CHAPTER 7: IMPROVING RELATIONSHIPS
*CLIMATE AND CONFLICT
TWO WAY TO IMPROVE RELATIONSHIPS
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Maintain an effective communication climate.
Express and resolve conflict in an effective
manner.
COMMUNICATION CLIMATE IS
THE EMOTIONAL TONE OF A RELATIONSHIP
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It measure the degree to which a person feels he/she is
valued in a relationship.
It is created through:
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Confirming responses:
Disconfirming responses:
Conflict Spirals
MESSAGES
HAVE TWO DIMENSIONS
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Content dimension:
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substance of the message
Relational dimension:

conveys feelings one person has towards the other person.
GIBBS’ CATEGORIES
CERTAIN MESSAGES (BEHAVIORS) ARE MORE LIKELY TO
CREATE SUPPORTIVE OR DEFENSIVE CLIMATES
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Defensive
Evaluation
Control
Strategy
Neutrality
Superiority
Certainty
vs
-
Supportive
Description
Problem-oriented
Spontaneity
Empathy
Equality
Provisionalism
RELATIONAL CONFLICT
CONFLICT
What is it?

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Expressed Struggle
Incompatible goals
(perceived)
Scarce Resources
Interdependent
Parties
Major Causes of Conflict

Money

Other Relationships

Lifestyle

Decisions

Behaviors
DEALING WITH CONFLICT EFFECTIVELY
Influenced by:

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Gender
Culture
Personality
Conflict Style
Conflict Resolution Method
CONFLICT AND PERSONALITY
Personality Profiles
Lions
LIONS
Hard-sided lovers
Otters
Fun
Born Leaders
Not Afraid of
Confrontation
Problem Solvers
Avoid Confrontation
Life to have Fun
Doesn’t Read Fine Print
Doers
Like Immediate Results
25 Best Friends
Optimistic
Relationship
Challenge:
Susceptible to Peer
Pressure
Relationship Challenge:
Soft on People & problems
May appear distant
May Intimidates others
Messy Rooms
Need to learn to say NO
Golden
Retrievers
Pleasers, Compassionate,
Adaptable
Great Listeners
Stubbornly Hold to what
is right
Need Close Relationships
with a Few People
Don’t like sudden
changes
Need Security
Relationship
Challenge:
Prone to Enabling and
Co-Dependency
Beaver
Make Careful Decisions
Creative
Likes Organization and Rules
Works best in a non-critical
Atmosphere
Reads Instruction Books
Needs Praise of
Accomplishments
Relationship Challenge:
Critical of self and others
Pessimistic/Focuses on Past
Turns Anger Inwards
CONFLICT: EXPRESSION AND RESOLUTION

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Most people, tend to express and/or react to
conflict in one of five ways.
Style may vary and be impacted by the situation,
but many people tend to rely primarily on 1 or 2
styles most often.
There are four major ways to resolve conflict:
 Win-lose
 Lose-lose
 Compromise
 Win-win
NONASSERTION

Does not express feelings

Puts other person’s needs ahead of your own

Generally achieved in two ways:
 avoidance = I lose- you lose
 accommodation= I lose – you win

Is it ever the best way to handle conflict?
DIRECT AGGRESSION
 Directly
confronts and attacks the other
person
 Puts
personal needs ahead of the other
person
 Utilizes
competitive problem-solving = I
win – you lose
PASSIVE AGGRESSION

Expresses hostility in a vague way

Lose-Lose: If I lose then You lose too.

Uses Crazymaking Actions
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Pseudoaccomodators
Guiltmakers
Jokers
Trivial tyrannizers
Withholders
INDIRECT COMMUNICATION

Conveys information in a roundabout way

Uses a 3rd party
ASSERTION


Expresses needs, thoughts, and feelings clearly
and directly
Asserts own needs without stepping on the needs
of others
Part of a Win-Win resolution: I win – you win
 Utilized in Collaboration = problem solving
process

RESOLVING CONFLICT EFFECTIVELY

Perspective
See the issue from the other’s perspective (empathy)
 Keep things in perspective

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Be Tolerant

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Deal with your Anger

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calm our anger before confronting other
Talk

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respect their decisions on how to live their life
But, remember some things are best left unsaid
Raising Problem

sometimes it is important to make another person
aware of the problems they are creating
IN RESOLVING A CONFLICT REMEMBER
THESE THINGS:
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Consider the other person’s needs/your needs
Consider the most appropriate method of conflict
resolution
Use effective communication techniques to
address conflict
 DESC(describe behaviors/ explain effect/ state
outcome/express consequences)
If possible engage in win-win conflict resolution