BOSTON COLLEGE WORLD-WIDE WEBINARS
Managing Conflict
Bob O’Neil
Leadership and Career
Management Coach
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Agenda for today
• Explore new ways to become more
effective in conflict situations
• Become more aware of five different
conflict management styles
• Recognize how and when to use of each
conflict style
• Better understand how to make appropriate
adjustments to become more effective
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What is Conflict?
Any situation in which
your concerns or
desires differ from
those of another
person.
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What is Conflict Management?
Conflict management is the practice of
identifying and handling conflict in a
sensible, fair and efficient manner.
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General Causes of Conflict
• Poorly defined goals and objectives
• Competition for scarce resources
• Unclear roles or lack of job description
• Shifting priorities
• Lack of communication
• Personality conflict
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2008 Study by CPP, Inc
• 2.8 hours per week dealing with conflict
• $359 billion in paid hours
• 385 million workday
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Conflict Management Styles
COMPETE
COLLABORATE
COMPROMISE
AVOID
ACCOMMODATE
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Different styles have different goals
• Competing:
Win!
• Accommodating: Yield
• Avoiding:
Delay
• Collaborating:
Participation
• Compromise:
Middle ground
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Conflict Management Styles
COOPERATION / CONCERN FOR OTHER
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ASSERTIVENESS / CONCERN FOR SELF
Conflict Management Styles
COOPERATION / CONCERN FOR OTHER
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Avoiding
Conflict
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ASSERTIVENESS / CONCERN FOR SELF
Conflict Management Styles
AVOID
lose / lose
COOPERATION / CONCERN FOR OTHER
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Avoiding
Unassertive and Uncooperative
When to use:
•
•
•
•
•
Issue is trivial
Little can be gained
Know when to postpone
Avoid emotional conflicts
You know your
limitations
• Allow others ownership
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Avoiding
Unassertive and Uncooperative
When to use:
Be aware of?
•
•
•
•
•
•Perception that you don’t
care
•Allows conflict to simmer
•Hope is not an effective
strategy
Issue is trivial
Little can be gained
Know when to postpone
Avoid emotional conflicts
You know your
limitations
• Allow others ownership
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ASSERTIVENESS / CONCERN FOR SELF
Conflict Management Styles
COMPETE
win / lose
AVOID
lose / lose
COOPERATION / CONCERN FOR OTHER
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Competing
Assertive and Uncooperative
When to use:
• Quick, decisive action is
needed
• Unpopular action must
be taken
• Issue is vital and the
right course is clear
• To protect against people
who take advantage
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Competing
Assertive and Uncooperative
When to use:
Be aware of?
• Quick, decisive action is • Can be aggressive and
needed
confrontational
• Unpopular action must
• Relationships may be
be taken
damaged
• Issue is vital and the
• May encourage others to
right course is clear
use covert methods
• To protect against people
who take advantage
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ASSERTIVENESS / CONCERN FOR SELF
Conflict Management Styles
COMPETE
win / lose
AVOID
ACCOMMODATE
lose / lose
lose / win
COOPERATION / CONCERN FOR OTHER
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Accommodating
Unassertive and Cooperative
When to use:
• Yield to a better position
• Concede, when
appropriate
• Make a sacrifice when it’s
important to others
• Creates good will and
keeps the peace
• Low importance
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Accommodating
Unassertive and Cooperative
When to use:
Be aware?
• Yield to a better position
• Concede, when
appropriate
• Make a sacrifice when it’s
important to others
• Creates good will and
keeps the peace
• Low importance
• May result in a false
solution to problem
• May be seen as a
“martyr?”
• Reduced creativity
• It’s exhausting
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Compromising
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ASSERTIVENESS / CONCERN FOR SELF
Conflict Management Styles
COMPETE
win / lose
COMPROMISE
win / lose
lose / win
AVOID
ACCOMMODATE
lose / lose
lose / win
COOPERATION / CONCERN FOR OTHER
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Compromising
Intermediate in assertiveness and cooperation
When to use:
• When practical and
pragmatic
• Quickly achieves an
expedient solution
• Issues less important, but
not vital
• Back-up when other
styles fail
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Compromising
Intermediate in assertiveness and cooperation
When to use:
Be aware?
• When practical and
pragmatic
• Quickly achieves an
expedient solution
• Issues less important, but
not vital
• Back-up when other
styles fail
• Becomes a pattern of
taking the easy way out
• Reduces creative options
• Can be seen as being
“indecisive”
• Can be seen as not
wanting responsibility
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ASSERTIVENESS / CONCERN FOR SELF
Conflict Management Styles
COMPETE
COLLABORATE
win / lose
win / win
COMPROMISE
win / lose
lose / win
AVOID
ACCOMMODATE
lose / lose
lose / win
COOPERATION / CONCERN FOR OTHER
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Collaborating
Both assertive and cooperative
When to use:
• For important issues
• Reconciling interests
using win-win approach
• Merging insights for
richer understanding
• Gaining commitments
• Improving relationships
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Collaborating
Both assertive and cooperative
When to use:
Be aware?
• For important issues
• Reconciling interests
using win-win approach
• Merging insights for
richer understanding
• Gaining commitments
• Improving relationships
• Takes time and
commitment
• All parties must be
engaged
• Use on most important
issues
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ASSERTIVENESS / CONCERN FOR SELF
Conflict Management Styles
COMPETE
COLLABORATE
win / lose
win / win
COMPROMISE
win / lose
lose / win
AVOID
ACCOMMODATE
lose / lose
lose / win
COOPERATION / CONCERN FOR OTHER
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Six Steps in Conflict Resolution
• Clarify what the disagreement is
• Establish a common goal for both parties
• Discuss ways to meet the common goal
• Determine the barriers to the common goal
• Agree on the best way to resolve the conflict
• Acknowledge the solution and responsibilities
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Levels of Listening
Nonlistening
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Levels of Listening
To Tell My Story
Nonlistening
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Levels of Listening
To Agree or Disagree
To Tell My Story
Nonlistening
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“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”
For Understanding
To Agree or Disagree
To Tell My Story
Nonlistening
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For more information on
Managing Conflict
• Thomas Kilmann Conflict Management Styles at
kilmanndiagnostics.com
• The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by
Stephen Covey
• Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreements Without
Giving in by Roger Fisher and William Ury
• Dale Carnegie Conflict Resolution in the Workplace
Guide (free download at dalecarnegie.com)
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Q&A
• Submit questions to Bob in the “Questions”
section of your webinar dashboard.
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Contact Information
Bob O’Neil
Leadership and Career Management Consultant
boboneil0831@gmail.com
(508) 376-5563
https://www.linkedin.com/in/boboneil1952
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