Revision Checklist for Response to Persuasive Essay:
Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
(Note: Also refer to pages 294-298 in the literature book, as well as the checklist on the back of the prompt. Use
commonsense and only use the revision tips that apply to this essay.)
THINK LIKE A TEACHER!!!
Introduction:
1. Is your hook attention grabbing (no rhetorical question)? If you used the counterargument
sentence frame, you’re good!
2. Did you include the full name of the author and title? After this, you should only refer
to author by last name?
3. Did you include specific evidence such as quotes or a paraphrased event from the novel
that should be better placed within your body paragraphs? If so, take them out of the
introduction.
4. Does your thesis completely and concisely answer the prompt? Did you identify a
statement of theme that includes strong opinion words? Is your thesis the last sentence
in your intro paragraph?
Body Paragraphs:
1. Did you include quotes in your topic sentences? If so, then you don’t have a topic
sentence. A topic sentence is commentary, not a concrete detail. Think of a TS as a more
specific form of your thesis: a mini thesis for a body paragraph.
2. Did you include at least two CDs (quotes or paraphrased info)?
3. Did you lead into your quotes, so that it naturally flows within a larger sentence, or did
you just “drop” it in? Use good lead-ins and transitions! See the sample paragraph on the
M&M page of my website. Also, there are great examples on the DJ handout!
4. Did you adequately explain each quote, so that you can demonstrate understanding?
5. Does your commentary explain how the quote you chose supports your thesis? If the
quote does not support your topic sentence/thesis, then you must change either your topic
sentence or your quote. The paragraph must be coherent and focused.
6. Does your CS agree with your TS? (Note: a CS should have more analysis than a TS).
Again, there are no CDs in a TS: it is all CM.
Conclusion:
1. Did you restate your thesis without using exactly the same words (should have more
analysis than the thesis)? Does it agree with your thesis?
2. Did you summarize your strongest points / ideas? Look at all three of your TS sentences,
then combine the ideas into one or two sentences that summarize what you proved in
your paper.
3. Did you include new quotes or evidence? If so, take them out of the conclusion. There are
no CDs in the concluding paragraph.
4. Did you finish the conclusion by making a connection, reflection, or insightful
statement? See the prompt handout/ format for the example and sentence frame.
PERSUASION:
1. Did you include at least 5 different rhetorical devices throughout the essay?
2. Did you change weak word choice (i.e. kill) to more strong, opinionated words (i.e.
save, murder)?
3. Did you convince your audience to agree with your point/perspective?
Overall:
1. Did you use the word “you” to refer to the audience? If so, change it. Some suggestions
for replacing the word can be a person, someone, anyone, or people. Ex. People (not
you!) should value a friendship as much as they value a life.
2. Did you remove excessive words, vague words, and incorrectly used words? Be specific.
Make every single word count. Use words appropriate for your audience.
3. Did you use the words “quote” or “quotation”, “essay”, “paragraph”, “my opinion”, or “I
think” anywhere in your paper? If so, change your wording.
4. Did you vary your sentence structure or does every sentence look similar in length and
format? Replace, add, or remove phrases to do this.
5. Did you use the same word too many times? If so, use a thesaurus to find another word.
6. Did you use proper spelling, capitalization, and punctuation?
7. Did you use proper parenthetical citations after each quote?
8. Did you use proper grammar? Are your modifiers in the right place?
9. Do you have run-on sentences or fragments (missing a subject or verb)? If so, fix.
10. Is your essay written in present-tense using 3rd person point-of-view? If not, fix. Did you
use the pronoun “I” to refer to yourself? Is so, take it out!
11. Do all of your subjects and verbs agree? If not, fix.
12. Do all of your pronouns and antecedents? If not, fix.
13. Is it written in passive voice? If so, use active voice instead.
14. Did you very your verbs, especially in your lead-ins/ attributions (i.e., change says or said
to exclaims or describes)? How many times did you use says or said? Refer to the “200
ways to say says” handout on the writing resources page of my website!
WRITING RESOURCES!
Please visit the writing resources page of my website for additional materials and links!
Remember to use “200 ways to say says”!