasons why
people don’t share what they truly think in professional situations.
They don’t want to tarnish relationships or endure an uncomfortable
exchange or risk being disliked. Even if you’re one of the ‘Hunted,’
it’s human nature to avoid these experiences. You can differentiate
yourself by being as honest as you can. Just remember to root your
honesty in what will actually have utility for the other party. This
will set a good tone for all future conversations.
5. Blue-sky brainstorm. Maybe you can’t provide what someone is
looking for. But, if you can change the angle or way they’re thinking
about something by openly brainstorming with them, you make
them feel like they got something special and unexpected. It’s key
that you’re brainstorming with them, not for them. So, in the example
of passing on an investment, Fralic makes a point of listing others
who might invest, or he spends time thinking through how they
might pitch or message their business differently.
It’s best when the conversation builds on itself. He’ll suggest a few
names or changes, and then provide a sounding board for any
concerns or questions the founders might have. This way, he can
help them find a new, albeit slightly different path forward, and that’s
what they’ll remember — not just the no.
Give before thinking about what you get. Always offer something of
value before expecting or asking for something in return. Key to
this is not focusing on reciprocity.
“If you find yourself keeping score in your
professional relationships, you’re on the wrong
track.”
Instead make a list of everything you feel comfortable offering others
(even if you get nothing back). Perhaps you provide connections or
advice or office space or a next step in a process. That way, if you
have to say no to one thing, there’s still energy you can contribute.
6. End every meeting or conversation with the feeling and
optimism you’d like to have at the start of your next conversation
with the person. “Assume you’re going to run into everyone again
— it usually happens either by plan or happenstance,” says Fralic.
“There are no closed connections. The world is too small.” When
you do meet again, you want the person to think, ‘Oh great, it’s soand-so!’ not ‘I guess I’ll get through this somehow.’ If you envision
running into this person again and how you want that to go, it’ll
undoubtedly influence how you navigate a present conversation —
usually for the better.
For example, Fralic is always impressed by founders who — when
turned down — send some variation of, “Thanks for looking even if
it’s not a fit. If you have other ideas for us or if anything changes,
please let me know,” or, “Chris, when we met, you had a
question/issue about X. I just wanted to show you what we’ve done
about it — no need to respond.” “A person who says that shows
she’s savvy enough to not take bad news personally, or create
obligation or awkwardness, or continue to argue their point after
you’ve said no. I’ll remember her for it,” he says.
There's time beyond this fundraise and even
this company. Relationships take years to build.
Start now.
7. Don't fake it till you make it. It may be common wisdom for
finding confidence, but it has some negative byproducts. Namely,
Fralic has seen it used to justify winging it in important meetings.
Faking it in this context doesn’t mean bluffing your way through
interactions that make you feel insecure or intimidated. That leads to
bad decision making.
“I’ve seen people overstate their credentials because they were put
on the spot, or blindly target every executive in a room because they
figured they should,” he says. “This rarely leads to long-lasting
relationships.” If you want to connect with someone professionally to
move your goals forward, you need to know exactly why you care
about that person or their company. And you need to know how
to articulate it succinctly. Everyone seems to have a story about a
cold call miraculously turning into a career-making breakthrough.
This doesn’t happen by magic. It happens because your sincerity
is clearly powered by diligent preparation.
If you know you’re headed into a call or event and want to make a
good impression on certain people, create mini dossiers for them.
All it takes is a few bullet points:
What are the key milestones in their career?
What expertise do they seemingly love to provide? (Possible to
suss out from any articles that quote them or talks they’ve given in
the past.)
Are there any recent news stories or announcements about them?
What do you want to ask them or get out of the interaction if you
get the chance?
Just knowing this much will give you a leg up in the moment as long
as you’re honest, straightforward, and have a clear objective.
“People approach me through email with 'faux familiarity' all the
time, saying, ‘Hey how have you been? It’s been awhile!’ Nope. It’s
been never. Just say you don’t have a connection and make a
compelling argument for why we should meet, i.e. ‘You don’t know
me but you’ve done X and Y, would you be willing to tell me what
you think of Z.’ It might not work but it has a far better chance.”
