A Letter of Self-compassion
Have you ever heard of self-compassion? Simply put, self-compassion means that you
treat yourself with care and concern when confronted with your own mistakes, failures,
and shortcomings. It has 3 different components:
 Self-kindness: “… that we are gentle and understanding with ourselves rather than harshly
critical and judgmental.”
 A sense of common humanity: “… feeling connected with others in the experience of life
rather than feeling isolated and alienated by our suffering.”
 Mindfulness: “… that we hold our experience in balanced awareness, rather than ignoring
our pain or exaggerating it.” Source: Neff (2011, p. 44).
This specific exercise is called “A letter of self-compassion” and you’re going to start with
choosing an aspect of yourself that you dislike and criticize. It may be an appearance,
career, relationships, health, etc.
1. Write in detail about how this perceived inadequacy makes you feel. What thoughts,
images, emotions, or stories come up when you think about it?
2. Next, imagine someone who is unconditionally loving, accepting, and supportive. This
friend sees your strengths and opportunities for growth, including the negative aspects
about you. The friend accepts and forgives, embracing you kindly just as you are.
3. Now write a letter to yourself from the perspective of this kind friend. What does he or
she say to you? How does this friend encourage and support you in taking steps to
change? Let the words flow and don’t stress about structure or phrasing.
After fully drafting the letter, put it aside for fifteen minutes. Then return to the letter and
reread it. Let the words sink in. Feel the encouragement, support, compassion, and
acceptance.
Review the letter whenever you are feeling down about this aspect and remember that
accepting yourself is the first step to change.