Strengthening
Families
Caring for Relatives from a Distance
Caring for an older family member
when you are separated by hundreds
of miles brings unique challenges.
Distance can make it harder to
handle decisions when a crisis
occurs.
It is helpful to have a strong support
network for both yourself and your
family member. Usually many
people are willing to help if asked.
Creating a telephone support directory can be helpful. It could include
siblings and other relatives, a friend or neighbor as well as professional
service providers. It is also helpful to keep a notebook that includes
medical information, persons you contacted and what each person
agrees to do.
Talking, even when things are tense can help to solve
problems. Take time to communicate with all family members. This
may be a telephone conference call, a personal call, or it may be done
through e-mail or a web page. Include everyone in making decisions,
encouraging each person to identify what they can do to help.
Have realistic expectations of what local caregivers can
provide. Look for ways that you can share the responsibility for care
and be sure to take the time to thank those who help with the care.
Have realistic expectations of what you can do. Caring for
yourself helps you to provide quality care for your relative. Distant
caregivers may have strong guilt feelings as they are caught between
caring for the needs of the person receiving care and their own needs.
If you feel guilty about telling your relative “no” when they ask you to
do something, examine why you feel guilty. It may not stop the feeling
but it often helps you to choose your response. Setting limits and
explaining them may help to lessen the guilt and strengthen your
relationship.
If conditions worsen, you may be tempted to quit your job, move
closer to your relative or move your family member closer to you.
Consider these options carefully before making any decision.
Keeping a healthy, comfortable relationship with all involved is very
important for everyone. To continue these relationships it is necessary
to keep in touch frequently with the local caregivers and with your
relative.
Written by Rachel Schwarzendruber, Family Life Educator, 2008.
Editor: Patti Faughn, Family Life Educator, 2008.
Make any needed appointments or contacts before
traveling. Jumping on a plane or rushing to your relative without
preparation may result in a wasted trip or one that frustrates both you
and your family member.
Joyce Pyatt, Family Life/Consumer Education
University of Illinois Extension - Jackson County
402 Ava Road
Murphysboro, IL 62966
PH: 618/687-1727
For additional information contact:
United States Department of Agriculture  Local Extension Councils Cooperating
University of Illinois Extension provides equal opportunities in programs and employment