EA
Build Long-Thriving (Not Just Lasting)
Relationships — The Do’s and Don’ts
Once you’ve made a strong first impression, it’s up to you to turn that
one touchpoint into a connection that has mutual purpose and
positive impact. This is where a lot of people fumble: They get too
busy, disorganized, nervous or pessimistic to follow up the right way.
The result: too many high-potential relationships fizzle for no good
reason. Here’s a sure-footed way to make sure this doesn’t happen
to you.
DO: Keep your ‘dream contact list’ at the ready
When Fralic was in the computer reselling business, he kept stacks of
trade journals that listed the names of top people in the industry. He
would go through and mark those he wanted to learn more from —
and, by hook or by crook (pre-LinkedIn), find a way to connect.
Once he did, he’d ask if they could introduce him to the others on
his list.
“What do you want your network to look like, and what are you
trying to achieve? For example, I tell our founders that there should
always be a slide in their board decks that shows the five most likely
acquirers of their business and what they’ve done to further
those relationships since the last board meeting” Fralic says.
“The same goes for relationships with individuals. If you know who
“The same goes for relationships with individuals. If you know who
your top 5 dream contacts are and what you want to talk to them
about, you’ll be ready when you run into someone who knows
them. Likewise, it’s good to have a forcing function for keeping those
connections healthy — much like the board deck slide, consider
creating a rolling reminder to get in touch. As a company, you want
to have a relationship with potential acquirers before you call up
asking, ‘Do you want to buy us?’ As a person, you want to have a
relationship before you ask for a job, an intro, money.”
DO: Craft low-lift requests
Make sure your asks are reasonable for the busiest of people. First,
keep your emails short, simple, and to the point. Second, “If you
send an email asking for something, do the first three steps of
thinking for them. Make it really easy for the other person to say
yes or no without creating an imposition. For example if you’re
asking for an intro, write a self-contained forwardable email,” Fralic
says. A good SCFE (as he sometimes calls it) has a subject line
customized for the end recipient and quickly explains who you are,
what you want and why — it’s dead simple for your mutual contact to
send along. Here's a real-life example:
———
Date: February 21, 2017 at 8:55:26 AM EST Subject: Introduction
Date: February 21, 2017 at 8:55:26 AM EST Subject: Introduction
to HUNTED PERSON
Hi Chris, Thanks again for our discussion on Friday.
I appreciate your offer to introduce me to [HUNTED PERSON], to
explore if there may be sales leadership roles within [COMPANY]
where I can share the valuable experience I gained building [MY
LAST COMPANY]’s saas business.
My CV is attached to this note. I'll keep you advised with my
progress.
Best regards, [HUNTER]
[FULL NAME EMAIL ADDRESS PHONE NUMBER]
————
Always include your phone number in case the person you’re trying
to get in touch with would find it easier to just call you directly. Few
people do this. It’s uniquely self aware.
Be really sure of the time commitment you ask from someone. Do
you really need that much? “If your outreach is just, ‘Can I take you to
lunch?’ that's a big ask for a lot of people versus, ‘Hey, just thought
I'd share with you this quick update about what I'm doing. No need
to respond.’ The ‘no need to respond’ is a powerful tool. It sounds
counterintuitive, but if you give people an out, it makes them more
likely to act,” says Fralic. If you’re aware and respectful of how busy a
person must be, they’ll assume positive data about your emotional
intelligence and social skills, which could get you further than eating
lunch with them in the long run.
DO: Follow up and follow through
It sounds so easy — just follow up after meetings and complete any
deliverables you promised. But a shocking number of people don’t,
Fralic says.
Actually doing what you say you're going to do
will put you in the top quartile.
