I originally took this
The Effects of Age Difference
class when I noticed it
was designed around
APA style writing. This
in Personal Relationships
Mary Fulton
research paper is the
English 2010 Summer 2010
assignment I have learned the most about APA
style format while writing in this class. I really
A lot of people may say that age is
didn’t know where my research paper would take
a state of mind, that people are only as old
me when I started. When thinking about what to
as they feel. That is an upbeat and
write my paper on I remembered a short news
optimistic approach to aging. However,
report I had seen on TV. It took quite a bit of
the question is does age apply when it
research to find the information they used and in
turn locating that actual article from the Max
comes to relationships. In many cultures
Planck institute. I started off looking at the health
throughout history it has been acceptable
effects on the individuals in relationships with large
for a male to be the older person in a
age gaps. In my personal research I found that
relationship. Issues can arise if the
another hypothesis should maybe be stressed and
opposite happens: a younger man and an
researched: it is apparent that there are certain
health side effects caused by stress. These stresses
older woman. In addition, there can be
may even be caused by social pressures put on the
some issues as well, if the male is many
women specifically in these relationships. Despite
years older than the female. Extensive
the shorter semester I am excited about how my
research has been compiled suggesting that
final research paper turned out and I enjoyed this
women in marriages with partners where
writing assignment. I learned a lot in English 2010
and would advise anyone wanting to know more
the age difference is significant suffer
about APA style writing to take this class. It
higher premature mortality rates. In fact
involves an excellent mixture of individual and
these mortality rates are higher in
group work that helps you achieve better writing.
relationships where the women are older
that an age-dissonant relationship lasting
than in relationships where the women are
long-term is possible so again the
younger (Drefahl, 2010). Women should
questions I want answered—why are there
be aware of the issues that an age gap may
extreme health issues if scientifically it
introduce into any relationship, including
should work? What roles do our families,
overall aging, different life goals,
friends and society play in our choice in
generational upbringing, and social
happiness and health?
pressure. In other words, these varying
outlooks on life can lead to a relationship
Working Age-different Relationships
Individuality and Status
ending before it has even really begun.
A primary reason these
In theory age gaps relationships
relationships can work like any
have the potential to work just like any
interpersonal relationship is the potential
other type of relationship whether it’s long
commonality. When one person gets
distance, interracial or no gap at all. If a
involved with another individual, they are
relationship doesn’t work it’s not
both looking for characteristics the other
necessarily because of the gap, it could be
possesses and attraction naturally follows.
because of any number of reasons which
In a study done by Ariane Kemkes-
any relationship could end. Why do some
Grottenthaler (2004) the sharing of
of these relationships work and with these
common goals in a relationship can keep it
age differences what are the leading
strong. In her case studies Kemkes-
complications? Is the generation gap is too
Grottenthaler explains that age-dissonant
big and clashing and negative endings are
couples with similar interests had the same
inevitable? Scientific research suggests
success rate as couples with no age gap at
all that had similar interests. Basically if
A key part in the survival of age-
the couple—whether and age gap existed
different relationships is maturity and
or not—had mutual goals the chances of
education. One dynamic that can
the relationship last was equal. Kemkes-
strengthen a relationship is the common
Grottenthaler also discusses the data
ground that is shared between two
pertaining to the easier acceptance of
individuals. An important factor brought
older-men marriages as early as the year
to attention in research done by Pyke &
1688. This acceptance of men-older
Adams (2010) is that the education level of
relationships centuries ago happened
both individuals involved effects the
though more commonly among women
couples overall happiness. In a study they
looking for high prospects in marriage to
performed they calculated relationships
an older man with wealth and in return the
with age gaps and their success rate based
man was looking for an heir. In today’s
on their professional education level. If
society age different relationships are
both individuals in a marriage had
becoming more common today and among
achieved a higher education the
the middle class. In other words, average
relationship had an eighty percent higher
financially secured individuals are more
survival rate than if one was more
comfortable marrying for other reasons
educated than the other. They contributed
than just material comfort. Today we are
this factor to the probable dominance felt
witnessing more marriages brought on by
when a mutual equality might have been
individual desire rather than family duty or
better in an already socially questionable
expectations.
relationship.
