THE COMPONENTS OF ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR
Eye Contact: Looking directly at another person when you are speaking is an effective way of
declaring that you are sincere about what you are saying, and that it is directed to
the listener.
Body Posture: The weight of your messages to others will be increased if you face the person,
stand or sit appropriately close to h/her, lean toward h/her, hold your head erect.
Gestures:
A message accented with appropriated gestures takes on an added emphasis
(over-enthusiastic gesturing can be distracting).
Facial Expression:
Effective assertions require an expression that agrees with smiling or
laughing.
Voice Tone, Inflection, Volume:
A whispered monotone will seldom convince a person that
you mean business. While a shouted epithet will bring
his/her defenses into the communication. A level, wellmodulated conversational statement is convincing without
intimidation.
Timing:
Spontaneous expression will generally be your goal since hesitation may diminish
the effect of an assertion. For example, such as speaking to your boss in the
privacy of h/his office, rather than in front of a group of subordinates where s/he
may need to respond defensively.
Content:
Although what you say is clearly important, it is often less important than most of
us generally believe. We encourage a fundamental honesty in interpersonal
communication and spontaneity of expression. However, HONESTY FOR
HONESTY SAKE IS WORTHLESS AND DESTRUCTIVE. In our view it is
best to say forcefully, “I’m angry about what you just did!” Rather that, “You’re
an S.O.B.!” We do encourage you to express you own feelings and to accept
responsibility for them. Not the difference in the above example between “I’m
angry” and “You’re an S.O.B.” It is not necessary to put the other person down
(aggressive) in order to express your feeling/s (assertive). YOU DO NOT
ELEVATE SELF BY PUTTINHG SOMEONE ELSE DOWN. REFRAIN
FROM USING “NEGATIVES” in the content of your message.