“I recently met with Kenny Herman, who used to work for a First
Round company and is one of the best business development
people out there. In a meeting, he kept coming up with ideas for
people to introduce me to and said he’d send over a list that I could
choose from,” Fralic says. “Afterwards, he actually did send me an
email with LinkedIn links to all of the people he’d brainstormed and
one-line details on who they were. With it came a short note offering
to make introductions. That's the perfect follow up. Nine out of 10
people don't do that. Instead, most people just drop off or forget.
Not only does the relationship stop there, but I’ll never use the word
reliable to describe them.”
These days, there’s tons of chatter about building one’s personal
brand. Ironically, your brand actually comes from you doing great,
consistent work on time — not from investing in social media or a
website or marketing your work, says Fralic. You have tools at your
disposal to surprise and delight: speed and polish. If you can follow
up fast, that’ll get you noticed — even better if your content is
perfectly proofread and detailed.
DO: Make your own system for keeping in touch
Fralic uses Contactually to organize his contacts and gets regular
reminders to email the people he’s marked as wanting to touch base
with frequently. “A venture capitalist I admire used to recruit a friend
of mine like clockwork — he would inevitably call every single year to
see if he would join their firm. It worked. He eventually did. The
takeaway: you’re only human, you can’t remember everyone, let a
system do what you can’t.” Expensive software isn’t required to
create a CRM for your life. All you need is a system that will:
Store people’s names and relevant data like email address,
birthday, company, title, relevant personal or business facts that
won’t make you sound disingenuous. Don’t ask about someone’s
kids if you don’t know them that well.
Ping you when X days, weeks, months or years have gone by to
remind you to reconnect however appropriate, depending on the
nature of the relationship.
It could be as simple a creating a Reminder for each contact on your
Mac that will send you a push notification every 3, 6 or 12 months.
This also allows you to put their email address and any short details in
the ‘note’ section and access contacts across devices.
“After a meeting, I’ll quickly save a one-minute audio note with
takeaways and next steps,” says Fralic. “I then set aside an hour every
Friday to go through these notes and write corresponding followups if I haven’t already.” A good meeting recap email can inspire
tremendous confidence. Consider sending along a few short bullets
capturing the most important points discussed, along with a list of
primary action items and who is responsible for them. This will make
everyone feel more organized, clear-headed and certain progress is
being made — essentially you’re adding energy to an interaction
over email.
Of course, while systems are important, don’t let them prevent you
from being spontaneous. If you stumble on an article that’s highly
relevant to something a valuable contact is doing or thinking about,
send it along with a quick personalized note.
If you can add one ‘Incremental Thoughtful
Personal’ email or call per day, do it. It can
fundamentally impact your business and
relationships in the long term.
DO: Special Ops-level recon
Fralic is meticulous about using tools and elbow grease to ready
himself for meetings. Every appointment on his daily agenda
includes a link to a person’s LinkedIn, plus a few sentences on who
made the introduction and the purpose of the meeting. On busy
days, he’ll list out key questions and takeaways for each meeting.
He’s also a fan of Clearbit, which makes a Gmail widget that surfaces
context on people in your address book.
“There's so much information available, yet people don’t take
advantage of it. When I get an email or have a sit-down, you'd be
surprised at how few people can give evidence that they've done
any real work in advance. There’s just no excuse for that,” Fralic says.
“I'll meet candidates who are interested in jobs at our startups and I'll
ask, ‘What companies are interesting to you?’ Half the time they’ll
say, ‘I haven't had a chance to look at your website yet.’”
This is a low bar. Set a higher standard. It’s worth doing a Google
search for tools to discover, capture, and make information about
people accessible. This is the bread of butter of services like
Accompany, and many others that make investigative legwork easy.
You can set Google Alerts for your top 5 contacts, for instance, so
you catch every news story they or their company is mentioned in.
There are even IFTTT recipes devoted to keeping tabs on your
contacts. Don’t accept the standard tools. Go the extra mile to find
out more, be better prepared, and keep in touch.
