BAR Council
Leadership Training
March 27, 2014
Betty Lochner, M.Ed.
Cornerstone Coaching & Training
Workshop Agenda
We live in a world of
possibilities
1.
Celebrate What’s Right with the
World
2.
Performance Coaching for Leaders
. . . when we believe it,
we’ll see it.
Part 1
What can I find that is right about this?
Look for the best:
•
•
•
In others
In yourself
In the situation
• Connect with a
positive vision.
• Focus on what is right
with the situation.
7 Ways to live a life of gratitude
1. Show gratitude through your words and actions
daily.
2. Think positively about your life.
3. Do something you love every
single day.
4. Take charge of your own personal development.
5. Pause and reflect.
6. Look at your day differently.
7. Pay it forward.
Think of three things that are going right
with your world.
WRITE THEM DOWN.
Man is affected not by his
circumstances, but rather the view he
takes of them.
~ Victor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning
Part 2:
Performance Coaching for Leaders
Why is it when all I want is a
pair of hands, and I end
up getting the whole
person?
~ Henry Ford
SUCCESSFUL LEADERS
• Solve problems
• Motivate
• Manage administrative tasks efficiently
• Handle interpersonal relationships
with skill
What is performance
coaching?
1. direction,
2. feedback, and
3. encouragement
…to enhance
Individual and
team results
70% of our communication efforts are:
•misunderstood
•misinterpreted
•rejected
•distorted
•not heard
Impact of Feedback on Performance
•
Informal and frequent positive feedback
+39% (increase in performance)
•
Formal and less frequent positive feedback
+37% (increase in performance)
•
Formal and frequent negative feedback
-27% (decrease in performance)
•
Informal and less frequent negative feedback
-11 (decrease in performance)
of all Communication is non verbal
55% Tone
38% Visual
7% Verbal
Seek First to Understand,
then to be Understood.
~ St. Francis of Assisi
Where I am now!
Situation
Choice
Point
STUCK STATE CYCLE
REPEAT:
• Behavior
• History
REACT:
• Automatic
• Unconscious
RESPOND:
• Accountable
• Conscious
Where I am now!
Situation
Choice
Point
STUCK STATE CYCLE
REPEAT:
• Behavior
• History
REACT:
• Automatic
• Unconscious
GROW
PAUSE!
PAUSE!
Shovel while the
piles are small!
Be an active listener
• Stop talking
• Give the speaker your
conscious attention
• Exercise patience
• Be empathetic
• Ask clarifying questions
• Paraphrase
• Make notes
Techniques to improve listening skills
SUMMARIZE
PARAPHRASE
Restate what was
said in your own
words
Pull together
the main points
of a speaker
QUESTION
Ask open ended
questions to clarify
both your and their
understanding
Pay attention
to the little things they either build or erode
relationships
Small things count!
Micro-connects
Micro-disconnects
Small things count!
MICRO-DISCONNECTS
MICRO-CONNECTS
• Avoiding eye contact
• Not greeting people
• Reading the newspaper
while your spouse is
talking
• Not calling someone by
name
• Listening actively
• Apologizing when
appropriate
• Acknowledging
others
• Remembering
someone’s birthday
• Saying “thank you”
Be Tough and Tender
Be Tough on Issues
&
Tender on People
There’s always more to the story
10% = Our behavior, statements and positions are
visible to all the others.
90% = Invisible aspects: individual or collective
backgrounds, attitudes, expectations, dreams,
wishes, hurts, fears, needs, feelings, emotions,
hidden plans and strategies.
THE 3 TRUTHS
1. My “truth”
2. Your “truth”
3. “The” truth
THE 4 TRUTH TESTS:
1. Is what I say true?
2. Is how I present it kind
and respectful?
3. Is it necessary?
4. Is it timely?
2 ESSENTIAL
COMMUNICATION ELEMENTS
Safety
Courage
Build Relationships:
Make it Safe
• The Problem
With too little safety, nothing is discussable.
• The Solution
With enough safety, you can talk about anything.