Hormones and Aging
The most common factor as to why
telling her she was done taking care of
everyone. Her brain is now telling her to
age-dissonant relationships survive is not a
adventure out, go back to school and
matter of compatibility but biology. The
pursue her dreams. She could potentially
human brain increases or lessens certain
even run into a man twenty years her
hormones as one gets older. These
junior with hormones addressing the same
hormone levels tend to changes our
kinds of wants and desires. In Summary,
perceptions of wants and desires and can
there is actually a lot of scientific
often even affect relationships with no age
information studied as to how two people
gap at all. In a case study Dr. Brizendine
with such a large difference in age can
discusses in her book The Female Brain
interact so perfectly. Her research presents
(2006) the changes in hormone levels and
cases as to why age-dissonant relationships
desires between men and women. In
can work and the reasons why they may
analyzing these changes and desires due to
not work.
hormone balances or imbalances
In Dr. Brizendine’s second book
throughout life it causes one wonder why
The Male Brain (2010) she analyses the
age-different relationships are not more
effects of hormone changes in males as
common? Women approaching their mid-
they get older. These hormone changes
thirties have similar reactions to love, trust
have a direct effect on the way they
and comfort that men do in their mid-
interact as they get older or at least the way
fifties. Another interesting part of the
they respond to certain situations. In her
book is her case study on a female client,
studies she shows that certain hormones
perimenopausal, who now had hormones
and their response to others can directly tie
into relationship problems and or
older men and prolonged life in these older
happiness. For example, in one of her
men with solid families. As men get older
most interesting case studies, a 58 year old
they tend to have the same desires and
man named John was in a relationship with
wants that younger women do, due to
a woman name Katie who was over twenty
changes in hormone levels. These changes
years his junior. She carefully documented
bring about different behaviors. Older
his health, changes in energy, wants and
men with families tend to live longer and
desires. She also documented two
feel more alive because they suddenly have
interesting clashes that came up in this
a strong desire to be healthy and be a
very relationship. First, was the obvious
provider for their family.
anger that his daughter—who was only six
Complications in Age-gap Relationships
years younger than his new girlfriend—
Ethnic Differences and Financial
was displaying toward the relationship.
Instability
Another interesting aspect was his reaction
May-December is a term used for
upon his younger girlfriend expressing a
relationships where the man is
desire to have their own children. Over the
significantly older in age than the woman.
next few months they broke up, but
There is research that discusses that until
realizing he was in love with her he
recently the attention given to these
decided that having a new family wouldn’t
relationships was negative. They were
be such a bad idea. Dr. Brizendine also
looked upon as father-daughter or mother-
goes on to state the excellent health
son relationships. These unions were
benefits—for men in particular—to be part
considered to be fraught with problems
of a family. In short, there is a relation to
where power issues and clashing values
would be obvious due to being raised in
difference has little or no effect on the
different generations. A study by Boyd
levels of marital satisfaction that in fact the
and Li (2003), however, debates this view
pressures on the couple from outside
point. In an extensive research done in
sources can sometime create a rift where
Canada they found that major problems in
none existed. Sven Drefahl (2010) a
age-discrepant relationships were due to
researcher for the Max Planck Institute
either ethnic differences or financial
uses data from marriages with differing
circumstances—primarily poverty. In
age gaps from both men and women over
other words, a great percentage of
87 years from 1920 to 2007. His goal was
relationships with significant age gaps
to analyze the age difference between
mostly came across problems when money
partners and the affect on their survival.
or finances were concerned. The
He develops relatively strong hypotheses
differences in suggested ways to save,
about the relationship between the spousal
spend and apply earned income cause
age gap and the risk of dying. For men the
major communication problems.