DO: Get to the ‘Zone of Indifference’
When you approach meaningful outreach, or a sales pitch, or
fundraising, or a new job opportunity, make sure you prepare as
much as you can. You’re aiming for the ‘Zone of Indifference.’ That’s
where you can look yourself in the eye and know you did everything
you could to make it happen. When you’re in the Zone, it’s great if
you achieve your goal, but if you don't, you spare yourself the regret,
doubt or stress you might have otherwise.
On a related note, it’s always better to get a quick ‘no.’ Leave it all
on the field, so you make a good impression. If and when things
don’t go your way, learn from what happened. It’s better to get that
‘no’ upfront than to get strung along waiting for a yes that never
comes.
DON’T: Ambush people (always ask first)
As your network grows, you can start providing value in the form of
introductions for others. But there’s no easier way to burn a bridge
than to send an email connecting two people without getting their
permission first. Double opt-in emails are a must. If a contact asks to
meet someone, shoot that person a quick email explaining who the
requester is and why you think it could be a valuable interaction for
them. Don’t just paste their bio. If you do, you’ll miss out
appearing like the thoughtful strategist who put two and two
together. You want both recipients to know you’ve got their back
and you’re on the lookout for opportunities to benefit them. And
don’t forget to always give everyone involved an out. Don’t create
an obligation.
DON’T: Reach out only when you need something
This can happen by accident or if you feel like you have no other
choice. This is why the tools Fralic mentioned earlier are so handy.
But let’s say you need to make a decision on the fly. “Check your
''Sent folder to see when’s the last time you reached out to someone
and in what context before you fire off that note asking for help,” he
says. “It becomes obvious very quickly when someone just wants to
use you. Don’t be one of those people. This is a quick way to suffer
single-digit response rates — if you’re just asking people for things
without thinking about what you’ve done for them recently, or
without any context for why you’re asking, people will feel imposed
upon. And they won’t respond. Your reputation takes a hit and
everybody loses.”
DON’T: Lose track of your response rate
You don't want your response rate be at 100%, because then
you're not pushing far enough — you could probably ask for more
assistance and still get it. "My goal is roughly an 80% hit rate for
outreach," says Fralic. "For others in different roles it might be lower
(if you’re a sales development rep for instance) or maybe 50%.
There’s no magic number, but your response rate should make sense
based on the strength of connection and amount of personalization
and thought you’ve put into the outreach.”
Very few people even pay attention to this metric, so they don’t
know where they stand. Learn from past emails to make future ones
better. Let’s say you send 20 emails out to close connections asking
for candidates for an open role. Tally your response rate. Think about
who didn’t respond. Rephrase similar asks to them in the future that
might appeal more to their specific interests or personalities. It’s
worth your time given the value that can be gained.
Email response rates are signals of your
reputation. Under 10%? You’ve got a problem.
“You’re only as good as the people you know,” says Fralic. “That’s
why it’s so worth it to make your reputation a priority. Your brand is
what people think or say about you when you’re not around. When
they see your name in their inbox, think about what you want their
first reaction to be,” Fralic says. “If you follow these principles, your
network will naturally widen into a solid foundation. It’s not just
about having another high-caliber LinkedIn connection or the email
address of a VIP. Those are nice to have, sure, but the real win is
knowing those people will respond when you need it.”
Photography by Michael George. Chris Fralic tweets at @chrisfralic.
Read this next
More reads on People & Culture
Now’s the Perfect Time to
Retool Your Hiring Process
How to Help Your Team Face
Down Uncertainty, Burnout
and Perfectionism
From BigCo to Startup: 20 Tips
for Evaluating Early-Stage
Companies & Making the Leap
"Take Control of Your Desk" —
Career Tips for ICs, Managers
& Founders
We crowdsourced a tactical guide for
first-time startup job-seekers on how to
evaluate career opportunities at earlystage companies.
23 Company Building Lessons
From Stripe & Notion
The Revi ew
Home
Articles
Collections
RSS Feeds
Article Feed
Podcast Feed
Books
Newsletter
Resources
Podcast