Chapter 3
Communication
Chapter Sections
• 3-1 The Nature of Interpersonal Communication
• 3-2 Conflicts in Relationships
• 3-3 Principles and Techniques of Effective
Communication
• 3-4 Self-Disclosure, Lying, Secrets, and Cheating
• 3-5 Gender Differences in Communication
• 3-6 Theories Applied to Relationship
Communication
• 3-7 Fighting Fair: Seven Steps in Conflict
Resolution
Conflict
• When you hear the word “conflict,” what
comes to mind?
• What thoughts, images, or feelings do you
associate with the word “conflict”?
Conflicts
Conflict: the process of interaction that results
when the behavior of one person interferes
with the behavior of another
Conflict
• Conflict is
inevitable.
• Conflict can be
beneficial.
Nature of Communication
• Communication is both verbal and nonverbal.
• Nonverbal communication uses gestures, eye
contact, body posture, tone, volume, and
rapidity of speech
• We assign more importance to nonverbal than
to verbal cues.
• Texting is becoming an important way to
communicate.
Conflict
• What are some sources of Conflict in
relationships?
• Behavior
• Cognitions and perceptions
• Value differences
• Inconsistent rules
• Leadership ambiguity
Conflicts
Styles of Conflict
•
•
•
•
•
•
Competing—both try to get their way
Collaborating—both express their views and compete
Compromising—both find middle ground
Avoiding—both avoid confrontation
Accommodating—each attempts to soothe the other
Parallel—both deny, ignore, and retreat
Self-Disclosure, Lying, Secrets, and
Cheating
Self-Disclosure:
• Necessary for
development of
relationships
• Encourages disclosure
• Depends on the
relationship
Self-Disclosure, Lying, Secrets, and
Cheating
Secrets:
– Most keep some secrets from intimate partner.
– Females keep more secrets.
– Spouses keep more secrets than dating partners.
– Blacks keeps more secrets.
– Homosexuals keep more secrets.
*See page 59
Self-Disclosure, Lying, Secrets, and Cheating
Cheating:
• A significant amount of cheating occurs in
relationships.
• Cheating may be either or
both sexual and nonsexual.
• Intercourse?
• Masturbation?
• Flirting?
• Sexting?
• Fantasies?
Gender Differences in Communication
• Women seek to preserve intimacy and avoid
isolation.
• Men seek to win.
Gender Differences
• Women tend to react more emotionally.
• Mothers use more affiliative (relationship)
speech.
• Women disclose more than men.
• Both value openness, honesty, respect, humor,
and resolution.
Theories Applied to Relationship
Communication
Symbolic Interactionism
• examines the process of communication
• considers importance of definition of situation
• sees taking the role of the other as important
to conflict resolution
Theories
Social Exchange Theory
• considers importance of rewards and costs
• sees importance of acknowledgement,
legitimacy, and respect
Fighting Fair: Seven Steps in Conflict
Resolution
• Developing and using
skills for fair fighting and
conflict resolution are
critical for the
maintenance of a good
relationship.
• Resolve conflict in a way
that will leave the
partners and their
relationship undamaged.
Fighting Fair
1. Address recurring, disturbing issues.
– Ensure privacy, sufficient time, and lack of
unrelated stress.
2. Identify new desired behaviors.
3. Identify perceptions to change.
4. Summarize your partner’s perspective.
Fighting Fair
5. Generate alternative win-win solutions.
– Brain-storming: suggesting as many alternatives
as possible without evaluating them
– Win-win relationships: conflict is resolved so that
each partner derives benefits
– Win-lose solution: one partner gets nothing and
one partner gets everything
– Lose-lose solution: both partners get nothing
Fighting Fair
6. Forgive
7. Be alert to defense mechanisms
– Unconscious techniques that function to protect
individuals from anxiety and to minimize
emotional hurt
Fighting Fair
Defense Mechanisms
• Escapism: simultaneous denial and withdrawal from a
problem
• Rationalization: cognitive justification for one’s own
behavior that unconsciously conceals one’s true
motives
• Projection: unconsciously attributing individual feelings,
attitudes, or desires to the partner
• Displacement: shifting your feelings, thoughts and
behaviors from the person who evokes them onto
someone else