findings regarding age gap to the spouse
Primary Risk of Health Effects
are relatively consistent. Male mortality
Boyd and Li (2003) also verified
rates increase when the wife is older than
the studies done by the Max Planck
the husband and decreases when the wife
Institute for Demographic Research (2010)
is younger than the husband (Figure 1).
that older men with younger women tend
Sven Drefahl (2010) hypothesized that the
to live longer than their counterparts.
due to the care giving by the spouse and
However, in Boyd and Li’s (2003) article
youth of the other partner the morality rate
they analyze several studies in which age
for women in the same situation would be
similar, however, in his research he
Also note that it affects the women’s
observed the opposite for women. In sum,
health whether she is the younger or older
then, despite which direction the age gap,
partner. According to the above research it
younger-men-older-women or older-men-
is beneficial for women to marry men with
younger-women, the larger it becomes the
a maximum of one year difference in age
greater the mortality rate for the women.
and no more. Why only are women
Why in the situation of age-dissonant
affected and what are the causes?
relationships does it only affect women
Potential health side-effects due to social
negatively? What kind of stress and side
unacceptability
effects are caused by the friends and
Unable to locate any long term
family of the people involved that disagree
research completed on social approval and
with the relationship? In analyzing the
statistics in age-dissonant relationships I
graph (Figure 1) the younger partner in the
decided to complete a survey. I distributed
relationship is the one that suffers an
a questionnaire (see Appendix A) around
increase in the risk of dying younger.
Dixie State College campus, local
businesses in Washington County, Utah,
tourists traveling through the area and even
some of the older residents to get an
accurate reading over various ages. I
wanted an opinion taken from various age
Figure 1 (Max Planck Institute for
Demographic Research, 2010)
ranges and circumstances to get as accurate
a reading given the amount of time I had to
complete my research. The results were
astounding. I was able to accumulate basic
anything particular connecting the
data on some important factors in which I
individual to their opinion and both women
was focusing: happiness and problems,
at a young age belonged to the FLDS
social approval, and for the couples
church. Having been forced into a
involved in these relationships, their
relationship with an older man at a young
feelings.
age their opinion was straight forward,
There were a total of 16 couples I
they felt the man never valued or
found that had an age gap of ten years or
appreciated them or their opinion. He had
more, two of which had a gap of twenty
to be the older and wiser one.
years or more. I found 14 relationships
In the 14 relationships where the
where the women in the relationship were
women were the younger partners and
significantly younger than the men but was
there was a large age gap—10 to 26
only able to locate two where the women
years—the data gathered differed from
were older.
what I had anticipated. Only one woman
There were two relationships in
complained of being unhappy in her
which the women were older and the age
relationship. The remaining 13 women
gap was ten years or more. One of the
were happy. When I came across surveys
interesting facts about these two
where large age gaps were present I asked
relationships is the women involved also
the individual if they wouldn’t mind
did not approve of relationships where the
answering a few additional questions. Was
men were older and both women were in
there a lack of social approval and if so
their second relationship. In the last
what affected them the most? 14 out of the
section of my survey I asked if there was
16 women said the major disapproval came
from their families more directly their
from even my own personal research is
fathers. Their closest friends were even
that they do work. Further and more
quick to give their disapproval. As a
extensive research should be conducted on
matter of fact, their partners’ friends were
the effects of the stress caused in these
more accepting than their own except in
relationships. From what research I have
cases where the couple had mutual friends.
done I feel that my hypothesis on this was
Almost all of the women I talked to
accurate, it is potentially a reason for the
expressed a distinct stress from the lack of
premature mortality rates. All women
approval from their loved ones and closest
expressed a stress directed toward them in
friends. Many had broken ties with people
these age-dissonant relationships where
they were close to in order to be with the
their partner’s friends were more
one they loved. Despite how difficult it
accepting.