The “Platinum Rule”
…treat others the way they
want to be treated!
SAFETY: Seeking their truth
1.
2.
3.
4.
Pause!
Say: “Tell me more!” (“Help me to understand”)
Listen with every bone in your body.
Find a way to understand:
- their facts,
- their feelings, and
- their perceptions.
5. Reward the feedback!
Have Courage to Speak Your Truth
GIVE FEEDBACK:
SPEAK YOUR TRUTH:
• Acknowledge their
“Strengths”
• I am thinking…
• Confront their
“Strengths”
- Do more of…
- Do less of…
• I am wanting…
• I am feeling…
Avoid the assumption trap
1. Don’t make them.
2. Ask for clarification.
3. Make your expectations
clear.
Make Expectations Clear
• This will reduce most, if not all, of your
workplace problems!
• Here is what I expect:
– Here’s what that looks like…..
– Do you understand? Can you do that?
Develop a Sense of Connection
1. Tell people what you want, not what
you don’t want.
2. Change how you see things.
STRAIGHT TALK TIPS
• Have the courage to tell “your truth”
• Make it safe for others to tell “their truth” to
you
• Seek first to understand – then to be
understood
• Communicate with clarity
• Be authentic & “in service”
• Be tough on the issues & tender on people
• Speak your truth – sooner
• Pay attention to “micro-connects”
Work Conversations
1. Workplace Conversations – How to get
to dialogue about misunderstandings
and disagreements.
2. Workplace Confrontations – How to
hold people accountable for meeting
expectations.
What should I do?
• How do you handle a situation with
someone who doesn’t report to you, in
which you have a concern about their
work?
How to start a conversation
• Is this a good time?
• Can we talk?
PRESENT MOMENT FEEDBACK
Ask: May I give you some feedback?
1. This is what I am experiencing…
2. This is what I am feeling...
Shovel while the
piles are small!
3. This is what I am wanting…
You are rude
• How do you deal with someone that is
rude to you at work? “I don’t need to listen
to you.”
Describe the “Gap”
1. We have a problem – and I need your
help.
2. Here is what we are expecting…
3. Here is what we are experiencing…
4. We need to close the gap between
those two points.
Sorry to tell you...
• How do you talk to someone about an
offensive behavior (e.g. body odor)?
Sorry you can’t make it
“I heard you scheduled a Team meeting
tomorrow. This is the third one you‘ve held
while I’m traveling. Are you intentionally trying
to cut me out?”
What will you say next?
Performance Coaching
Success Tips
– Set expectations
– Be clear
– Build relationships: make it safe
– Plan to communicate: give regular feedback
– Have courage: deal with issues sooner rather
than later
– Expect conflict: practice how to have hard
conversations
– Know when you need help and where to get it
The “Top 10” Job Keepers
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
Career growth, learning & development
Exciting work & challenge
Making a difference & meaningful work
Great people
Being part of a team
Good boss
Recognition for work well done
Fun on the job
Autonomy, sense of control over my work
Flexibility
Positive connections







Avoid distractions
Use open body language
Use eye contact
Remember names
Greet people (look up, smile)
Apologize when appropriate
Say “please” and “thank you”
Celebrate Successes
Go to two people in this room and
share something that you genuinely
appreciate about them.
The receiver can only say “thank you”.
12 Ways to Show Appreciation
1.
Be kind and respectful.
2.
Give regular, positive feedback (be specific)
3.
Say “please” and “thank you”
4.
Catch someone doing something right.
5.
Show genuine interest.
6.
Use their name.
7. Give the gift of time.
8. Send a handwritten note or card.
9. One word: food.
10. Create traditions.
11. Celebrate successes.
12. Be of service.
Leadership Tips
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Always be positive
Be self-aware
Be the best employee, boss, you can
Model what you want to see
Keep things in perspective
Check in with staff everyday
Have fun
Celebrate successes
Betty Lochner, M.Ed.
www.cornerstone-ct.com
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FACEBOOK: Cornerstone.ct