was on them and the occasional desire to
A factor to consider in further
rekindle those friendships they all stood by
research is the FLDS church. The two
their choice, their partner.
relationships in which the women
Discussion
In approaching my topic prior to
disapproved of men being older once
belonged to this church. This does
Dr. Brizendine’s research, I felt for sure
potentially add another factor and possible
that age-dissonant relationships work on
area of study that needs to be considered
rare occasions. My original hypothesis of
when researching further on age-dissonant
these relationships not working due to
relationships.
many potential problems was incorrect as
verified by my research. The fact remains
The implication of this data
suggests that females who become
involved with men significantly older than
lessened contact with family members with
themselves might experience less than full
who showed disapproval or a lack of
social approval for doing so. What was
acceptance in their relationships.
surprising was that almost all the women
Wouldn’t this cause turmoil, stress, and
involved in my survey reported
possibly lead to other side-effects
disapproval from their fathers. In
concerning a woman’s overall health? I
conclusion to this concept, individuals I
believe it would and that the stress could
surveyed older than sixty disapproved of
ultimately lead to a shorter life span in
any age gap larger than five years. Further
women.
research could investigate the lack of
social acceptance from individuals within
certain generations.
The research however is clear, it is
Acknowledgments
Thank you to everyone who
participated in my research and those who
helped by given their anonymous interviews
apparent that women feel stress from the
and completed my questionnaire. Your
lack of disapproval they receive. They
opinion and information helped my research
have given up friendships and even
immensely.
References
Blakeley, K. (2010) The cougar backlash. Forbes. Forbes Women. (magazine article)
Boyd, M., Li, A. (2003, Autumn) May-December: Canadians in age-discrepant relationships.
Canadian Social Trends, 11(8), 29-33.
Brizendine, L. (2010) The male brain. New York, New York: Random House, Inc.
Brizendine, L. (2006) The female brain. New York, New York: Random House, Inc.
Drefahl, S. (2010) How does the age gap between partners affect their survival?.
Demography, 47(2), 313-329. doi:10.1353/dem.0.0106
Kemkes-Grottenthaler, A. (2004) For better or worse, till death do us part – spousal age gap
and differential longevity: evidence from historical demography. Collegium
Antropologicum, 28, 203-219. Retrieved from
http://www.collantropol.hr/vol28_id=166
Max Planck Institute for Demographic Research, (2010). Marriage and life expectancy. Max
Planck Institute for Demographic Research in Rostock.
http://www.demogr.mpg.de/files/press/1813_Figures.pdf
Pyke, K., & Adams, M. (2010) What’s age got to do with it? A case study analysis of power
and gender in husband-older marriages. Journal of Family Issues, 31(6), 748-77.
doi:10.1177/0192513X09357897
Weinert, B., & Timiras, P. S. (2003) Invited Review: Theories of aging. Physiology of Aging,
95, 1706-1716. doi:10.1152/japplphysiol.00288.2003
Appendix A
Female
 Male
What is your age group?
18-25
26-35
36-45
46-55
56- 65
66-75
What is your relationship status?
Single
Married
Divorced
Widow
If you are currently in a relationship what age group does your spouse fall into?
18-25
26-35
36-45
46-55
56- 65
66-75
17-22
23-28
29+
How long have you been in this relationship?
1-5
5-10
11-16
How do you feel about an older-woman-younger-man relationship?
Approve
Disapprove
If you approve what is the maximum amount of an age gap you feel is acceptable?
1-5
6-15
16-26
27+
I do not feel it is an issue
If you disapprove, why? ______________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
How do you feel about an older-man-younger-woman relationship?
Approve
Disapprove
If you approve what is the maximum amount of an age gap you feel is acceptable?
1-5
6-15
16-26
27+
I do not feel it is an issue
If you disapprove, why? ______________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________________
Is there any point of view that you feel is morally, socially, or religiously connected to your opinion on
the topic of age-different relationships?
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________________________